(no subject)
so yea for anyone that cares my grandfather died today sometime between 4 and 5am.he died peacefully in his sleep.not that makes us feel much better.i havent even had a chance to cry.ive been to busy trying to comfort everyone else.especially my grandmother.she is so upset.i hate to see her like this.ive been taking care of her all day.i made her tea and i made her breakfast and i keep trying to make her feel better about this.but shes getting really upset cuz the people who gave us the equipment like the hospital bed and the oxygen and all that other nifty stuff was supposed to come and they never did.so she keeps staring st the empty bed in the living room and it just makes her start crying all over again.i felt like crying so bad earlier but i held it all in to be strong for them and now i feel almost incapable of crying now that im alone.i just feel numb.i know that will wear off eventually and when it does i will crash but for now i have to be strong for her.the wake is on wensday from 5 to 8 and there will be a service from 8 to 9 for anyone who cares to come.its at the place across from st marys in ballston spa.it starts with a m but i dont remember it.its like medvills or something.im probably going to lose my job over this cuz i keep calling and telling them longer each time.and then i look at my phone for the first time since before i got here and i have 8 messages.7 are from john first trying to be nice but not suceding.then threatening me and telling me that hes going to make it so i cant even name my own kid what i want.fuck that.and then hes saying he doesnt even care about me anymore cuz hes got another girl living with him.then 2 messages later he says he misses me and got me a $50 gift card to rue 21 cuz he knows i like to shop there and he sent it to my house in the mail.and that he just wishes i would stop being so childish and talk to him.what doesnt he get about i dont have time to deal with him and his pain in the ass shit.i dont know im just losing it.but like i said got to stay strong.