(no subject)
technically I am a senior in college....that scares the everloving crap out of me....i wonder where that phrase came from..."everloving crap"? sounds gross.
I still have another year and a half left...but I am considering taking summer classes and graduating next December...I don't know. I probably won't. Too much work.
I miss Brian....I haven't seen him since school got out and I'm leaving in less than 36 hours to go back...he'll be back next saturday....
I need to remember not to talk to my mom about Brian and my's relationship. She's a tad bit pessimistic about all relationships. Told me we're going to break up, which is fine if she thinks that we will but you really don't have to tell me about it at every opportunity. She really does make me a man hater and I know that Brian hates when I get back from spending time with my mom cause he feels like I think he's going to constantly let him down...which I guess is true, in a sense. I trust him completely but when I'm with my mom and not with him, she colors my judgments.
I had a good Christmas....wish break was longer but shorter at the same time as I could see Brian...I really cannot believe we've been dating over two years...It's just crazy to think about. I got a iPod Touch, which I am in love with of course. I need to upload my music from my old computer though and that is going to take soooo long. That stupid computer is soooo slow.
I can't sleep anymore...wonder what's up with that? Hope it goes away cause I have training starting Wednesday morning.
I don't know if I want to continue on with a "friendship" that I currently have. I don't really have the balls to confront her on how she's being a bad friend cause I hate confrontation, I'd rather just bitch for a while until I forget it but I really hate that we used to be really good friends and now we're barely passing acquaintances...wow...i think that this applies to a lot of friends I thought I had. I don't know though I feel like I have a lot more friends that I actually think of when I think of friends...I just think of the crappy ones first. I want to confront two girls in particular, but what can I say? I wish we were still closer and we aren't? I replaced myself in my friendships with both of you by introducing you to each other? Why don't you ask me to hang out anymore? Why do you worry about making sure your shitty friend who treats you like complete crap is happy (and you realize this) but you say quote "we don't want to treat her like we treated you last year..." when my problem was a weekend and shitty friend has been a bitch all semester? No, she's the one that gets second chances and I'm the one that gets back stabbed....but will I tell her? No. Not unless I get a labotomy. I'd rather just stay home and complain about how much I hate how they have so much bearing on my emotions. I'd rather just get angry and bitter with friendships in general. I'm basically just setting myself up for complete failure if I break up with my boyfriend. I don't think I have a life outside of him...he makes me happy, he is my best friend, my confidant, everything...I mean I have friends, just nothing compared to him. I don't know what I would do without him, which scares me. I've always thought I was so independent and obviously I'm not.
I need to lose weight...really, i just think I need to eat healthier....there. that's a plan.
this post makes absolutely no sense when i read it back to myself....oh well. just like my life.
I still have another year and a half left...but I am considering taking summer classes and graduating next December...I don't know. I probably won't. Too much work.
I miss Brian....I haven't seen him since school got out and I'm leaving in less than 36 hours to go back...he'll be back next saturday....
I need to remember not to talk to my mom about Brian and my's relationship. She's a tad bit pessimistic about all relationships. Told me we're going to break up, which is fine if she thinks that we will but you really don't have to tell me about it at every opportunity. She really does make me a man hater and I know that Brian hates when I get back from spending time with my mom cause he feels like I think he's going to constantly let him down...which I guess is true, in a sense. I trust him completely but when I'm with my mom and not with him, she colors my judgments.
I had a good Christmas....wish break was longer but shorter at the same time as I could see Brian...I really cannot believe we've been dating over two years...It's just crazy to think about. I got a iPod Touch, which I am in love with of course. I need to upload my music from my old computer though and that is going to take soooo long. That stupid computer is soooo slow.
I can't sleep anymore...wonder what's up with that? Hope it goes away cause I have training starting Wednesday morning.
I don't know if I want to continue on with a "friendship" that I currently have. I don't really have the balls to confront her on how she's being a bad friend cause I hate confrontation, I'd rather just bitch for a while until I forget it but I really hate that we used to be really good friends and now we're barely passing acquaintances...wow...i think that this applies to a lot of friends I thought I had. I don't know though I feel like I have a lot more friends that I actually think of when I think of friends...I just think of the crappy ones first. I want to confront two girls in particular, but what can I say? I wish we were still closer and we aren't? I replaced myself in my friendships with both of you by introducing you to each other? Why don't you ask me to hang out anymore? Why do you worry about making sure your shitty friend who treats you like complete crap is happy (and you realize this) but you say quote "we don't want to treat her like we treated you last year..." when my problem was a weekend and shitty friend has been a bitch all semester? No, she's the one that gets second chances and I'm the one that gets back stabbed....but will I tell her? No. Not unless I get a labotomy. I'd rather just stay home and complain about how much I hate how they have so much bearing on my emotions. I'd rather just get angry and bitter with friendships in general. I'm basically just setting myself up for complete failure if I break up with my boyfriend. I don't think I have a life outside of him...he makes me happy, he is my best friend, my confidant, everything...I mean I have friends, just nothing compared to him. I don't know what I would do without him, which scares me. I've always thought I was so independent and obviously I'm not.
I need to lose weight...really, i just think I need to eat healthier....there. that's a plan.
this post makes absolutely no sense when i read it back to myself....oh well. just like my life.