tv week in review (5/7-5/10)
Ok, so this week, I chose to not write the review as the shows were going on, but afterwards. And do you see what difference an adrenaline rush makes? Now, if every show were as kick-ass as Veronica Mars, I would remember practically every minute of the show. So, all you TV show writers out there, that's how you know if your show is GOOD.
So seriously, UPN/CW/whoever, RENEW VERONICA MARS NOW.
The Week in Reviewlets
Grey's Anatomy - Derek and Meredith are SO OVER. Finally. Only probably not. Addison bosses Alex around, and he saves a baby. Izzie and Denny are annoying, and Burke and Cristina are thankfully pretty scarce. Then again, maybe I just slept through all of their scenes.
Prison Break - They break out! Well, except Westmoreland, whose gaping flesh wound is the death of him. And Sucre's cousin, whose extra girth takes the escape wire down. Oh, and Nick unbetrays Veroniduh and gets killed by the mob in the process.
Veronica Mars - OH. MY. GOD. Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.
Alias - Sydney beats up Vaughn and then gets shot by Sydney. Only, of course, the first Sydney is really EvilSyd. Meanwhile, Sloane secretly makes contact with Sark right under Amy Acker's nose.
Sunday
Grey's Anatomy - So... yeah. I fell asleep in the middle of this show. Actually, I sorta drifted in and out of consciousness, so I took offense when they were talking about where they'd fallen asleep at lunch. Or whatever. So, this week, there's a Southern family in a car crash, and at first it's hilarious (what with the shouting and the Big Jim and the applying makeup while on a stretcher and in a neck brace), but by the end, it's not at all, because the 22-year-old pregnant woman dies. However, Alex, who's still pretty much an ass, so it's fun to watch Addison boss him around, saves the baby, which, good for him, but somehow I doubt his heart grew three sizes that day. The mom and dad in the family are released right away, but they stick around through the whole episode. The husband gets his leg fixed by Dr. Callie, who's involved in the unfortunate and entirely ridiculous plotline of "oh my god did she wash her hands after peeing," a plotline that makes Izzie and Meredith seem like annoying junior-high gossip queens.
Meanwhile, Derek is all bitter because of the Chris-Meredith thing, which, shut up, Derek. Fortunately, Meredith gets to chew Derek out and she does a pretty good job, and then Derek says they are SO OVER and runs away. Also, by the end of the episode, George starts talking to Meredith, so yay for that, I guess? I like it when people get along. Mere's in charge of tending to the guy who hit the family with his car, and he's an intern at the hospital across town, or something, and he fell asleep at the wheel, and it's just unfortunate. Chris tells Meredith how he's damaged so it's ok that she's damaged and whatever.
Also, Izzie and Denny have managed to move from adorably awesome to moderately discomforting to freaking annoying in the matter of two episodes. Denny blah blahs about how if Izzie really knew how he felt, she wouldn't have talked him into the operation, and whatever because of the aforementioned awesome->discomforting->annoying thing.
Grade: B, though maybe the parts I was unconscious through were pretty good. Who knows?
Monday
Prison Break - Previously, on Prison Break: Psych Ward. Haywire. Tweener. Snitch. Bellick. Pummeled with Shovel. Westmoreland meets coffeemaker. A bunch of other stuff. Oh, and that part where Mike pulls a shiv on Pope. And it's all pretty unbelievable. Because Pope doesn't fight back, at all, except for threatening him with extra prison time. Then he lets Mike bind and gag him and lock him in a closet. WHAT? And then, with an "I'm sorry, Henry," he knocks him out with a walkie talkie. He calls some number and leaves the phone off the hook, so he can tell the secretary he's on a call and can't be disturbed. The secretary blah blahs with him, then he gets back to the cell. And we watch a bunch of last minute preparations complete with scary looks and bleaching and wound cleaning and... puking. Sucre is scared out of his mind. It's time for count, then they have an hour. Mike: "There's no going back now." Funny how strongly I want these guys to make it and how scared I am for the consequences if they don't. Hm. I am invested in this show, after all. Now it's time for the credits. A rundown of the rest of the episode follows.
The episode's pretty focused on the escape, which actually happens! There are a bunch of red herring this-isn't-going-to-work scares, like the fire alarm in the psych ward, and will Dr. Sara really unlock the infirmary or just shoot herself up, and uh oh, the psych ward guy recognizes Abruzzi, and a bunch of other things that keep me on the edge of my seat and freaking out. Oh, and Tweener gets the chance to punch Bellick in the face, and he totally does, and I think I enjoyed that a bit too much.
In other news, Nick (that's Boy Toy but he earned his name now) seems to be escorting Veroniduh to the meet where Abruzzi would use her to threaten info about Fibonacci out of Michael. He reveals that he was approached after already starting to help Veroniduh, and says that he bartered her for his dad's freedom, but I don't remember that backstory. Whatever. In the end, Nick helps Veroniduh escape, and one of Abruzzi's henchman kills both Nick's dad and Nick. Ow.
There's also some boring plotline about the mass conspiracy where the puppetmasters want to pull their support from Vice President Mistress of Death, which she's naturally not very happy about. But it pretty much goes like this: blah blah blah throw glass of booze at the fireplace blah blah blah.
Eventually, the secretary grows impatient and finds Pope missing and eventually they find him in the closet. By this point, most of the crew has escaped, including Haywire, who escaped when the fire alarm went off and now he's totally with them too. But Westmoreland's gaping wound gets the best of him, and as he dies, he tells Mike where the money is, and reveals that it's not a million bucks, but five million. Whew.
Then, Sucre's rather large cousin brings the wire that everyone's clambering across down, nearly causing Mike to fall, but everyone else made it, as does he, but Sucre's cousin, he is captured. Pan down the side of the wall into total black. Aaaaaaaand... whew! Way cool. Kinda hokey, but hey. They made their prison break! Woo!
Grade: A-
Tuesday
Veronica Mars - Ok, straight out, I have to say, while I was not a fan of the way this episode developed in general, it was very clever as always, and full of shocks and surprises. It just wasn't as... actiony? as last season's finale, and the previews totally had me thinking it would be. So anyway. Still mindblowingly awesome, if a little expositiony. Most notably, the first five minutes or so, where Veronica dreams about her parallel-time self in a world where Lilly didn't die, were kinda nifty but kinda unnecessary (though, yay, Amanda Seyfried!). So Veronica's all boring 09er and dating Logan anyway(!) and doesn't know Wallace, and Duncan's still in town, and really, are those not enough reasons to be thankful that the show is the way it is today. We do get to see V's mom (still with her sheriff of a father) and Lilly... though the dream breaks apart when Lilly's all, what's this memorial fountain?
So. Turns out we get to see more of Wallace and Jackie after all! But more importantly, Wallace's mom, which, yay! We only see you for collectively five seconds, but yay! Stick around longer next time! Anyway, immediately after graduation, Mrs. Fennel runs up to Veronica, all, "what's up with this note on my windshield saying Wallace is flying to Paris," which has Veronica more than concerned. Cut to New York, where Jackie is starting her second day on the job at some diner, and her mom is reprimanding her for being late. So. Jackie's a big fat liar. Of course, like all big fat liars, her love for her boyfriend was true, despite the rest of her life being a charade. Isn't that how it always goes. So Veronica calls Jackie, because she's smarter than us all, and had this figured out weeks ago, and says, look, your boyfriend is flying to France, and it's all your fault, but there's a layover at JFK, so get your waitressing ass over there and explain things. So she does. She explains to Wallace how she's the result of her mother's fling with Terrence (!) and she has a two-year-old son (!!!) and she belongs in New York and he belongs in Neptune (awwwwww). All in all, well played.
Meanwhile, Vinny Vanlowe enters the picture by calling Keith and suggesting they team up to get the $20,000 reward for finding the Woodman. (Which, why are THE MANNINGS offering this reward? Is it 'cause they think he blew up the bus?) The scene in which they talk face-to-face is expertly done, because you totally don't realize that Vinny used his "one call" to get Keith to visit him IN JAIL. Turns out Vinny broke into the Woodmansion and got caught. Hee. So, immediately after graduation, Keith gives Veronica an envelope (she turns it over in her hands, smells it, and goes, "A PONY?!?!?!?" which HEEEEEEEEEEE!) that contains tickets to New York, they're going next week, whee, and then he's off to apprehend the Woodman, because earlier, thanks to V and a turn-my-voice-into-Gia's thingy, Keith finds out the Woodman's in the middle of nowhere, Nevada. They also go through all of the files Vinny managed to nab, which is everything under the sun, and we find that Woody had chlamydia. So at this point, I'm all, Duncan's the third kid? What? So anyway, Keith catches him, and calls Veronica, and says they're flying home in Woody's plane and will be back that night.
Oh. And also at graduation: Lamb decides this would be the most excellent time to ARREST WEEVIL in front of everyone, including his grandmother. Fucking bastard. And when V gets her diploma, Clemmons is all, I can't decide if this place was better or worse 'cause of you, and do you have any advice in case another one of you comes along. Veronica: "Don't tape all your passwords to the bottom of your stapler." Heeee!
So, while Keith's capturing the Woodman, Veronica's trying to figure out who Would Have Been Voice #3 on the recording is. She can't figure out the identity of one of the people in the picture, so she heads to one of Woody's burger joints, where there's a shrine to the little league team and a listing at the bottom of who's who. At the end of the listing, we discover that one person is not pictured. Cassidy Casablancas. So now I'm all, that's what I thought, because that would explain his reluctance to "do stuff" with Mac, and all that... but I did not make all the connections that V did...
And Veronica is frantically calling Mac, and when that doesn't work, she races to the party, and when that doesn't work, she texts Mac, which is bad, because you don't want to write "Beaver's a killer" somewhere where Beaver's going to find it. After another failed attempt to do stuff in Cassidy's hotel room, Mac's showering, and Beaver's noticing Mac's phone, and Veronica's getting a text message that says "Meet me on the roof." So we're off to the roof, getting in the same elevator as Aaron, who's all, guess we'll have to get used to seeing each other in town, and Veronica makes a snarky remark, and Aaron's all, you remind me a lot of Lilly, always speaking your mind. But, you know, I totally bashed her head in with an ashtray and I hope to God that Veronica has a tape recorder going. Not that it will matter!
So. Roof. And scary psycho confession time. And I totally start apologizing to Mac for rooting for her and Psycho Bus Crash Killer Boy to be together. So Cassidy crashed the bus. Veronica exposits (while at gunpoint) about how Beaver had the explosives know-how, since he learned it from his dad's mechanic, Curly Moran, and he did special effects for that kid Hart's movies (that's why he was around last week, I guess, for V to put this puzzle piece in place). She says that Curly figured it out, and confronted Cassidy, so he convinced the PCHers that Curly caused the crash, but they didn't kill him, so Cassidy wrote "Veronica Mars" on his hand and then threw him off the cliff with the momentum of his car. Veronica mentions that Cassidy didn't want her to prove Kendall was cheating on Big Dick, but he wanted her to stumble across the financial house of cards that was his dad's business. Anyway, clearly the limo was close enough to the bus to set off the bomb, and the reason? Because Cassidy didn't want to come forward when the other two guys did. So now they're dead. Oh, and the whole chlamydia thing. So. Beaver raped Veronica. Oh. My. God. Then Beaver's all, that's nice, you figured it out, but now I'm going to walk you off the building, and he likens V's taser to a sword and makes an analogy to a Neptune Pirate walking the plank. And V's all, "my dad knows, too! So killing me does nothing." And Beaver's all, and he's flying on Woody's plane, right, because I totally planted a bomb there, too, and then he starts counting down from 60 to give V a minute to say goodbye to her dad, but he doesn't answer when Veronica calls his cell, so Beaver dials a number and there's an explosion over V's shoulder. OH. MY. GOD.
So Beaver is tasering Veronica, and V manages to forward Beaver's text message to Logan, so before you know it, he's on the roof too, and Cassidy's a poor shot, and they tussle, and Veronica gets the gun, and Logan coaxes it away from her. And then Veronica's in hysterics, Beaver raped her, and killed her father, and... now he's about to jump off the building. Logan's all, "Beaver, don't!" and with a "my name is Cassidy" and a "why" with no response from Logan or Veronica followed by a "that's what I thought," Beaver jumps. GOOD. LORD! Then Veronica's all, "Mac!" and they race to the room, where she's hiding between the bed and nightstand, because Beaver took everything out of the hotel room, and Mac had no clothing. She's crying and Veronica hugs her and OH MY GOD MAKE MAC A SEASON THREE REGULAR PLEASE. [Apparently that's in the works! EEEEEEEEEEEE! PLEASE LET THERE BE A SEASON THREE.]
Meanwhile, Aaron and Kendall are getting it on, then Kendall's all, "any more and I'll need a wheelchair to get out of here," so she's off to the shower. And then a silencer is pointed at the back of Aaron's head. And then there's blood spatter on the television. And then there's Clarence Weidman making a call to Duncan, who's on a beach in Australia. "CW?" Duncan answers. "It's a done deal," Clarence responds, which heeeeeeeee and it had better be or I'm personally kicking Dawn Ostroff's ass. But anyway. Whoa. And good for Duncan, I guess. I mean, the man DID murder his sister. But still, oh my God.
Veronica's dreaming some more. And she's up with a start at the smell of bacon, because her dad cooks bacon, but when she gets to the kitchen, Logan's making breakfast. Seconds later, Keith appears, and I shriek with joy, and he explains that Lamb wouldn't let him fly with Woody. So... did Lamb die? Because I'd rather get to see people punch him in the face before he, you know, explodes.
Meanwhile, Kendall finds herself with eight million dollars, because Cassidy knew what he was doing, bet against incorporation (so it makes sense that he sent the voice recording with his own voice edited out), and the Phoenix Land Trust has just made Kendall a millionaire. So... why did Cassidy want to help her so badly????
But those are just a few of many questions we have to ponder all summer, as Kendall appears while Logan and Veronica are kissing outside the PI office, and says she needs to talk to Keith. And she enters, and Keith's all, I'm leaving for New York in an hour, and she's all, I don't think you will be, and she opens a briefcase.
And Veronica is all alone in the airport.
Have I mentioned the "OH. MY. GOD."
Grade: A
Wednesday
Alias - This is totally going to prove my point about needing to be exciting to remember details like I did for Veronica Mars. The plotlines are so one-dimensional and annoying that I already forgot half of them.
So, the boring parts first: Getty's making contact with some guy through some magazine classified ad. He's decoding a message when Rachel comes up to him about wah wahs about how she's always working with guys who turn out to have secret agendas and she never realizes it. And I roll my eyes about 47 times. Fortunately for me, that's about all we see of the newbies.
Nadia's funeral is cut with scenes of (stunt corpse posing as) Elodie getting an autopsy. Is it not clear that she died by having her throat slashed? Seriously. Anyway, the doctor finds a chip inside (not really because she's not in this episode) Elodie and Marshall discovers it's only really half the data. And the chip says "Andre Michaux" on it, and for everyone who stopped watching this show fifty episodes ago, that's Vaughn's real name. So Syd's off to Nepal!
Unfortunately for APO, Sloane set off some program that transmits every word uttered within APO to Prophet Five. So EvilSyd's off to Nepal too!
Meanwhile, Sloane's all haunted by Nadia's ghost all episode long. She says she's there 'cause he wants her there. I don't really get the point of the whole haunting thing, but Sloane plays the audience by saying he'd like to finally make peace with killing his daughter, so Prophet Five Nameless Bodyguard escorts him to a church, where he lights a candle and prays and surreptitiously leaves a matchbook with a message inside it. And who comes to claim it but Sark. Dun dun dun. Or whatever. Apparently the matchbook thing is the second of two random unnecessarily obscure things that must be done to contact him. The first was to obtain some book in Zurich, which Sloane sends Amy Acker to do so that she can earn her paycheck this week.
So EvilSyd intercepts Syd's contact, mostly because the contact is a moron, and learns that Vaughn's alive. So then a fake contact picks up Syd, and tries to have her killed, but Jack calls to says she's been comprised, so she narrowly escapes, only to crash the transport vehicle. So then EvilSyd comes and takes the half a chip and lights the ground on fire and the car explodes but of course Syd survives, because she's secretly made of Xenon or something and isn't flammable.
Then EvilSyd goes to find Vaughn, and it's goofy, and they kiss, and presumably this is where Vaughn realizes this is not Syd, but he plays along with a bunch of goofy "I trust yous" and asking about the baby and referencing missions they never went on. Vaughn lets EvilSyd take the other half a chip out of his chest, where a scar conveniently exists. I have half a mind to rewatch an episode from season two to see if the scar is there, but we all know it won't be, so whatever. They put the chips together; it's got some files of a bunker in Hamburg, so EvilSyd rounds up a helicopter and they're off, just as Syd pulls up in some clunky old truck. Whoops.
So in Hamburg, EvilSyd and Vaughn go into some diamond store and hold up the clerk and get access to the basement. Vaughn tells EvilSyd to stay up there with the gun trained on the guy, but she opts to knock him out the instant Vaughn is gone. Vaughn finds one of John Nash's secret stashes of newspaper clipping and pictures and things hanging off all the walls, only apparently this is his dad's research on Prophet Five. Then there's the click of a gun and EvilSyd tells Vaughn she'll take it from here. She pulls the trigger and Vaughn holds out the magazine. Um, you'd think if we're all mega-ultra-awesome-super-spies, we'd notice that the gun is missing its magazine, wouldn't we? I mean, I only took fifteen weeks of pistol training at Tech and I think there's kind of a difference, myself. Anyway, Vaughn's all, we never went on those missions, and you're a bad kisser, and then EvilSyd totally kicks his ass. I have to say, this scene was worth the price of admission tonight, to watch Jennifer Garner (and her stunt double) fight Michael Vartan (and his stunt double). It was so amusing that I'll give this show an A- despite the rest of the episode sucking. Anyway, EvilSyd's got the magazine in the gun this time, but she makes the fatal flaw that all bad guys make and doesn't SHOOT HIM THAT INSTANT. So she gets a couple of bullets through the chest, and then for good measure, one through the back of the head that comes out her forehead, and Syd runs over and makes out with Vaughn and then EvilSyd's phone rings, and the light bulb goes on over Syd's head, and she acts as Anna Espinoza-y as she can (because somehow Syd realized EvilSyd was Anna by the way she blew up the car, or what?), and goes undercover as EvilSyd. She'd better totally find EvilSyd's eyeshade and soon.
Grade: B-, plus extra credit for EvilSyd kicking Vaughn around = A-
What's Ahead
The TV season winds down. Word of Veronica Mars renewal should be public knowledge within the week.
As for everything else, we're almost done. Next week wraps up three more shows:
Sunday, May 14, 10 pm - first hour of Grey's Anatomy finale
Monday, May 15, 8 pm - Prison Break finale
Monday, May 15, 9 pm - second and third hours of Grey's Anatomy finale
Wednesday, May 17, 8 pm - The Amazing Race two-hour finale
The week after, well, is kinda empty. Outside Monday, May 22, when we bid adieu to Alias with a two-hour event.
So, enjoy the ride while you can. It's all almost over...
So seriously, UPN/CW/whoever, RENEW VERONICA MARS NOW.
The Week in Reviewlets
Grey's Anatomy - Derek and Meredith are SO OVER. Finally. Only probably not. Addison bosses Alex around, and he saves a baby. Izzie and Denny are annoying, and Burke and Cristina are thankfully pretty scarce. Then again, maybe I just slept through all of their scenes.
Prison Break - They break out! Well, except Westmoreland, whose gaping flesh wound is the death of him. And Sucre's cousin, whose extra girth takes the escape wire down. Oh, and Nick unbetrays Veroniduh and gets killed by the mob in the process.
Veronica Mars - OH. MY. GOD. Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.
Alias - Sydney beats up Vaughn and then gets shot by Sydney. Only, of course, the first Sydney is really EvilSyd. Meanwhile, Sloane secretly makes contact with Sark right under Amy Acker's nose.
Sunday
Grey's Anatomy - So... yeah. I fell asleep in the middle of this show. Actually, I sorta drifted in and out of consciousness, so I took offense when they were talking about where they'd fallen asleep at lunch. Or whatever. So, this week, there's a Southern family in a car crash, and at first it's hilarious (what with the shouting and the Big Jim and the applying makeup while on a stretcher and in a neck brace), but by the end, it's not at all, because the 22-year-old pregnant woman dies. However, Alex, who's still pretty much an ass, so it's fun to watch Addison boss him around, saves the baby, which, good for him, but somehow I doubt his heart grew three sizes that day. The mom and dad in the family are released right away, but they stick around through the whole episode. The husband gets his leg fixed by Dr. Callie, who's involved in the unfortunate and entirely ridiculous plotline of "oh my god did she wash her hands after peeing," a plotline that makes Izzie and Meredith seem like annoying junior-high gossip queens.
Meanwhile, Derek is all bitter because of the Chris-Meredith thing, which, shut up, Derek. Fortunately, Meredith gets to chew Derek out and she does a pretty good job, and then Derek says they are SO OVER and runs away. Also, by the end of the episode, George starts talking to Meredith, so yay for that, I guess? I like it when people get along. Mere's in charge of tending to the guy who hit the family with his car, and he's an intern at the hospital across town, or something, and he fell asleep at the wheel, and it's just unfortunate. Chris tells Meredith how he's damaged so it's ok that she's damaged and whatever.
Also, Izzie and Denny have managed to move from adorably awesome to moderately discomforting to freaking annoying in the matter of two episodes. Denny blah blahs about how if Izzie really knew how he felt, she wouldn't have talked him into the operation, and whatever because of the aforementioned awesome->discomforting->annoying thing.
Grade: B, though maybe the parts I was unconscious through were pretty good. Who knows?
Monday
Prison Break - Previously, on Prison Break: Psych Ward. Haywire. Tweener. Snitch. Bellick. Pummeled with Shovel. Westmoreland meets coffeemaker. A bunch of other stuff. Oh, and that part where Mike pulls a shiv on Pope. And it's all pretty unbelievable. Because Pope doesn't fight back, at all, except for threatening him with extra prison time. Then he lets Mike bind and gag him and lock him in a closet. WHAT? And then, with an "I'm sorry, Henry," he knocks him out with a walkie talkie. He calls some number and leaves the phone off the hook, so he can tell the secretary he's on a call and can't be disturbed. The secretary blah blahs with him, then he gets back to the cell. And we watch a bunch of last minute preparations complete with scary looks and bleaching and wound cleaning and... puking. Sucre is scared out of his mind. It's time for count, then they have an hour. Mike: "There's no going back now." Funny how strongly I want these guys to make it and how scared I am for the consequences if they don't. Hm. I am invested in this show, after all. Now it's time for the credits. A rundown of the rest of the episode follows.
The episode's pretty focused on the escape, which actually happens! There are a bunch of red herring this-isn't-going-to-work scares, like the fire alarm in the psych ward, and will Dr. Sara really unlock the infirmary or just shoot herself up, and uh oh, the psych ward guy recognizes Abruzzi, and a bunch of other things that keep me on the edge of my seat and freaking out. Oh, and Tweener gets the chance to punch Bellick in the face, and he totally does, and I think I enjoyed that a bit too much.
In other news, Nick (that's Boy Toy but he earned his name now) seems to be escorting Veroniduh to the meet where Abruzzi would use her to threaten info about Fibonacci out of Michael. He reveals that he was approached after already starting to help Veroniduh, and says that he bartered her for his dad's freedom, but I don't remember that backstory. Whatever. In the end, Nick helps Veroniduh escape, and one of Abruzzi's henchman kills both Nick's dad and Nick. Ow.
There's also some boring plotline about the mass conspiracy where the puppetmasters want to pull their support from Vice President Mistress of Death, which she's naturally not very happy about. But it pretty much goes like this: blah blah blah throw glass of booze at the fireplace blah blah blah.
Eventually, the secretary grows impatient and finds Pope missing and eventually they find him in the closet. By this point, most of the crew has escaped, including Haywire, who escaped when the fire alarm went off and now he's totally with them too. But Westmoreland's gaping wound gets the best of him, and as he dies, he tells Mike where the money is, and reveals that it's not a million bucks, but five million. Whew.
Then, Sucre's rather large cousin brings the wire that everyone's clambering across down, nearly causing Mike to fall, but everyone else made it, as does he, but Sucre's cousin, he is captured. Pan down the side of the wall into total black. Aaaaaaaand... whew! Way cool. Kinda hokey, but hey. They made their prison break! Woo!
Grade: A-
Tuesday
Veronica Mars - Ok, straight out, I have to say, while I was not a fan of the way this episode developed in general, it was very clever as always, and full of shocks and surprises. It just wasn't as... actiony? as last season's finale, and the previews totally had me thinking it would be. So anyway. Still mindblowingly awesome, if a little expositiony. Most notably, the first five minutes or so, where Veronica dreams about her parallel-time self in a world where Lilly didn't die, were kinda nifty but kinda unnecessary (though, yay, Amanda Seyfried!). So Veronica's all boring 09er and dating Logan anyway(!) and doesn't know Wallace, and Duncan's still in town, and really, are those not enough reasons to be thankful that the show is the way it is today. We do get to see V's mom (still with her sheriff of a father) and Lilly... though the dream breaks apart when Lilly's all, what's this memorial fountain?
So. Turns out we get to see more of Wallace and Jackie after all! But more importantly, Wallace's mom, which, yay! We only see you for collectively five seconds, but yay! Stick around longer next time! Anyway, immediately after graduation, Mrs. Fennel runs up to Veronica, all, "what's up with this note on my windshield saying Wallace is flying to Paris," which has Veronica more than concerned. Cut to New York, where Jackie is starting her second day on the job at some diner, and her mom is reprimanding her for being late. So. Jackie's a big fat liar. Of course, like all big fat liars, her love for her boyfriend was true, despite the rest of her life being a charade. Isn't that how it always goes. So Veronica calls Jackie, because she's smarter than us all, and had this figured out weeks ago, and says, look, your boyfriend is flying to France, and it's all your fault, but there's a layover at JFK, so get your waitressing ass over there and explain things. So she does. She explains to Wallace how she's the result of her mother's fling with Terrence (!) and she has a two-year-old son (!!!) and she belongs in New York and he belongs in Neptune (awwwwww). All in all, well played.
Meanwhile, Vinny Vanlowe enters the picture by calling Keith and suggesting they team up to get the $20,000 reward for finding the Woodman. (Which, why are THE MANNINGS offering this reward? Is it 'cause they think he blew up the bus?) The scene in which they talk face-to-face is expertly done, because you totally don't realize that Vinny used his "one call" to get Keith to visit him IN JAIL. Turns out Vinny broke into the Woodmansion and got caught. Hee. So, immediately after graduation, Keith gives Veronica an envelope (she turns it over in her hands, smells it, and goes, "A PONY?!?!?!?" which HEEEEEEEEEEE!) that contains tickets to New York, they're going next week, whee, and then he's off to apprehend the Woodman, because earlier, thanks to V and a turn-my-voice-into-Gia's thingy, Keith finds out the Woodman's in the middle of nowhere, Nevada. They also go through all of the files Vinny managed to nab, which is everything under the sun, and we find that Woody had chlamydia. So at this point, I'm all, Duncan's the third kid? What? So anyway, Keith catches him, and calls Veronica, and says they're flying home in Woody's plane and will be back that night.
Oh. And also at graduation: Lamb decides this would be the most excellent time to ARREST WEEVIL in front of everyone, including his grandmother. Fucking bastard. And when V gets her diploma, Clemmons is all, I can't decide if this place was better or worse 'cause of you, and do you have any advice in case another one of you comes along. Veronica: "Don't tape all your passwords to the bottom of your stapler." Heeee!
So, while Keith's capturing the Woodman, Veronica's trying to figure out who Would Have Been Voice #3 on the recording is. She can't figure out the identity of one of the people in the picture, so she heads to one of Woody's burger joints, where there's a shrine to the little league team and a listing at the bottom of who's who. At the end of the listing, we discover that one person is not pictured. Cassidy Casablancas. So now I'm all, that's what I thought, because that would explain his reluctance to "do stuff" with Mac, and all that... but I did not make all the connections that V did...
And Veronica is frantically calling Mac, and when that doesn't work, she races to the party, and when that doesn't work, she texts Mac, which is bad, because you don't want to write "Beaver's a killer" somewhere where Beaver's going to find it. After another failed attempt to do stuff in Cassidy's hotel room, Mac's showering, and Beaver's noticing Mac's phone, and Veronica's getting a text message that says "Meet me on the roof." So we're off to the roof, getting in the same elevator as Aaron, who's all, guess we'll have to get used to seeing each other in town, and Veronica makes a snarky remark, and Aaron's all, you remind me a lot of Lilly, always speaking your mind. But, you know, I totally bashed her head in with an ashtray and I hope to God that Veronica has a tape recorder going. Not that it will matter!
So. Roof. And scary psycho confession time. And I totally start apologizing to Mac for rooting for her and Psycho Bus Crash Killer Boy to be together. So Cassidy crashed the bus. Veronica exposits (while at gunpoint) about how Beaver had the explosives know-how, since he learned it from his dad's mechanic, Curly Moran, and he did special effects for that kid Hart's movies (that's why he was around last week, I guess, for V to put this puzzle piece in place). She says that Curly figured it out, and confronted Cassidy, so he convinced the PCHers that Curly caused the crash, but they didn't kill him, so Cassidy wrote "Veronica Mars" on his hand and then threw him off the cliff with the momentum of his car. Veronica mentions that Cassidy didn't want her to prove Kendall was cheating on Big Dick, but he wanted her to stumble across the financial house of cards that was his dad's business. Anyway, clearly the limo was close enough to the bus to set off the bomb, and the reason? Because Cassidy didn't want to come forward when the other two guys did. So now they're dead. Oh, and the whole chlamydia thing. So. Beaver raped Veronica. Oh. My. God. Then Beaver's all, that's nice, you figured it out, but now I'm going to walk you off the building, and he likens V's taser to a sword and makes an analogy to a Neptune Pirate walking the plank. And V's all, "my dad knows, too! So killing me does nothing." And Beaver's all, and he's flying on Woody's plane, right, because I totally planted a bomb there, too, and then he starts counting down from 60 to give V a minute to say goodbye to her dad, but he doesn't answer when Veronica calls his cell, so Beaver dials a number and there's an explosion over V's shoulder. OH. MY. GOD.
So Beaver is tasering Veronica, and V manages to forward Beaver's text message to Logan, so before you know it, he's on the roof too, and Cassidy's a poor shot, and they tussle, and Veronica gets the gun, and Logan coaxes it away from her. And then Veronica's in hysterics, Beaver raped her, and killed her father, and... now he's about to jump off the building. Logan's all, "Beaver, don't!" and with a "my name is Cassidy" and a "why" with no response from Logan or Veronica followed by a "that's what I thought," Beaver jumps. GOOD. LORD! Then Veronica's all, "Mac!" and they race to the room, where she's hiding between the bed and nightstand, because Beaver took everything out of the hotel room, and Mac had no clothing. She's crying and Veronica hugs her and OH MY GOD MAKE MAC A SEASON THREE REGULAR PLEASE. [Apparently that's in the works! EEEEEEEEEEEE! PLEASE LET THERE BE A SEASON THREE.]
Meanwhile, Aaron and Kendall are getting it on, then Kendall's all, "any more and I'll need a wheelchair to get out of here," so she's off to the shower. And then a silencer is pointed at the back of Aaron's head. And then there's blood spatter on the television. And then there's Clarence Weidman making a call to Duncan, who's on a beach in Australia. "CW?" Duncan answers. "It's a done deal," Clarence responds, which heeeeeeeee and it had better be or I'm personally kicking Dawn Ostroff's ass. But anyway. Whoa. And good for Duncan, I guess. I mean, the man DID murder his sister. But still, oh my God.
Veronica's dreaming some more. And she's up with a start at the smell of bacon, because her dad cooks bacon, but when she gets to the kitchen, Logan's making breakfast. Seconds later, Keith appears, and I shriek with joy, and he explains that Lamb wouldn't let him fly with Woody. So... did Lamb die? Because I'd rather get to see people punch him in the face before he, you know, explodes.
Meanwhile, Kendall finds herself with eight million dollars, because Cassidy knew what he was doing, bet against incorporation (so it makes sense that he sent the voice recording with his own voice edited out), and the Phoenix Land Trust has just made Kendall a millionaire. So... why did Cassidy want to help her so badly????
But those are just a few of many questions we have to ponder all summer, as Kendall appears while Logan and Veronica are kissing outside the PI office, and says she needs to talk to Keith. And she enters, and Keith's all, I'm leaving for New York in an hour, and she's all, I don't think you will be, and she opens a briefcase.
And Veronica is all alone in the airport.
Have I mentioned the "OH. MY. GOD."
Grade: A
Wednesday
Alias - This is totally going to prove my point about needing to be exciting to remember details like I did for Veronica Mars. The plotlines are so one-dimensional and annoying that I already forgot half of them.
So, the boring parts first: Getty's making contact with some guy through some magazine classified ad. He's decoding a message when Rachel comes up to him about wah wahs about how she's always working with guys who turn out to have secret agendas and she never realizes it. And I roll my eyes about 47 times. Fortunately for me, that's about all we see of the newbies.
Nadia's funeral is cut with scenes of (stunt corpse posing as) Elodie getting an autopsy. Is it not clear that she died by having her throat slashed? Seriously. Anyway, the doctor finds a chip inside (not really because she's not in this episode) Elodie and Marshall discovers it's only really half the data. And the chip says "Andre Michaux" on it, and for everyone who stopped watching this show fifty episodes ago, that's Vaughn's real name. So Syd's off to Nepal!
Unfortunately for APO, Sloane set off some program that transmits every word uttered within APO to Prophet Five. So EvilSyd's off to Nepal too!
Meanwhile, Sloane's all haunted by Nadia's ghost all episode long. She says she's there 'cause he wants her there. I don't really get the point of the whole haunting thing, but Sloane plays the audience by saying he'd like to finally make peace with killing his daughter, so Prophet Five Nameless Bodyguard escorts him to a church, where he lights a candle and prays and surreptitiously leaves a matchbook with a message inside it. And who comes to claim it but Sark. Dun dun dun. Or whatever. Apparently the matchbook thing is the second of two random unnecessarily obscure things that must be done to contact him. The first was to obtain some book in Zurich, which Sloane sends Amy Acker to do so that she can earn her paycheck this week.
So EvilSyd intercepts Syd's contact, mostly because the contact is a moron, and learns that Vaughn's alive. So then a fake contact picks up Syd, and tries to have her killed, but Jack calls to says she's been comprised, so she narrowly escapes, only to crash the transport vehicle. So then EvilSyd comes and takes the half a chip and lights the ground on fire and the car explodes but of course Syd survives, because she's secretly made of Xenon or something and isn't flammable.
Then EvilSyd goes to find Vaughn, and it's goofy, and they kiss, and presumably this is where Vaughn realizes this is not Syd, but he plays along with a bunch of goofy "I trust yous" and asking about the baby and referencing missions they never went on. Vaughn lets EvilSyd take the other half a chip out of his chest, where a scar conveniently exists. I have half a mind to rewatch an episode from season two to see if the scar is there, but we all know it won't be, so whatever. They put the chips together; it's got some files of a bunker in Hamburg, so EvilSyd rounds up a helicopter and they're off, just as Syd pulls up in some clunky old truck. Whoops.
So in Hamburg, EvilSyd and Vaughn go into some diamond store and hold up the clerk and get access to the basement. Vaughn tells EvilSyd to stay up there with the gun trained on the guy, but she opts to knock him out the instant Vaughn is gone. Vaughn finds one of John Nash's secret stashes of newspaper clipping and pictures and things hanging off all the walls, only apparently this is his dad's research on Prophet Five. Then there's the click of a gun and EvilSyd tells Vaughn she'll take it from here. She pulls the trigger and Vaughn holds out the magazine. Um, you'd think if we're all mega-ultra-awesome-super-spies, we'd notice that the gun is missing its magazine, wouldn't we? I mean, I only took fifteen weeks of pistol training at Tech and I think there's kind of a difference, myself. Anyway, Vaughn's all, we never went on those missions, and you're a bad kisser, and then EvilSyd totally kicks his ass. I have to say, this scene was worth the price of admission tonight, to watch Jennifer Garner (and her stunt double) fight Michael Vartan (and his stunt double). It was so amusing that I'll give this show an A- despite the rest of the episode sucking. Anyway, EvilSyd's got the magazine in the gun this time, but she makes the fatal flaw that all bad guys make and doesn't SHOOT HIM THAT INSTANT. So she gets a couple of bullets through the chest, and then for good measure, one through the back of the head that comes out her forehead, and Syd runs over and makes out with Vaughn and then EvilSyd's phone rings, and the light bulb goes on over Syd's head, and she acts as Anna Espinoza-y as she can (because somehow Syd realized EvilSyd was Anna by the way she blew up the car, or what?), and goes undercover as EvilSyd. She'd better totally find EvilSyd's eyeshade and soon.
Grade: B-, plus extra credit for EvilSyd kicking Vaughn around = A-
What's Ahead
The TV season winds down. Word of Veronica Mars renewal should be public knowledge within the week.
As for everything else, we're almost done. Next week wraps up three more shows:
Sunday, May 14, 10 pm - first hour of Grey's Anatomy finale
Monday, May 15, 8 pm - Prison Break finale
Monday, May 15, 9 pm - second and third hours of Grey's Anatomy finale
Wednesday, May 17, 8 pm - The Amazing Race two-hour finale
The week after, well, is kinda empty. Outside Monday, May 22, when we bid adieu to Alias with a two-hour event.
So, enjoy the ride while you can. It's all almost over...