(no subject)
i had this crazy dream last night.
i was in alabama in a bicycle race to atlanta.
except i had an imaginary bicycle, that is i only had a bicycle seat that i clamped between my legs.
and yet i still moved.
and karen genung was in the race with me.
except she was going to south carolina.
and then we ended up at some person's house.
and were jumping off swingsets.
thats been happening a lot lately.
i have terrible insomnia, and then when i do sleep i have super crazy dreams.
im at this point in my life right now where i feel like i need to break away from my old habits and move on.
and im really ready to do this and whats even more want to do this.
but in order for it to happen i have to 'let go' of people in my life.
and i feel really guilty about that.
even though i know that this will happen eventually anyway whether it be now or in a year or so.
not that i fully want to sever relationships (im notorious for doing such things) but its still going to be hard.
i just want something different out of life/for my life than they do.
and im tired of feeling like i have to sacrifice something in order to have friends.
ive been hanging out with my neighbors more in the past couple of weeks.
it has been really cool and has made me feel like i fit in here at belmont more.
i just wish that it hadn't taken almost two years for me to do this.
the film festival starts this week and im really fucking nervous about it.
i hope things go well and i don't become as stressed out as i feel i am going to be.
i was in alabama in a bicycle race to atlanta.
except i had an imaginary bicycle, that is i only had a bicycle seat that i clamped between my legs.
and yet i still moved.
and karen genung was in the race with me.
except she was going to south carolina.
and then we ended up at some person's house.
and were jumping off swingsets.
thats been happening a lot lately.
i have terrible insomnia, and then when i do sleep i have super crazy dreams.
im at this point in my life right now where i feel like i need to break away from my old habits and move on.
and im really ready to do this and whats even more want to do this.
but in order for it to happen i have to 'let go' of people in my life.
and i feel really guilty about that.
even though i know that this will happen eventually anyway whether it be now or in a year or so.
not that i fully want to sever relationships (im notorious for doing such things) but its still going to be hard.
i just want something different out of life/for my life than they do.
and im tired of feeling like i have to sacrifice something in order to have friends.
ive been hanging out with my neighbors more in the past couple of weeks.
it has been really cool and has made me feel like i fit in here at belmont more.
i just wish that it hadn't taken almost two years for me to do this.
the film festival starts this week and im really fucking nervous about it.
i hope things go well and i don't become as stressed out as i feel i am going to be.