Chris and I shouldn't get bored EVER
Title: I Speak Latin and Think It's Hot
What: Gilmore Girls fanfiction with cameos from High School Musical, RPS, hints of Hairspray the remake, one solitary hint of Harry Potter, and a mangled quote from She's the Man
Rating: PG13 for slash and inappropriate use of pavlova
Words: 870
Summary: Articles are beyond Dean, and Rory is hideously allergic to pavlova. Dean/Jess surfaces. Written for 30_cracks using theme 8) Article.
Sample: Who the hell speaks Latin, it's a fricking DEAD LANGUAGE.
Jess couldn't understand why definite and indefinite articles were so beyond Dean. Eighth grade English had covered this for Jess, but Dean must have been sick that day. It helped that Jess was uber good at English (seeing as he'd written a book), but he couldn't see how his tutoring Dean in English was going to help anyone. When they got together, chemistry happened in the form of Dean setting off the fire alarms by lighting up a cigarette he wouldn't smoke just to get away from Jess' company, because Jess was an unsufferable know-it-all. He proved this time and time again by starting to rave about the intricacies of the ablative and dative cases (Jess had done a little Latin at his old school in New York, when he'd bothered to turn up).
"Who the hell speaks Latin, it's a fricking dead language." complained Dean.
Jess was, admittedly, lost for words, until he happened to glance out the window and spot the church. "The Pope."
"No one likes the Pope, except all the religious people."
Dean pondered how impossibly retarded that was.
Jess leaned across the graffiti'd desk, interested. "I'd assume not all religious people would like the Pope - Muslims, much?"
"Shut up, Mr I Speak Latin and Think It's Hot."
"It implies intelligence, okay?! What the hell do YOU find hot?"
Dean was lost for words at this point, so decided to throw egg in Jess' face. He soon regretted this action, as he hated seeing good scrambled eggs go to waste, so he threw a cake as well. Jess was unimpressed with the assorted food on his face, but not nearly as unimpressed as the librarian, who threw them out.
Dean was ultimately pleased with himself, he had won that battle.
Anticipating another attack, Jess suggested their next enforced tutoring session be held at Luke's, because everyone loves Luke, and Lorelai to boot. But never mind his uncle's strange in-denial relationship, Jess knew exactly where all the food in the diner was in the likely event of a food fight.
Rory was in Luke's at the time of the next study "party", which meant that Jess was able to try and use her as a shield when Dean mysteriously procured a pavlova to throw at him.
Unluckily for everyone, Rory was hideously allergic and proceeded to explode on contact, showering confetti on the room. Dean was appropriately shocked by the death of his girlfriend, and proceeded to call a temporary halt to the tutoring.
"Wait a minture, what the fuck is a pavlova?"
Rory then, in a poof of logic, returned.
"My cousins in Australia say it's delicious," replied Jess.
"Did these Australians create this 'pavlova'?" said Dean, while Rory was still freaking out over her explosion.
"It's debatable," shrugged Jess, "the Kiwis claim it."
"Does anybody care I just exploded?!" cried Rory.
Jess contemplated this. "Unless you can take over tutoring Dean in English for me, then, no, not really."
"I tire of your complaining," said Dean, and forced pavlova down her throat. She proceeded to explode again.
Jess gaped. "I thought she was your girlfriend!"
"I thought the Pope was a type of cereal."
Jess gave up all hope of teaching Dean about articles, because articles are lame and the future lies in confetti. Unfortunately for Jess, school required him to "complete" his tutoring with Dean in order to make up for all his lost hours of school and therefore graduate.
But since the school constantly burst out into song and dance, it only took half as long, because songs make everything easy.
In a heartpounding finale, Dean and Jess sang a beautiful duet in which Dean finally grasped the concept of articles. There was fire works and back up dancers by the truckload, and an assortment of minor chraters who no one really cares about except the Harry Potter fandom.
After Jess realized half the town was staring, he dragged Dean off the impromptu stage. He was still singing the B flat, so Jess had to slap him back to his senses. "Dean, shut up! I have something to tell you."
He was interupted when Gabriella ran on stage and was like "Zomg, you guys are like my 3.1415963 in relation to the radius of the circle equal to 1!"
"Transfer students are crazy," said Dean, ignoring her.
It was made easier when Zac Efron cackled wildly and flew up on his broomstick and carried Gabriella away.
"But that was definitely weirder," Dean concluded. "So, what was it you wanted to tell me?"
"If you stopped tap dancing, I'd tell you."
Dean guiltily removed his tap shoes, but put on his tights and started ballet with a hint of interpretive and ballroom dance. Jess was forced to join in.
Zac was like, "Even I'm not that weird, lol!"
"Dean, stop with the dancing a moment," Jess insisted, "the thing is, I really sort of lo--"
"--ng to run away with the circus?"
Jess sighed. "No."
Dean snogged Jess so passionately that even the people he hated, which was most of the town, felt pleasure.
"I long to run away with the circus," said Dean, then winked, just like Link Larkin.
The end.
What: Gilmore Girls fanfiction with cameos from High School Musical, RPS, hints of Hairspray the remake, one solitary hint of Harry Potter, and a mangled quote from She's the Man
Rating: PG13 for slash and inappropriate use of pavlova
Words: 870
Summary: Articles are beyond Dean, and Rory is hideously allergic to pavlova. Dean/Jess surfaces. Written for 30_cracks using theme 8) Article.
Sample: Who the hell speaks Latin, it's a fricking DEAD LANGUAGE.
Jess couldn't understand why definite and indefinite articles were so beyond Dean. Eighth grade English had covered this for Jess, but Dean must have been sick that day. It helped that Jess was uber good at English (seeing as he'd written a book), but he couldn't see how his tutoring Dean in English was going to help anyone. When they got together, chemistry happened in the form of Dean setting off the fire alarms by lighting up a cigarette he wouldn't smoke just to get away from Jess' company, because Jess was an unsufferable know-it-all. He proved this time and time again by starting to rave about the intricacies of the ablative and dative cases (Jess had done a little Latin at his old school in New York, when he'd bothered to turn up).
"Who the hell speaks Latin, it's a fricking dead language." complained Dean.
Jess was, admittedly, lost for words, until he happened to glance out the window and spot the church. "The Pope."
"No one likes the Pope, except all the religious people."
Dean pondered how impossibly retarded that was.
Jess leaned across the graffiti'd desk, interested. "I'd assume not all religious people would like the Pope - Muslims, much?"
"Shut up, Mr I Speak Latin and Think It's Hot."
"It implies intelligence, okay?! What the hell do YOU find hot?"
Dean was lost for words at this point, so decided to throw egg in Jess' face. He soon regretted this action, as he hated seeing good scrambled eggs go to waste, so he threw a cake as well. Jess was unimpressed with the assorted food on his face, but not nearly as unimpressed as the librarian, who threw them out.
Dean was ultimately pleased with himself, he had won that battle.
Anticipating another attack, Jess suggested their next enforced tutoring session be held at Luke's, because everyone loves Luke, and Lorelai to boot. But never mind his uncle's strange in-denial relationship, Jess knew exactly where all the food in the diner was in the likely event of a food fight.
Rory was in Luke's at the time of the next study "party", which meant that Jess was able to try and use her as a shield when Dean mysteriously procured a pavlova to throw at him.
Unluckily for everyone, Rory was hideously allergic and proceeded to explode on contact, showering confetti on the room. Dean was appropriately shocked by the death of his girlfriend, and proceeded to call a temporary halt to the tutoring.
"Wait a minture, what the fuck is a pavlova?"
Rory then, in a poof of logic, returned.
"My cousins in Australia say it's delicious," replied Jess.
"Did these Australians create this 'pavlova'?" said Dean, while Rory was still freaking out over her explosion.
"It's debatable," shrugged Jess, "the Kiwis claim it."
"Does anybody care I just exploded?!" cried Rory.
Jess contemplated this. "Unless you can take over tutoring Dean in English for me, then, no, not really."
"I tire of your complaining," said Dean, and forced pavlova down her throat. She proceeded to explode again.
Jess gaped. "I thought she was your girlfriend!"
"I thought the Pope was a type of cereal."
Jess gave up all hope of teaching Dean about articles, because articles are lame and the future lies in confetti. Unfortunately for Jess, school required him to "complete" his tutoring with Dean in order to make up for all his lost hours of school and therefore graduate.
But since the school constantly burst out into song and dance, it only took half as long, because songs make everything easy.
In a heartpounding finale, Dean and Jess sang a beautiful duet in which Dean finally grasped the concept of articles. There was fire works and back up dancers by the truckload, and an assortment of minor chraters who no one really cares about except the Harry Potter fandom.
After Jess realized half the town was staring, he dragged Dean off the impromptu stage. He was still singing the B flat, so Jess had to slap him back to his senses. "Dean, shut up! I have something to tell you."
He was interupted when Gabriella ran on stage and was like "Zomg, you guys are like my 3.1415963 in relation to the radius of the circle equal to 1!"
"Transfer students are crazy," said Dean, ignoring her.
It was made easier when Zac Efron cackled wildly and flew up on his broomstick and carried Gabriella away.
"But that was definitely weirder," Dean concluded. "So, what was it you wanted to tell me?"
"If you stopped tap dancing, I'd tell you."
Dean guiltily removed his tap shoes, but put on his tights and started ballet with a hint of interpretive and ballroom dance. Jess was forced to join in.
Zac was like, "Even I'm not that weird, lol!"
"Dean, stop with the dancing a moment," Jess insisted, "the thing is, I really sort of lo--"
"--ng to run away with the circus?"
Jess sighed. "No."
Dean snogged Jess so passionately that even the people he hated, which was most of the town, felt pleasure.
"I long to run away with the circus," said Dean, then winked, just like Link Larkin.
The end.