the weekend

[startedwithyou]

Yesterday I finally broke out in tears. How I really felt subconsciously was bound to get out somehow, but I wasn't expecting it to happen when it did, how it did, or to who it did. I was with Troy eating Popeyes in his dad's truck and he said he was going to do something this w/e and I didn't like the idea of him doing it, but I didn't want to cause any commotion, so I stopped talking and acted like nothing had happened. But then he got pissed off bc I was wasn't saying what was on my mind, which is the exact opposite of what I intended to happen. So I finally asked him what he wanted from me, and when he said he wanted me to tell him what was on my mind, I broke out in tears and said I just felt like I'd been being a bitch to everyone lately and I didn't know why and I felt horrible about it. He said he honestly didn't think I had been being one. He said I had just been getting aggrivated a lot more lately. I am so stressed from school and just life in general. Every weekend it's the same routine: homework, studying, work, chores, repeat. Every day. I have no social life. I have no time for Troy anymore and it eats me up like nothing else. Sometimes he doesn't understand that I really don't have time to hang out with him, but he's experiencing the same crap this weekend as I have been for a long time now. He has no time for me. A first. Or something like that. I need to be a better girlfriend... how? why? IDK... but I want to be a joy in his life, not a burden. Also, conflict b/w me and Justin at work isn't fun. I don't really care about him bc he's an ass and deserves for someone to slap him around a bit, but I don't like being on bad terms with anyone. But I guess the brightside of the fact that we're not speaking is that I don't have to listen to him boast about himself anymore. Unless you know Justin, you wouldn't be able to comprehend how much of an advantage that is! Tomorrow I have work... waitress. Hopefully God will keep my sanity in mind and will guide my fingers in that damn cup and guide them to the slip of paper with "A" written on it ... instead of the dreaded "P" for PARTY ROOM. ugh... Then after work, I'm going to go thrift store shopping as quickly as possible w/troy and possibly jennifer venable for spirit week this upcoming week. I really don't feel like participating in this spirit week crap but I know people will be pissed if i dont so what the hay?! I'm too concerned about scholastics... who cares about freakin 80s day?! Isn't that sad? When you're so consumed with school that you can't take some time out to have a little fun? I don't have TIME for effin fun. -_- Since when did HOLLY SCHEXNAYDER not have time for FUN?! This is rediculous.

And my senior quote ended up being a Bible verse, despite my subconscious decion that it not be.
It's a summary of 1 Corinthians 13. It's about lurve.