(no subject)
About an hour away from the first bi-racial president. Just thinking about it gives me chills. This country needs such a strong sense of hope, and it seems Obama is, at least for a while, going to be able to fulfill that need. *Fingers Crossed*
I had horrible horrible dreams last nigt. They were all very similar, and very... Resident Evil... or that Will Smith movie where all the people die and he and his dog are fighting for survival in zombie infested streets. Oh it was awful. I had dreams within dreams too. I would wake up and know that things in Chico weren't that bad, but I would turn to Nick, saying we should go to his parents for a while. Get out of Chico, so it doens't kill us. Then I'd really wake up and he'd be fast asleep next to me still. I can't shake this awful lingering feeling that Chico is doomed, and the sooner I'm out the better so it really doesn't kill me. How weird is that? But I am so restless and anxious, and feel like any second someone or something is going to turn on me. This feeling is so manic... So desparate...
It doesn't help that I was up reading late last night. I'm reading Wally Lamb's newest book, "I Know This Much is True," which deals with the events at Columbine. The chapter I read before bed is all of the factual accounts, such as from diaries, online posts and videos, of the events leading up to and during the shooting coming from the two boys who killed everyone. They had so much hate inside them. I have my dislikes and my negativity, but to really not care that much. To want to kill people just because.... To want to actually kill people at all. It's so sad. I need to noooot read this book right before bed... Or at least not the factual parts.
At work we call these women who are living on their own, to make sure they are ok, or who live in care facilities just to give them a hello each day. I just called one, who is watching the inaugural events. She told me about a friend she had growing up in Minnisota. This friend was African American and she is white. She said, "You know, kids can be so mean and we called her awful names, but she would come right back and call us white trash" (giggling on her end) "I just wonder... I hope she's alive somewhere and gets to watch this. I'm thinking of her a lot today and I just hope she's able to see this". I hope that someday I think of someone else as selflessly as she is doing today. I hope I still have my memories at 80+ years old...
I had horrible horrible dreams last nigt. They were all very similar, and very... Resident Evil... or that Will Smith movie where all the people die and he and his dog are fighting for survival in zombie infested streets. Oh it was awful. I had dreams within dreams too. I would wake up and know that things in Chico weren't that bad, but I would turn to Nick, saying we should go to his parents for a while. Get out of Chico, so it doens't kill us. Then I'd really wake up and he'd be fast asleep next to me still. I can't shake this awful lingering feeling that Chico is doomed, and the sooner I'm out the better so it really doesn't kill me. How weird is that? But I am so restless and anxious, and feel like any second someone or something is going to turn on me. This feeling is so manic... So desparate...
It doesn't help that I was up reading late last night. I'm reading Wally Lamb's newest book, "I Know This Much is True," which deals with the events at Columbine. The chapter I read before bed is all of the factual accounts, such as from diaries, online posts and videos, of the events leading up to and during the shooting coming from the two boys who killed everyone. They had so much hate inside them. I have my dislikes and my negativity, but to really not care that much. To want to kill people just because.... To want to actually kill people at all. It's so sad. I need to noooot read this book right before bed... Or at least not the factual parts.
At work we call these women who are living on their own, to make sure they are ok, or who live in care facilities just to give them a hello each day. I just called one, who is watching the inaugural events. She told me about a friend she had growing up in Minnisota. This friend was African American and she is white. She said, "You know, kids can be so mean and we called her awful names, but she would come right back and call us white trash" (giggling on her end) "I just wonder... I hope she's alive somewhere and gets to watch this. I'm thinking of her a lot today and I just hope she's able to see this". I hope that someday I think of someone else as selflessly as she is doing today. I hope I still have my memories at 80+ years old...