dieing.....
I took an early out of work today.
Last night, i woke up at 1:30 in the morning and went for some food. I saw a good friend on the side of the road so we went for a drive to talk. I'm glad by the time i got him home, that he looked just a bit happier.....but that's when it hit me. my own problems. my issues. i got so depressed last night....i couldn't drive. think. talk....breathe. when it gets that bad.....i get really scared. the uncontrolable thoughts that race through my mind.....made me go insane last night. i tried talking about it. but i couldn't. by the time he felt better...and i tried getting out what i felt....i couldn't speak. i drove home....feeling so empty and alone. i just came home.....and didn't do much until work. for a while, i was just laying down....listening to my music.....staring at the wall. i did that for about an hour before i had to iron my shirt. i was numb...empty....and alone.
i go to work, and when i start my shift i don't even talk. i can't. i try working....sometimes getting to work and keeping my mind busy helps. not this time. the more my shift continued....the sicker i felt. i wasn't sick because of a flu or because of something i ate, i made myself sick. alot of people, when they grow old, die of a broken heart because their loved one just passed and it's time for them to go too. i could always picture that i would just rot away like they do. by the time i got back from my brake....i was shaking. i was sick. and i felt like i was going to barf. i couldn't function. so they let me go and now i'm back at home. i look so pale and deprived of life. what happened to me?
i use to come to work with such big smiles.....no one could stop smiling when i'm at work because i love to make them laugh. now i feel so empty. i don't know what to do. i don't know if there's anything i COULD do. there's no one left to talk to. i tried to talk....but i felt to hopeless to try.
i don't want it to end like this.
Last night, i woke up at 1:30 in the morning and went for some food. I saw a good friend on the side of the road so we went for a drive to talk. I'm glad by the time i got him home, that he looked just a bit happier.....but that's when it hit me. my own problems. my issues. i got so depressed last night....i couldn't drive. think. talk....breathe. when it gets that bad.....i get really scared. the uncontrolable thoughts that race through my mind.....made me go insane last night. i tried talking about it. but i couldn't. by the time he felt better...and i tried getting out what i felt....i couldn't speak. i drove home....feeling so empty and alone. i just came home.....and didn't do much until work. for a while, i was just laying down....listening to my music.....staring at the wall. i did that for about an hour before i had to iron my shirt. i was numb...empty....and alone.
i go to work, and when i start my shift i don't even talk. i can't. i try working....sometimes getting to work and keeping my mind busy helps. not this time. the more my shift continued....the sicker i felt. i wasn't sick because of a flu or because of something i ate, i made myself sick. alot of people, when they grow old, die of a broken heart because their loved one just passed and it's time for them to go too. i could always picture that i would just rot away like they do. by the time i got back from my brake....i was shaking. i was sick. and i felt like i was going to barf. i couldn't function. so they let me go and now i'm back at home. i look so pale and deprived of life. what happened to me?
i use to come to work with such big smiles.....no one could stop smiling when i'm at work because i love to make them laugh. now i feel so empty. i don't know what to do. i don't know if there's anything i COULD do. there's no one left to talk to. i tried to talk....but i felt to hopeless to try.
i don't want it to end like this.