(no subject)
ok then... so today started off fine, i did more housework but then sat down and ate WAY to much!! and things have gone downhill from there! mum came back from her weekend break and cooked dinner! i didnt want to eat anymore but couldnt say no! it wasnt too bad until i read the pesto jar and realised how many calories were in it! over 200 per tablespoon!! i will have to do some serious exercising to work that off tomorrow!
I have felt posative in a strange way today! i know i have let myself down by eating so much, but it has only made me want to be stronger from now, which is a good thing! i am going to try harder than i have ever tried before starting from tomorrow!
i went to see my aunty this evening! my uncle died nearly just over a month ago, adn everyone misses him so much, i cant imagine how upset she must be! i get depressed being there though, the rest of my family have work etc so only see her when they are free, but as i am on summer break and jobless i feel like i should be spending all my time with her! and she frowns at me when i say ive spent a night with my friends!! so also bitches to me about my mum and my nan! i just dont know what to say! i love my mum to bits, but dont want to argue back because i dont want to let my auntie down! and although my nan and i havent always seen eye to eye (she has always made it obvious that i am her least favourite grandchild) i get the feeling that anything i say is then being repeated to my nan, and i dont want to make my family hate me even more!!
talking about my nan brings me to another thing i feel like moaning about! i have a cousin who is the same age as me and who my nan has always preferred, so anyway, at my uncles funeral my nan says to me "rachel is so thin and pretty, i bet you wish you looked like her". I know that i am thinner than my cousin because ive seen her on the scales, and even though im not the prettiest of people, neither is she!! id rather be gorgeous all over! but thats besides the point, it seems to hit a new low when a member of your family hints that your ugly and fat! maybe i should just be blunt and tell my nan that thanks to her my ED has got worse!! i will prove her wrong though! i will become thin and see how my cousin and her like that!!
so thats todays rant out of the way!!
thumbs up for a new and posative start tomorrow!! i will be thin!!!
love xx
I have felt posative in a strange way today! i know i have let myself down by eating so much, but it has only made me want to be stronger from now, which is a good thing! i am going to try harder than i have ever tried before starting from tomorrow!
i went to see my aunty this evening! my uncle died nearly just over a month ago, adn everyone misses him so much, i cant imagine how upset she must be! i get depressed being there though, the rest of my family have work etc so only see her when they are free, but as i am on summer break and jobless i feel like i should be spending all my time with her! and she frowns at me when i say ive spent a night with my friends!! so also bitches to me about my mum and my nan! i just dont know what to say! i love my mum to bits, but dont want to argue back because i dont want to let my auntie down! and although my nan and i havent always seen eye to eye (she has always made it obvious that i am her least favourite grandchild) i get the feeling that anything i say is then being repeated to my nan, and i dont want to make my family hate me even more!!
talking about my nan brings me to another thing i feel like moaning about! i have a cousin who is the same age as me and who my nan has always preferred, so anyway, at my uncles funeral my nan says to me "rachel is so thin and pretty, i bet you wish you looked like her". I know that i am thinner than my cousin because ive seen her on the scales, and even though im not the prettiest of people, neither is she!! id rather be gorgeous all over! but thats besides the point, it seems to hit a new low when a member of your family hints that your ugly and fat! maybe i should just be blunt and tell my nan that thanks to her my ED has got worse!! i will prove her wrong though! i will become thin and see how my cousin and her like that!!
so thats todays rant out of the way!!
thumbs up for a new and posative start tomorrow!! i will be thin!!!
love xx