(no subject)
So lately I’ve been thinking about all the things I’m not.
I’m not:
-in a relationship
-at Penn State any more
-living with people I like
-same person I was in undergrad
-happy with my body
-the best at prosthetics
-employed after school ends
Well that list could go on for awhile, but I would like to start focusing on things that I am. I hope this list is longer some day...
I always seem to start reflect around my birthday - but who doesn’t?
It’s crazy to think that year ago today, I had stopped purging. I wish I was celebrating a full year w/o that. Someday.... I find comfort in food - vegging out in front of the tv with a bag of chips is totally relaxing to me - until I finish the chips and hate myself. But I explained it to Julie Healy (who finds comfort in the sun) that it would be like trying to get her to give up the sun and find comfort in the rain. No matter how badly you want to flip the switch, it just doesn't happen that way - how do you give up something you find comfort in...
I am constantly struggling with the feelings of wanting to be in a relationship. I know that I am not fit to be in one or deserve on at this point in time, but I can’t stop myself from wanting to be in one. I constantly look at guys on the train or walking down the street and wonder what they would be like to date. I pick out people that I think I would look good with - even if they are married. Which leads me to another new development; I’ve reached that age at which I automatically look at a guy’s 4th digit on his left hand before anything else. I wish I had the strength to turn my thoughts to something else.
I want a guy who likes country music (among others), but will introduce me to different types of music and new bands. I want a guy who will pose so that I can take endless pictures of him and I want him to want to take pictures of me occasionally. I want a guy who will challenge me to become more physically active - take me on bike rides and hikes instead of just watching movies all the time. But he will love movies just as much at me. I want a guy who will watch my weekly shows with me and episodes upon episodes of FRIENDS (and recite lines with me). I want a guy with an interesting job, so he can teach me new things and expand my world. I want a guy who is a funny as my Dad, as caring as my Mum, as athletic as my brother, and as crazy/goofy as my sister. And I want a guy who is as cool as all of my friends. I want a guy who things listening to music (while singing along) and putting together jigsaw puzzles is fun. I want a guy who will go to a beach and just lay in the sun with me. But he will also want me to dress up and go out for a nice meal (not expensive, just nice). He will understand that I’m completely low maintenance and when he buys me gifts, they will be thoughtful and really reflect who I am as a person. And I want a guy who will look at me with love in eyes, and not have to say anything, cause I’ll be able to read it on his face.
I’ll be taking applications
I’m not:
-in a relationship
-at Penn State any more
-living with people I like
-same person I was in undergrad
-happy with my body
-the best at prosthetics
-employed after school ends
Well that list could go on for awhile, but I would like to start focusing on things that I am. I hope this list is longer some day...
I always seem to start reflect around my birthday - but who doesn’t?
It’s crazy to think that year ago today, I had stopped purging. I wish I was celebrating a full year w/o that. Someday.... I find comfort in food - vegging out in front of the tv with a bag of chips is totally relaxing to me - until I finish the chips and hate myself. But I explained it to Julie Healy (who finds comfort in the sun) that it would be like trying to get her to give up the sun and find comfort in the rain. No matter how badly you want to flip the switch, it just doesn't happen that way - how do you give up something you find comfort in...
I am constantly struggling with the feelings of wanting to be in a relationship. I know that I am not fit to be in one or deserve on at this point in time, but I can’t stop myself from wanting to be in one. I constantly look at guys on the train or walking down the street and wonder what they would be like to date. I pick out people that I think I would look good with - even if they are married. Which leads me to another new development; I’ve reached that age at which I automatically look at a guy’s 4th digit on his left hand before anything else. I wish I had the strength to turn my thoughts to something else.
I want a guy who likes country music (among others), but will introduce me to different types of music and new bands. I want a guy who will pose so that I can take endless pictures of him and I want him to want to take pictures of me occasionally. I want a guy who will challenge me to become more physically active - take me on bike rides and hikes instead of just watching movies all the time. But he will love movies just as much at me. I want a guy who will watch my weekly shows with me and episodes upon episodes of FRIENDS (and recite lines with me). I want a guy with an interesting job, so he can teach me new things and expand my world. I want a guy who is a funny as my Dad, as caring as my Mum, as athletic as my brother, and as crazy/goofy as my sister. And I want a guy who is as cool as all of my friends. I want a guy who things listening to music (while singing along) and putting together jigsaw puzzles is fun. I want a guy who will go to a beach and just lay in the sun with me. But he will also want me to dress up and go out for a nice meal (not expensive, just nice). He will understand that I’m completely low maintenance and when he buys me gifts, they will be thoughtful and really reflect who I am as a person. And I want a guy who will look at me with love in eyes, and not have to say anything, cause I’ll be able to read it on his face.
I’ll be taking applications