The best episode of Merlin yet! ... Which isn't saying a lot
We open with a dreamy, soft-focus shot of Arthur drowning as a pretty girl watches. Arthur might be less drowny if he took off all the damn armour he's waking, but don't worry, it was all just one of Morgana's infrequently mentioned dreams that have mostly been ignored up to this point. Luckily (?), /this/ time they'll actually be pertinent. You know, for Merlin.
The more interesting stuff starts after the credits, when Arthur is hunting and Merlin is incompetent and fucking it all up. We aren't sure what dead animals Merlin has slung over his shoulder - possums? - but we do know that the fight scene when Arthur and Merlin stumble across an old man and a girl being attacked is pretty lame. Some people are killed, Merlin eventually manages to drop a tree on some bandits, but no one notices and his reputation as a lazy dumbass coward remains.
The bandits dispatched, one way or another, Arthur goes to check on the would-be victims. The girl with the old dude is the chick from Morgana's dream. OH NOES.
Back in Camelot, Giles welcomes the old man with the name no one cares about, and the girl, Sofia, because they say they're nobility, and Giles isn't checking their paperwork this week.
Arthur and Merlin talk about girls - don't worry, slash fans, they'll make up for this lapse towards heterosexuality by the end of the episode.
As Merlin helps Sofia get settled in, Morgana wanders by - since she's usually glued to Giles' side like his disturbingly young and clingy wife, I'm not sure why she wasn't there when Sofia and the old man were first welcomed, except to give a minute or two of extra footage to this episode. After realizing Sofia is the girl from her dream, Morgana runs to Gayus for help (for some reason).
Morgana babbles about her dream of Arthur dying to Gayus, (after a terribly unfunny attempt at slapstick where Gayus nearly burns his home down) who says it's absolutely meaningless and gives her some drugs to reduce the likelihood of her pushing her way into the plot in the future.
Night time! The old man is wandering through the forest and finds the very Irish bandit who attacked him earlier. It's revealed this was all part of a setup. Then the old man's eyes glow red and he kills the bandit with some bad special effects lightning.
Morgana has another dream and sleeps with her hair spread out around her like frickin' Medusa snakes. I have hair longer than Morgana's and if I sleep with it down, it doesn't /do that/ guys.
The next day, Arthur and Merlin talk about girls some /more/, and Arthur promises Merlin his eternal friendship if Merlin will cover for him with Giles while Arthur runs off to try and sex up Sofia and ditches ... something or other.
Morgana confides to Gwen about her dreams - Gwen, of course, loves Morgana and is the only person who straight up believes her. Unforuntately, Gwen's taken her stupid pills today, and urges Morgana to warn Giles. Luckily, Morgana knows this would end in headchopping or being burnt at the stake, and a giant party she wouldn't be invited to herself, because Giles hates witchcraft more than he is capable of having any positive feelings.
As Arthur rides out with Sofia, Merlin goes to make terrible excuses to Giles, which are sure to add to Merlin's reputation as a mental defective. Not only that, but it results in Merlin being put in the stocks again and pelted with fruit! I could watch that /all day/.
Sadly, it is not to be, and I have to watch Arthur and Sofia, who's working on enchanting Arthur with Welsh. He apparently thinks this is delightful foreign sexy talk, as he slept through all his Welsh classes. Luckily for Arthur, mostly, they're interrupted by some truly incompetent soldiers before Sofia can get very far. They were searching for the now completely dead bandits and I guess when Arthur isn't wearing his bright red beadazzled jacket, he isn't that recognizable. He takes a pouty Sofia back to the castle, and is told he can't touch her wand.
A filthy Merlin returns home after a hard day of being pelted with fruit. Gayus, understandably, wonders what Merlin fucked up this time, but Merlin explains this is all being done for the love of Arthur. He talks very absurdly non-straightboy about love at first sight and a bunch of other very un-Medieval bullshit. Luckily, Gayus is thinking in this episode, mostly, and ignores Merlin's babbling about girls and love, and goes to investigate the old man.
Admittedly, he does this by breaking into their rooms and poking the wand for a second before being discovered and hurrying out, but still, he's /trying/.
Returning from their aborted date, Arthur is rendered speechless and retarded by a kiss on the cheek from Sofia, who runs off, bumps into Morgana, and enunciates like a twelve-year-old in an amateur Shakespeare production. Sofia happily tells Morgana how lovely it is to meet her, and how easy it makes her job that Morgana tries to show her love for Arthur by constantly fighting with him (and possibly sleeping with their possibly mutual father). Obviously, Morgana isn't having psychic dreams, she's just /jealous/.
Sofia and the old man talk about nothing at all, but manage to establish that they're evil and are no good for Arthur. Because the subterfuge, glowing red eyes, and the prophetic dreams of Arthur dying didn't really manage that.
Morgana, apparently going through the castle telling everyone about her potentially deadly dreams (for all parties involved), goes to talk to Arthur about Sofia. Understandably, the 'I had a dream' doesn't go over well, and Arthur also believes Morgana is just jealous, because he knows what all their high school drama fights mean. Morgana storms off, and really wonders why she's trying to save Arthur's dumb ass.
Arthur and Merlin talk about girls (after Merlin's great, horrified exclamation of "You're dressed!" when Arthur wanders in), as a prelude to Arthur asking Merlin to, again, cover for him with Giles as he goes off to try and get lucky again (since the last time was interrupted). As Arthur's dad isn't the forgiving type, is kind of crazy, and he's thrown Arthur in the dungeon before, and Merlin is kind of beyond incompetent, I'm not sure why the not-yet-enchanted Arthur is risking this, but hey, what do I care? We get another shot of Merlin being pelted with fruit! There isn't even a scene between the fruit pelting and the discussion of lying for Arthur - not even the writers on Merlin think they need to over-explain this one.
They might want to explain the reference to Merlin being pelted with potatoes, though.
Arthur and Sofia frolic, briefly, through the forest and Sofia mumbles Welsh to a perplexed Arthur until his eyes go red.
A messy Merlin cheerfully returns to Gayus' - the Merlin writers may be catching on to what the audience wants, in a very loose sense - and Gayus explains to Merlin about Morgana's dream. Morgana's prophetic dreams are a huge secret, but Gayus doesn't bother trying to hide the source of his information about the danger Arthur is facing. He is the /best/ confidant.
Back in Camelot, in someone's room, Sofia tells Arthur how very in love they are, and prompts him to ask Giles for permission to marry. There is heterosexual kissing to ominous music, which doesn't bode well for anyone. And more glowing red eyes - the sign of PURE EVIL. Or ... evil ... magic ...
Alerted by Gayus' being alerted by Morgana's being alerted by her magic dream powers, Merlin follows the old man out of the castle and down to a lake where the old man does ... some kind of magic that causes tiny glowing demon-fairies to appear. The old man wants passage for himself and his daughter back to Avalon after they committed some heineous crime that no one cares about. No one really cares about the old man's backstory, or his guilt over his punishment randomly falling on his daughter, but the important thing is that the totally random cost for Sofia's return to Avalon is the sacrifice of a prince. Not a princess, not a calf, not some random dude, or a virgin, or /anyone/. It's gotta be a /prince/. Even demon-fairies believe in the power of the monarchy, man.
Merlin runs home to tell Gayus about the trip, and Gayus talks about Avalon and a bunch of stuff that the audience is already aware of. Dramatic music plays anyway.
Arthur asks Giles to let him get married, on the basis of the love between Arthur and Sofia. Giles thinks this is /hilarious/ and assumes Arthur is joking, because he raised his boy better than to think the future king of the realm could marry anyone for a reason as meaningless in medieval society as 'love'. Not /much/ better, judging from Arthur's behaviour throughout the series to date, but a little bit better. When it becomes clear that Arthur really is that dumb, Giles tries to get Sofia and the old man thrown into the dungeons to be executed in the morning, but apparently the threat is just a random lesson that Arthur better not try anything dumb like get married.
Stalking through the one hall in the castle, Morgana and Giles talk about Arthur and Sofia, discussing Arthur's romantic life like he's their son. Giles thinks Arthur's silly and thinking with his penis. Morgana thinks Arthur is going to die, but, not being able to explain her dreams, tells Giles that she's just worried Arthur will be /emotionally hurt/ by girls who just /play around with the king's heir and then drop him/. Oh, Morgana, that's a terrible lie, and it's no wonder Giles doesn't take your opinion seriously.
A very sulky Arthur isn't happy when Merlin pops in on him packing up, which is fair - I wouldn't be happy to see Merlin under any circumstances (bar being pelted with fruit), and is even less happy when Merlin tries to tell him he's enchanted. Because that always works with people under a magical enchantment - just tell them and they'll realize how silly they are, going about being all enchanted. As he's in the middle of trying to reason with the unreasonable, Sofia and the old man come in, and Merlin continues to try the tactic of reasoning with Arthur, even with the sources of the magic /right there/. Before Merlin can waste much more time with his inept arguments, the old man blasts him with his magical laser staff and knocks Merlin out so a getaway can be made.
In a castle full of guards and soldiers and servants and people, only Morgana sees Arthur leaving. She goes to tell Gayus and Gayus goes to find someone who will be marginally more useful in this situation than Morgana - the unconscious Merlin.
Hilarious slow-motion, dramatic walking through the forest on the part of the old man, Arthur, and Sofia.
Since at some point in the daylight when Merlin was knocked out to now, in the middle of the night (although there's an awful lot of light coming from Arthur's window) no one's found Merlin, and Gayus rouses him and then tries to keep from going after Arthur which ... I'm ... you know what, never mind, I don't care about how much this doesn't make sense from scene to scene. It's still better than the last episode (but damn near anything would be). Merlin runs off after Arthur and the others - who left on horses. Can Merlin not steal a horse? God, I don't know. Maybe he's just /really fast/ because he catches up to Arthur, Sofia, and the old man ... sometime the next day, judging from the lighting.
Sofia weepingly says good bye to her father, because we totally care about the backstories and emotional arcs of the magical villains who appeared for a single episode and are trying to kill one of the main characters.
Merlin comes to the lake shortly after Sofia lets Arthur fall into the water, but while the old man's still shouting in Welsh ... God, still poorly cut scenes of Merlin running, he really should have stolen the horse.
Luckily, when he really does for real reach the old man and Sofia, he doesn't waste time - for once. He grabs Sofia's wand and lasers both her and her father into clouds of ash within seconds, the only time Merlins' shown to be a quick study.
Shucking off his jacket (which really lets you see how utterly hipster cowboy his outfit is, with the primary colours and the bandana around his neck) he runs into the Arthur, yelling for Arthur, and there is eventually a dramatic, wet rescue scene, with Merlin clutching Arthur.
Sadly for the fangirls, there is no mouth-to-mouth.
Arthur comes to with a giant headache and vague memories of the past few days. Now that the crisis is over, Merlin and Gayus tell Arthur hilarious lies about the situation which include Merlin knocking Arthur unconscious and dragging him home to save him from eloping with a random, totally non-magical noblewoman. The crazy eyes Arthur gives when he tells Merlin and Gayus that they aren't to tell anyone about this may or may not make up for how stupid and faux-comical the whole scene is.
The next day, we find out that Arthur has /once again/ missed some kind of father-son outing with Giles, and this time, he's present to be reamed. Unfortunately, Merlin, and his desperate desire for Arthur's love and approval (now that he's decided he doesn't hate Arthur at all, I guess) prevent Arthur from getting the punishment his stupidity probably deserves.
On the other hand, watching Merlin get pelted with fruit for the third time in a single episode is really a lot more rewarding than watching Arthur get pelted with fruit.
Plus, we get Giles asking Merlin if he has a mental affliction - Merlin is mentally retarded and incompetent is the kind of running joke I can get behind.
Sadly, the episode doesn't end with Merlin being pelted with fruit to the closing credits - we only get a few more seconds of that. It ends with Morgana coming to thank Gayus and Merlin for saving Arthur's life and being sent off with drugs so Gayus and Merlin can talk about her behind her back. Merlin wonders if Morgana's prophetic dreams mean she can do magic - Gayus doesn't seem to think so, but dude, it's frickin' /Morgana/.
The /actual/ end note is Morgana sleeping, with her stupid medusa hair, and then waking up, gasping.
Merlin being pelted with fruit would have been so much awesomer.
Next time! Baby, let it be incest! Something involving Morgana, the fate of a tiny druidic boy, and his survival leading to Arthur's downfall? Man, it's /gotta/ be incest.
The more interesting stuff starts after the credits, when Arthur is hunting and Merlin is incompetent and fucking it all up. We aren't sure what dead animals Merlin has slung over his shoulder - possums? - but we do know that the fight scene when Arthur and Merlin stumble across an old man and a girl being attacked is pretty lame. Some people are killed, Merlin eventually manages to drop a tree on some bandits, but no one notices and his reputation as a lazy dumbass coward remains.
The bandits dispatched, one way or another, Arthur goes to check on the would-be victims. The girl with the old dude is the chick from Morgana's dream. OH NOES.
Back in Camelot, Giles welcomes the old man with the name no one cares about, and the girl, Sofia, because they say they're nobility, and Giles isn't checking their paperwork this week.
Arthur and Merlin talk about girls - don't worry, slash fans, they'll make up for this lapse towards heterosexuality by the end of the episode.
As Merlin helps Sofia get settled in, Morgana wanders by - since she's usually glued to Giles' side like his disturbingly young and clingy wife, I'm not sure why she wasn't there when Sofia and the old man were first welcomed, except to give a minute or two of extra footage to this episode. After realizing Sofia is the girl from her dream, Morgana runs to Gayus for help (for some reason).
Morgana babbles about her dream of Arthur dying to Gayus, (after a terribly unfunny attempt at slapstick where Gayus nearly burns his home down) who says it's absolutely meaningless and gives her some drugs to reduce the likelihood of her pushing her way into the plot in the future.
Night time! The old man is wandering through the forest and finds the very Irish bandit who attacked him earlier. It's revealed this was all part of a setup. Then the old man's eyes glow red and he kills the bandit with some bad special effects lightning.
Morgana has another dream and sleeps with her hair spread out around her like frickin' Medusa snakes. I have hair longer than Morgana's and if I sleep with it down, it doesn't /do that/ guys.
The next day, Arthur and Merlin talk about girls some /more/, and Arthur promises Merlin his eternal friendship if Merlin will cover for him with Giles while Arthur runs off to try and sex up Sofia and ditches ... something or other.
Morgana confides to Gwen about her dreams - Gwen, of course, loves Morgana and is the only person who straight up believes her. Unforuntately, Gwen's taken her stupid pills today, and urges Morgana to warn Giles. Luckily, Morgana knows this would end in headchopping or being burnt at the stake, and a giant party she wouldn't be invited to herself, because Giles hates witchcraft more than he is capable of having any positive feelings.
As Arthur rides out with Sofia, Merlin goes to make terrible excuses to Giles, which are sure to add to Merlin's reputation as a mental defective. Not only that, but it results in Merlin being put in the stocks again and pelted with fruit! I could watch that /all day/.
Sadly, it is not to be, and I have to watch Arthur and Sofia, who's working on enchanting Arthur with Welsh. He apparently thinks this is delightful foreign sexy talk, as he slept through all his Welsh classes. Luckily for Arthur, mostly, they're interrupted by some truly incompetent soldiers before Sofia can get very far. They were searching for the now completely dead bandits and I guess when Arthur isn't wearing his bright red beadazzled jacket, he isn't that recognizable. He takes a pouty Sofia back to the castle, and is told he can't touch her wand.
A filthy Merlin returns home after a hard day of being pelted with fruit. Gayus, understandably, wonders what Merlin fucked up this time, but Merlin explains this is all being done for the love of Arthur. He talks very absurdly non-straightboy about love at first sight and a bunch of other very un-Medieval bullshit. Luckily, Gayus is thinking in this episode, mostly, and ignores Merlin's babbling about girls and love, and goes to investigate the old man.
Admittedly, he does this by breaking into their rooms and poking the wand for a second before being discovered and hurrying out, but still, he's /trying/.
Returning from their aborted date, Arthur is rendered speechless and retarded by a kiss on the cheek from Sofia, who runs off, bumps into Morgana, and enunciates like a twelve-year-old in an amateur Shakespeare production. Sofia happily tells Morgana how lovely it is to meet her, and how easy it makes her job that Morgana tries to show her love for Arthur by constantly fighting with him (and possibly sleeping with their possibly mutual father). Obviously, Morgana isn't having psychic dreams, she's just /jealous/.
Sofia and the old man talk about nothing at all, but manage to establish that they're evil and are no good for Arthur. Because the subterfuge, glowing red eyes, and the prophetic dreams of Arthur dying didn't really manage that.
Morgana, apparently going through the castle telling everyone about her potentially deadly dreams (for all parties involved), goes to talk to Arthur about Sofia. Understandably, the 'I had a dream' doesn't go over well, and Arthur also believes Morgana is just jealous, because he knows what all their high school drama fights mean. Morgana storms off, and really wonders why she's trying to save Arthur's dumb ass.
Arthur and Merlin talk about girls (after Merlin's great, horrified exclamation of "You're dressed!" when Arthur wanders in), as a prelude to Arthur asking Merlin to, again, cover for him with Giles as he goes off to try and get lucky again (since the last time was interrupted). As Arthur's dad isn't the forgiving type, is kind of crazy, and he's thrown Arthur in the dungeon before, and Merlin is kind of beyond incompetent, I'm not sure why the not-yet-enchanted Arthur is risking this, but hey, what do I care? We get another shot of Merlin being pelted with fruit! There isn't even a scene between the fruit pelting and the discussion of lying for Arthur - not even the writers on Merlin think they need to over-explain this one.
They might want to explain the reference to Merlin being pelted with potatoes, though.
Arthur and Sofia frolic, briefly, through the forest and Sofia mumbles Welsh to a perplexed Arthur until his eyes go red.
A messy Merlin cheerfully returns to Gayus' - the Merlin writers may be catching on to what the audience wants, in a very loose sense - and Gayus explains to Merlin about Morgana's dream. Morgana's prophetic dreams are a huge secret, but Gayus doesn't bother trying to hide the source of his information about the danger Arthur is facing. He is the /best/ confidant.
Back in Camelot, in someone's room, Sofia tells Arthur how very in love they are, and prompts him to ask Giles for permission to marry. There is heterosexual kissing to ominous music, which doesn't bode well for anyone. And more glowing red eyes - the sign of PURE EVIL. Or ... evil ... magic ...
Alerted by Gayus' being alerted by Morgana's being alerted by her magic dream powers, Merlin follows the old man out of the castle and down to a lake where the old man does ... some kind of magic that causes tiny glowing demon-fairies to appear. The old man wants passage for himself and his daughter back to Avalon after they committed some heineous crime that no one cares about. No one really cares about the old man's backstory, or his guilt over his punishment randomly falling on his daughter, but the important thing is that the totally random cost for Sofia's return to Avalon is the sacrifice of a prince. Not a princess, not a calf, not some random dude, or a virgin, or /anyone/. It's gotta be a /prince/. Even demon-fairies believe in the power of the monarchy, man.
Merlin runs home to tell Gayus about the trip, and Gayus talks about Avalon and a bunch of stuff that the audience is already aware of. Dramatic music plays anyway.
Arthur asks Giles to let him get married, on the basis of the love between Arthur and Sofia. Giles thinks this is /hilarious/ and assumes Arthur is joking, because he raised his boy better than to think the future king of the realm could marry anyone for a reason as meaningless in medieval society as 'love'. Not /much/ better, judging from Arthur's behaviour throughout the series to date, but a little bit better. When it becomes clear that Arthur really is that dumb, Giles tries to get Sofia and the old man thrown into the dungeons to be executed in the morning, but apparently the threat is just a random lesson that Arthur better not try anything dumb like get married.
Stalking through the one hall in the castle, Morgana and Giles talk about Arthur and Sofia, discussing Arthur's romantic life like he's their son. Giles thinks Arthur's silly and thinking with his penis. Morgana thinks Arthur is going to die, but, not being able to explain her dreams, tells Giles that she's just worried Arthur will be /emotionally hurt/ by girls who just /play around with the king's heir and then drop him/. Oh, Morgana, that's a terrible lie, and it's no wonder Giles doesn't take your opinion seriously.
A very sulky Arthur isn't happy when Merlin pops in on him packing up, which is fair - I wouldn't be happy to see Merlin under any circumstances (bar being pelted with fruit), and is even less happy when Merlin tries to tell him he's enchanted. Because that always works with people under a magical enchantment - just tell them and they'll realize how silly they are, going about being all enchanted. As he's in the middle of trying to reason with the unreasonable, Sofia and the old man come in, and Merlin continues to try the tactic of reasoning with Arthur, even with the sources of the magic /right there/. Before Merlin can waste much more time with his inept arguments, the old man blasts him with his magical laser staff and knocks Merlin out so a getaway can be made.
In a castle full of guards and soldiers and servants and people, only Morgana sees Arthur leaving. She goes to tell Gayus and Gayus goes to find someone who will be marginally more useful in this situation than Morgana - the unconscious Merlin.
Hilarious slow-motion, dramatic walking through the forest on the part of the old man, Arthur, and Sofia.
Since at some point in the daylight when Merlin was knocked out to now, in the middle of the night (although there's an awful lot of light coming from Arthur's window) no one's found Merlin, and Gayus rouses him and then tries to keep from going after Arthur which ... I'm ... you know what, never mind, I don't care about how much this doesn't make sense from scene to scene. It's still better than the last episode (but damn near anything would be). Merlin runs off after Arthur and the others - who left on horses. Can Merlin not steal a horse? God, I don't know. Maybe he's just /really fast/ because he catches up to Arthur, Sofia, and the old man ... sometime the next day, judging from the lighting.
Sofia weepingly says good bye to her father, because we totally care about the backstories and emotional arcs of the magical villains who appeared for a single episode and are trying to kill one of the main characters.
Merlin comes to the lake shortly after Sofia lets Arthur fall into the water, but while the old man's still shouting in Welsh ... God, still poorly cut scenes of Merlin running, he really should have stolen the horse.
Luckily, when he really does for real reach the old man and Sofia, he doesn't waste time - for once. He grabs Sofia's wand and lasers both her and her father into clouds of ash within seconds, the only time Merlins' shown to be a quick study.
Shucking off his jacket (which really lets you see how utterly hipster cowboy his outfit is, with the primary colours and the bandana around his neck) he runs into the Arthur, yelling for Arthur, and there is eventually a dramatic, wet rescue scene, with Merlin clutching Arthur.
Sadly for the fangirls, there is no mouth-to-mouth.
Arthur comes to with a giant headache and vague memories of the past few days. Now that the crisis is over, Merlin and Gayus tell Arthur hilarious lies about the situation which include Merlin knocking Arthur unconscious and dragging him home to save him from eloping with a random, totally non-magical noblewoman. The crazy eyes Arthur gives when he tells Merlin and Gayus that they aren't to tell anyone about this may or may not make up for how stupid and faux-comical the whole scene is.
The next day, we find out that Arthur has /once again/ missed some kind of father-son outing with Giles, and this time, he's present to be reamed. Unfortunately, Merlin, and his desperate desire for Arthur's love and approval (now that he's decided he doesn't hate Arthur at all, I guess) prevent Arthur from getting the punishment his stupidity probably deserves.
On the other hand, watching Merlin get pelted with fruit for the third time in a single episode is really a lot more rewarding than watching Arthur get pelted with fruit.
Plus, we get Giles asking Merlin if he has a mental affliction - Merlin is mentally retarded and incompetent is the kind of running joke I can get behind.
Sadly, the episode doesn't end with Merlin being pelted with fruit to the closing credits - we only get a few more seconds of that. It ends with Morgana coming to thank Gayus and Merlin for saving Arthur's life and being sent off with drugs so Gayus and Merlin can talk about her behind her back. Merlin wonders if Morgana's prophetic dreams mean she can do magic - Gayus doesn't seem to think so, but dude, it's frickin' /Morgana/.
The /actual/ end note is Morgana sleeping, with her stupid medusa hair, and then waking up, gasping.
Merlin being pelted with fruit would have been so much awesomer.
Next time! Baby, let it be incest! Something involving Morgana, the fate of a tiny druidic boy, and his survival leading to Arthur's downfall? Man, it's /gotta/ be incest.