Fic: Green Means Go
Green Means Go (Or The Powerpuff Girl!MCR AU Where Nothing Makes Sense)
PG-13 | 3, 212 | Gen
Warnings: corruption of childhood cartoons, giants lizards, crack, un-beta'd
galaxyaway (6:37:27 PM): LOL. MCR AS THE POWERPUFF GIRLS.
crystic (6:37:58 PM): OMG
crystic (6:38:04 PM): BRB LOLING FOREVER.
galaxyaway (6:40:20 PM): GERARD AS BLOSSOM, MIKEY AS BUBBLES, FRANK AS BUTTERCUP, RAY AS THE DAD, AND BOB AS MS. KEANE.
(also: thank you maryangel200)
“The city of Newark,” said a voice in the air. Gerard, Mikey, and Frank were sound asleep in their bed, completely oblivious to the ghost voice. Mikey stretched across Frank and snored loudly in his ear. It was something Mikey commonly did, and only ever to Frank - almost on purpose. Frank sometimes complained, dragging Mikey off the bed and giving him a good whack to the head, but why the fuck were they sharing beds anyway?
“The city of Newark - a city full of peaceful folks,” said the voice. Outside, at an intersection, a group of folks with road rage honked furiously while waiting for the car up front to pay attention to the green light and go already.
“…ninteen…twenty…twenty one…” In the car, Bert McCraken, the Mayor of Newark, carefully counted the seconds the traffic light stayed at green by instructing that his driver not go.
“Mayor?” Quinn asked from behind Bert. He had been peeking back at the cars behind them, holding in giggles at Bert’s incompetence. “You’re holding up traffic.”
“Well, how else am I going to know how long the light stays green?” Bert looked up at Quinn and stroked the mustache on the pair of groucho glasses Quinn had given him for his birthday. Bert grew extremely fond of those glasses, going on and on about them matching his favorite top hat. He had gone as far as wearing them over the monocle he got for Christmas a few years back. No one was sure how that was even possible.
The driver cleared his throat, interrupting Bert’s mustache petting. “I’m sorry to interrupt,” the driver said, not looking very sorry, “but you have stopped counting, sir.”
“I keep telling you to call me Berty Bert Bert, or Bert The Great, or Mayor…” Bert replied, then, “…wait? Where was I? Damnit, I lost count. I guess we’ll have to try again. On to the next light!” He pointed onward, but the light just finished turning red, leaving them waiting for another green go light.
And a lot of angry drivers.
“As I was saying,” said the narrating voice. “The city of Newark - a city of kindness and great generosity.” A car began to slow down by a ditch and two people poked out their heads, checking for other people. When the sign appeared to be clear, the two people quickly took out something big and long wrapped in a bag from their car trunk and threw it into the ditch.
“Aw, fuck this,” shrieked the voice.
“Hey, who said that?” One of the guys, stopped and looked around, reaching his pocket for his gun. “Shit, man, let’s get out of here.” The people hurried into the car and drove off.
“Why aren’t the Powerpuff Boys doing their job?”
“Do you hear something?” Gerard moaned into his pillow. He wasn’t talking to anyone particular. In fact, Gerard might have been talking in his sleep a little, having been known to do that before. But Mikey still responded by kneeing Frank in the stomach and saying, “Don’t be silly, Gerard.”
Frank somehow stayed asleep only mumbling something incoherent about wanting to ring out Mikey’s neck. A big smile made home on his face.
“Boys, time to wake up!” From the door, Ray, their father-slash-creator flipped on the lights. This caused a groan out of the three boys. “Don’t even start that; you guys got to go to school.”
But the boys ignored Ray, putting their heads under the covers. “We are so happy to exist,” Ray said mockingly as he walked over to the boy’s bed. “We are lucky to be getting a proper education with a great caring father, even though we are lab created men with freakish superpowers, who could easily be dumped into the streets with having to fend for ourselves.” He grabbed their multi-colored blanket - Gerard’s side was Red, Mikey’s was blue, and Frank’s was green - and tugged it off the boys.
“I don’t get it,” Gerard said, now fully awake, “Why do we still have to go to school when we’re saving the world from crazy lunatic evil doers whose only goal in life is to take over the world and enslave the human kind.”
“Yeah,” Frank agreed as he pushed Mikey off of him. “Who needs school when we can spend the day pulverizing those bitches!” He laughed, pumping his fist up in the air.
“First off, language, Frank!” Ray scolded. “Second, the world? Really now? Well, I don’t care if you’re Superman or Adam West; you guys are going to school. If you get your asses downstairs, you’ll see I made you guys coffee,” Ray said, ignoring his own rule. He noticed Frank glaring at him for that, so Ray justified, “I’m the adult here,” and walked down to the kitchen.
“Hurry up, slowpokes,” Mikey said, already having put on his clothes and had begun to search for his hair gel. Frank and Gerard were used to Mikey’s quick reactions as soon as the word Coffee was thrown into the conversation. It’s the only reason Ray bought it up; he said it every morning, but Ray had never honestly made coffee for them. He probably never would unless it was part of some long drawn out experiment - always locking himself away in his basement laboratory. But Mikey fell for it anyhow, resorting to pouting when there was no coffee waiting for him. Gerard always fell for Mikey’s pouting and made the pot himself.
“I like your hair today,” Gerard told Mikey. Mikey was going for the tangled birds-nest look lately and that day he seemed to have hit it, head on.
“Thanks.” Mikey took a bite out of Frank’s toast. On cue, Frank pushed Mikey off of his stool and laughed at a fallen Mikey.
“Professor!” Mikey shouted. Ray popped his head out of the laboratory door, but Frank had already begun to fly to their bus stop. “Never mind,” Mikey sighed and grabbed his phone before heading out the door with Gerard.
At the bus stop, Frank had already found someone to pick a fight with. “What did you say?” Frank clenched his fist and gritted his teeth. “I’ll show you short!”
Gerard and Mikey barely made it in time to hold Frank back. Both of them tried to calm him down. Although, Mikey made it worse by agreeing that Frank was, indeed, short.
“Fuck you!” Frank shouted as he twisted and turned in Mikey and Gerard’s grasp. “Calm down, Frank. Anger management. Count to ten,” Gerard kept repeating.
“Fucking freaks,” said the boy. Gerard and Mikey immediately gave the boy their undivided attention only turning to each other once to nod. Then they both let Frank go.
Mr. Bryar, their government teacher, always had his first period class sit in and watched a few good minutes worth of news and/or Good Morning America. That morning, the local news stations had all waited to hear an urgent report Mayor McCraken insisted everyone needed to know.
“Good Morning.” The Mayor appeared out on the platform set for him. “My fellow Newark...er…ers. After careful, long, thorough research, I believe you people all deserve to know some truth in this city.” The crowd all looked around, confused. “What I called you out here today, was to tell you that a stoplight on go-green lasts exactly-“
The screen cut to static and then another image, slowly and not as clearly, appeared.
“Pete Wentz,” said Gerard, Mikey, and Frank in unison. Pete Wentz was the Powerpuff Boys’ arch nemesis, if they had to pick and choose. They were pretty sure they could create a good two minute montage with the boys saying, “No, Pete Wentz” alone.
“People of Newark. I was checking my planner and stuff, setting up dates and planning what to wear for the next few weeks. When I noticed that I hadn’t attempted to take over the world or kill the Powerpuff Boys in a while. So, yeah, I’m going to do that.” Pete scratched his nose. “Just a heads up and all. I’d do the whole evil laugh thing and crazy dramatic voice, but my throat kind of hurts.”
“Oh, hell no.” Bob turned off the television. “If you boys keep missing my class, I’m going to have to have you come in this summer for summer school. I understand why the school lets you miss so many days,” Bob grumbled.
Just in time, the principle’s voice blared out from the loud speaker. “Powerpuff Boys, Mayor McCraken wants to see you.”
The boys looked over to Mr. Bryar. He rolled his eyes, shook his head and said, “Just go,” and the boys jetted off before anyone else could breathe out another breath.
“That sleaze!” Bert cursed as soon as the boys arrived. “I didn’t spend all morning doing research studies to have him cut off my conference.”
“Do you want me to schedule another one?”
“First, we need to stop Pete Wentz’s world domination plans… I think.” Bert looked over to Frank and Gerard nodded. Mikey buried his nose into his sidekick. When Mikey first asked for his very own cell phone, Ray immediately went into the lab and built a mega-cellular-phone with twice as advanced features of any phone out in the market. It was also twice of the size of Mikey’s head and Mikey created an entire four-page list on why he should have a sidekick. Then, Mikey read that every day, evening, and night until Ray was an inch away from being driven completely nuts.
“Rumor is,” Mikey peeped out. “Pete’s super hide-out is underground somewhere here downtown.”
“Didn’t he already have a super hide-out? In that old building thing?” Frank asked.
“No, that was his super-duper hide-out. Remember we used to make fun of it? I mean, who seriously named their hide-out a super-duper hide-out?”
“What about that one we had to get into the lake to find? Where I ended up getting my clothes wet for not reason, because Frank turned out to have force-field abilities to keep water away from him.”
“Nah, man,” Frank replied. “That was just his regular hide-out. Pete doesn’t use it anymore because he actually hates water. I think he’s allergic to fish or something.”
“Shellfish,” Mikey confirmed. Mikey had written Pete’s Wikipedia page for the past few years, so he knew what he was talking about. No one had ever doubted Mikey’s resources since he managed to find most of the villain’s hideouts in this city. Plus, Mikey was known to blast things off with his laser vision when you didn’t trust his word.
From out the window, a giant lizard stomped through the city. The townspeople screamed as they ran in terror.
“Lyn-z?” Gerard titled his head to the side with confusion. Then, he flew out the open window. One day Frank had flown right through the glass while chasing after the The Gangreen Gang, so Mayor McCraken - well, really Quinn - learned to keep the window whenever The Powerpuff Boys came by.
“Wait boys!” Bert said. Frank and Gerard had both already flown away, but Mikey turned back to a pouting Bert. “Sorry Mikey, but can you open this pickle jar for me?” Bert took out a giant jar of pickles and handed it over to Mikey.
“Um.” Mikey looked down at the jar of pickles in his hands. “Sure, Mr. Mayor.” Mikey smiled awkwardly before attempting to open the jar. His face started to turn red when his hard efforts didn’t seem to pay off. Looking over to Bert sheepishly, Mikey said, “Oh, um. My hand slipped,” and wiped his palm against his pants.
“Lyn-z!” Gerard flew up to the giant lizard, but she paid almost no attention to Gerard. Instead, Lyn-z stubbed her toe on the post office building and shrieked with pain. Gerard attempted to soothe the lizard by reaching out to her and pet her. Lyn-z just shrieked even louder and swatted Gerard away like a housefly, sending him flying across downtown.
“What the heck, Lyn-zard!” Frank flew headfirst into her belly, causing a loud groan from Lyn-z. “Yeah, take this!” Frank yelled as he pulled back his fist, ready to punch Lyn-z in her lizardly gut. But a hand grabbed his wrist, which prevented Frank from doing anything except piss him off.
“Stop it,” Gerard said from behind Frank. “Let’s be rational here.” Gerard always brought in rationality during all the wrong moments. But that’s how he’s always been. Even in kindergarten, after they had successfully destroyed an anthill and the revengeful ants were marching their way to the boys, Gerard made them all stop and rationally think everything through. Of course Frank didn’t listen and began blasting the ants with his laser vision, which brought out the giant eight-foot-tall ant queen from underground. The day didn’t end all that badly, though. That was the day Frank found out he could turn into a human tornado. Which was pretty damn awesome alone.
“Look,” Gerard said and pointed down to where the townspeople were. Most of people had evacuated that part of downtown, thankfully, but giant footprints scarred the roads and a shitload of crushed cars and buildings created havoc in itself. “Let’s try to get Lyn-z away from the main city, first. Then…” Gerard looked at Frank firmly, “we try to find out what is wrong with her in a non-violent way.”
Frank grunted out of frustration and then hesitantly nodded in agreement, “Fine, whatever.”
“Okay, good. Here’s what we’ll do. I want you to-“ But before Gerard could finish the sentence, Lyn-z grabbed hold of Gerard and roared out. Gerard shrieked, “What are you doing? Put me down!”
And Lyn-z threw Gerard in response - to the ground where Gerard stayed passed out.
“Rationality my ass,” Frank said. He dived towards the lizard in rage and screamed, “Hey Lyn-zard!”
Lyn-z sneezed, a giant blob of snot shot toward Frank. Failing to avoid the giant killer boogers, Frank crashed down to the ground. He flailed around, but it was useless - all that snot had pinned him down good.
“Oh no!” said the narrating voice with great distress. “With Frank and Gerard down and Mikey nowhere in sight, the townspeople are in grave danger! Will no one be there to help?”
Down below, a dog peed on a fire hydrant. People ran around screaming scared.
“What’s the big deal?” Brian, the dog, asked after he took a good whiff of the now-peed-on fire hydrant. “You know that the Powerpuff Boys will find some way to prevail and save Newark from that evil monster.” But no one listened; no one really ever cared about talking dogs anymore.
Back in the Mayors office, Mikey groaned and grunted as he tried his hardest to open the pickle jar. He shook his now sore hand and frowned.
“Maybe you could run hot water under it,” Bert said.
“Mayor,” Quinn interrupted as he took the jar from a protesting Mikey. “I think Mikey should go with Frank and Gerard and beat that monster and leave the jar be… just a suggestion.”
Mikey took the opportunity to look out window. The giant lizard was still roaring and raging downtown and Gerard and Frank were no where in sight. “Oh my god, Frank, Gerard!” Mikey’s eyes widened and he flew out the window.
Quinn popped open the giant jar of pickles, took one out to eat, and closed it tight before pacing it on Mayor McCraken’s desk. Bert didn’t notice until Quinn was already out the door, munching on his pickle.
“Damn you Powerpuff Boys! I want my pickles!”
“Pete?” Mikey squinted and turned his head to the side.
“Um, hey Mikey.” Pete popped up from under Lyn-z’s back spikes. “How did you know I was here?”
“I saw a glimpse of that hat of yours. Why do you even wear it?”
“You don’t like it?” Pete asked. He played with his cape a little then said, “I think it makes me look like I have a genetically modified increased brain. I don’t know, I like it.”
“Oh, cool. Yeah, I guess it makes you look smart.” Mikey nodded.
Pete scratched his nose and Mikey just continued to nod. “I like that picture of me you added on my Wikipedia.”
“Thanks,” Mikey said, “me too. Well, obviously. That’s why I picked it. Ray says hi. Too bad you’re all-evil now and have to get revenge on him and us and whatnot; I’m sure he’s love to have you for dinner. Catch up on old times.”
“Yeah, but I already have that villain persona. Can’t go ruining that, can I?” Pete rhetorically asked. Mikey just shrugged.
“Should I beat you up and stuff now?”
“Nah, I’m kind of tired. It’s been a long week.” Pete yawned. “I was testing out the old brain-wave manipulator on Lyn-Z here. She gets kind of noisy, though.”
“Yeah, Gerard is going to get mad when he finds out. I think I’m going to have to take it to assure it won’t happen again.”
Pete pursed his lips in thought, going as far as stroking his chin. But Mikey knew Pete had already decided the second after Mikey asked. Even if Mikey and Pete weren’t such good friends, Mikey knew Pete was slightly afraid of Mikey - one time when Mikey had taken his rage too far. The incident itself it blurry in Mikey’s memory, but Frank and Gerard blabbed on for weeks after about how Mikey had Pete “whipped.”
“Fine,” Pete said, then handed the brain-wave manipulator to Mikey and Mikey sent both Pete and Lyn-z home.
When Mikey found Frank, Mikey burst out in laughter. Then, he took out his phone and not only took pictures, but sent them to everyone on his contact list. Because of Frank’s very detailed and grueling death threats, Mikey almost didn’t free Frank from the mega mucus death trap. Gerard’s reasonability was what convinced Mikey to set Frank free, but even Mikey regretted that as soon as Frank dived for his throat. In attempt to be responsible, Gerard stepped in between them. This only resulted in all three of them throwing fist at each other, yelling out names, on Mikey’s end, cry for help and, on Frank’s end, laugh like a crazy hyena.
Across the street, a robber successfully made it out of a bank with four bags full of money and no one chasing after him.
“So once again,” said the narrating voice, “the day is saved. Thanks to… erm, well. Was the day even saved? We’ll just say the Powerpuff Boys!”
Atop the city hall, bad eighties pop music could be faintly heard into the air. The Gangreen Gang all held out radio transmitters that carried the music over the city. Gabe, their leader, laughed out a furiously disgusting laugh. When the others began to join in on the laughing, he glared at them all.
“Shut up,” Gabe shouted.
“Hey, Gabe?” Nate asked. He was the shortest one in the gang and the guys usually ignored him, talking right over his head instead of to his face. But this time, they listened. “Do you think this is actually going to work?”
Gabe rolled his eyes.
“Hell yeah it’s going to work. This city is going to dance themselves to death!”
PG-13 | 3, 212 | Gen
Warnings: corruption of childhood cartoons, giants lizards, crack, un-beta'd
galaxyaway (6:37:27 PM): LOL. MCR AS THE POWERPUFF GIRLS.
crystic (6:37:58 PM): OMG
crystic (6:38:04 PM): BRB LOLING FOREVER.
galaxyaway (6:40:20 PM): GERARD AS BLOSSOM, MIKEY AS BUBBLES, FRANK AS BUTTERCUP, RAY AS THE DAD, AND BOB AS MS. KEANE.
(also: thank you maryangel200)
“The city of Newark,” said a voice in the air. Gerard, Mikey, and Frank were sound asleep in their bed, completely oblivious to the ghost voice. Mikey stretched across Frank and snored loudly in his ear. It was something Mikey commonly did, and only ever to Frank - almost on purpose. Frank sometimes complained, dragging Mikey off the bed and giving him a good whack to the head, but why the fuck were they sharing beds anyway?
“The city of Newark - a city full of peaceful folks,” said the voice. Outside, at an intersection, a group of folks with road rage honked furiously while waiting for the car up front to pay attention to the green light and go already.
“…ninteen…twenty…twenty one…” In the car, Bert McCraken, the Mayor of Newark, carefully counted the seconds the traffic light stayed at green by instructing that his driver not go.
“Mayor?” Quinn asked from behind Bert. He had been peeking back at the cars behind them, holding in giggles at Bert’s incompetence. “You’re holding up traffic.”
“Well, how else am I going to know how long the light stays green?” Bert looked up at Quinn and stroked the mustache on the pair of groucho glasses Quinn had given him for his birthday. Bert grew extremely fond of those glasses, going on and on about them matching his favorite top hat. He had gone as far as wearing them over the monocle he got for Christmas a few years back. No one was sure how that was even possible.
The driver cleared his throat, interrupting Bert’s mustache petting. “I’m sorry to interrupt,” the driver said, not looking very sorry, “but you have stopped counting, sir.”
“I keep telling you to call me Berty Bert Bert, or Bert The Great, or Mayor…” Bert replied, then, “…wait? Where was I? Damnit, I lost count. I guess we’ll have to try again. On to the next light!” He pointed onward, but the light just finished turning red, leaving them waiting for another green go light.
And a lot of angry drivers.
“As I was saying,” said the narrating voice. “The city of Newark - a city of kindness and great generosity.” A car began to slow down by a ditch and two people poked out their heads, checking for other people. When the sign appeared to be clear, the two people quickly took out something big and long wrapped in a bag from their car trunk and threw it into the ditch.
“Aw, fuck this,” shrieked the voice.
“Hey, who said that?” One of the guys, stopped and looked around, reaching his pocket for his gun. “Shit, man, let’s get out of here.” The people hurried into the car and drove off.
“Why aren’t the Powerpuff Boys doing their job?”
“Do you hear something?” Gerard moaned into his pillow. He wasn’t talking to anyone particular. In fact, Gerard might have been talking in his sleep a little, having been known to do that before. But Mikey still responded by kneeing Frank in the stomach and saying, “Don’t be silly, Gerard.”
Frank somehow stayed asleep only mumbling something incoherent about wanting to ring out Mikey’s neck. A big smile made home on his face.
“Boys, time to wake up!” From the door, Ray, their father-slash-creator flipped on the lights. This caused a groan out of the three boys. “Don’t even start that; you guys got to go to school.”
But the boys ignored Ray, putting their heads under the covers. “We are so happy to exist,” Ray said mockingly as he walked over to the boy’s bed. “We are lucky to be getting a proper education with a great caring father, even though we are lab created men with freakish superpowers, who could easily be dumped into the streets with having to fend for ourselves.” He grabbed their multi-colored blanket - Gerard’s side was Red, Mikey’s was blue, and Frank’s was green - and tugged it off the boys.
“I don’t get it,” Gerard said, now fully awake, “Why do we still have to go to school when we’re saving the world from crazy lunatic evil doers whose only goal in life is to take over the world and enslave the human kind.”
“Yeah,” Frank agreed as he pushed Mikey off of him. “Who needs school when we can spend the day pulverizing those bitches!” He laughed, pumping his fist up in the air.
“First off, language, Frank!” Ray scolded. “Second, the world? Really now? Well, I don’t care if you’re Superman or Adam West; you guys are going to school. If you get your asses downstairs, you’ll see I made you guys coffee,” Ray said, ignoring his own rule. He noticed Frank glaring at him for that, so Ray justified, “I’m the adult here,” and walked down to the kitchen.
“Hurry up, slowpokes,” Mikey said, already having put on his clothes and had begun to search for his hair gel. Frank and Gerard were used to Mikey’s quick reactions as soon as the word Coffee was thrown into the conversation. It’s the only reason Ray bought it up; he said it every morning, but Ray had never honestly made coffee for them. He probably never would unless it was part of some long drawn out experiment - always locking himself away in his basement laboratory. But Mikey fell for it anyhow, resorting to pouting when there was no coffee waiting for him. Gerard always fell for Mikey’s pouting and made the pot himself.
“I like your hair today,” Gerard told Mikey. Mikey was going for the tangled birds-nest look lately and that day he seemed to have hit it, head on.
“Thanks.” Mikey took a bite out of Frank’s toast. On cue, Frank pushed Mikey off of his stool and laughed at a fallen Mikey.
“Professor!” Mikey shouted. Ray popped his head out of the laboratory door, but Frank had already begun to fly to their bus stop. “Never mind,” Mikey sighed and grabbed his phone before heading out the door with Gerard.
At the bus stop, Frank had already found someone to pick a fight with. “What did you say?” Frank clenched his fist and gritted his teeth. “I’ll show you short!”
Gerard and Mikey barely made it in time to hold Frank back. Both of them tried to calm him down. Although, Mikey made it worse by agreeing that Frank was, indeed, short.
“Fuck you!” Frank shouted as he twisted and turned in Mikey and Gerard’s grasp. “Calm down, Frank. Anger management. Count to ten,” Gerard kept repeating.
“Fucking freaks,” said the boy. Gerard and Mikey immediately gave the boy their undivided attention only turning to each other once to nod. Then they both let Frank go.
Mr. Bryar, their government teacher, always had his first period class sit in and watched a few good minutes worth of news and/or Good Morning America. That morning, the local news stations had all waited to hear an urgent report Mayor McCraken insisted everyone needed to know.
“Good Morning.” The Mayor appeared out on the platform set for him. “My fellow Newark...er…ers. After careful, long, thorough research, I believe you people all deserve to know some truth in this city.” The crowd all looked around, confused. “What I called you out here today, was to tell you that a stoplight on go-green lasts exactly-“
The screen cut to static and then another image, slowly and not as clearly, appeared.
“Pete Wentz,” said Gerard, Mikey, and Frank in unison. Pete Wentz was the Powerpuff Boys’ arch nemesis, if they had to pick and choose. They were pretty sure they could create a good two minute montage with the boys saying, “No, Pete Wentz” alone.
“People of Newark. I was checking my planner and stuff, setting up dates and planning what to wear for the next few weeks. When I noticed that I hadn’t attempted to take over the world or kill the Powerpuff Boys in a while. So, yeah, I’m going to do that.” Pete scratched his nose. “Just a heads up and all. I’d do the whole evil laugh thing and crazy dramatic voice, but my throat kind of hurts.”
“Oh, hell no.” Bob turned off the television. “If you boys keep missing my class, I’m going to have to have you come in this summer for summer school. I understand why the school lets you miss so many days,” Bob grumbled.
Just in time, the principle’s voice blared out from the loud speaker. “Powerpuff Boys, Mayor McCraken wants to see you.”
The boys looked over to Mr. Bryar. He rolled his eyes, shook his head and said, “Just go,” and the boys jetted off before anyone else could breathe out another breath.
“That sleaze!” Bert cursed as soon as the boys arrived. “I didn’t spend all morning doing research studies to have him cut off my conference.”
“Do you want me to schedule another one?”
“First, we need to stop Pete Wentz’s world domination plans… I think.” Bert looked over to Frank and Gerard nodded. Mikey buried his nose into his sidekick. When Mikey first asked for his very own cell phone, Ray immediately went into the lab and built a mega-cellular-phone with twice as advanced features of any phone out in the market. It was also twice of the size of Mikey’s head and Mikey created an entire four-page list on why he should have a sidekick. Then, Mikey read that every day, evening, and night until Ray was an inch away from being driven completely nuts.
“Rumor is,” Mikey peeped out. “Pete’s super hide-out is underground somewhere here downtown.”
“Didn’t he already have a super hide-out? In that old building thing?” Frank asked.
“No, that was his super-duper hide-out. Remember we used to make fun of it? I mean, who seriously named their hide-out a super-duper hide-out?”
“What about that one we had to get into the lake to find? Where I ended up getting my clothes wet for not reason, because Frank turned out to have force-field abilities to keep water away from him.”
“Nah, man,” Frank replied. “That was just his regular hide-out. Pete doesn’t use it anymore because he actually hates water. I think he’s allergic to fish or something.”
“Shellfish,” Mikey confirmed. Mikey had written Pete’s Wikipedia page for the past few years, so he knew what he was talking about. No one had ever doubted Mikey’s resources since he managed to find most of the villain’s hideouts in this city. Plus, Mikey was known to blast things off with his laser vision when you didn’t trust his word.
From out the window, a giant lizard stomped through the city. The townspeople screamed as they ran in terror.
“Lyn-z?” Gerard titled his head to the side with confusion. Then, he flew out the open window. One day Frank had flown right through the glass while chasing after the The Gangreen Gang, so Mayor McCraken - well, really Quinn - learned to keep the window whenever The Powerpuff Boys came by.
“Wait boys!” Bert said. Frank and Gerard had both already flown away, but Mikey turned back to a pouting Bert. “Sorry Mikey, but can you open this pickle jar for me?” Bert took out a giant jar of pickles and handed it over to Mikey.
“Um.” Mikey looked down at the jar of pickles in his hands. “Sure, Mr. Mayor.” Mikey smiled awkwardly before attempting to open the jar. His face started to turn red when his hard efforts didn’t seem to pay off. Looking over to Bert sheepishly, Mikey said, “Oh, um. My hand slipped,” and wiped his palm against his pants.
“Lyn-z!” Gerard flew up to the giant lizard, but she paid almost no attention to Gerard. Instead, Lyn-z stubbed her toe on the post office building and shrieked with pain. Gerard attempted to soothe the lizard by reaching out to her and pet her. Lyn-z just shrieked even louder and swatted Gerard away like a housefly, sending him flying across downtown.
“What the heck, Lyn-zard!” Frank flew headfirst into her belly, causing a loud groan from Lyn-z. “Yeah, take this!” Frank yelled as he pulled back his fist, ready to punch Lyn-z in her lizardly gut. But a hand grabbed his wrist, which prevented Frank from doing anything except piss him off.
“Stop it,” Gerard said from behind Frank. “Let’s be rational here.” Gerard always brought in rationality during all the wrong moments. But that’s how he’s always been. Even in kindergarten, after they had successfully destroyed an anthill and the revengeful ants were marching their way to the boys, Gerard made them all stop and rationally think everything through. Of course Frank didn’t listen and began blasting the ants with his laser vision, which brought out the giant eight-foot-tall ant queen from underground. The day didn’t end all that badly, though. That was the day Frank found out he could turn into a human tornado. Which was pretty damn awesome alone.
“Look,” Gerard said and pointed down to where the townspeople were. Most of people had evacuated that part of downtown, thankfully, but giant footprints scarred the roads and a shitload of crushed cars and buildings created havoc in itself. “Let’s try to get Lyn-z away from the main city, first. Then…” Gerard looked at Frank firmly, “we try to find out what is wrong with her in a non-violent way.”
Frank grunted out of frustration and then hesitantly nodded in agreement, “Fine, whatever.”
“Okay, good. Here’s what we’ll do. I want you to-“ But before Gerard could finish the sentence, Lyn-z grabbed hold of Gerard and roared out. Gerard shrieked, “What are you doing? Put me down!”
And Lyn-z threw Gerard in response - to the ground where Gerard stayed passed out.
“Rationality my ass,” Frank said. He dived towards the lizard in rage and screamed, “Hey Lyn-zard!”
Lyn-z sneezed, a giant blob of snot shot toward Frank. Failing to avoid the giant killer boogers, Frank crashed down to the ground. He flailed around, but it was useless - all that snot had pinned him down good.
“Oh no!” said the narrating voice with great distress. “With Frank and Gerard down and Mikey nowhere in sight, the townspeople are in grave danger! Will no one be there to help?”
Down below, a dog peed on a fire hydrant. People ran around screaming scared.
“What’s the big deal?” Brian, the dog, asked after he took a good whiff of the now-peed-on fire hydrant. “You know that the Powerpuff Boys will find some way to prevail and save Newark from that evil monster.” But no one listened; no one really ever cared about talking dogs anymore.
Back in the Mayors office, Mikey groaned and grunted as he tried his hardest to open the pickle jar. He shook his now sore hand and frowned.
“Maybe you could run hot water under it,” Bert said.
“Mayor,” Quinn interrupted as he took the jar from a protesting Mikey. “I think Mikey should go with Frank and Gerard and beat that monster and leave the jar be… just a suggestion.”
Mikey took the opportunity to look out window. The giant lizard was still roaring and raging downtown and Gerard and Frank were no where in sight. “Oh my god, Frank, Gerard!” Mikey’s eyes widened and he flew out the window.
Quinn popped open the giant jar of pickles, took one out to eat, and closed it tight before pacing it on Mayor McCraken’s desk. Bert didn’t notice until Quinn was already out the door, munching on his pickle.
“Damn you Powerpuff Boys! I want my pickles!”
“Pete?” Mikey squinted and turned his head to the side.
“Um, hey Mikey.” Pete popped up from under Lyn-z’s back spikes. “How did you know I was here?”
“I saw a glimpse of that hat of yours. Why do you even wear it?”
“You don’t like it?” Pete asked. He played with his cape a little then said, “I think it makes me look like I have a genetically modified increased brain. I don’t know, I like it.”
“Oh, cool. Yeah, I guess it makes you look smart.” Mikey nodded.
Pete scratched his nose and Mikey just continued to nod. “I like that picture of me you added on my Wikipedia.”
“Thanks,” Mikey said, “me too. Well, obviously. That’s why I picked it. Ray says hi. Too bad you’re all-evil now and have to get revenge on him and us and whatnot; I’m sure he’s love to have you for dinner. Catch up on old times.”
“Yeah, but I already have that villain persona. Can’t go ruining that, can I?” Pete rhetorically asked. Mikey just shrugged.
“Should I beat you up and stuff now?”
“Nah, I’m kind of tired. It’s been a long week.” Pete yawned. “I was testing out the old brain-wave manipulator on Lyn-Z here. She gets kind of noisy, though.”
“Yeah, Gerard is going to get mad when he finds out. I think I’m going to have to take it to assure it won’t happen again.”
Pete pursed his lips in thought, going as far as stroking his chin. But Mikey knew Pete had already decided the second after Mikey asked. Even if Mikey and Pete weren’t such good friends, Mikey knew Pete was slightly afraid of Mikey - one time when Mikey had taken his rage too far. The incident itself it blurry in Mikey’s memory, but Frank and Gerard blabbed on for weeks after about how Mikey had Pete “whipped.”
“Fine,” Pete said, then handed the brain-wave manipulator to Mikey and Mikey sent both Pete and Lyn-z home.
When Mikey found Frank, Mikey burst out in laughter. Then, he took out his phone and not only took pictures, but sent them to everyone on his contact list. Because of Frank’s very detailed and grueling death threats, Mikey almost didn’t free Frank from the mega mucus death trap. Gerard’s reasonability was what convinced Mikey to set Frank free, but even Mikey regretted that as soon as Frank dived for his throat. In attempt to be responsible, Gerard stepped in between them. This only resulted in all three of them throwing fist at each other, yelling out names, on Mikey’s end, cry for help and, on Frank’s end, laugh like a crazy hyena.
Across the street, a robber successfully made it out of a bank with four bags full of money and no one chasing after him.
“So once again,” said the narrating voice, “the day is saved. Thanks to… erm, well. Was the day even saved? We’ll just say the Powerpuff Boys!”
Atop the city hall, bad eighties pop music could be faintly heard into the air. The Gangreen Gang all held out radio transmitters that carried the music over the city. Gabe, their leader, laughed out a furiously disgusting laugh. When the others began to join in on the laughing, he glared at them all.
“Shut up,” Gabe shouted.
“Hey, Gabe?” Nate asked. He was the shortest one in the gang and the guys usually ignored him, talking right over his head instead of to his face. But this time, they listened. “Do you think this is actually going to work?”
Gabe rolled his eyes.
“Hell yeah it’s going to work. This city is going to dance themselves to death!”