(no subject)
I've stayed up a good part of the morning, in a storm, reading this book... and bawling my eyes out.
I dont even know why I got this book when I went to the library. But. I did.
It was called Faultline
It was... well it was ... everything that happened between me and Gary, and then some of our future we never made it to (thank god).
Books stopped getting a physical reaction (laugher, smiles, visible anger, tears, ect.) a long time ago (the only exception being The Lovely Bones but that book is just fucked up and scary as hell) but I was crying. I could see so much of myself in the girl. And so much of Gary in the guy.
Maybe the kind of relationship him and I had was normal. I guess a lot of people deal with that.
It's so scary to think. The physical pain I never endured... well.. it never got quite that far. Just everything in that book I could see between me and gary (with our own personal touch of course). AND THAT is scary. That whole time I was reading I sat there going IDIOT GIRL. ASSHOLE GUY. I didn't even realize until I got through the book that I have been that Idiot girl.
I guess I'm rambling and caring about things that dont matter anymore, but the fact of the matter is: this author wrote this book a while ago and theres no way she watched it happen to me and then wrote about it, so this stuff.. must be happening to millions of girls. and THAT is what bothers me.
I guess what I have to say is to the girls. There are a TON of great guys out there. No guy is worth losing your best friend. No guy is worth emotional anguish and CERTAINLY not physical pain of any sort. No guy is worth losing your identity over. No guy is worth your life, your personality, your SELF.
When the right guy comes along you will feel it. And when you stop feeling it, walk away. No one is perfect, but they have to respect that too.
I'm really crazy about him right now. But I can't help but wonder whats wrong with him. People like the guy in the book, make you look at every person and wonder what is wrong with them; what suprise am I in for. I look at him and think about him every day and think to myself: what is wrong with him? what am I not seeing? While at the same time, I hope to myself that the answer is nothing.
Sorry.
I am finnished bitching.
I dont even know why I got this book when I went to the library. But. I did.
It was called Faultline
It was... well it was ... everything that happened between me and Gary, and then some of our future we never made it to (thank god).
Books stopped getting a physical reaction (laugher, smiles, visible anger, tears, ect.) a long time ago (the only exception being The Lovely Bones but that book is just fucked up and scary as hell) but I was crying. I could see so much of myself in the girl. And so much of Gary in the guy.
Maybe the kind of relationship him and I had was normal. I guess a lot of people deal with that.
It's so scary to think. The physical pain I never endured... well.. it never got quite that far. Just everything in that book I could see between me and gary (with our own personal touch of course). AND THAT is scary. That whole time I was reading I sat there going IDIOT GIRL. ASSHOLE GUY. I didn't even realize until I got through the book that I have been that Idiot girl.
I guess I'm rambling and caring about things that dont matter anymore, but the fact of the matter is: this author wrote this book a while ago and theres no way she watched it happen to me and then wrote about it, so this stuff.. must be happening to millions of girls. and THAT is what bothers me.
I guess what I have to say is to the girls. There are a TON of great guys out there. No guy is worth losing your best friend. No guy is worth emotional anguish and CERTAINLY not physical pain of any sort. No guy is worth losing your identity over. No guy is worth your life, your personality, your SELF.
When the right guy comes along you will feel it. And when you stop feeling it, walk away. No one is perfect, but they have to respect that too.
I'm really crazy about him right now. But I can't help but wonder whats wrong with him. People like the guy in the book, make you look at every person and wonder what is wrong with them; what suprise am I in for. I look at him and think about him every day and think to myself: what is wrong with him? what am I not seeing? While at the same time, I hope to myself that the answer is nothing.
Sorry.
I am finnished bitching.