[bsg] once more past the sun again
Title: Once More Past The Sun Again
Author: Claira
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None
Summary: Right arm, left, back to right, until the bruises were stark on her skin but the monitor kept flashing red, over and over until Lee couldn't watch anymore. PILOTS in 7420 something words.
Disclaimer: I don't own them!
A/N: Thanks so much to fahye and bantha_fodder who have been so patient and wonderfully blunt in their criticism, deleting commas and superfluous adjectives by the truckload. I have the best betas in the world, seriously.
This has been half-written since December last year. It was supposed to be brynnmck's Christmas present. I'm just a little late.
*
Once More Past The Sun Again
Lee knew something was wrong the minute he opened his cockpit and saw that Helo was already wheeling the ladder into place.
“What’s happened?” he asked sharply as soon as his helmet was off, swinging out of the Viper and down the stairs.
“It’s Kara,” Helo said. If Lee had needed confirmation, it was there in the panic in Helo’s voice. “Baltar says she’s a Cylon.”
*
He’d sprinted this stretch of the Galactica before but never in this direction, away from the hangar. The four flights of stairs took him by surprise, but he ran them without pausing, even when his lungs and thighs started burning. He couldn’t remember what he’d done with his helmet or what he’d said to the Chief or the faces of the people he’d pushed aside - he couldn’t think of anything except Kara is not a cylon and the look on Helo’s face.
When he reached his father’s quarters, the hatch was shut but he didn’t bother with knocking - he just swung the hatch open and kicked it shut behind him. “What the hell is going on?” he snapped. The room froze, and would have been funny if it didn’t feel like his heart was beating out of his chest.
His father was the first one to move.
“Kara’s a Cylon,” Adama said heavily, and slid a folder along the table. Lee caught it, and opened it to see a sheaf of papers, each of them more incomprehensible than the last. He flipped it shut again and shoved it back to his father.
“You are not serious.”
“Very serious.” Baltar stepped towards him, and Lee felt a wave of rage at the smug pity on his face. “I’m very sorry, but the test results are conclusive.”
“You’re not taking this seriously,” Lee said. “Dad.”
“Dr. Baltar has put forward some convincing evidence.”
Lee looked from his father to where Roslin was sitting, ankles neatly crossed, staring at his father with an unreadable expression on her face. “Bullshit.”
“You’ve never considered there might be something odd about Lieutenant Thrace’s ability in the air?” Baltar said, his voice polished smooth. “That just maybe her ability was more than human? The way she flew the Cylon raider all the way back from that moon?”
“She’s always been brilliant,” Lee said. “Even at the Academy - “
“Too brilliant,” Baltar retorted. “She’s a Cylon.”
“Lieutenant Thrace is human,” Roslin said, speaking for the first time. Her voice was calm and certain and Lee could have thrown himself at her feet in gratitude. She stood up and moved until she was standing next to Lee. “She’s proved that, over and over. The things she’s done.”
“Yes,” Baltar said, his eyes glittering with something cruel. “The things she’s done. She got us the Arrow of Apollo, didn’t she? She showed us the way, the way to salvation? For gods sake, for all we know we could be walking into a giant intergalactic trap!”
Lee was clenching his hands before he could stop himself, and Roslin’s hand landed on his arm, urgency in her grip.
“We’ll fix this,” Roslin said softly, as Baltar stepped over to Adama. “Don’t worry. We’ll rerun the tests. She’s not a Cylon.”
“This is insane. Insane.”
The President nodded. “I know,” she said. “But go. I’ll talk to them. Go and tell Kara not to worry.”
*
Lee took the stairs down to the brig two at a time, expecting to find Kara pacing behind the bars or sitting white-faced on her bunk. Instead, she was lying flat on her back, blowing smoke rings at the ceiling. She looked over when he came close to the bars, and grinned.
“Apparently,” she said, taking the cigar out of her mouth, “I’m a Cylon.” She laughed. “Can you believe it?”
He shook his head, watching her as she languorously stretched, then swung her feet over the side of the bunk and stood.
“They’ll release me soon, won’t they,” she said. “Lee. I mean, they aren’t serious…”
Her words faded away as she studied his face, and the light left her eyes.
“Oh,” she said, raising one hand to the bars and closing her fingers around the metal so tightly Lee knew it hurt. “How frakked am I?”
“You’re not,” he said with confidence he didn’t have.
“Right,” Kara said, after a pause. The cigar fell to the floor and she crushed it with the toe of her boot.
“Kara - “
“You know,” she interrupted, “I was always told I was a frak up.” Her voice was mocking and Lee reached out for her. She was too far away. “Even I never thought it could be this bad.”
*
The news spread quickly - for the first day most of it was sheer disbelief, but by the fourth shift change a new feeling had spread insidiously through the Galactica.
Lee was unaware of it for most of the day - he had been watching Baltar run and rerun his test for hours, watching Kara’s face whiten as more and more blood was drawn. Right arm, left, back to right, until the bruises were stark on her skin but the monitor kept flashing red, over and over until Lee couldn’t watch anymore.
His head was pounding when he excused himself on grounds of needing food, and when he opened the hatch, Helo was waiting for him, leaning against the bulkhead. Lee felt a stab of hope before the look on Helo’s face told him everything. He asked anyway.
The other man shook his head. “Things aren’t going well.”
“What do you mean?”
Helo uncrossed his arms. “Public opinion is swinging,” he said, his voice bitter. “They’ll be lynching her by tomorrow. Wait and see.”
He was right.
Five hours later, the rumours had started - Kara had been responsible for the deaths of all the pilots lost so far, shooting them down in dogfights, accidents in training. Kara had been seen leaving the bunk room late at night. Kara had been Sharon Valerii’s best friend -
“What are we going to do?” Lee asked, pacing his father’s quarters. “They want her flushed out an airlock.”
“We’ll leave her in the brig for now,” Adama said. “Until we can make further plans.”
“What?”
“We need to ascertain the threat level first - “
“You - “ It felt like he was choking. “You believe she is?”
His father’s eyes were full of disbelief. “You don’t?”
*
When Kara’s blood failed to pass, Baltar began his interrogation and Lee watched from the other side of the glass, studied Kara’s face as she recited answer after answer without taking her eyes from Baltar. Birthdays, places that she’d lived, schools, friends that she’d had. Kara’s life unfolding in bitter greys and browns, cheap houses, her father’s absence, her cousin’s hand me down clothes.
There was no pity in Baltar’s eyes, and nothing but burning anger in Kara’s, until Baltar looked down and wrote a note in his margin - and then a long pause, where he seemed to listen to the silence for over a minute. Kara shifted in her seat, rubbing her arm and when Baltar finally looked up, his smile was cruel.
“Kara,” he said. “Do you remember your mother?”
The reaction was instantaneous. Kara’s shoulders tensed, her chin lifting.
“Yes,” she said tightly. “I do.”
“Any vagueness to those memories? A feeling they may not be real?”
Kara’s shoulders were shaking now, and her gaze dropped for the first time. “Not a chance.”
“Why are you getting so emotional, Lieutenant?” Baltar’s voice was politely curious.
Kara was silent, and Lee looked at her face and was staggered to see tears slipping down her cheeks.
“Interesting,” Baltar said, and made a note on his notebook.
*
Kara cried herself to sleep that night; Lee watched from the shadows, pretending to be asleep at the desk to allow her at least a little dignity, and the next morning he called the President and asked for a meeting. Billy passed on the acceptance, and Lee took a shuttle to Colonial One.
Roslin listened quietly, hands folded and when he reached the end, he waited for her to say something, anything that could get Kara out of this mess.
“I can’t,” Roslin said finally. “Captain Apollo, there’s nothing I can do.”
“The tests - “
“The tests have been run countless times.”
“But - “
“I know.” Roslin’s voice was low and weary. “I know, but I have no choice. I have to let this go.”
“You can’t let this go!” he said, hearing his voice rise. “She’s not a Cylon!”
“I know.”
“Then - “
She cut him off with a slash of her hand. “I know because I believe in the Gods,” Roslin said. “And I have seen it - “ she broke off. “But that’s not defensible. That doesn’t stand up to Dr. Baltar’s evidence. I’m sorry, Lee.”
Her hand rested for a moment on his shoulder. “But have faith. Things may happen.”
*
Visiting Kara four hours later made his stomach twist. She was lying on her stomach, chin propped on one hand and fingers caught in a paper back, and turned when she heard the hatch open. Her smile was warm, and she folded down a page, setting the book carefully on her bed.
“Who gave you that?” he said, sitting down next to the bars and pulling out his deck of cards. She sat cross-legged in front of him and watched him deal.
“Kat,” Kara said finally. “She came down to see me.”
“What is it?”
“Just a cheap thriller,” Kara said, leaning backwards and picking the book up. She passed it to him through the bars, and he studied the faded cover. Thieves of Mercy! declared the title in letters dripping with blood, and Lee winced at the lurid colours. A faint smile crossed her face. “Yeah, it’s terrible, but it passes the time.”
Her face changed again. “It must have cost her a lot.”
“She believes you’re human.”
“That makes three, then,” Kara said, with a touch of bitterness.
“There’s more than that. You know that.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Kara said. “Now are we playing or not?”
Lee shoved her cards towards her, watched her sort them carefully and wished there was something comforting he could say.
Kara had divided the Galactica, but it wasn’t even close to down the middle. Three in every four believed Kara was a Cylon, and most of the rest didn’t know what to think. Lee had seen Cally standing in the hanger deck staring at Kara’s Viper, and he’d watched as she’d stepped slowly forward and pressed the palm of her hand against the deep gouge in Kara’s wing from the last fire fight.
She was one of the few who had visited Kara at all. Tyrol had not.
Most of the pilots took violent sides on the matter, and Lee was surprised because some of the people he’d have expected to be ranging themselves firmly on his father’s side ended up on his. Kat, Racetrack, and Nexus - three pilots he knew had had open issues with Kara - were her strongest defenders. Hotdog seemed undecided. Greaves, Hangar, and Jukebox, all men who had worshipped Kara, now wouldn’t look at Lee at all out of briefings.
*
It was midway through third rotation and Lee was sitting in the rec room, trying to wrap his head around the maintenance shifts when he heard Greaves and Jukebox talking.
“I bet they have their own meetings,” Jukebox said. “Once a week, perhaps.”
“Cylon frakkers anonymous.”
There was an ominous chuckle from both men, and then Greaves raised his voice in a mocking falsetto.
“Hi, my name is Karl Agathon and this week I haven’t frakked any Cylons!”
Lee was just rising to his feet when he felt a sharp tap on his shoulder.
“Sir?”
Lee looked up and saw Kat standing beside him. “You’re needed in the CIC, sir.”
He shoved his chair back so hard it hit the bulkhead.
“What do they want?” he said, clipping his words short as he walked along the corridor. Kat was almost running to keep up with him.
“Nothing,” Kat said. He stopped looked at her in surprise. “They wanted to start a fight, sir. Another minute and you probably would have killed one of them. You’re no use to her if they lock you in a cell far away from her,” Kat said softly, and he breathed out once slowly and tried to shut away the image of pounding both men into the metal floor.
“Thank you.”
“Not a problem, sir.”
He studied her for a moment, as she looked along the corridor.
“Can I ask a question?”
“Sir?”
“Why do you believe in her?”
She shrugged. “She saved my life. It makes it a lot harder to hate her.”
Lee nodded, then fished a note out of his pocket and handed it to Kat. “She said to give this to you.”
Kat took it, opened it carefully and scanned the three lines of print. Lee knew exactly what it said; a short, simple thank you but it was signed Kara, not Starbuck, and he could see Kat’s eyes soften as she refolded the paper and slipped it in her pocket.
“When are you seeing her next?” she asked.
“After CAP.”
Kat nodded. “Can you pass on a message?”
“Sure.”
“Tell her I’ll come and see her with Meg when we get a minute.” She hesitated. “Tell her not to give up.”
“I will,” Lee said. “Oh, and Kat - thanks. Again.”
Kat nodded, and spun on her heel.
*
Day ten began with no change, and Lee was summoned to his father’s quarters at the start of second shift.
The meeting began innocently enough - rotations, shift changes, CAP margins - but Lee could feel the conversation swinging slowly around to Kara.
“Regarding the Cylon,” Adama said finally, when Lee was sipping water from his glass.
“Kara, you mean.”
His father continued as if he hadn’t heard him. “We may have to consider interrogation.”
It took a moment for the words to actually make sense.
Adama continued easily, as if he was still talking about CAP rotations or something else just as prosaic. “We need to know if the Cylon has an agenda.”
“So, you’re what, you’re going to torture Kara?”
“You should stop calling it that.” The Commander looked at Lee over his glass. “You need to get some distance.”
“Have you even considered the possibility that you might be wrong? That Baltar might have made a mistake?”
“He ran the tests several times.”
“He’s made mistakes before.”
“Lee, you are letting your feelings cloud your judgement.”
“You always told me to go with my instincts,” Lee said. “And gods, Dad, I swear if you are wrong about this - “
“You’ve got to weigh up the balance,” Adama started, but Lee cut him off with a wave of his hand.
“Why are you being like this?”
“That thing killed my son!”
Lee could almost see the words hanging in the air and in the silence that followed, he stared past his father to the photo of the three of them, him, his father and Zak on the tarmac before Zak’s first plane ride.
It was strange that Kara was able to drive a wedge between him and his father, deeper than Zak had ever done.
The glass made a faint chink when Lee put it down on the table.
“You torture her,” Lee said finally, so softly that Adama leaned towards him, “And you’ll lose your other son. Is that all, sir?”
His father did not miss the inflection. “Yes, Captain.”
Lee swept his papers up and tucked them under his arm. His hand was on the hatch when Adama spoke again. “You loved her.”
Lee stopped, and couldn’t help the flinch that rippled through his body.
His father nodded slowly. “Make sure you don’t do anything you’ll regret.”
“I could say the same thing to you,” Lee said, and left.
*
Lee woke up sweating, sheet kicked down to his ankles and with his right index finger still flexed around an imaginary trigger.
He jerked himself upright and tried to shake away the dream, but it persisted - green trees, the smell of rain, his uniform damp and uncomfortable. Kara’s smile inhuman as she turned her gun on him. Aim, fire, fingers shaking, his bullets tearing into her chest and Kara sinking to her knees and mouthing his name as her lungs emptied of air, bright red blood bubbling to her lips and dripping off her chin -
He sucked in a deep breath, wrapped his arms around his knees and closed his eyes to the doubts that crept in late at night, when he couldn’t see her and touch her.
She couldn’t be. She was Kara, and he’d fought beside her, flown for hours as her wingman, bled beside her and the thought that she was anything but human was unfathomable.
Lee lay back down and watched the lights of his bedside clock count down the minutes until fourth shift.
*
Another week passed; a deck of cards, paper, pens, the occasional book made its way into Kara’s cell. Lee often went down to see Racetrack sprawled on the floor or Helo teasing Kara mercilessly, both of them with lollipops stuck in their cheeks.
Lee took all of his paperwork down and completed his rosters on the floor in front of her, talked to her until she fell asleep, and watched her body curl into itself as she dreamed.
He didn’t realise she was watching him as well until one day he caught a speculative look in her eyes.
“Lee,” she said. “You need to get some sleep.”
“I’m fine,” he said, and five seconds later a yawn nearly split his head open. Kara rolled her eyes, and opened her mouth to say something. “No,” he told her tightly. “I’m fine.”
Something in his voice must have convinced her, because she fell silent.
It wasn’t enough, though, his presence. There was fear in her eyes, rising relentlessly and nothing her could say could quash it. She stopped asking about progress and he was glad. He had none to give her.
*
Lee was running late - his Viper needed maintenance, and Tyrol, his voice terse, had ordered that he do it as soon as his Viper cooled from CAP. By the time he’d finished cleaning the fuel line, he was over an hour past the time he told her he’d been down, and Lee was taking the stairs two at a time when he heard his father’s voice.
“Did you? Did you?”
Lee turned the corner to see his father’s back through the hatch, Kara holding into the bars with hands so tightly he knew she was holding herself up.
“Sir, I - “ Kara replied, and then her voice broke and Lee heard the sharp edges of a sob. “I didn’t - I wouldn’t - I loved him.”
“Machines aren’t capable of love,” his father snapped, and he saw Kara’s fingers reach out convulsively. Adama took a step back from her, almost recoiling and Kara’s face twisted.
“Dad,” he said, and wasn’t surprised to hear his voice colder than ever before, even at Zak’s funeral. “You need to get the hell out of here. Now.”
Adama went to say something, but his eyes slid down to where Lee was clenching his hands so tightly that his knuckles were starting to ache, and seemed to think the better of it.
“Dad. Go. ”
Adama straightened, and Lee watched as Kara slid from standing to slumped against the bars of her cell, as if someone had cut the strings holding her up.
“Don’t spend too much time with it,” his father said as he brushed past him, and Lee saw Kara’s whole body flinch in his peripheral vision. Lee sucked in a deep breath and somehow swallowed all the things he desperately wanted to say to his father. If he ended up in the brig, Helo would be the only one looking after Kara, and he couldn’t let that happen.
It wasn’t safe for her anymore.
He waited until the hatch was shut and locked, then stepped over and knelt in front of her.
“What did he say to you?”
“He - ” Kara started, her voice thick with unshed tears, “He asked me if I knew I was a Cylon when I killed his son. I - Lee - he hates me.”
“Shh,” he said, leaning forward and pressing an awkward kiss to her hair. “He’s just in shock.”
“He believes I am.”
“Shh, Kara - “
“I can’t live like this, Lee - “
“I know, I know.”
She lifted her eyes to his then, and something hovered in them behind the pain and the confusion, and he blinked, and in that pause she managed to get her hands tangled in his tanks.
There was the tiniest moment of hesitation before she leant forward the extra inch and pressed her lips against his. It was chaste, almost gentle for a beat and then he tilted his head slightly and nipped at her bottom lip. He heard the breath catch in her throat before her mouth opened under his, and she tried to pull him even closer.
He could almost taste the desperation and tears in her kiss and he could feel her body trembling. Everything about their position was awkward; he could barely move his head and she was pulling him so tight against the bars that his shoulders were aching.
He didn’t care.
She pulled away abruptly, and stared at him with wide eyes. After a second, a burble of almost hysterical laughter echoed in the silence of the room, and she tried to scramble away.
“See what I mean?” she said. “I always frak everything up.”
His touch on her wrists was light but insistent, and slowly he drew her back against him.
“What have you frakked up?” he asked lightly, letting go of one hand and brushing her hair out of her eyes, before dipping his head and kissing her again, this time slower and surer, tilting her head with the fingertips of one hand until she melted into him.
*
It was a short lived reprieve; a night of whispered assurances and her fingers desperately pulling him closer, and stupidly he’d hoped that everything would be better. There was almost a lightness in his step as he walked down to the brig, and it lasted right up until he heard voices coming from her cell.
“So, how many pilots do you think she’s killed?”
“I don’t know - she’s the flight instructor, you know. You don’t know what she’s taught the nuggets.”
“Makes you think, doesn’t it?”
Lee wrenched the hatch the rest of the way open, and Greaves, Koffer and Jukebox all flinched but not one of them looked guilty. All Lee could see was the way Kara’s face was white, jaw clenched, and there was a look in her eyes that he hadn’t seen for two and a half years.
“Who gave you permission to treat her like that?” he said quietly, and Greaves stepped forward.
“She’s a Cylon, sir. What does it matter?”
“Until Lieutenant Thrace has been proven a Cylon beyond all possible doubt, you treat her exactly as any other member of the fleet.“
“But sir - “
Lee cut them off with a slash of one hand. “Show your frakking humanity,” he spat. “Since you’re so proud of it.”
Greave’s face darkened, but even he knew better than to take on the CAG.
“Let’s go,” he muttered, and Jukebox nodded.
Lee watched the three men as they slunk out of the brig and slammed the hatch shut behind them. When he turned around, Kara was sitting up straighter, tugging at her tanks, trying to get the creases out.
“Lee,” she said, sounding tired and beaten. “What brings you here?”
“I brought you something,” he said, holding out the chocolate bar. Her eyes slid over him, and it seemed to take a minute for her to focus on the shine of the red wrapper. Then the pitiful gleam of gratitude in her eyes twisted his stomach.
“Well,” he said, after a moment of silence, “Aren’t you going to come and get it?” He held it out, fingers slipping on the foil. “Come on. I spent three hours winning this for you.”
“I - I don’t want to - “ she started, faltered, then finished in a rush. “I don’t want to hurt you. And I’m not safe.”
After a moment, the meaning of her words sunk in, and he snapped.
“You are not a Cylon,” he all but yelled at her. “And I am not throwing this at you, so get off your ass now, Kara.”
For a second, anger smouldered in her eyes and he welcomed it; he’d take anything over the defeated look that had been in them before, but just as quickly it faded away, leaving her small and crumpled on her bed.
“You have it,” she said. “It’s worth too much to - “
“To what?”
She shrugged.
“I will make this an order if I have to,” he told her. “And I am still your superior officer, Lieutenant.”
He stood there, holding the tiny piece out to her, as she glared at him but for once he outlasted her. She got to her feet, brushing her hands on her pants and crossed towards him.
When she reached for it, he feinted, caught her wrist and dragged her close him. She twisted her hands in his grip but he held her firmly until she gave up, let him pull her flush against the bars, so he could drag their hands against his chest. Her shoulders shook, her fingers trembling in between his.
“You are not a Cylon,” he told her. “Kara.”
“What if I am?” she said, so softly that he almost missed it. “It would make sense.”
“That’s bullshit,” he said, but even softer, dropping his forehead to rest against hers. “Bullshit.”
Her breath hissed out in a something like a laugh. “How do you know that?”
He shrugged. “I just do. You’re human.”
“Lee - “
“I’ll get you out of here.”
“My hero,” she said, with a hint of Starbuck back in her voice.
“You know I’ll never let you forget it, either,” he said and pulled back just in time to see her lips quirk up.
“Well, you do owe me about two hundred favours,” she said. “It’s about time you started paying me back.”
“I owe you? How in the gods name did you come to that conclusion?”
Her smile widened for a moment, her eyes sparkling, but then the shadows fell again and he could see the bars reflected in her eyes.
“Give me a week,” he said, with more optimism that he felt. “In the mean time - “
“What?”
“Hold on,” he said, and pressed a kiss to her forehead, tried not to care that she flinched away.
*
She did hold on, but barely, and Lee watched her bend and bend and bend until the time left until her breaking point seemed seconds away. It was agony watching from the other side of the bars, and she wouldn’t let him touch her. The look in her eyes had changed from caged desperation to a hopeless acceptance that was even harder for Lee to stomach.
The night she faked sleep so she didn’t have to talk to him - he knew what Kara sleeping looked like, he’d watched it too many times - was the night he realised they only had days left before she shut everyone out.
“We have to do something,” he said to Racetrack later that day as they strolled briskly towards the CIC.
“I know,” Racetrack said, tucking her folders firmly under one arm and coming to a stop. “She’s dying in there. Are you sure the Commander - “
“The Commander has washed his hands of it,” Lee replied tightly.
Racetrack nodded.
“Gaeta and Helo had an idea,” Racetrack started, then broke off and sent a quick look around the hallway. “Surveillance.”
“What?”
“The Vice President. If anyone’s behind this, it’s him, right? We figured if we had some way of watching him, we might, I don’t know, get something. Felix is going to set it up. If you think it’s a good idea, sir.”
“At this stage, anything’s a good idea.”
Racetrack nodded, then stepped back and saluted. “Thank you for your consideration of the issue, Sir.”
“Lieutenant,” he said, nodding, and walked away.
*
“We’re putting Baltar under surveillance,” he informed her that night, after an hour of stilted silence, her sitting on her bed, him completing roster after roster.
“What? Why?”
He looked up to see her face looking almost alive again, and had to check himself from rising to his feet.
“He’s the most likely suspect,” he said casually, watching her reaction.
“Oh,” she said. “I didn’t think - “
She trailed off, her eyes watching the pencil spinning lazily in his fingers.
“What were you going to say?”
“I didn’t think he hated me that much.”
“Why would he hate you?” he asked cautiously.
A delicate flush was spreading across Kara’s skin. “He has his reasons,” she said, turned her body away from him. There was awkwardness in her movements that he didn’t understand.
“Oh,” he said.
“Never mind,” she said, her face clearing, eyes becoming blank. “It’s not important.”
It was the last thing she said to him for three rotations, and he ran on two hours of sleep a rotation just to watch her.
He fell asleep at his desk in the end, face down on the reports he was behind on and woke up when his head was lightly banged into the desk.
“Frak,” he muttered, and the shaking increased. It was Helo.
“Wake up, Apollo,” he ordered, and Lee sat up and watched in bemusement as Helo shoved a disc into the feeder and hit buttons on his monitor like a madman.
“What is it?”
“Just - watch,” Helo said, stepping back. “You’ll see.”
Less than a minute of footage, but it was enough and Lee felt the relief crash on him so heavily that he almost buckled.
“Thank the gods,” he said quietly, staring at the monitor.
“Yeah,” Helo said, his eyes shining with a cold edge of triumph. “We got him.”
*
They ran almost the entire way to Adama’s quarters, and Lee didn’t knock - he marched in, Helo behind him like a bodyguard, disregarding all protocol and what was certainly the very important meeting between the President and his father.
“Lee?” the Commander started, and the President looked confused.
“Sorry for interrupting,” Lee said, “But there’s something you need to see.”
“Can’t it wait?”
“No.”
The tiniest smile flashed across Roslin’s face.
“What is it?” Adama snapped, and Lee didn’t bother answering, simply slipped the disc in and waited impatiently as the screen warmed up.
The screen warmed; the grainy image sharpened, focused, and the date and time stamp was clear on the bottom.
It was damning.
Baltar was pacing around his lab, gesturing fiercely. “You always say that,” he said to thin air. “When am I going to know this plan you always speak of?”
A pause, and then he threw up his hands. “It was necessary? Who am I going to have to implicate next? Commander Adama?”
He glared at a space somewhat to the left of him, and then a smile crept over his face. “It has had quite a beautiful set of repercussions, hasn’t it? It’s almost a shame she isn’t a Cylon.”
A pause, then - “No, not because I want him to be wrong. You seem a little obsessed with that idea, if you ask me.”
Baltar reached out, seemed to touch something in the air, his face tender, then his head snapped to one side.
“Frak!” he said, holding his cheek as if he was in pain. “Was that really necessary?”
Lee pressed pause, and the feed froze with Baltar’s look of outrage. “Is that enough?” he said, turning to his father. Adama didn’t answer.
“Definitely,” the President said crisply. “I think that’s grounds for immediate release, don’t you, Commander?”
“Yes,” Adama said finally.
“You’ll need to come down to the brig to make it official,” Lee said, and his father didn’t move.
“Kara’s been in there four weeks and three days. I don’t think she deserves to spend another minute in there, do you?” Roslin said, and Lee realised after a moment that he hadn’t been the only one counting days.
“Kara Thrace has been held in the brig for a month. She deserves to be released instantly,” the President continued, her face a mask of anger. “Whether you are coming or not, Commander.”
She pulled Lee with her out the hatch, and her fingernails were sharp even through his jacket.
The walk to the brig was fast - Roslin was almost jogging and Lee suspected she would have if it wasn’t considered so unprofessional. His father was four paces behind.
When they reached the brig, Kara was sitting at the end of her bed, head resting back against the wall, arms wrapped around her knees. The shadows were thick under her eyes and cheekbones and when she saw the four of them enter, she scrambled awkwardly to her feet and saluted. The President was fumbling with the key, her fingers shaking as she puled the door of the cell open.
Kara didn’t move.
“Sirs?” she said, and Lee watched the way she wet her lips, the nervous flick of her eyes from his father to the President and back again. He recognised her stance, the set of her shoulders; it was the way she positioned her body when she was expecting to be hit.
When it became apparent Adama wasn’t going to say anything, the President stepped forward.
“You’re free, Kara,” the President said, with a sharp look at the Commander. “It appears there was a misunderstanding. You’re human.”
“I - what?”
She stood in the middle of the cell, staring at the open door like it was a mirage.
“You’re free,” Lee said, and she looked from his smile to where Helo was almost vibrating with joy next to him and then a look of relief cascaded over her face. She took two steps towards the door before Helo picked her up off the ground and swung her around.
“I knew it,” he said. “I just knew it.”
He put her down and she almost staggered back into Lee, throwing her arms around his neck. He pulled her so tightly to him that it was hard to breathe and he held on until he was sure he wasn’t dreaming.
“Thank you,” she said into his neck, and then took a quick self-conscious step back.
“I’m so glad,” the President said, cupped Kara’s cheek with one hand. “And I’m so sorry you had to go through this.”
“It’s alright, Madam President,” Kara replied, and let the older woman pull her into a hug.
“Welcome back, Kara,” his father said, when the President released her, and reached out.
Kara paused, looked at him with a steady, cold gaze. “I thought you’d forgotten my name, sir.”
“I made a mistake,” Adama said. “The circumstances - Kara - “
Kara shrugged faintly, and turned her back on him. Helo wrapped an arm around her shoulder.
“If you’ll excuse me, Commander,” she said, not turning around, “I have people I’d like to see.”
She didn’t wait for a response, and Lee stood where he was until the sound of her boots against the floor had faded before he turned to his father.
“Lee,” Adama started, and Lee smiled.
“So, sir,,” he said, “Any regrets?”
His father’s face paled and Lee turned on his heel. “Have a good day, Commander,” he said, with a sharp salute, and left his father standing alone in the brig.
*
Roslin caught up with them two corridors away. “Lieutenant Thrace,” she called from behind them, and Kara turned.
“Sir?”
Roslin drew close and put one hand carefully on Kara’s cheek, brushing her hair back. “I just wanted to say again that I’m so glad,” she said softly. “I knew it wasn’t true.”
“Thank you, Madam President,” Kara replied, and Roslin smiled before letting her hand fall, turning to Lee.
“I think I have some business with my Vice-President,” she said. “I’ll check back with you later, Captain.”
“Sir,” he said, and Roslin paused, looked at where Kara was leaning heavily against Helo.
“Take the H4 hallway,” she said. “I’ll make sure it stays clear.”
Five minutes later, they were walking through silent corridors, and Lee was grateful free of people who would have crowded Kara, wanted to ask questions he didn’t have the patience to answer, and Kara would not have had the strength. He could feel the bones of her spine when he put his hand on her back, and it worried him.
When they reached the bunk room, Helo gave Kara another quick hug.
“You’re leaving?” she said, when he’d drawn back, her hands still on his shoulders.
“There’ll be some people very eager to see you,” he said, and cuffed her chin lightly. “You were missed, you know.”
Kara smiled - tightly, not her usual brilliant grin, and Lee nodded at Helo, who set off at a fast trot down the hallway. When Lee turned around, Kara had already slipped into the bunkroom.
Lee hesitated then stepped into the darkened room after her. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the light. Kara was standing, staring at her empty locker.
“My things,” she said faintly, and then she sank to the floor.
“I’ve got them,” he said, crossing to his locker. The box was buried beneath old sweatpants and uniforms.
He dropped to his knees beside her and handed it to her, and she opened it with shaking fingers, took out the photo and pressed her fingertips to the paper.
Lee looked over her shoulder, and saw nearly stacked every letter he’d written her in between flight school and Zak - Kara Thrace, 2/13 Assuria Street, Delphi - the envelopes creased and grease-smudged. A rolled up certificate, still tied with the brown and maroon ribbon of the Caprica Flight Academy. Two brass tags on a chain he knew had once hung around his brother’s neck.
“I believed I was,” she said, her breath choking but her eyes burning with the lack of tears. “I believed I was.”
It was easy to pull her into his arms.
“I never did,” he said, his hands smoothing the wrinkles out of her tanks.
“Why?” she said, and through his jacket and shirt he could feel her fingers digging into the skin of his shoulders.
“Because I love you,” he said simply, and her grip on him tightened, then relaxed just as suddenly.
Then finally, finally the tears started, and he held her as she sobbed out all the fear and terror and relief from the last month, held her until the shuddering of her body eased and she was silent, her face tucked into the crook of his neck. “Thank you,” she said softly.
“Any time,” he replied, and she shook her head.
“For everything. I don’t deserve it.”
“Kara,” he said, and rolled his eyes, lacing his fingers into her hair and pulling her head back gently so he could see her eyes. “You say that once more and there’s going to be consequences.”
“Oh?” she said, with a hint of challenge. “What would those be, sir?”
She was close already, so it was not difficult at all to lean down a little, tilt his head and kiss her. She was still for just a moment and then she twisted slightly, and her hands rising, one to his shoulder, the other to the back of his neck. Lee hooked his arms around her body and pulled her closer, swallowed the moan that fell off her lips.
Some time after that, someone coughed. Politely.
Kara pulled back, and Lee realised slowly that somehow she’d ended up straddling him, a knee on either side of his legs. His hand was definitely under her shirt.
Lee grinned. Kara rolled her eyes.
“Sweet as this moment is,” Helo said, and Lee could hear the grin in his voice, “There’s quite a crowd of people waiting to see Kara, and I can’t have you monopolising her like this.”
Kara stifled a laugh and Lee grinned, pressed one last defiant kiss to her mouth.
“Later,” he whispered, and watched a smile light up her face before she clambered awkwardly off him.
Helo waited until Lee had risen from the floor and Kara had straightened her tanks before opening the door wider, letting in a small group of people, Kat, beaming with her hair dripping down her back, Racetrack looking sleep crumpled and with creases still on her cheek from her pillow. Gaeta, Cally. Helo. So few people, and he wondered as he watched her submit to being hugged by everyone if even Starbuck would be able to deal with the life Baltar’s mistake had left her with.
Then she turned and saw him staring, and raised one eyebrow. “Gods, Lee. Could you try and be a little happier? Anyone would think you’d just realised you’re stuck with me forever now.”
Forever, he thought. It sounded good.
Kara was still looking at him, her head tilted and her expression curious, and he let a smirk seep slowly onto his face.
“It’s not that,” he said. “It’s more that I’m realising exactly how bad you smell now, since you haven’t had a bath in - gods, how long?”
A second, and then her eyebrows rose into her hairline. “Really,” she drawled, and he could see the corners of her lips twitching.
“Like a latrine,” he said, nodding seriously and looked over at Helo’s long-suffering expression. It proved to be his mistake; his reflexes were sharp, but she had the element of surprise, and Lee didn’t quite manage to duck away before she smacked him hard in the head with the pillow from her rack.
She was laughing when he opened his eyes. The shadows were still painting her face, the sharp line of her cheekbone jutting out but even so she was beautifully, gloriously human and he felt the doubt that had been crushing him roll off his back. He shook his head, and figured it couldn’t be a celebration of Kara’s humanity if she didn’t beat someone up.
“You were always good at hitting superior officers, Starbuck,” he told her, rubbing his neck.
“Only superior assholes, sir,” she said, and gave him a smile, and for a moment everyone else in the room disappeared.
He smiled back.
*
Author: Claira
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None
Summary: Right arm, left, back to right, until the bruises were stark on her skin but the monitor kept flashing red, over and over until Lee couldn't watch anymore. PILOTS in 7420 something words.
Disclaimer: I don't own them!
A/N: Thanks so much to fahye and bantha_fodder who have been so patient and wonderfully blunt in their criticism, deleting commas and superfluous adjectives by the truckload. I have the best betas in the world, seriously.
This has been half-written since December last year. It was supposed to be brynnmck's Christmas present. I'm just a little late.
*
Once More Past The Sun Again
Lee knew something was wrong the minute he opened his cockpit and saw that Helo was already wheeling the ladder into place.
“What’s happened?” he asked sharply as soon as his helmet was off, swinging out of the Viper and down the stairs.
“It’s Kara,” Helo said. If Lee had needed confirmation, it was there in the panic in Helo’s voice. “Baltar says she’s a Cylon.”
*
He’d sprinted this stretch of the Galactica before but never in this direction, away from the hangar. The four flights of stairs took him by surprise, but he ran them without pausing, even when his lungs and thighs started burning. He couldn’t remember what he’d done with his helmet or what he’d said to the Chief or the faces of the people he’d pushed aside - he couldn’t think of anything except Kara is not a cylon and the look on Helo’s face.
When he reached his father’s quarters, the hatch was shut but he didn’t bother with knocking - he just swung the hatch open and kicked it shut behind him. “What the hell is going on?” he snapped. The room froze, and would have been funny if it didn’t feel like his heart was beating out of his chest.
His father was the first one to move.
“Kara’s a Cylon,” Adama said heavily, and slid a folder along the table. Lee caught it, and opened it to see a sheaf of papers, each of them more incomprehensible than the last. He flipped it shut again and shoved it back to his father.
“You are not serious.”
“Very serious.” Baltar stepped towards him, and Lee felt a wave of rage at the smug pity on his face. “I’m very sorry, but the test results are conclusive.”
“You’re not taking this seriously,” Lee said. “Dad.”
“Dr. Baltar has put forward some convincing evidence.”
Lee looked from his father to where Roslin was sitting, ankles neatly crossed, staring at his father with an unreadable expression on her face. “Bullshit.”
“You’ve never considered there might be something odd about Lieutenant Thrace’s ability in the air?” Baltar said, his voice polished smooth. “That just maybe her ability was more than human? The way she flew the Cylon raider all the way back from that moon?”
“She’s always been brilliant,” Lee said. “Even at the Academy - “
“Too brilliant,” Baltar retorted. “She’s a Cylon.”
“Lieutenant Thrace is human,” Roslin said, speaking for the first time. Her voice was calm and certain and Lee could have thrown himself at her feet in gratitude. She stood up and moved until she was standing next to Lee. “She’s proved that, over and over. The things she’s done.”
“Yes,” Baltar said, his eyes glittering with something cruel. “The things she’s done. She got us the Arrow of Apollo, didn’t she? She showed us the way, the way to salvation? For gods sake, for all we know we could be walking into a giant intergalactic trap!”
Lee was clenching his hands before he could stop himself, and Roslin’s hand landed on his arm, urgency in her grip.
“We’ll fix this,” Roslin said softly, as Baltar stepped over to Adama. “Don’t worry. We’ll rerun the tests. She’s not a Cylon.”
“This is insane. Insane.”
The President nodded. “I know,” she said. “But go. I’ll talk to them. Go and tell Kara not to worry.”
*
Lee took the stairs down to the brig two at a time, expecting to find Kara pacing behind the bars or sitting white-faced on her bunk. Instead, she was lying flat on her back, blowing smoke rings at the ceiling. She looked over when he came close to the bars, and grinned.
“Apparently,” she said, taking the cigar out of her mouth, “I’m a Cylon.” She laughed. “Can you believe it?”
He shook his head, watching her as she languorously stretched, then swung her feet over the side of the bunk and stood.
“They’ll release me soon, won’t they,” she said. “Lee. I mean, they aren’t serious…”
Her words faded away as she studied his face, and the light left her eyes.
“Oh,” she said, raising one hand to the bars and closing her fingers around the metal so tightly Lee knew it hurt. “How frakked am I?”
“You’re not,” he said with confidence he didn’t have.
“Right,” Kara said, after a pause. The cigar fell to the floor and she crushed it with the toe of her boot.
“Kara - “
“You know,” she interrupted, “I was always told I was a frak up.” Her voice was mocking and Lee reached out for her. She was too far away. “Even I never thought it could be this bad.”
*
The news spread quickly - for the first day most of it was sheer disbelief, but by the fourth shift change a new feeling had spread insidiously through the Galactica.
Lee was unaware of it for most of the day - he had been watching Baltar run and rerun his test for hours, watching Kara’s face whiten as more and more blood was drawn. Right arm, left, back to right, until the bruises were stark on her skin but the monitor kept flashing red, over and over until Lee couldn’t watch anymore.
His head was pounding when he excused himself on grounds of needing food, and when he opened the hatch, Helo was waiting for him, leaning against the bulkhead. Lee felt a stab of hope before the look on Helo’s face told him everything. He asked anyway.
The other man shook his head. “Things aren’t going well.”
“What do you mean?”
Helo uncrossed his arms. “Public opinion is swinging,” he said, his voice bitter. “They’ll be lynching her by tomorrow. Wait and see.”
He was right.
Five hours later, the rumours had started - Kara had been responsible for the deaths of all the pilots lost so far, shooting them down in dogfights, accidents in training. Kara had been seen leaving the bunk room late at night. Kara had been Sharon Valerii’s best friend -
“What are we going to do?” Lee asked, pacing his father’s quarters. “They want her flushed out an airlock.”
“We’ll leave her in the brig for now,” Adama said. “Until we can make further plans.”
“What?”
“We need to ascertain the threat level first - “
“You - “ It felt like he was choking. “You believe she is?”
His father’s eyes were full of disbelief. “You don’t?”
*
When Kara’s blood failed to pass, Baltar began his interrogation and Lee watched from the other side of the glass, studied Kara’s face as she recited answer after answer without taking her eyes from Baltar. Birthdays, places that she’d lived, schools, friends that she’d had. Kara’s life unfolding in bitter greys and browns, cheap houses, her father’s absence, her cousin’s hand me down clothes.
There was no pity in Baltar’s eyes, and nothing but burning anger in Kara’s, until Baltar looked down and wrote a note in his margin - and then a long pause, where he seemed to listen to the silence for over a minute. Kara shifted in her seat, rubbing her arm and when Baltar finally looked up, his smile was cruel.
“Kara,” he said. “Do you remember your mother?”
The reaction was instantaneous. Kara’s shoulders tensed, her chin lifting.
“Yes,” she said tightly. “I do.”
“Any vagueness to those memories? A feeling they may not be real?”
Kara’s shoulders were shaking now, and her gaze dropped for the first time. “Not a chance.”
“Why are you getting so emotional, Lieutenant?” Baltar’s voice was politely curious.
Kara was silent, and Lee looked at her face and was staggered to see tears slipping down her cheeks.
“Interesting,” Baltar said, and made a note on his notebook.
*
Kara cried herself to sleep that night; Lee watched from the shadows, pretending to be asleep at the desk to allow her at least a little dignity, and the next morning he called the President and asked for a meeting. Billy passed on the acceptance, and Lee took a shuttle to Colonial One.
Roslin listened quietly, hands folded and when he reached the end, he waited for her to say something, anything that could get Kara out of this mess.
“I can’t,” Roslin said finally. “Captain Apollo, there’s nothing I can do.”
“The tests - “
“The tests have been run countless times.”
“But - “
“I know.” Roslin’s voice was low and weary. “I know, but I have no choice. I have to let this go.”
“You can’t let this go!” he said, hearing his voice rise. “She’s not a Cylon!”
“I know.”
“Then - “
She cut him off with a slash of her hand. “I know because I believe in the Gods,” Roslin said. “And I have seen it - “ she broke off. “But that’s not defensible. That doesn’t stand up to Dr. Baltar’s evidence. I’m sorry, Lee.”
Her hand rested for a moment on his shoulder. “But have faith. Things may happen.”
*
Visiting Kara four hours later made his stomach twist. She was lying on her stomach, chin propped on one hand and fingers caught in a paper back, and turned when she heard the hatch open. Her smile was warm, and she folded down a page, setting the book carefully on her bed.
“Who gave you that?” he said, sitting down next to the bars and pulling out his deck of cards. She sat cross-legged in front of him and watched him deal.
“Kat,” Kara said finally. “She came down to see me.”
“What is it?”
“Just a cheap thriller,” Kara said, leaning backwards and picking the book up. She passed it to him through the bars, and he studied the faded cover. Thieves of Mercy! declared the title in letters dripping with blood, and Lee winced at the lurid colours. A faint smile crossed her face. “Yeah, it’s terrible, but it passes the time.”
Her face changed again. “It must have cost her a lot.”
“She believes you’re human.”
“That makes three, then,” Kara said, with a touch of bitterness.
“There’s more than that. You know that.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Kara said. “Now are we playing or not?”
Lee shoved her cards towards her, watched her sort them carefully and wished there was something comforting he could say.
Kara had divided the Galactica, but it wasn’t even close to down the middle. Three in every four believed Kara was a Cylon, and most of the rest didn’t know what to think. Lee had seen Cally standing in the hanger deck staring at Kara’s Viper, and he’d watched as she’d stepped slowly forward and pressed the palm of her hand against the deep gouge in Kara’s wing from the last fire fight.
She was one of the few who had visited Kara at all. Tyrol had not.
Most of the pilots took violent sides on the matter, and Lee was surprised because some of the people he’d have expected to be ranging themselves firmly on his father’s side ended up on his. Kat, Racetrack, and Nexus - three pilots he knew had had open issues with Kara - were her strongest defenders. Hotdog seemed undecided. Greaves, Hangar, and Jukebox, all men who had worshipped Kara, now wouldn’t look at Lee at all out of briefings.
*
It was midway through third rotation and Lee was sitting in the rec room, trying to wrap his head around the maintenance shifts when he heard Greaves and Jukebox talking.
“I bet they have their own meetings,” Jukebox said. “Once a week, perhaps.”
“Cylon frakkers anonymous.”
There was an ominous chuckle from both men, and then Greaves raised his voice in a mocking falsetto.
“Hi, my name is Karl Agathon and this week I haven’t frakked any Cylons!”
Lee was just rising to his feet when he felt a sharp tap on his shoulder.
“Sir?”
Lee looked up and saw Kat standing beside him. “You’re needed in the CIC, sir.”
He shoved his chair back so hard it hit the bulkhead.
“What do they want?” he said, clipping his words short as he walked along the corridor. Kat was almost running to keep up with him.
“Nothing,” Kat said. He stopped looked at her in surprise. “They wanted to start a fight, sir. Another minute and you probably would have killed one of them. You’re no use to her if they lock you in a cell far away from her,” Kat said softly, and he breathed out once slowly and tried to shut away the image of pounding both men into the metal floor.
“Thank you.”
“Not a problem, sir.”
He studied her for a moment, as she looked along the corridor.
“Can I ask a question?”
“Sir?”
“Why do you believe in her?”
She shrugged. “She saved my life. It makes it a lot harder to hate her.”
Lee nodded, then fished a note out of his pocket and handed it to Kat. “She said to give this to you.”
Kat took it, opened it carefully and scanned the three lines of print. Lee knew exactly what it said; a short, simple thank you but it was signed Kara, not Starbuck, and he could see Kat’s eyes soften as she refolded the paper and slipped it in her pocket.
“When are you seeing her next?” she asked.
“After CAP.”
Kat nodded. “Can you pass on a message?”
“Sure.”
“Tell her I’ll come and see her with Meg when we get a minute.” She hesitated. “Tell her not to give up.”
“I will,” Lee said. “Oh, and Kat - thanks. Again.”
Kat nodded, and spun on her heel.
*
Day ten began with no change, and Lee was summoned to his father’s quarters at the start of second shift.
The meeting began innocently enough - rotations, shift changes, CAP margins - but Lee could feel the conversation swinging slowly around to Kara.
“Regarding the Cylon,” Adama said finally, when Lee was sipping water from his glass.
“Kara, you mean.”
His father continued as if he hadn’t heard him. “We may have to consider interrogation.”
It took a moment for the words to actually make sense.
Adama continued easily, as if he was still talking about CAP rotations or something else just as prosaic. “We need to know if the Cylon has an agenda.”
“So, you’re what, you’re going to torture Kara?”
“You should stop calling it that.” The Commander looked at Lee over his glass. “You need to get some distance.”
“Have you even considered the possibility that you might be wrong? That Baltar might have made a mistake?”
“He ran the tests several times.”
“He’s made mistakes before.”
“Lee, you are letting your feelings cloud your judgement.”
“You always told me to go with my instincts,” Lee said. “And gods, Dad, I swear if you are wrong about this - “
“You’ve got to weigh up the balance,” Adama started, but Lee cut him off with a wave of his hand.
“Why are you being like this?”
“That thing killed my son!”
Lee could almost see the words hanging in the air and in the silence that followed, he stared past his father to the photo of the three of them, him, his father and Zak on the tarmac before Zak’s first plane ride.
It was strange that Kara was able to drive a wedge between him and his father, deeper than Zak had ever done.
The glass made a faint chink when Lee put it down on the table.
“You torture her,” Lee said finally, so softly that Adama leaned towards him, “And you’ll lose your other son. Is that all, sir?”
His father did not miss the inflection. “Yes, Captain.”
Lee swept his papers up and tucked them under his arm. His hand was on the hatch when Adama spoke again. “You loved her.”
Lee stopped, and couldn’t help the flinch that rippled through his body.
His father nodded slowly. “Make sure you don’t do anything you’ll regret.”
“I could say the same thing to you,” Lee said, and left.
*
Lee woke up sweating, sheet kicked down to his ankles and with his right index finger still flexed around an imaginary trigger.
He jerked himself upright and tried to shake away the dream, but it persisted - green trees, the smell of rain, his uniform damp and uncomfortable. Kara’s smile inhuman as she turned her gun on him. Aim, fire, fingers shaking, his bullets tearing into her chest and Kara sinking to her knees and mouthing his name as her lungs emptied of air, bright red blood bubbling to her lips and dripping off her chin -
He sucked in a deep breath, wrapped his arms around his knees and closed his eyes to the doubts that crept in late at night, when he couldn’t see her and touch her.
She couldn’t be. She was Kara, and he’d fought beside her, flown for hours as her wingman, bled beside her and the thought that she was anything but human was unfathomable.
Lee lay back down and watched the lights of his bedside clock count down the minutes until fourth shift.
*
Another week passed; a deck of cards, paper, pens, the occasional book made its way into Kara’s cell. Lee often went down to see Racetrack sprawled on the floor or Helo teasing Kara mercilessly, both of them with lollipops stuck in their cheeks.
Lee took all of his paperwork down and completed his rosters on the floor in front of her, talked to her until she fell asleep, and watched her body curl into itself as she dreamed.
He didn’t realise she was watching him as well until one day he caught a speculative look in her eyes.
“Lee,” she said. “You need to get some sleep.”
“I’m fine,” he said, and five seconds later a yawn nearly split his head open. Kara rolled her eyes, and opened her mouth to say something. “No,” he told her tightly. “I’m fine.”
Something in his voice must have convinced her, because she fell silent.
It wasn’t enough, though, his presence. There was fear in her eyes, rising relentlessly and nothing her could say could quash it. She stopped asking about progress and he was glad. He had none to give her.
*
Lee was running late - his Viper needed maintenance, and Tyrol, his voice terse, had ordered that he do it as soon as his Viper cooled from CAP. By the time he’d finished cleaning the fuel line, he was over an hour past the time he told her he’d been down, and Lee was taking the stairs two at a time when he heard his father’s voice.
“Did you? Did you?”
Lee turned the corner to see his father’s back through the hatch, Kara holding into the bars with hands so tightly he knew she was holding herself up.
“Sir, I - “ Kara replied, and then her voice broke and Lee heard the sharp edges of a sob. “I didn’t - I wouldn’t - I loved him.”
“Machines aren’t capable of love,” his father snapped, and he saw Kara’s fingers reach out convulsively. Adama took a step back from her, almost recoiling and Kara’s face twisted.
“Dad,” he said, and wasn’t surprised to hear his voice colder than ever before, even at Zak’s funeral. “You need to get the hell out of here. Now.”
Adama went to say something, but his eyes slid down to where Lee was clenching his hands so tightly that his knuckles were starting to ache, and seemed to think the better of it.
“Dad. Go. ”
Adama straightened, and Lee watched as Kara slid from standing to slumped against the bars of her cell, as if someone had cut the strings holding her up.
“Don’t spend too much time with it,” his father said as he brushed past him, and Lee saw Kara’s whole body flinch in his peripheral vision. Lee sucked in a deep breath and somehow swallowed all the things he desperately wanted to say to his father. If he ended up in the brig, Helo would be the only one looking after Kara, and he couldn’t let that happen.
It wasn’t safe for her anymore.
He waited until the hatch was shut and locked, then stepped over and knelt in front of her.
“What did he say to you?”
“He - ” Kara started, her voice thick with unshed tears, “He asked me if I knew I was a Cylon when I killed his son. I - Lee - he hates me.”
“Shh,” he said, leaning forward and pressing an awkward kiss to her hair. “He’s just in shock.”
“He believes I am.”
“Shh, Kara - “
“I can’t live like this, Lee - “
“I know, I know.”
She lifted her eyes to his then, and something hovered in them behind the pain and the confusion, and he blinked, and in that pause she managed to get her hands tangled in his tanks.
There was the tiniest moment of hesitation before she leant forward the extra inch and pressed her lips against his. It was chaste, almost gentle for a beat and then he tilted his head slightly and nipped at her bottom lip. He heard the breath catch in her throat before her mouth opened under his, and she tried to pull him even closer.
He could almost taste the desperation and tears in her kiss and he could feel her body trembling. Everything about their position was awkward; he could barely move his head and she was pulling him so tight against the bars that his shoulders were aching.
He didn’t care.
She pulled away abruptly, and stared at him with wide eyes. After a second, a burble of almost hysterical laughter echoed in the silence of the room, and she tried to scramble away.
“See what I mean?” she said. “I always frak everything up.”
His touch on her wrists was light but insistent, and slowly he drew her back against him.
“What have you frakked up?” he asked lightly, letting go of one hand and brushing her hair out of her eyes, before dipping his head and kissing her again, this time slower and surer, tilting her head with the fingertips of one hand until she melted into him.
*
It was a short lived reprieve; a night of whispered assurances and her fingers desperately pulling him closer, and stupidly he’d hoped that everything would be better. There was almost a lightness in his step as he walked down to the brig, and it lasted right up until he heard voices coming from her cell.
“So, how many pilots do you think she’s killed?”
“I don’t know - she’s the flight instructor, you know. You don’t know what she’s taught the nuggets.”
“Makes you think, doesn’t it?”
Lee wrenched the hatch the rest of the way open, and Greaves, Koffer and Jukebox all flinched but not one of them looked guilty. All Lee could see was the way Kara’s face was white, jaw clenched, and there was a look in her eyes that he hadn’t seen for two and a half years.
“Who gave you permission to treat her like that?” he said quietly, and Greaves stepped forward.
“She’s a Cylon, sir. What does it matter?”
“Until Lieutenant Thrace has been proven a Cylon beyond all possible doubt, you treat her exactly as any other member of the fleet.“
“But sir - “
Lee cut them off with a slash of one hand. “Show your frakking humanity,” he spat. “Since you’re so proud of it.”
Greave’s face darkened, but even he knew better than to take on the CAG.
“Let’s go,” he muttered, and Jukebox nodded.
Lee watched the three men as they slunk out of the brig and slammed the hatch shut behind them. When he turned around, Kara was sitting up straighter, tugging at her tanks, trying to get the creases out.
“Lee,” she said, sounding tired and beaten. “What brings you here?”
“I brought you something,” he said, holding out the chocolate bar. Her eyes slid over him, and it seemed to take a minute for her to focus on the shine of the red wrapper. Then the pitiful gleam of gratitude in her eyes twisted his stomach.
“Well,” he said, after a moment of silence, “Aren’t you going to come and get it?” He held it out, fingers slipping on the foil. “Come on. I spent three hours winning this for you.”
“I - I don’t want to - “ she started, faltered, then finished in a rush. “I don’t want to hurt you. And I’m not safe.”
After a moment, the meaning of her words sunk in, and he snapped.
“You are not a Cylon,” he all but yelled at her. “And I am not throwing this at you, so get off your ass now, Kara.”
For a second, anger smouldered in her eyes and he welcomed it; he’d take anything over the defeated look that had been in them before, but just as quickly it faded away, leaving her small and crumpled on her bed.
“You have it,” she said. “It’s worth too much to - “
“To what?”
She shrugged.
“I will make this an order if I have to,” he told her. “And I am still your superior officer, Lieutenant.”
He stood there, holding the tiny piece out to her, as she glared at him but for once he outlasted her. She got to her feet, brushing her hands on her pants and crossed towards him.
When she reached for it, he feinted, caught her wrist and dragged her close him. She twisted her hands in his grip but he held her firmly until she gave up, let him pull her flush against the bars, so he could drag their hands against his chest. Her shoulders shook, her fingers trembling in between his.
“You are not a Cylon,” he told her. “Kara.”
“What if I am?” she said, so softly that he almost missed it. “It would make sense.”
“That’s bullshit,” he said, but even softer, dropping his forehead to rest against hers. “Bullshit.”
Her breath hissed out in a something like a laugh. “How do you know that?”
He shrugged. “I just do. You’re human.”
“Lee - “
“I’ll get you out of here.”
“My hero,” she said, with a hint of Starbuck back in her voice.
“You know I’ll never let you forget it, either,” he said and pulled back just in time to see her lips quirk up.
“Well, you do owe me about two hundred favours,” she said. “It’s about time you started paying me back.”
“I owe you? How in the gods name did you come to that conclusion?”
Her smile widened for a moment, her eyes sparkling, but then the shadows fell again and he could see the bars reflected in her eyes.
“Give me a week,” he said, with more optimism that he felt. “In the mean time - “
“What?”
“Hold on,” he said, and pressed a kiss to her forehead, tried not to care that she flinched away.
*
She did hold on, but barely, and Lee watched her bend and bend and bend until the time left until her breaking point seemed seconds away. It was agony watching from the other side of the bars, and she wouldn’t let him touch her. The look in her eyes had changed from caged desperation to a hopeless acceptance that was even harder for Lee to stomach.
The night she faked sleep so she didn’t have to talk to him - he knew what Kara sleeping looked like, he’d watched it too many times - was the night he realised they only had days left before she shut everyone out.
“We have to do something,” he said to Racetrack later that day as they strolled briskly towards the CIC.
“I know,” Racetrack said, tucking her folders firmly under one arm and coming to a stop. “She’s dying in there. Are you sure the Commander - “
“The Commander has washed his hands of it,” Lee replied tightly.
Racetrack nodded.
“Gaeta and Helo had an idea,” Racetrack started, then broke off and sent a quick look around the hallway. “Surveillance.”
“What?”
“The Vice President. If anyone’s behind this, it’s him, right? We figured if we had some way of watching him, we might, I don’t know, get something. Felix is going to set it up. If you think it’s a good idea, sir.”
“At this stage, anything’s a good idea.”
Racetrack nodded, then stepped back and saluted. “Thank you for your consideration of the issue, Sir.”
“Lieutenant,” he said, nodding, and walked away.
*
“We’re putting Baltar under surveillance,” he informed her that night, after an hour of stilted silence, her sitting on her bed, him completing roster after roster.
“What? Why?”
He looked up to see her face looking almost alive again, and had to check himself from rising to his feet.
“He’s the most likely suspect,” he said casually, watching her reaction.
“Oh,” she said. “I didn’t think - “
She trailed off, her eyes watching the pencil spinning lazily in his fingers.
“What were you going to say?”
“I didn’t think he hated me that much.”
“Why would he hate you?” he asked cautiously.
A delicate flush was spreading across Kara’s skin. “He has his reasons,” she said, turned her body away from him. There was awkwardness in her movements that he didn’t understand.
“Oh,” he said.
“Never mind,” she said, her face clearing, eyes becoming blank. “It’s not important.”
It was the last thing she said to him for three rotations, and he ran on two hours of sleep a rotation just to watch her.
He fell asleep at his desk in the end, face down on the reports he was behind on and woke up when his head was lightly banged into the desk.
“Frak,” he muttered, and the shaking increased. It was Helo.
“Wake up, Apollo,” he ordered, and Lee sat up and watched in bemusement as Helo shoved a disc into the feeder and hit buttons on his monitor like a madman.
“What is it?”
“Just - watch,” Helo said, stepping back. “You’ll see.”
Less than a minute of footage, but it was enough and Lee felt the relief crash on him so heavily that he almost buckled.
“Thank the gods,” he said quietly, staring at the monitor.
“Yeah,” Helo said, his eyes shining with a cold edge of triumph. “We got him.”
*
They ran almost the entire way to Adama’s quarters, and Lee didn’t knock - he marched in, Helo behind him like a bodyguard, disregarding all protocol and what was certainly the very important meeting between the President and his father.
“Lee?” the Commander started, and the President looked confused.
“Sorry for interrupting,” Lee said, “But there’s something you need to see.”
“Can’t it wait?”
“No.”
The tiniest smile flashed across Roslin’s face.
“What is it?” Adama snapped, and Lee didn’t bother answering, simply slipped the disc in and waited impatiently as the screen warmed up.
The screen warmed; the grainy image sharpened, focused, and the date and time stamp was clear on the bottom.
It was damning.
Baltar was pacing around his lab, gesturing fiercely. “You always say that,” he said to thin air. “When am I going to know this plan you always speak of?”
A pause, and then he threw up his hands. “It was necessary? Who am I going to have to implicate next? Commander Adama?”
He glared at a space somewhat to the left of him, and then a smile crept over his face. “It has had quite a beautiful set of repercussions, hasn’t it? It’s almost a shame she isn’t a Cylon.”
A pause, then - “No, not because I want him to be wrong. You seem a little obsessed with that idea, if you ask me.”
Baltar reached out, seemed to touch something in the air, his face tender, then his head snapped to one side.
“Frak!” he said, holding his cheek as if he was in pain. “Was that really necessary?”
Lee pressed pause, and the feed froze with Baltar’s look of outrage. “Is that enough?” he said, turning to his father. Adama didn’t answer.
“Definitely,” the President said crisply. “I think that’s grounds for immediate release, don’t you, Commander?”
“Yes,” Adama said finally.
“You’ll need to come down to the brig to make it official,” Lee said, and his father didn’t move.
“Kara’s been in there four weeks and three days. I don’t think she deserves to spend another minute in there, do you?” Roslin said, and Lee realised after a moment that he hadn’t been the only one counting days.
“Kara Thrace has been held in the brig for a month. She deserves to be released instantly,” the President continued, her face a mask of anger. “Whether you are coming or not, Commander.”
She pulled Lee with her out the hatch, and her fingernails were sharp even through his jacket.
The walk to the brig was fast - Roslin was almost jogging and Lee suspected she would have if it wasn’t considered so unprofessional. His father was four paces behind.
When they reached the brig, Kara was sitting at the end of her bed, head resting back against the wall, arms wrapped around her knees. The shadows were thick under her eyes and cheekbones and when she saw the four of them enter, she scrambled awkwardly to her feet and saluted. The President was fumbling with the key, her fingers shaking as she puled the door of the cell open.
Kara didn’t move.
“Sirs?” she said, and Lee watched the way she wet her lips, the nervous flick of her eyes from his father to the President and back again. He recognised her stance, the set of her shoulders; it was the way she positioned her body when she was expecting to be hit.
When it became apparent Adama wasn’t going to say anything, the President stepped forward.
“You’re free, Kara,” the President said, with a sharp look at the Commander. “It appears there was a misunderstanding. You’re human.”
“I - what?”
She stood in the middle of the cell, staring at the open door like it was a mirage.
“You’re free,” Lee said, and she looked from his smile to where Helo was almost vibrating with joy next to him and then a look of relief cascaded over her face. She took two steps towards the door before Helo picked her up off the ground and swung her around.
“I knew it,” he said. “I just knew it.”
He put her down and she almost staggered back into Lee, throwing her arms around his neck. He pulled her so tightly to him that it was hard to breathe and he held on until he was sure he wasn’t dreaming.
“Thank you,” she said into his neck, and then took a quick self-conscious step back.
“I’m so glad,” the President said, cupped Kara’s cheek with one hand. “And I’m so sorry you had to go through this.”
“It’s alright, Madam President,” Kara replied, and let the older woman pull her into a hug.
“Welcome back, Kara,” his father said, when the President released her, and reached out.
Kara paused, looked at him with a steady, cold gaze. “I thought you’d forgotten my name, sir.”
“I made a mistake,” Adama said. “The circumstances - Kara - “
Kara shrugged faintly, and turned her back on him. Helo wrapped an arm around her shoulder.
“If you’ll excuse me, Commander,” she said, not turning around, “I have people I’d like to see.”
She didn’t wait for a response, and Lee stood where he was until the sound of her boots against the floor had faded before he turned to his father.
“Lee,” Adama started, and Lee smiled.
“So, sir,,” he said, “Any regrets?”
His father’s face paled and Lee turned on his heel. “Have a good day, Commander,” he said, with a sharp salute, and left his father standing alone in the brig.
*
Roslin caught up with them two corridors away. “Lieutenant Thrace,” she called from behind them, and Kara turned.
“Sir?”
Roslin drew close and put one hand carefully on Kara’s cheek, brushing her hair back. “I just wanted to say again that I’m so glad,” she said softly. “I knew it wasn’t true.”
“Thank you, Madam President,” Kara replied, and Roslin smiled before letting her hand fall, turning to Lee.
“I think I have some business with my Vice-President,” she said. “I’ll check back with you later, Captain.”
“Sir,” he said, and Roslin paused, looked at where Kara was leaning heavily against Helo.
“Take the H4 hallway,” she said. “I’ll make sure it stays clear.”
Five minutes later, they were walking through silent corridors, and Lee was grateful free of people who would have crowded Kara, wanted to ask questions he didn’t have the patience to answer, and Kara would not have had the strength. He could feel the bones of her spine when he put his hand on her back, and it worried him.
When they reached the bunk room, Helo gave Kara another quick hug.
“You’re leaving?” she said, when he’d drawn back, her hands still on his shoulders.
“There’ll be some people very eager to see you,” he said, and cuffed her chin lightly. “You were missed, you know.”
Kara smiled - tightly, not her usual brilliant grin, and Lee nodded at Helo, who set off at a fast trot down the hallway. When Lee turned around, Kara had already slipped into the bunkroom.
Lee hesitated then stepped into the darkened room after her. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the light. Kara was standing, staring at her empty locker.
“My things,” she said faintly, and then she sank to the floor.
“I’ve got them,” he said, crossing to his locker. The box was buried beneath old sweatpants and uniforms.
He dropped to his knees beside her and handed it to her, and she opened it with shaking fingers, took out the photo and pressed her fingertips to the paper.
Lee looked over her shoulder, and saw nearly stacked every letter he’d written her in between flight school and Zak - Kara Thrace, 2/13 Assuria Street, Delphi - the envelopes creased and grease-smudged. A rolled up certificate, still tied with the brown and maroon ribbon of the Caprica Flight Academy. Two brass tags on a chain he knew had once hung around his brother’s neck.
“I believed I was,” she said, her breath choking but her eyes burning with the lack of tears. “I believed I was.”
It was easy to pull her into his arms.
“I never did,” he said, his hands smoothing the wrinkles out of her tanks.
“Why?” she said, and through his jacket and shirt he could feel her fingers digging into the skin of his shoulders.
“Because I love you,” he said simply, and her grip on him tightened, then relaxed just as suddenly.
Then finally, finally the tears started, and he held her as she sobbed out all the fear and terror and relief from the last month, held her until the shuddering of her body eased and she was silent, her face tucked into the crook of his neck. “Thank you,” she said softly.
“Any time,” he replied, and she shook her head.
“For everything. I don’t deserve it.”
“Kara,” he said, and rolled his eyes, lacing his fingers into her hair and pulling her head back gently so he could see her eyes. “You say that once more and there’s going to be consequences.”
“Oh?” she said, with a hint of challenge. “What would those be, sir?”
She was close already, so it was not difficult at all to lean down a little, tilt his head and kiss her. She was still for just a moment and then she twisted slightly, and her hands rising, one to his shoulder, the other to the back of his neck. Lee hooked his arms around her body and pulled her closer, swallowed the moan that fell off her lips.
Some time after that, someone coughed. Politely.
Kara pulled back, and Lee realised slowly that somehow she’d ended up straddling him, a knee on either side of his legs. His hand was definitely under her shirt.
Lee grinned. Kara rolled her eyes.
“Sweet as this moment is,” Helo said, and Lee could hear the grin in his voice, “There’s quite a crowd of people waiting to see Kara, and I can’t have you monopolising her like this.”
Kara stifled a laugh and Lee grinned, pressed one last defiant kiss to her mouth.
“Later,” he whispered, and watched a smile light up her face before she clambered awkwardly off him.
Helo waited until Lee had risen from the floor and Kara had straightened her tanks before opening the door wider, letting in a small group of people, Kat, beaming with her hair dripping down her back, Racetrack looking sleep crumpled and with creases still on her cheek from her pillow. Gaeta, Cally. Helo. So few people, and he wondered as he watched her submit to being hugged by everyone if even Starbuck would be able to deal with the life Baltar’s mistake had left her with.
Then she turned and saw him staring, and raised one eyebrow. “Gods, Lee. Could you try and be a little happier? Anyone would think you’d just realised you’re stuck with me forever now.”
Forever, he thought. It sounded good.
Kara was still looking at him, her head tilted and her expression curious, and he let a smirk seep slowly onto his face.
“It’s not that,” he said. “It’s more that I’m realising exactly how bad you smell now, since you haven’t had a bath in - gods, how long?”
A second, and then her eyebrows rose into her hairline. “Really,” she drawled, and he could see the corners of her lips twitching.
“Like a latrine,” he said, nodding seriously and looked over at Helo’s long-suffering expression. It proved to be his mistake; his reflexes were sharp, but she had the element of surprise, and Lee didn’t quite manage to duck away before she smacked him hard in the head with the pillow from her rack.
She was laughing when he opened his eyes. The shadows were still painting her face, the sharp line of her cheekbone jutting out but even so she was beautifully, gloriously human and he felt the doubt that had been crushing him roll off his back. He shook his head, and figured it couldn’t be a celebration of Kara’s humanity if she didn’t beat someone up.
“You were always good at hitting superior officers, Starbuck,” he told her, rubbing his neck.
“Only superior assholes, sir,” she said, and gave him a smile, and for a moment everyone else in the room disappeared.
He smiled back.
*