Things i've never said
every once in a while, it still bothers me.
loveand fascism: DanpRocks (1:14:41 AM): i've got like 20 minutes before i feel loopy. tell ashley that i hope she knows i didn't mean to hurt her, and she shouldn't feel bad anymore.
loveand fascism: i know he didn't mean to hurt you but he did shitty things to you and he hurt you. it doesn't matter what his intent was when he did shitty things to you.
loveand fascism: just reminding you of that.
loveand fascism: because that took me a while to get through my head
I like to pretend everything was as I left it in connecticut. Before everything came crashing down. Before I realized I knew nothing about someone I thought I knew inside and out. I don't know what exactly was genuine, & what was a facade. I just know what I felt was completely sincere. It all meant a lot to me, and sometimes I feel it shouldn't have. I kissed you goodbye in Providence, I didn't realize it was for the last time. I didn't realize I'd never see you again. Now, I can't even talk to you on the phone because I burn with anger, humiliation, sadness. The last time I talked to you, I said i'd call you back. I apologize for not doing so, after I hung up that same stomach pain I got at the park & Taco Bell in CT returned. I knew I couldn't handle it anymore. Everything feels so distant, more like a dream. Its strange how dialing 11 numbers could bring it all back to the beginning. But it's not the same now, I don't know if the person I knew even existed. I really would like to believe so. But I left him at the airport, & there is no way to get it back. I just hope you meant what you told me, before I got on the airplane...
beacuse it meant everything to me
"I will hold a candle up to you to singe your skin.
brace yourself, i'm bent with bitterness.
When your apologies fail to ring true,
you're so slick with that sarcastic slew
or phrases like 'i thought you knew',
while keeping me in hot pursuit.
Tracing the plot
finds skin touching skin
[abscence follows].
In the end, i win every time as ink remains.
Sour tastes prevail as you play back the tape machine."