Starscream vs. The Sixth Doctor. Guess who wins.
THE ARRIVAL OF STARSCREAM
Or, the Sixth Doctor never got a welcome so I had
to do this massive storyspam.
STARRING
The Sixth Doctor
Nick Cutter
Bumblebee
The Ninth Doctor
Ironhide
Starscream
CO-STARRING
A box
My desk
NOTES
V/O - Voice Over
O/S - Off-Screen
SIX I can't believe I never got an arrival picspam! Me! Her most favourite Doctor ever!
ELEVEN V/O Speak for yourself.
NICK Shut up, future purchase. Anyway, don't take it to heart. She was pretty excited about her results. I mean, two days ago she found out that she got an Honours as well, and I thought she was going to strangle that pink rabbit of hers in all the merriment.
SIX Actually, nothing says merriment like strangling the thing you love! I remember when I first Regenerated...
SIX Anyway, you seem to be forgetting that "The Pandorica Opens" hadn't aired when I arrived. I was still her favourite then!
NICK O/S You think you've got problems? Primeval isn't getting a new series until 2011, and I won't even be in it! How much longer do you think she's going to remember me?
SIX You fail to grasp the simple fact that I am more important than you, or anybody else in her action figure collection.
BUMBLEBEE I hate to break up the party, but WE GOT A NEW ARRIVAL! Aw yeah eBay!
SIX But I'm the new arrival!
NICK Eh...it could just be another DVD boxset she has yet to watch. Remember The West Wing? Anyway, how can you be so sure? Has Ironhide been messing with your optics again?
BUMBLEBEE Uh, Ratchet's the doctor in our universe. Try to keep up. And no.
NICK *grumble* There's so damn many of you...
SIX You're both missing the point! I'm the new arrival, and I didn't get a picspam yet! WHERE IS MY picspam? I swear...guys? Um, guys? Hello? Aw, forget it.
BUMBLEBEE See? It's tall enough for a DVD boxset, but not wide enough when you consider the inside packaging! And any seller packing a normal DVD that way would lose out on postage. They'd just use a jiffy envelope. Thirdly, the guy actually bothered to print one of those expensive PayPal labels, so I'm guessing it's something very valuable!
NICK You spend way too much time on eBay.
IRONHIDE So, what do you think it is?
NINE Well, if she hadn't lost my Sonic Screwdriver, I could probably tell you.
IRONHIDE I'll settle for an educated guess.
NINE It's a box.
MYSTERIOUS V/O Urrrgh, my head...
STARSCREAM Urgh. How many times did Royal Mail drop this damn thing? All they gotta do is move it from one place to another without damaging it, and they can't even do that right! Fools! If only they had known that I, Starscream, true ruler of the Decepticons, was inside! I will crush their tiny - urrrrgh I feel like all of my parts are lose. Urgh. Horrible.
BUMBLEBEE Man, I can sympathise! I was on the discount shelf in Sainsburys for weeks before she bought me. So many kids...just...picking you up...throwing you around...sucking on the pack- yeah that was pretty gross, as well as annoying. Ngh.
STARSCREAM Whoa, dude! Aren't you a little short for an Autobot? I mean, I knew they were recruiting fleshlings to fight for them, but that is ridiculous! Ha ha ha! Colonising this bedroom oughta be dead easy.
SIX Uh, this is the point where I indicate that most of the fleshling action figures in this bedroom are at least three centimetres taller than you. And three centimetres is a lot in the action figure world.
STARSCREAM Aw, whatever. Now, how do I get out of here...?
STARSCREAM O/S Let's see...OW! OH JESUS, I LANDED ON MY GUN! OW! OWWW!
IRONHIDE Heh heh heh. Decepticon scum.
NINE Now now. Remember that episode "Dalek", where I came to terms with my hatred of all tincan kind?
IRONHIDE Remember how they killed you in "The Parting of the Ways"?
NINE Technically that was my assistant. And...my TARDIS.
SIX I believe that officially makes you the Worst Doctor Ever.
STARSCREAM Alright kids, playtime is over. See this gun?
NINE O/S Cool! An accessory she hasn't lost yet!
NICK O/S Yeah! Remember when she lost Ten and Jack?
NINE O/S Where are they, anyway?
NICK O/S Her current theory is that Rorschach killed them and hid the evidence somewhere around the house. Either that or the dog ate them.
NINE O/S Eh...Rorschach one sounds more believable.
STARSCREAM Will you listen to me? Gun? Here? In hands? Zappy zappy death?
IRONHIDE O/S Isn't that gun your boss? I mean, I remember in the cartoon he used to turn into a gun...heh...that's kinda lame.
STARSCREAM ...This isn't going to be as easy as I thought.
SIX Will you put that thing down? I mean, at least you'll probably get a proper introduction. Me? I got stuck on a shelf next to Nine and Ironface!
NINE O/S Hey! My introduction wasn't even until it snowed, and that was seven months after her birthday!
SIX Shut up! That isn't my point. You see...
SIX ...she didn't even keep my box. This is all that's left of it, and that's only because it has a kickass photo on it!
BUMBLEBEE Oh, zzzz. She didn't keep any of our boxes, either! Well, she did, but then she used them as packaging, so that doesn't really count.
SIX BUT YOU'RE NOT COLLECTOR'S ITEMS! What am I now? Worthless! I bet she'll keep Screamsky's box! I bet she has it around here somewhere!
STARSCREAM Yeah, she did. But that's because I'm from Japan, so my box is superior.
SIX ...What?
STARSCREAM Well, as an old friend of mine would say, Starscream superior, Sixey inferior. She kept me box, and I get my own picspam! So, clearly, victory is mine. You suck. I mean, in the series you died by banging your head. That is sooo lame.
SIX Apparently you haven't read the spin-off novels where I'm a total badass.
STARSCREAM ...Apparently I haven't.
~FIN
I know, I know. My photography sucks. >:
Or, the Sixth Doctor never got a welcome so I had
to do this massive storyspam.
STARRING
The Sixth Doctor
Nick Cutter
Bumblebee
The Ninth Doctor
Ironhide
Starscream
CO-STARRING
A box
My desk
NOTES
V/O - Voice Over
O/S - Off-Screen
SIX I can't believe I never got an arrival picspam! Me! Her most favourite Doctor ever!
ELEVEN V/O Speak for yourself.
NICK Shut up, future purchase. Anyway, don't take it to heart. She was pretty excited about her results. I mean, two days ago she found out that she got an Honours as well, and I thought she was going to strangle that pink rabbit of hers in all the merriment.
SIX Actually, nothing says merriment like strangling the thing you love! I remember when I first Regenerated...
SIX Anyway, you seem to be forgetting that "The Pandorica Opens" hadn't aired when I arrived. I was still her favourite then!
NICK O/S You think you've got problems? Primeval isn't getting a new series until 2011, and I won't even be in it! How much longer do you think she's going to remember me?
SIX You fail to grasp the simple fact that I am more important than you, or anybody else in her action figure collection.
BUMBLEBEE I hate to break up the party, but WE GOT A NEW ARRIVAL! Aw yeah eBay!
SIX But I'm the new arrival!
NICK Eh...it could just be another DVD boxset she has yet to watch. Remember The West Wing? Anyway, how can you be so sure? Has Ironhide been messing with your optics again?
BUMBLEBEE Uh, Ratchet's the doctor in our universe. Try to keep up. And no.
NICK *grumble* There's so damn many of you...
SIX You're both missing the point! I'm the new arrival, and I didn't get a picspam yet! WHERE IS MY picspam? I swear...guys? Um, guys? Hello? Aw, forget it.
BUMBLEBEE See? It's tall enough for a DVD boxset, but not wide enough when you consider the inside packaging! And any seller packing a normal DVD that way would lose out on postage. They'd just use a jiffy envelope. Thirdly, the guy actually bothered to print one of those expensive PayPal labels, so I'm guessing it's something very valuable!
NICK You spend way too much time on eBay.
IRONHIDE So, what do you think it is?
NINE Well, if she hadn't lost my Sonic Screwdriver, I could probably tell you.
IRONHIDE I'll settle for an educated guess.
NINE It's a box.
MYSTERIOUS V/O Urrrgh, my head...
STARSCREAM Urgh. How many times did Royal Mail drop this damn thing? All they gotta do is move it from one place to another without damaging it, and they can't even do that right! Fools! If only they had known that I, Starscream, true ruler of the Decepticons, was inside! I will crush their tiny - urrrrgh I feel like all of my parts are lose. Urgh. Horrible.
BUMBLEBEE Man, I can sympathise! I was on the discount shelf in Sainsburys for weeks before she bought me. So many kids...just...picking you up...throwing you around...sucking on the pack- yeah that was pretty gross, as well as annoying. Ngh.
STARSCREAM Whoa, dude! Aren't you a little short for an Autobot? I mean, I knew they were recruiting fleshlings to fight for them, but that is ridiculous! Ha ha ha! Colonising this bedroom oughta be dead easy.
SIX Uh, this is the point where I indicate that most of the fleshling action figures in this bedroom are at least three centimetres taller than you. And three centimetres is a lot in the action figure world.
STARSCREAM Aw, whatever. Now, how do I get out of here...?
STARSCREAM O/S Let's see...OW! OH JESUS, I LANDED ON MY GUN! OW! OWWW!
IRONHIDE Heh heh heh. Decepticon scum.
NINE Now now. Remember that episode "Dalek", where I came to terms with my hatred of all tincan kind?
IRONHIDE Remember how they killed you in "The Parting of the Ways"?
NINE Technically that was my assistant. And...my TARDIS.
SIX I believe that officially makes you the Worst Doctor Ever.
STARSCREAM Alright kids, playtime is over. See this gun?
NINE O/S Cool! An accessory she hasn't lost yet!
NICK O/S Yeah! Remember when she lost Ten and Jack?
NINE O/S Where are they, anyway?
NICK O/S Her current theory is that Rorschach killed them and hid the evidence somewhere around the house. Either that or the dog ate them.
NINE O/S Eh...Rorschach one sounds more believable.
STARSCREAM Will you listen to me? Gun? Here? In hands? Zappy zappy death?
IRONHIDE O/S Isn't that gun your boss? I mean, I remember in the cartoon he used to turn into a gun...heh...that's kinda lame.
STARSCREAM ...This isn't going to be as easy as I thought.
SIX Will you put that thing down? I mean, at least you'll probably get a proper introduction. Me? I got stuck on a shelf next to Nine and Ironface!
NINE O/S Hey! My introduction wasn't even until it snowed, and that was seven months after her birthday!
SIX Shut up! That isn't my point. You see...
SIX ...she didn't even keep my box. This is all that's left of it, and that's only because it has a kickass photo on it!
BUMBLEBEE Oh, zzzz. She didn't keep any of our boxes, either! Well, she did, but then she used them as packaging, so that doesn't really count.
SIX BUT YOU'RE NOT COLLECTOR'S ITEMS! What am I now? Worthless! I bet she'll keep Screamsky's box! I bet she has it around here somewhere!
STARSCREAM Yeah, she did. But that's because I'm from Japan, so my box is superior.
SIX ...What?
STARSCREAM Well, as an old friend of mine would say, Starscream superior, Sixey inferior. She kept me box, and I get my own picspam! So, clearly, victory is mine. You suck. I mean, in the series you died by banging your head. That is sooo lame.
SIX Apparently you haven't read the spin-off novels where I'm a total badass.
STARSCREAM ...Apparently I haven't.
~FIN
I know, I know. My photography sucks. >: