and flour, too..and flour, too...
dear god, that song has been in my head for the past 24 hours.
in unrelated news, did neil diamond add me back on myspace? because i don't think he did..
this whole month has been nothing short of exhausting. i've been pretty on top of things (and by things i mean...schoolwork) but my head is in this constant spinning state because of it. if i don't write a to do list every single day and carry over whatever gets crossed out, then i forget it and something suffers. i work tomorrow after school and if i don't write it in large permanent marker on my forehead, i'm sure i'll get a call from my boss asking where i am. and i already missed last sunday because my car was falling apart. my car is a huge fan of falling apart, btw.
i still feel like my best efforts are just barely good enough..but at least this time they're actually good enough. haha if that doesn't sound like optimism, i don't know what is.
i'm finding myself finally drawn into it..there's days when all i can think about is working on my pieces. to be truly seduced by something, i'm allowing myself to fall into it. and it's all i have now. even the days when i have so much on my mind to the point that i can't think of anything else, i can take pleasure in simple tasks like carving, cradling my heart in my hands.
this past week i've also had three of my closest friends end (or have ended) very significant relationships. and though i did the best i could, i was supposed to somehow tell them that everything is going to be ok. but sometimes things just AREN'T going to be ok. maybe someone you love will never love you back. maybe nothing you do will be enough, because there are some things that are out of your control. i hate thoughts like that, because i like to believe that there's always a way. sometimes there really isn't. what then? we are all individuals and though there may be more than one person for each of us, it's not to say that the people you encounter in life are replaceable or forgettable.
what if you don't love someone anymore, and maybe you wish you did. maybe things would be easier if you could love someone back. sometimes you linger long enough and your feelings come around. sometimes they don't. what does it feel like to really hurt someone you care about? what if they don't believe they ever meant anything to you, what if they call you a liar? when what you did was one of the most honest acts you've ever committed.
maybe paths will cross again in the future..and maybe they won't. maybe the one that got away will come to you when it's too late.
i don't have proof that things are going to be ok..my love life has been stuck in a perpetual catch 22. sometimes i look back and try to find the point where i slipped, get caught in what ifs. but fuck that.
at the end of the day, the biggest choice i have to make is whether i want to be happy with what i have or not.
in unrelated news, did neil diamond add me back on myspace? because i don't think he did..
this whole month has been nothing short of exhausting. i've been pretty on top of things (and by things i mean...schoolwork) but my head is in this constant spinning state because of it. if i don't write a to do list every single day and carry over whatever gets crossed out, then i forget it and something suffers. i work tomorrow after school and if i don't write it in large permanent marker on my forehead, i'm sure i'll get a call from my boss asking where i am. and i already missed last sunday because my car was falling apart. my car is a huge fan of falling apart, btw.
i still feel like my best efforts are just barely good enough..but at least this time they're actually good enough. haha if that doesn't sound like optimism, i don't know what is.
i'm finding myself finally drawn into it..there's days when all i can think about is working on my pieces. to be truly seduced by something, i'm allowing myself to fall into it. and it's all i have now. even the days when i have so much on my mind to the point that i can't think of anything else, i can take pleasure in simple tasks like carving, cradling my heart in my hands.
this past week i've also had three of my closest friends end (or have ended) very significant relationships. and though i did the best i could, i was supposed to somehow tell them that everything is going to be ok. but sometimes things just AREN'T going to be ok. maybe someone you love will never love you back. maybe nothing you do will be enough, because there are some things that are out of your control. i hate thoughts like that, because i like to believe that there's always a way. sometimes there really isn't. what then? we are all individuals and though there may be more than one person for each of us, it's not to say that the people you encounter in life are replaceable or forgettable.
what if you don't love someone anymore, and maybe you wish you did. maybe things would be easier if you could love someone back. sometimes you linger long enough and your feelings come around. sometimes they don't. what does it feel like to really hurt someone you care about? what if they don't believe they ever meant anything to you, what if they call you a liar? when what you did was one of the most honest acts you've ever committed.
maybe paths will cross again in the future..and maybe they won't. maybe the one that got away will come to you when it's too late.
i don't have proof that things are going to be ok..my love life has been stuck in a perpetual catch 22. sometimes i look back and try to find the point where i slipped, get caught in what ifs. but fuck that.
at the end of the day, the biggest choice i have to make is whether i want to be happy with what i have or not.