[i have not been this happy in minutes].
I am back from the depths.
the depths of cutting coupons and washing an endless supply of dishes.
It has been a long time,
but I need a fucking venue to spit my idiotic ramblings at.
On top of that, I feel so disconnected, if not from anyone, definitely from myself.
I have proven a lot to myself in the past year.
I can make it on my own, I can survive, take care of myself.
but at what point in the cycle of growing up does the cycle reverse itself?
I made it to that point, that milestone-
I moved out.
I moved away.
I created a new life for myself and being the sole writer to my novella,
I only have myself to blame if my happiness fades.
I pay my bills and on time.
I run a household.
I am a prime player in the game of love
[referring to my boyfriend, who just so happens to be my lovely housemate].
I have a decent job, that I am darn good at.
I have traveled around this vast country.
cultivated knowledge,
destroyed ignorance, on a small scale of course.
All these things-
I have accomplished them.
I made it. I proved it to myself, to my parents,
and every fucking person who has ever doubted me.
Now I stand here,
with this fucking backbone that has taken me twenty fucking years to cultivate.
Now I sit. and I watch. and I sit.
Repeat repeatedly.
What fucking now?
Now I have that life that every angst teen has ever fucking wanted
and you know what comes next?
what comes fucking next after you prove
and work
and fight
and believe?!?
Your life becomes ordinary and just like every other fucking adult…
you hate your routine.
You live from paycheck to paycheck trying to save a few dollars,
so you can get married and raise a fucking family.
same ole. same ole.
Now that I am here all I can say is... I want to go back.
The summer is approaching.
It is time to make some memories.
“Life is the ultimate experience”...
and I am going to start fucking living it.
I am back. with a fucking vengeance. It is time to stand up and throw down.
the depths of cutting coupons and washing an endless supply of dishes.
It has been a long time,
but I need a fucking venue to spit my idiotic ramblings at.
On top of that, I feel so disconnected, if not from anyone, definitely from myself.
I have proven a lot to myself in the past year.
I can make it on my own, I can survive, take care of myself.
but at what point in the cycle of growing up does the cycle reverse itself?
I made it to that point, that milestone-
I moved out.
I moved away.
I created a new life for myself and being the sole writer to my novella,
I only have myself to blame if my happiness fades.
I pay my bills and on time.
I run a household.
I am a prime player in the game of love
[referring to my boyfriend, who just so happens to be my lovely housemate].
I have a decent job, that I am darn good at.
I have traveled around this vast country.
cultivated knowledge,
destroyed ignorance, on a small scale of course.
All these things-
I have accomplished them.
I made it. I proved it to myself, to my parents,
and every fucking person who has ever doubted me.
Now I stand here,
with this fucking backbone that has taken me twenty fucking years to cultivate.
Now I sit. and I watch. and I sit.
Repeat repeatedly.
What fucking now?
Now I have that life that every angst teen has ever fucking wanted
and you know what comes next?
what comes fucking next after you prove
and work
and fight
and believe?!?
Your life becomes ordinary and just like every other fucking adult…
you hate your routine.
You live from paycheck to paycheck trying to save a few dollars,
so you can get married and raise a fucking family.
same ole. same ole.
Now that I am here all I can say is... I want to go back.
The summer is approaching.
It is time to make some memories.
“Life is the ultimate experience”...
and I am going to start fucking living it.
I am back. with a fucking vengeance. It is time to stand up and throw down.