(no subject)
so lately, my psoriasis has gotten TERRIBLE. i mean it is so bad that its spread all over, before it was really only my arms and legs, now i dont think there is a square inch on my body without any. I'm in constant pain, people STARE at me, it is so embarassing. Work is horrible because 5 out of 10 people who come to my line to check out interrogate me about it. I've never been so self conscious or depressed. It's stupid. I can't do anything about it, nothing is working. I can't even see a doctor because I dont have insurance.
I feel like a mutant and I just want to hide under my sheets all the time. Why did I get burdened with everything? Psoriasis, Ovarian Cysts, Being overweight. What the fuck, I didnt even ask to be born I didnt ask for any of this. I dont feel like I can normally function because of this.
I want babies, I cant have any. But the ones who dont are the first to get pregnant, the ones who get knocked up on accident...or when theyre on birth control its like Oh, well I didnt even want this kid but i guess ill take it. and i never get to know what its like, I will have to go through fertility treatments and all sorts of shit. and if im lucky, ill have a kid. or like 12 at the same time. why? why me?
i work at target. 2 days a week, 3 at the most. making 750. at the casino i was making 11 bucks. so this is so different, i have no money to do anything, i cant even afford gas. i have a quarter tank until question marks. my dad told my mom he doesnt want me here, because im a 'slob' which excuse me my room is clean, shit i will leave my shoes out and ill leave a dvd case out, but our dining room and garage are full of his shit. what the hell? its always a double standard. i am not wanted here. mom takes all of her anger from him or whoever else out on me because im the only one here who will take it, and lately shes been getting more and more mean, i should be more fucked up, im surprised im not bulimic and on crack or something, just because of how my family treats me. my sister fucked her life up beyond any way of cleaning it back up, getting involved with a guy who has 4 kids who works for comcast? yeah your gonna have to pay his child support, which she does, and they live with his grandma, waiting for her to die so they get her house. that is FUCKED. so she treats me like shit because she is jealous.
jealous that im happy with ben, im not looking for any reason to get out of my life with him. he actually wants me to be in his life, and he is trying to do everything to get us back in the same zip code. which i would sell everything i have to get back to washington right now.
its not easy being anyone in this world, but it definitely isnt easy being me.
I feel like a mutant and I just want to hide under my sheets all the time. Why did I get burdened with everything? Psoriasis, Ovarian Cysts, Being overweight. What the fuck, I didnt even ask to be born I didnt ask for any of this. I dont feel like I can normally function because of this.
I want babies, I cant have any. But the ones who dont are the first to get pregnant, the ones who get knocked up on accident...or when theyre on birth control its like Oh, well I didnt even want this kid but i guess ill take it. and i never get to know what its like, I will have to go through fertility treatments and all sorts of shit. and if im lucky, ill have a kid. or like 12 at the same time. why? why me?
i work at target. 2 days a week, 3 at the most. making 750. at the casino i was making 11 bucks. so this is so different, i have no money to do anything, i cant even afford gas. i have a quarter tank until question marks. my dad told my mom he doesnt want me here, because im a 'slob' which excuse me my room is clean, shit i will leave my shoes out and ill leave a dvd case out, but our dining room and garage are full of his shit. what the hell? its always a double standard. i am not wanted here. mom takes all of her anger from him or whoever else out on me because im the only one here who will take it, and lately shes been getting more and more mean, i should be more fucked up, im surprised im not bulimic and on crack or something, just because of how my family treats me. my sister fucked her life up beyond any way of cleaning it back up, getting involved with a guy who has 4 kids who works for comcast? yeah your gonna have to pay his child support, which she does, and they live with his grandma, waiting for her to die so they get her house. that is FUCKED. so she treats me like shit because she is jealous.
jealous that im happy with ben, im not looking for any reason to get out of my life with him. he actually wants me to be in his life, and he is trying to do everything to get us back in the same zip code. which i would sell everything i have to get back to washington right now.
its not easy being anyone in this world, but it definitely isnt easy being me.