I shall celebrate the end of exams with BAD COMICS
heykidzcomix expressed an interest in seeing the true ... specialness of Guy Gardner: Collateral Damage for herself. Sarri having bought it, as we apparently didn't warn her about the horrible art and the fact that it would contain Dark G'nort, I decided to borrow it and scan sections for sampling purposes.
Bad art, bad writing, and misogyny to follow in scans which are not dial-up friendly. Oh boy!
We open with several pages explaining the Green Lanterns, blah blah blah, and, for no apparent reason, spotlights on a couple of them. Kilowog, some chick named Qanda, Hal Jordan, and Guy Gardner. No Kyle Rayner, of course. It's all quite boring, but I scanned this page because in one panel it looks like two freaky alien Green Lanterns are bumping stomachs.
Guy blows up a helicopter! For some reason. Presumably because he's Guy Gardner.
And here we find out that all the pretentious exposition of the last half dozen pages was all couresty of DARK G'NORT.
OH WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE PUPPIES.
NIPPLE. BATMAN IS LIKE HITLER. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT WOMAN'S FOOT?
/CLASSY/.
SEE HOW DARK AND EDGY G'NORT IS, says Howard Chaykin, while half the readers go 'Who the fuck is G'nort?' and the other half just go '...' and hate themselves for having bought this book.
When Dice was reading this and sharing excerpts with us, she commented on the SHEER GENIUS of people using GUY GARDNER to mediate between two warring peoples. I, on the other hand, just want to draw everyone's attention to G'nort's eye in that bottom panel. G'NORT IS EVIL, GUYS.
There's some more exposition about the war, and the revelation that, apparently, Warrior wasn't retconned out, and then Guy gets to oggle Thanagarian breasts.
After more expostion, there are more breasts for Guy! When I scanned this page, I had to check to make sure I hadn't already scanned in. Howard Chaykin's panel layouts are just that creative.
GASP SHOCK HORROR. There follows several pages of Guy bitching at G'nort about this.
And then there's some sexy murdering.
Some more stuff with Guy and the Thanagarian, who seems to have decided she likes Guy's transparent innuendo in that last panel, despite her ragey, mouth-clenched pose in the first panel.
I think this rapin' and murderin' is supposed to be sexy, but the art is so bad that's just a guess on my part.
That last panel sure does look familiar! And Qanda is groping her breast in sorrow and rage, as I'm sure we all do.
CROSSED EYES OF RAGE.
And then I get bored and stop scanning and everyone goes to Warriors and the teal shapeshifters attack and shit goes down ...
And we get more eyes being crossed in rage. And lovingly done shading that makes it look like Qanda's uniform has a plunging neckling so we can see her breasts and cleavage, despite the fact that every other page she's in shows her to be as fully covered as one can be in skin-tight space-spandex.
And that's just issue one of two, people!
... God, I feel dirty just having read the damn thing.
Cleaning the apartment looks good now,
Almighty Ingrid, Signing Off
Bad art, bad writing, and misogyny to follow in scans which are not dial-up friendly. Oh boy!
We open with several pages explaining the Green Lanterns, blah blah blah, and, for no apparent reason, spotlights on a couple of them. Kilowog, some chick named Qanda, Hal Jordan, and Guy Gardner. No Kyle Rayner, of course. It's all quite boring, but I scanned this page because in one panel it looks like two freaky alien Green Lanterns are bumping stomachs.
Guy blows up a helicopter! For some reason. Presumably because he's Guy Gardner.
And here we find out that all the pretentious exposition of the last half dozen pages was all couresty of DARK G'NORT.
OH WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE PUPPIES.
NIPPLE. BATMAN IS LIKE HITLER. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT WOMAN'S FOOT?
/CLASSY/.
SEE HOW DARK AND EDGY G'NORT IS, says Howard Chaykin, while half the readers go 'Who the fuck is G'nort?' and the other half just go '...' and hate themselves for having bought this book.
When Dice was reading this and sharing excerpts with us, she commented on the SHEER GENIUS of people using GUY GARDNER to mediate between two warring peoples. I, on the other hand, just want to draw everyone's attention to G'nort's eye in that bottom panel. G'NORT IS EVIL, GUYS.
There's some more exposition about the war, and the revelation that, apparently, Warrior wasn't retconned out, and then Guy gets to oggle Thanagarian breasts.
After more expostion, there are more breasts for Guy! When I scanned this page, I had to check to make sure I hadn't already scanned in. Howard Chaykin's panel layouts are just that creative.
GASP SHOCK HORROR. There follows several pages of Guy bitching at G'nort about this.
And then there's some sexy murdering.
Some more stuff with Guy and the Thanagarian, who seems to have decided she likes Guy's transparent innuendo in that last panel, despite her ragey, mouth-clenched pose in the first panel.
I think this rapin' and murderin' is supposed to be sexy, but the art is so bad that's just a guess on my part.
That last panel sure does look familiar! And Qanda is groping her breast in sorrow and rage, as I'm sure we all do.
CROSSED EYES OF RAGE.
And then I get bored and stop scanning and everyone goes to Warriors and the teal shapeshifters attack and shit goes down ...
And we get more eyes being crossed in rage. And lovingly done shading that makes it look like Qanda's uniform has a plunging neckling so we can see her breasts and cleavage, despite the fact that every other page she's in shows her to be as fully covered as one can be in skin-tight space-spandex.
And that's just issue one of two, people!
... God, I feel dirty just having read the damn thing.
Cleaning the apartment looks good now,
Almighty Ingrid, Signing Off