New and Reusable!
You broke your promise. you swore you wouldn't use me like the rest of the friggin "list". You actually meant something to me, i thought you were different, for the simple fact that you were my friend is not anything else. But apparently im absoluetly stupid and way too good at setting myself up. You act like its my fault, saying "well i was just with someone else before!" ya, and then i told you how i felt because i know you crave trust and honesty and im a good friend who will give that to you, and guess what? you gave me a big speech about how you felt exactly the same way. Didnt that turn out to be yet another lie! You say you didnt ever want this to happen but for some reason it did. That doesn't even make sense. You made it happen, but fooling yourself and fooling me. You had to have known you still had feelings for her, how could you not? why would you jump into something, swearing i was no rebound and i mattered, when you knew it was a lie to both of us?
Do you have any idea how much shit i put up with to be with you? i was bitched about publicly every single day, im just lucky that im nice to people, nice enough that they beleive me when i say those things arent true. If that wasnt the case, more than half of cold lake would now be under the impression that im a bitchy boyfriend stealing whore with no respect for friends, who sleeps around whether im taken or not, and whether theyre taken or not. And thats not even half of what was said. Every single day, to my face and behind my back. I tried si hard to be with you and make you happy. I sacrificed a good friend completely and turned her against me uintil she absolutely hated me. I honestly thought she would hit me on more than one occasion. But did i ever open my mouth and tell her she was being immature and iirrational? NO! because i know what you guys had was special and meant something and that you still cared about her as a friend (or so you told me) and i figured you wouldnt be very impressed if i opened my giant mouth and made her cry, which i sooo easily could have done. But i actually exercised some self control for once, because i wanted to seem better than all the bitching to you. Theres only so much i can take before i let out how i really feel. Afterall, you did want complete trust, and trust comes hand in hand with honesty. Look what trust got me?
I am more than willing to go back to the way it was before and be your friend, you me and the other two dorks, because i had so much fun like that. But im always going to be hurting a little when i see you, at least for a while. I want to hang out, i want to go to parties, i want all that. But mostly its because i still want to be with you. Im just enough of a push over that you cant get rid of me, and im still going to want you. You want to talk to me because im "addictive"? Well, how addictive can i possibly be if youre just throwing me away? You didn't even give me a chance. You didn't try. Things seem a little weird, so you cut me loose.
If you knew how you felt the whole time, why would you start things with me? Thats just hurting yourself as well as me. And i know you say you didnt set out to do it, but you could have stopped it, or made it so that this didnt happen. It was entirely under your control. You say i just kissed you, and why wouldn't you go for that? I can sure as hell tell you why. And besides, i didnt just kiss you, i told you how i felt and you told me the same. What was i supposed to think? You sure as hell did a good job of kissing me back, and then telling me how amazing i made you feel, calling me out into the garage, taking me home every night, making things official, begging me not to stop liking you when i was basically losing my mind, having her bed me to back off and leave you to her. Like some object. I defended you so much its not even funny, pointed out how she was using you, which isnt right because youre a person not a friggin toy. You begged me not to stop liking you, not to leave you, you choose me over her, you promise its me. But it wasn't.
And after all the promises you broke, I'm crazy enough to ask you for just one more, ask you not to mess with my head any more, not to change your mind again and tell me all over again in some time that you choose me, its all me. And you can't even do that. I guess at least this time you told me that wasnt a promise you were going to be able to keep for sure. And do you want to know what's double sad and pathetic? That actually made me kind of happy. To know that i had at least a tiny effect on you. That i might be able to make you see what you gave up so easily, that i might be able to make you hange your mind. It's sad because id be tempted to take you back, because you actually meant something to me, i actually cared about you. And i still do, which is why id be ever so slightly tempted.
Im not writing this to make you feel guilty or bad, or cut you down. I just genuinely want to get out exactly how i feel becaue im tired of holding it in so that other people wont talk or think things about me. I want to get over this and over you and just eb normal for once. And i want to have you back as a friend. Because i really loved that. You're not going to have to worry about awkwardness or me pulling anything in oublic. Im a fantastic actress. Besides, now that its out about how i really feel, I'll be fine. i Besides it's not like this is the first time this has happened to me.
Do you have any idea how much shit i put up with to be with you? i was bitched about publicly every single day, im just lucky that im nice to people, nice enough that they beleive me when i say those things arent true. If that wasnt the case, more than half of cold lake would now be under the impression that im a bitchy boyfriend stealing whore with no respect for friends, who sleeps around whether im taken or not, and whether theyre taken or not. And thats not even half of what was said. Every single day, to my face and behind my back. I tried si hard to be with you and make you happy. I sacrificed a good friend completely and turned her against me uintil she absolutely hated me. I honestly thought she would hit me on more than one occasion. But did i ever open my mouth and tell her she was being immature and iirrational? NO! because i know what you guys had was special and meant something and that you still cared about her as a friend (or so you told me) and i figured you wouldnt be very impressed if i opened my giant mouth and made her cry, which i sooo easily could have done. But i actually exercised some self control for once, because i wanted to seem better than all the bitching to you. Theres only so much i can take before i let out how i really feel. Afterall, you did want complete trust, and trust comes hand in hand with honesty. Look what trust got me?
I am more than willing to go back to the way it was before and be your friend, you me and the other two dorks, because i had so much fun like that. But im always going to be hurting a little when i see you, at least for a while. I want to hang out, i want to go to parties, i want all that. But mostly its because i still want to be with you. Im just enough of a push over that you cant get rid of me, and im still going to want you. You want to talk to me because im "addictive"? Well, how addictive can i possibly be if youre just throwing me away? You didn't even give me a chance. You didn't try. Things seem a little weird, so you cut me loose.
If you knew how you felt the whole time, why would you start things with me? Thats just hurting yourself as well as me. And i know you say you didnt set out to do it, but you could have stopped it, or made it so that this didnt happen. It was entirely under your control. You say i just kissed you, and why wouldn't you go for that? I can sure as hell tell you why. And besides, i didnt just kiss you, i told you how i felt and you told me the same. What was i supposed to think? You sure as hell did a good job of kissing me back, and then telling me how amazing i made you feel, calling me out into the garage, taking me home every night, making things official, begging me not to stop liking you when i was basically losing my mind, having her bed me to back off and leave you to her. Like some object. I defended you so much its not even funny, pointed out how she was using you, which isnt right because youre a person not a friggin toy. You begged me not to stop liking you, not to leave you, you choose me over her, you promise its me. But it wasn't.
And after all the promises you broke, I'm crazy enough to ask you for just one more, ask you not to mess with my head any more, not to change your mind again and tell me all over again in some time that you choose me, its all me. And you can't even do that. I guess at least this time you told me that wasnt a promise you were going to be able to keep for sure. And do you want to know what's double sad and pathetic? That actually made me kind of happy. To know that i had at least a tiny effect on you. That i might be able to make you see what you gave up so easily, that i might be able to make you hange your mind. It's sad because id be tempted to take you back, because you actually meant something to me, i actually cared about you. And i still do, which is why id be ever so slightly tempted.
Im not writing this to make you feel guilty or bad, or cut you down. I just genuinely want to get out exactly how i feel becaue im tired of holding it in so that other people wont talk or think things about me. I want to get over this and over you and just eb normal for once. And i want to have you back as a friend. Because i really loved that. You're not going to have to worry about awkwardness or me pulling anything in oublic. Im a fantastic actress. Besides, now that its out about how i really feel, I'll be fine. i Besides it's not like this is the first time this has happened to me.