Conflicted on Field of Study.....
So I am now doubting my decision to go for a MA in Business. I dropped the business course I was planning to take in the fall, I will still take the math class, survey of calculus and analytical geometry, I didn't take math at Beloit and it would be nice to just complete it. I added an anthropology course that is on the celtic world. I'm now thinking about returning to my original decision history. It is this nonstop battle in my head between what I love and money. It's not that I can't do business, I don't have the same drive towards it that I have when it comes to history, but who knows how I'll ever be able to pay my loans back once I'm done. I know if I do history, I will end up with a PhD, there are a few things that will be a challenge along the way, language for one, not good at it and it usually is four or five days a week and I work full time. I don't know, I'm so confused right now. I'm suppose to be past this, I went through this at Beloit, at 25, I should know what I want to do.
Other than that things are good, not fantastic, I realized I HATE serving, I love hostessing, I have a blast every time and go out of my way to help everyone, but when it comes to serving, I get so frustrated I feel as if there is so much pressure on me and I am not good enough for management. I tried everything to stop caring, but nothing is working, I hate it. I hate feeling like I should be perfect, perfection does not exist...
aaaahhhhhh, today I just wanted to run into the freezer and scream.
Who knows, I'm just lost right now. I am planning on working on my paper/book (hopefully) on the economic and political factors of England in the late 1960s and early 1970s and how these factors influenced a backlash and the creation of the punk movement. Definite focus on McLaren and Westwood, mainly McLaren and his manipulation of his shop to create this movement (similar to the new wave movement in New York). I have a million ideas in my head, but I want to spend the summer surrounded by books on economic and political decisions and figure out how these are connected with the punk movement. There is a cause and reaction to everything, punk didn't just show up one day, there has to be a reason why people were attracted to it, subcultures have their roots and birth just like any other movements. This project has been on the back pages for a while and I'm ready to start working on it.
Other than that things are good, not fantastic, I realized I HATE serving, I love hostessing, I have a blast every time and go out of my way to help everyone, but when it comes to serving, I get so frustrated I feel as if there is so much pressure on me and I am not good enough for management. I tried everything to stop caring, but nothing is working, I hate it. I hate feeling like I should be perfect, perfection does not exist...
aaaahhhhhh, today I just wanted to run into the freezer and scream.
Who knows, I'm just lost right now. I am planning on working on my paper/book (hopefully) on the economic and political factors of England in the late 1960s and early 1970s and how these factors influenced a backlash and the creation of the punk movement. Definite focus on McLaren and Westwood, mainly McLaren and his manipulation of his shop to create this movement (similar to the new wave movement in New York). I have a million ideas in my head, but I want to spend the summer surrounded by books on economic and political decisions and figure out how these are connected with the punk movement. There is a cause and reaction to everything, punk didn't just show up one day, there has to be a reason why people were attracted to it, subcultures have their roots and birth just like any other movements. This project has been on the back pages for a while and I'm ready to start working on it.