fuck yeah we can live like this.
so the last 2 days have gone by so quick. tuesday my mom had to go to the doctor she hurt one ofher shoulders so i came home and took care of her until her pain pills kicked in and she went to sleep. i went back to bens and finished packing up and cleaned up everything spotless and me and ginger waited. well they got stuck in rush hour traffic, and bridge traffic, so i popped in a movie and attempted to take a nap. i was close to sleeping when the door opened and i sat up for a second, and ben walked into the room and dropped his stuff and gave me the best hug ive ever had. i missed him so much. the moment he walked in with his big smile and messy airplane hair, was the moment where everything bad had vanished. the hole in my heart had been filled again, and i of course cried. i think the time apart strengthened our relationship more than anything, and i am ready for anything that comes our way now. yesterday i finally got my surgery done to fix the damaged cartiladge in my wrist. ive been handling the pain pretty well. its so sore and the oxycodone isnt helping out much but with my sleep.ben came with and was there when i woke up. i had to force my tongue ring and most of my earrings in. my ears went back down to a 00 but im gonna get the 1/2 inch ones back in when my hand can function and i wont drop anything. capone has been loving on me since i got home. he was in my room when i was crying and he has been being a cuddly bear. i love my cat. hes my boy. so lately i think its my depression but i have been crying alot. my sister and i were texting back and forth and ben was in on it too just messing around. well my sister thinks shes gotta be an older sister 24/7 and she started saying i need to figure out my plans and where my lifes heading. well for one, no one else is gonna live my life for me except me i dont care who i hurt, its my life and its my choice. she feels like she has to map out my future for me. which i understand she is more parental than my own parents who were too immature to have kids and werent really around so it was just me and my sister. she grew up to be happy and awesome, i grew up to be a stubborn girl. i have my reasons. i know she is trying to help me out and i think she can tell that ive gained some maturity lately, i am starting to anyways, ive come a long way from my days in high school. anyway, ben said something to her along the lines of ashleighs under enough stress can you just leave out the tough love for right now, its been an emotional past few days. she took the context of it all wrong and proceeded to tell my mom. so its like my boyfriend was trying to give me peace of mind for one night when instead i just got a huge headache, and my mother and sister accusing him of controlling me. when thats not it. i wouldnt ever be with a man who wanted to control me. anymore. i know what i deserve and i know its ben. i told him last night if i deserved better i wouldnt be there with him. never seen him smile so cute after that. neither one of us has the upper hand in our relationship an its gonna stay that way. i know he wont hurt me, and i wont hurt him. we have it pretty made. i think i scared him yesterday when i was looking at rings hahaha. celtic wedding bands to be exact. he started it! i was just like ooh diamonds ooh platinum. when i could care less if when i get married its from a quarter machine. hell marriage is the last thing on my mind i just wanna be happy with what i have now. which im entitled to. we went to the drive in last night, and we of course had fun as usual. we set up the hookah and smoked some tutti fuckin fruity while we waited for it to get dark out, we had some junk food from safeway which we didnt really delve into. we didnt bring enough blankets or pillows and the truck bed is like 2 grit sand paper so we were both pretty uncomfortable. i watched harry potter and he fell asleep, but i got him up. =]. we decided not to stay for oceans 13 and he brought me home, helped me into bed, and went about his merry way. we texted until almost 2 am. i woke up cuz of wrist pain and my sister calling to talk. i ended up emailing my doctor, my sister thinks i have anxiety issues. just like my mom. great. i hope she gets the job at the cherokee clinic. i wanna work on our res too eventually. as like a big shot though. i have a few big decisions ahead of me to make...like to go or not to go to florida...school...my job...i wanna get rid of my car...i want my puggy. im off to bath now than ben and i are going to walmart woohoo and urgent care if his ear is still bugging him. au revoir.