(no subject)
I feel like a big blubbering wet walrus today...or maybe a hippo, they're cuter. Nevertheless, I'm having a blue blue day with lots of tears and meloncholy. but not nessicarily sadness. I have no idea why.
Sometimes...when I'm driving on the highway, or along a back road, I think about swerving off and just hitting a railing or a bridge and just that instant gradification of the car slamming into something concrete. I can see it all in slow motion and it doesn't scare me. I have no idea why. It's not that I really want to die, I just want to feel alive, like hitting something concrete would wake me up. I know that sounds twisted, I know it does and I have no idea why crashing into something at 70mph doesn't scare me.
My body feels so weak and my heart just feels so so heavy, like I'm heart broken, but I'm not. Maybe I'm just the opposite. Maybe this is my heart just overflowing with love and warmth and nurture and the walls of vulnerability just are being knocked down, but at the same time I feel scared, like I don't deserve this and I know this probably sounds all cliche and stupid, but I dont know how else to explain it. I just don't know anymore...
Sometimes...when I'm driving on the highway, or along a back road, I think about swerving off and just hitting a railing or a bridge and just that instant gradification of the car slamming into something concrete. I can see it all in slow motion and it doesn't scare me. I have no idea why. It's not that I really want to die, I just want to feel alive, like hitting something concrete would wake me up. I know that sounds twisted, I know it does and I have no idea why crashing into something at 70mph doesn't scare me.
My body feels so weak and my heart just feels so so heavy, like I'm heart broken, but I'm not. Maybe I'm just the opposite. Maybe this is my heart just overflowing with love and warmth and nurture and the walls of vulnerability just are being knocked down, but at the same time I feel scared, like I don't deserve this and I know this probably sounds all cliche and stupid, but I dont know how else to explain it. I just don't know anymore...