i think this is the point where my mom starts to worry
i really have no idea where my life is leading right now, and i really wish i did. at least a glimpse of it. it's like that whole ordeal about knowing when you're going to die. do you REALLY want to know? i'd say, most likely not. but if i could just see what i'll be doing and know that everything is going to be okay... then i think right now, this moment wouldn't be so bad.
so what's been going on as of late? a lot of bullshit. if you don't want to read it, feel free to... skip ahead to the next paragraph. this is where i start the bitching. and... go:
so i've been sick as a dog, with an especially sluggish recovery. i had a fever from one sunday to the following thursday, and let me tell you, it was not fun. i had my most important midterm ever smack in the middle of it, and lo and behold, there i was bedridden and unable to function. all i could do was sleep and mumble the words "i need to study" under my breath. it was terrible. so after that ordeal, starting thursday i had a tremendously terrible cough that made me believe my lungs would soon invert, and my nose was about running away. as of now, my nose has returned and my cough has become mild due to force. i either bruised my rib or strained a muscle right underneath my left breast, so when i breathe, it hurts. when i blow my nose, it hurts. when i cough, it hurts. basically, when i live, it hurts. everything kind of hurts. yeah, and my grade on the midterm? a solid 75%. granted, i did try to study RIGHT before the midterm, but i did study throughout the quarter. i nearly cried when i received that test. it's just one of those things where you work so hard to try and get somewhere, but you just end up failing miserably and there's really nothing you can do about it except acknowledge that in the end, it is your own goddamn fault. ugh. i think i might actually consider dropping out of UCSB, moving home, and enrolling in culinary school over in pasadena. i would also be able to help my dad with the new business endeavor that will hopefully turn out to be a success. thus, onto work. work has decidedly become unbearable, and i think i will quit my internship before march. i've only been working there since october, but i think that as of now, i don't need the additional stress and i do need the additional time. granted, there are huge perks about the job, such as film festivals, concerts, and some of the best networking you will find. but hello, i am still a second year trying to sort out what i'm going to be doing in life. it's not like i'm graduating after this year and trying to find a job and settle down somewhere. it's shit like last night and tomorrow (or shall i say, 3 hours) that irk me in the worst way. people are such flakes. i worked until about 11PM past night while one of the interns skipped out around 5PM. she decided she wants to skip out on sunday's event too, which puts more work on me and lauren. however, bossman brandon already told us "hey guys, you've got to treat this internship like a job. if you don't want to work a particular day, you need to get your shift covered. it's your responsibility." well, great. you reprimand us, but you're lenient on her? your company is able to hire a larger sales team but not pay the interns? bossman, YOUR boss thinks we should get paid. so what the fux up? i think it's the abuse of the position. a not-so-mild form of exploitation. i believe it. we all have other paying jobs, so understand that our internship is not a priority. ugh. maybe i'm just being a little bitch about it. whatever. oh, on top of that? boy drama, for sure. of the worst kind. i swear if i was a stereotypical "emo kid" i'd be in the bathroom cutting myself. oh, and yeah. what the fuck, trevor? "we have such a great connection." "i'm never going to let anyone hurt you." if you want sex, just say it. at least man up to it. it's weird when you've labelled someone as a "good person," and they turn around to do something else. when you realize that their intentions weren't so nice to begin with.
i haven't had alcohol in months. ok, i lied. i haven't got piss-ass drunk since halloween. i've had half a cocktail here and there due to my inability to tolerate alcohol, so i toned it down lots. but now, all i want to do is get super trashed and just throw life away. it's bad, but it's true. i need to figure out when i'm going to do my laundry. i need to figure out what i'm going to do for this art project. i need to figure out what i want to do with my life. i need to figure out who i was, who i am, and who i want to be. who i'm going to be. i think, though, that for now, i'll just focus on getting my body back to healthy mode again and start from there.
i slept at 3AM due to some GCF with a one-man shitshow, the lovely tina! snagged some pictures of me looking like i've had alcohol, but actually was sober all along. woke up at 3PM due to lack of sleep during the week, and probably some emotional turmoil. i was awake until about 8PM... and then i fell back asleep until around 1AM. woke up for an hour, then went back to sleep for an hour. therefore, it was 3AM when i started this internet surfing and journaling... and now it's 5AM. i have to be awake in two hours, so i might as well just stay up. i'll be working at two jobs from 8AM until 6PM. 8AM-12PM downtown. well, 12PM is when the event ends, so i probably won't be home until around 12:30 or even 1:30 depending on if we have lunch. then, 2PM-6PM i'm working in IV. maybe laundry after that. who knows.
oh, last thing. my appetite is kind of shot, so i haven't really been eating much. lost a good 5 to 7 pounds. keep it up, annie. i think i just won't go grocery shopping for a while due to the nastiness named arden that has invaded my kitchen. but it's chill. better for me, right?
so what's been going on as of late? a lot of bullshit. if you don't want to read it, feel free to... skip ahead to the next paragraph. this is where i start the bitching. and... go:
so i've been sick as a dog, with an especially sluggish recovery. i had a fever from one sunday to the following thursday, and let me tell you, it was not fun. i had my most important midterm ever smack in the middle of it, and lo and behold, there i was bedridden and unable to function. all i could do was sleep and mumble the words "i need to study" under my breath. it was terrible. so after that ordeal, starting thursday i had a tremendously terrible cough that made me believe my lungs would soon invert, and my nose was about running away. as of now, my nose has returned and my cough has become mild due to force. i either bruised my rib or strained a muscle right underneath my left breast, so when i breathe, it hurts. when i blow my nose, it hurts. when i cough, it hurts. basically, when i live, it hurts. everything kind of hurts. yeah, and my grade on the midterm? a solid 75%. granted, i did try to study RIGHT before the midterm, but i did study throughout the quarter. i nearly cried when i received that test. it's just one of those things where you work so hard to try and get somewhere, but you just end up failing miserably and there's really nothing you can do about it except acknowledge that in the end, it is your own goddamn fault. ugh. i think i might actually consider dropping out of UCSB, moving home, and enrolling in culinary school over in pasadena. i would also be able to help my dad with the new business endeavor that will hopefully turn out to be a success. thus, onto work. work has decidedly become unbearable, and i think i will quit my internship before march. i've only been working there since october, but i think that as of now, i don't need the additional stress and i do need the additional time. granted, there are huge perks about the job, such as film festivals, concerts, and some of the best networking you will find. but hello, i am still a second year trying to sort out what i'm going to be doing in life. it's not like i'm graduating after this year and trying to find a job and settle down somewhere. it's shit like last night and tomorrow (or shall i say, 3 hours) that irk me in the worst way. people are such flakes. i worked until about 11PM past night while one of the interns skipped out around 5PM. she decided she wants to skip out on sunday's event too, which puts more work on me and lauren. however, bossman brandon already told us "hey guys, you've got to treat this internship like a job. if you don't want to work a particular day, you need to get your shift covered. it's your responsibility." well, great. you reprimand us, but you're lenient on her? your company is able to hire a larger sales team but not pay the interns? bossman, YOUR boss thinks we should get paid. so what the fux up? i think it's the abuse of the position. a not-so-mild form of exploitation. i believe it. we all have other paying jobs, so understand that our internship is not a priority. ugh. maybe i'm just being a little bitch about it. whatever. oh, on top of that? boy drama, for sure. of the worst kind. i swear if i was a stereotypical "emo kid" i'd be in the bathroom cutting myself. oh, and yeah. what the fuck, trevor? "we have such a great connection." "i'm never going to let anyone hurt you." if you want sex, just say it. at least man up to it. it's weird when you've labelled someone as a "good person," and they turn around to do something else. when you realize that their intentions weren't so nice to begin with.
i haven't had alcohol in months. ok, i lied. i haven't got piss-ass drunk since halloween. i've had half a cocktail here and there due to my inability to tolerate alcohol, so i toned it down lots. but now, all i want to do is get super trashed and just throw life away. it's bad, but it's true. i need to figure out when i'm going to do my laundry. i need to figure out what i'm going to do for this art project. i need to figure out what i want to do with my life. i need to figure out who i was, who i am, and who i want to be. who i'm going to be. i think, though, that for now, i'll just focus on getting my body back to healthy mode again and start from there.
i slept at 3AM due to some GCF with a one-man shitshow, the lovely tina! snagged some pictures of me looking like i've had alcohol, but actually was sober all along. woke up at 3PM due to lack of sleep during the week, and probably some emotional turmoil. i was awake until about 8PM... and then i fell back asleep until around 1AM. woke up for an hour, then went back to sleep for an hour. therefore, it was 3AM when i started this internet surfing and journaling... and now it's 5AM. i have to be awake in two hours, so i might as well just stay up. i'll be working at two jobs from 8AM until 6PM. 8AM-12PM downtown. well, 12PM is when the event ends, so i probably won't be home until around 12:30 or even 1:30 depending on if we have lunch. then, 2PM-6PM i'm working in IV. maybe laundry after that. who knows.
oh, last thing. my appetite is kind of shot, so i haven't really been eating much. lost a good 5 to 7 pounds. keep it up, annie. i think i just won't go grocery shopping for a while due to the nastiness named arden that has invaded my kitchen. but it's chill. better for me, right?