(no subject)
I find it funny that i retreat to my livejournal whenever i am upset because it really should be the last thing i write in while i am angry..
anyway i am pissed off for multiple things, thanksgiving i spent being anti social to my family , the majority of my holiday was spent on here the computer which is really sad, aaron leaves tommorow, i only have two more days to sleep in and then i have to wait all the while to christmas break to actually get more sleep, i have no money ( that is the least of my problems though) , Dan sucks and hasn't spoken to me in 3 weeks about that whole weekend, i thought i was over that weekend AND him, Everyone else is happy and i can't seem to be... fuck!
This is too people that will know who they are:
I just have one question why do you proceed to not want to hang out with me ? Thats exactly why i came back this summer and promised myself i wouldn't do that to myself. ONe min. you want to hang out and the next i am just an extra person that you chose to only surrond yourselfs around the same old people. Maybe it's a sign that i need to stop surronding myself around you guys. WHo knows. Don't leave bullshit comments about how you wished you would understand or why are you mad? if you were really concerned you would call or atleast say it to my face. Am i really that annoying to you all ? Do you really call me a friend when i am not there ?? THis year sucks indeed it does but maybe that would make you prone to want to branch out. I find myself with the same old people and times that great but other times it's just so hurtful. I hear you say things about people like i can't believe how cliquey they are when in fact you turn around and do the same thing. Sorry i just can't sit there and not have any idea what you are talking about because i don't do the same things as you guys. Also if you really wanted to know what was wrong with me , maybe you would take into consideration all the times i have told you. I have told you multiple times how i feel about stuff and i feel like i am talking to a brick wall, one that just nods its head and when i am hurt you ask why would you feel bad ?, it makes me just want to fucking scream are you listening to me ?? do you know what i told you a week ago.. do i really matter that much or am i just another person to fill up a space in a group..
I had to get it out, and your probably pissed or upset but i am doing this for my own good. I have spent alot of time thinking about things because quite frankly i have had alot of times to myself, and i figure, to actually understand myself to get myself i need to not be hurt anymore...
maybe this will give you something to think over and i am sure that we will talk and act like all this is normal but i am telling you it's not.. i need to take a break, i need to stop and breathe and figure things out and if you really want to be good friends you will let me do that..
i always don't want to spark off that did you you hear what she said blah blah blah stuff cause its fucking screwed up and prototypical high school.
I am just taking this as a sign to stop having myself get hurt... its not worth my tears anymore honestly...
and o yeah i am always fucking sick of being the one to apoligize like everything is my fault. I'll tell you it's not always my fault . Like this i am so sick of always being the one to be like okay yeah whatever they are my friends since forever, no if you really were my friends since forever you wouldn't hurt me like that...
i feel lame putting this in my livejournal and like aaron said this is probably the most serious livejournal ever but i really need to get this out and i know that i will only get this message across to you by putting it on here which is really sad come to think of it...
"...so dont be fooled
so dont be lied to
love was always cruel
dont act strange
dont be a stranger
it happened to me now it's happening to you
but if you take that train under water then we could talk it through
well if i could tame all of my desires
wait out the weather
that howls in my brain
because it seems
that it's always changing
the wind's indecision, a sorrowful breeze
i was a postcard
i was a record
i was a camera
until i went blind..."
- Bright Eyes
anyway i am pissed off for multiple things, thanksgiving i spent being anti social to my family , the majority of my holiday was spent on here the computer which is really sad, aaron leaves tommorow, i only have two more days to sleep in and then i have to wait all the while to christmas break to actually get more sleep, i have no money ( that is the least of my problems though) , Dan sucks and hasn't spoken to me in 3 weeks about that whole weekend, i thought i was over that weekend AND him, Everyone else is happy and i can't seem to be... fuck!
This is too people that will know who they are:
I just have one question why do you proceed to not want to hang out with me ? Thats exactly why i came back this summer and promised myself i wouldn't do that to myself. ONe min. you want to hang out and the next i am just an extra person that you chose to only surrond yourselfs around the same old people. Maybe it's a sign that i need to stop surronding myself around you guys. WHo knows. Don't leave bullshit comments about how you wished you would understand or why are you mad? if you were really concerned you would call or atleast say it to my face. Am i really that annoying to you all ? Do you really call me a friend when i am not there ?? THis year sucks indeed it does but maybe that would make you prone to want to branch out. I find myself with the same old people and times that great but other times it's just so hurtful. I hear you say things about people like i can't believe how cliquey they are when in fact you turn around and do the same thing. Sorry i just can't sit there and not have any idea what you are talking about because i don't do the same things as you guys. Also if you really wanted to know what was wrong with me , maybe you would take into consideration all the times i have told you. I have told you multiple times how i feel about stuff and i feel like i am talking to a brick wall, one that just nods its head and when i am hurt you ask why would you feel bad ?, it makes me just want to fucking scream are you listening to me ?? do you know what i told you a week ago.. do i really matter that much or am i just another person to fill up a space in a group..
I had to get it out, and your probably pissed or upset but i am doing this for my own good. I have spent alot of time thinking about things because quite frankly i have had alot of times to myself, and i figure, to actually understand myself to get myself i need to not be hurt anymore...
maybe this will give you something to think over and i am sure that we will talk and act like all this is normal but i am telling you it's not.. i need to take a break, i need to stop and breathe and figure things out and if you really want to be good friends you will let me do that..
i always don't want to spark off that did you you hear what she said blah blah blah stuff cause its fucking screwed up and prototypical high school.
I am just taking this as a sign to stop having myself get hurt... its not worth my tears anymore honestly...
and o yeah i am always fucking sick of being the one to apoligize like everything is my fault. I'll tell you it's not always my fault . Like this i am so sick of always being the one to be like okay yeah whatever they are my friends since forever, no if you really were my friends since forever you wouldn't hurt me like that...
i feel lame putting this in my livejournal and like aaron said this is probably the most serious livejournal ever but i really need to get this out and i know that i will only get this message across to you by putting it on here which is really sad come to think of it...
"...so dont be fooled
so dont be lied to
love was always cruel
dont act strange
dont be a stranger
it happened to me now it's happening to you
but if you take that train under water then we could talk it through
well if i could tame all of my desires
wait out the weather
that howls in my brain
because it seems
that it's always changing
the wind's indecision, a sorrowful breeze
i was a postcard
i was a record
i was a camera
until i went blind..."
- Bright Eyes