It's Who We Are, Chapter 4

Sep 21, 2015 08:16

Series: Thor (Movie), The Avengers (Movie), Thor 2 (Movie), Merlin (Series)
Characters: Thor, Loki, Arthur, Merlin
Couple: Thor/Loki, Arthur/Merlin

Title: It's Who We Are
Word Count: 3,754
Status: Complete
Rating: R/Mature
Disclaimer: I have no claim whatsoever on any the marvel franchises at all, I'm just borrowing them for my story that will bring me no money whatsoever. I shall be forever broke. Nor do I have any claim on the Merlin franchise either.
Summary: Near death, Loki wishes himself away to find a quiet place to die, but fate and meddlesome young men decide that it isn't his time to go just yet. He finds himself in a young world that he can start over and he would do just that, if his brother would just leave him alone for five minutes.

Merlin found Loki an hour later all but hiding in the room that used to belong to Morgana. "Loki?" he asked tentatively, poking his head in. He couldn't help but look around, seeing many of the things that had made the room belong to his former friend gone, likely packed away in a trunk or taken with the woman when she'd run. It looked androgynous now, like one of the many other rooms in the castle, and Arthur had yet to assign anyone as an occupant and most everyone in the palace avoided it as if it was bad luck.
It was the perfect place if one wanted to be alone.

"What is it?" his mentor hissed, sitting in the space between the windows, as if worried about being seen.

"What are you doing here? Did Thor find you-"

His question seemed to galvanize the man and he winced at the sudden, fierce glare. "Speaking of Thor..."

"I didn't think it was such a big deal, helping him find you," Merlin said, guessing that this might be the problem. He was rewarded for his correct guess by an eye twitch. "Did something happen?"

"Did something happen, he asks." Rather than answering, leaving that sarcastic response be the only one to his question, Loki continued, "Have you seen him again since then?"

"I think I spotted him across the courtyard. He was heading for the stables, so I assume he wanted to ride somewhere for a bit."

A complicated look appeared on the man's face, a mix of a dozen emotions that Merlin just didn't have the time to figure out since it was there and then gone so quickly. "For future reference, Merlin, you may be powerful in time, but you aren't now. You ever help Thor find me again, I will make your life a misery."

While the threat, and the accompanying deadly look made a shiver go down his spine, there was something more there. Almost as if a plea to never do it again. What happened between the two? "Promise. Are you hungry? It's almost lunch time."

"No. In fact, your training will resume tomorrow."

"What? Why not today?"

"Because I said so! Now leave me!"

Merlin rolled his eyes a little at the dramatic behavior and turned to leave, but stopped. He was always a stubborn one and something just kept him there. So instead, he closed the door and sat down next to Loki without saying a word. The man glared at him. "Didn't you hear me?"

"I did."

"What are you still doing here then?"

"My feet hurt. This is as good a place as any to skive off shining Arthur's boots," he said without looking at his mentor. For a moment, he thought the man might make him, but when neither of them said anything else, he figured he wouldn't be forced to leave so long as he didn't say anything. So he wouldn't. For now, at least.

-0-

Loki had mixed feelings at hearing Thor had left the castle after he'd disappeared. Part of him was more relieved than he could ever say that he was gone, for no matter how long. Another was livid with outrage. After what Thor had said, how could he not follow him, try to find him? Did he love him or not?!

This was an outcome he had never seen coming. He wanted to woo him? There were, of course, differences in languages, but in no language that Loki knew, and he knew a lot, did the term 'woo' mean anything other than to entice another partner into love. There was no other meaning to his words and Thor had made it abundantly clear, with the look in his eyes and his words, that it meant more than just a brotherly love. There had been something deep, mesmerizing in that blue gaze, and he'd almost, almost leaned in...

What by the beard of Odin did Thor think he was playing at? Did he think that Loki might agree? Did he not think of what this would do to their-his father? And if, by all that was holy, he did love him, then why did he treat him as he had for years? Was it that silly notion that boys picked on those they loved? No, that couldn't possibly be it.

And what had possessed Thor to just say it like that? He was not some maiden to fall under his brother's charms so easily. Jealousy over his relationship with Merlin? There was nothing there, barely a student and teacher! Even if there wasn't the clear love triangle going on as it was in this palace, did Thor have to place him in the mix too? Wasn't it complicated enough?

His apprentice remained beside him in complete silence, staring at his shoes or the wall, seemingly lost in thought of his own at times. He'd told the boy to leave, but he'd stubbornly refused...yet he hadn't been annoying about it, forcing him to speak when he wasn't willing to. He was just...sitting there. Next to him, their shoulders touching.

Perhaps what made him speak was a perverse desire to see those around him in as much turmoil as he found himself in, because he just couldn't take it if he was the only one like this. Maybe hearing Thor so...bravely, or stupidly, confessing made him want to pass it along. Or maybe he did it out of spite that Merlin could be stupidly happy and oblivious like he had been up until an hour or two ago.

"Merlin."

"Yeah?"

"You and Arthur."

Blue eyes looked at him curiously. Was he truly that oblivious? Did he not feel the tension in the air between them? No, no one should be blind to such things. If Loki was not allowed to live in that obliviousness of unknowing, neither was anyone else!

"What about us?" the boy prompted when Loki didn't ask a question.

For just a moment, Loki had a twinge. Merlin was just so much like him in his youth and he was causing such turmoil in his life...but Loki would not allow his life to follow the same course as his own had. Some traitorous whisper in his mind said that if Thor had spoken up sooner, perhaps everything that had happened could have been avoided and maybe he should stop it before it became that way with these two.

"Do you not feel the tension between you two?"

Those eyebrows drew down. "About what? He's been okay the last few weeks about my magic..."

"Sexual tension, Merlin."

Red flooded the young man's cheeks. "What?! What are you-With Arthur-Arthur is with Gwen-I'm not!"

Loki braced his chin on his hand and looked at him long and hard. He couldn't help teasing Merlin just a little, an evil internal grin at least briefly calming him, as he said, "You've never felt the urge to have Arthur spread your legs? Not once? You've never looked at him with longing in your eyes or with jealousy when Gwen stands closely next to him?"

He thought he might have given Merlin a stroke for a moment, he was so red. "N-N-No!"

"You're thinking about it now, though, aren't you?" The way their eyes wouldn't meet confirmed his suspicions. "There's nothing wrong with that." He looked at his fingernails as if this wasn't a big deal. "It isn't as if he doesn't stare at you the same way. He's been looking at your rear for some time now."

"Arthur doesn't look at me like that!" Loki made a sound of disbelief and Merlin stood up and repeated, "He doesn't! Don't take whatever your feeling over what Thor said to you out on me!"

Loki's amusement vanished and his eyes narrowed. "This has nothing to do with Thor and I," he lied. "I merely thought I would encourage your romantic feelings for your friend and let you know that you would have at least one person you could talk to about it without feeling judged."

The last part was actually true, though that had not been his original intention. Looking into those blue eyes, Loki saw the same confusion there as he felt in himself after Thor's confession, the same emotions. At least he wasn't the only one now feeling like this. Perhaps feeling trapped, Merlin turned and quickly left the room and all Loki could think was that he understood that impulse far too well.

-0-

Arthur wiped his sweaty face in the armory with a cloth, tossing off the heavy armor with a clang on the table. His knights had finished and left, leaving him alone, and where the hell was Merlin? No matter how he called or where he went, he could not find his wayward servant. What was he doing now? He better not be out with Loki practicing if he wasn't there.

He wasn't sure why he insisted on still being there after all this time when it was proven that Loki was not about to burn his kingdom to the ground. Perhaps it was because Merlin's magic fascinated him. Maybe it was the smile on his friend's face as he grew overjoyed like a school child at finally being able to show off what he could do to his friend, trusting that Arthur wouldn't execute him. He had still kept the secret for now, not telling Camelot of his manservant's abilities, but it didn't seem to bother Merlin. He seemed, in fact, content now that he and his knights knew. He had never realized the restlessness and the tension that Merlin had always held until it wasn't there anymore.

"Did you finish the training of your knights already?"

He looked up, spotting the otherworldly prince standing there. He wore no cape this time, but otherwise remained the same as the first time they'd seem him the day before. "For the day, yes. Other duties won't wait."

"Being a king is not as easy as it seems," Thor agreed, moving forward. "A shame. I was hoping a spar with you, since Loki will probably avoid me for the next few days...moreso than he was before."

Letting the cloth rest over his shoulders, Arthur sat down on the bench, gesturing the man to join him. "Why is he avoiding you?" he asked, reaching for a tin cup of water left behind by Leon for him.

"I confessed my intention to woo him."

Arthur choked on the water at hearing that, turning to stare in stunned amazement. He wasn't unfamiliar with male couplings, in fact he'd engaged once or twice in them to assuage need without fear of pregnancy, but for him to just boldly admit it... Such things were common among royalty, but it was never spoken of publicly or even privately. It just happened and everyone turned a blind eye.

"Isn't he... You said he was your brother!"

"I'm sure he told you that blood did not tie us, but it would not matter. I have been in love with him long before I knew his actual parentage. It may seem strange, paradoxical even, to love a man as a brother and also as a lover. In my heart, he will always be my little brother, but I also love him in a romantic sense."

He wasn't quite sure how to take that. Something about the matter-of-fact, yet resigned nature of the man next to him kept him in his seat, more concerned than shocked right then. Thor appeared almost despondent, something he had never associated with the man before. Even though he'd only met him yesterday, it just didn't seem like him. "I take it he didn't react well."

"I...am not sure of his reaction. He did what I expected, which was run away...eventually, but he stayed to hear me out at least. I have no proof of his feelings to give me hope, so I don't know whether I should actively pursue him. I do feel as if a weight has been lifted from me now that he is aware of what I harbor for him. That does not mean he will even be near me any time soon."

Unbidden Arthur thought of Merlin and what he might feel if the man avoided him, which both sent a pang of pain and confusion through him. Why should it matter if Merlin avoided him, other than to bring annoyance that he wasn't doing his job?

"Does this cause you concern?"

He blinked. "What?"

"I am aware that other cultures are not as...permissive of male relationships. Does it bother you?"

Arthur tested his feelings and shook his head slowly. "Not really, I don't think. I'm mostly shocked that you came out and admitted it. Things like this happen among royalty here, but it's never spoken of or acknowledged, and only until a wife is chosen so that the bloodlines remain strong and no bastards are contending for the throne. I can't help but admire the bravery for even speaking the words."

Thor gave him a look, as if he knew something that Arthur didn't, but instead clapped the young king on the shoulder. "Thank you. At least there is someone to speak of this with and it fills me with relief that you will listen."

"Do your parents-I mean, father know?" He winced internally at mentioning parents, remembering Loki's comment about his mother.

"I have never told him, or anyone, about my feelings. At times in my life, I would swear that he would look at me and know what it is I was thinking about Loki, be them...erotic thoughts or just my love in general, but other times he seemed so unaware. If he knows, then he has not spoken of it, for or against."

He sighed. "You have it rough, Thor. Not just your relationship of the past, but what he's done."

Thor nodded, but was looking at him keenly. "I am surprised you are not upset at hearing what he's done. Why have you allowed him to stay, knowing this?"

"He hasn't done anything here," Arthur said honestly. "I cannot treat a man as a criminal if he has committed no crimes in my kingdom. He told us in great detail what he did, almost as if to provoke me into doing something, but I see no reason to imprison him for something he did elsewhere when he has done nothing but become a useful ally here."

"Has he spoken of his reputation to you?"

"A little. Something about him being called a Liesmith or a manipulator."

"It does not concern you that he might be doing that here?"

"Merlin would stop him if he was," Arthur said simply. If anyone would see it coming, his manservant would. All the things that had ever happened around them, Merlin always knew before anyone else and often had it stopped before it could cause any problems. "Or he would tell me and I would stop him. Right now, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, as I have seen nothing to question that he is completely honest...as honest as he can be, I think." Finally he looked back at the old warrior. "Are you?"

Thor was smiling so wide it must hurt. Arthur didn't really understand why he was so happy. "I am not. I have seen Loki happier here than anytime at home, except perhaps when we were children. He has come to view this place as something he has to protect. He would fight me if I attempted to return him to Asgard, not just because of his imprisonment but because he would not want to leave here. He would never tell you that this is the reason, of course."

"Loki always said you were dense."

"He wants to believe that. I think it would unnerve and upset him if he realized that I know more about him and his emotions than he thinks I do."

Arthur shook his head and stood up, stretching a bit. "Our spar will have to wait for another day, I'm afraid and Camelot will wait for no king. If you need me to talk to, however, come find me." He tilted his head and added after a minute of thought, "I will not stand in your way of any relationship, nor do I insist secrecy. If it is your choice to keep it quiet, then it will be your choice. My kingdom is one that will welcome all in good faith until proven otherwise."

Thor was beaming by that point as he stood as well. "You are a wise king, Arthur, particularly for your age. I wish I had learned such lessons you have much sooner and it hadn't taken banishment and the unraveling of everything I had known to teach me."

He shifted in embarrassment and quietly admitted, "I wasn't always like this. I'll never tell him this, but Merlin had an impact on me. I really was as bad as you say you were until I met him."

As he turned to leave, Thor's hand dropped on his shoulder. "Arthur, son of Uther, if you have need to speak of your feelings, I will be here for you as well."

"Feelings about what?"

"Merlin. Surely you see you speak of him with the same love I speak of Loki, do you not?"

It felt like the world had dropped out from underneath him.

-0-

Thor watched as the knowledge flooded Arthur's face. Perhaps he shouldn't have mentioned it, as it appeared as if the young king had been oblivious to his own feelings. It had been obvious, even to him, that there were feelings between the two men, which didn't matter one whit to his jealousy of Merlin, and he had just assumed Arthur's relationship with Gwen had been a cover.

"Should I have not said anything?"

The blonde man rubbed his face and shook his head. "You're mistaken, Thor. There's nothing between Merlin and I."

"Of course, that is obvious, but are you denying that you feel for him regardless?"

There was a tenseness to the shoulder beneath him, as if he debated about whether he should run or not. He didn't even need to imagine the internal fight going on over this revelation, as he had gone through it himself. He had not intended to meddle or change the course of things; he honestly had thought the man knew and had only desired to let him know that there was someone there to comfort him on the worst of the days.

The words that he spoke didn't seem to meant for anyone in particular. "Wow... How did I not see it before?"

"Sometimes the things most important to know are the hardest to see."

Arthur continued as if he hadn't heard him. "I always wondered why something felt off with Gwen. At the time it had felt right, but...she had been so close to Merlin. She had...flirted with Merlin. Could I have...wooed her to get her away from him... so she wouldn't take him...without even knowing?"

The man let his head fall back, staring at the ceiling and half-paced, half stumbled around the room in his realization. "I've gone to the ends of the earth for that man. I couldn't bear the thought of him dying. I fought a damn cockatrice and spiders for him! I was imprisoned by my own father for leaving to save him! I can't even count the other times that I swore I would never let him die...and I never saw it!"

Arthur finally looked at him. "How can I be so stupid, Thor?! How did I not see how much I...love that idiot?! Am I that blind?! He was right there all along and I just...everything I did, I did for him and I just... It's like his magic! It was right there in front of me and I never saw it. How could I never see it, when it was so damn blatant?!"

Thor let the man rant about his mental prowess, waiting until he calmed. He watched as the man kicked a table leg, looking surprisingly angry at himself. "What upsets you?"

"What I could have done if I'd known!"

"What prevents you from doing something now?"

"I-" The answer he'd had prepared faded before it was spoken. "Nothing. I...haven't married Gwen. I haven't even proposed... I was going to, eventually, but I just ended up putting it off. There is...no reason that I can't end our relationship and court Merlin."

Thor couldn't help sharing a smile with Arthur as the man came to that realization. "I will help however I can if you need me."

"We'll see." A grin was forming, an almost delightfully evil grin, on the king's face before he turned to Thor. "Let us make a pact, Thor."

"A pact?"

"We're going to win over those we love. You don't give up, and I don't give up."

"Pacts are not given lightly in Asgard, Arthur."

"Nor are they here," was the serious reply. The king reached out and grabbed an ornate sword. "I swear on Excalibur itself, I will get Merlin and swear that I will not give, nor let you give up on gaining Loki."

Thor could see this was no passing fancy, empty words, to Arthur. There was a deep conviction in his eyes that stoked Thor's. His own had become a weak thing, worn down from centuries of his love and his convinced he would never win him. He had never had hope, so he had never spoken of it and by the time he realized he should have, it had all come down around him.

Seeing the man's determination, he knew that that could not be the end of the matter. Pulling Mjolnir from his belt, he reached over and let the heavy hammer touch Excalibur's blade. "Through Mjolnir do I swear the same."

The weapons were set aside after a moment and Arthur said, "I really do have to do some paperwork, but Merlin will know where to find me if you need me."
Thor nodded, feeling a sense of hope rekindled slightly. This may not be as hopeless as he thought.

merlin (tv), thor/loki, thor, merlin (bbc), merlin, loki, arthur, weare

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