2012: The Trailer
It appears that Roland Emmerich is no longer satisfied with wreaking destruction upon Earth. Now he just wants to destroy it, period:
Watch the theatrical trailer for "2012"
I spent half the trailer going "did I just see what I think I just saw", as in, "DID I JUST SEE LOS ANGELES SLIDING INTO THE OCEAN?". So I rustled up some screencaps for a closer look.
1. So, with a date like 2012, you just knew it was going to involve the Mayans. Also, if I have my history correct (one of my anthropology classes was High Civilizations of the New World), they are not the oldest civilization on Earth. So L-O-L right there. Also, they did not "warn" us. I believe that particular calender just ends in 2012, and then another one would replace it. Someone correct me if I'm wrong.
2. We are treated to a view of some celestial bodies coming into alignment. The closest one is obviously Earth. The one farthest away I would call the Moon if it wasn't so tiny, and the one in the middle, I have no fucking clue. Why is it also blue?
3. If a mass suicide by doomsday cultists does in fact take place in Tikal National Park in 2012, as it does in the movie as shown in the trailer, I will not be surprised.
4. A high shot of Rio de Janeiro shows a lot of smoke and flames, and the Jesus statue crumbling. No obvious reasons why. It sort of looks like stock footage that the CG people had fun with, because no one at the base of the statue appears to be alarmed by said crumbling.
5. Stock footage of nuclear bomb testing. I have no idea why. Probably because it's apocalyptic in nature.
6. CNN reports massive rioting on Downing Street! Run, Hugh Grant, run!
7. Also: Across The Globe Millions Gather In Prayer and Preachers Claim The End Of The World Imminent. Shots of Muslims bowing and a metric fuckton of people at Mecca (looking awfully well-ordered).
8. A shot of what I am assuming is the group of people watching CNN; I think they might be in an airport terminal. Some of them looked banged-up and none of them look happy, including the two dudes in full camo gear in the background who seem to be as lost as everyone else. For some reason, this reassures me.
9. All the birds are leaving to join the dolphins.
10. An admittedly awesome view of the Pope appearing before the masses at the Basilica, at night. And that is a lot of masses.I wonder if they were allowed to get a guy who looks like Pope Palpatine Benedictine.
11. John Cusack making wiggly fingers at his daughter and saying ominously "What are the odds?" He totally just jinxed himself there. His son is unamused. And then they look at something outside the windshield.
12. He then suddenly switches from driving a regular car to a Winnebago, which is being pursued by a fucking massive pyroclastic flow, and also volcanic missiles bigger than his vehicle which are impacting around them and making craters. This is obviously the Yellowstone caldera going FWOOM. I am immensely interested to see how Cusack and company both realistically outdrive the pyroclastic flow and survive the back of the 'Bago getting nuked by one of the missiles.
13. We then cut to a view of Los Angeles, as evidenced by the distant HOLLYWOOD sign in the upper left-hand corner, where there is some serious tectonic upheaval taking place in someone's yard. For some reason all the bouncing cars make me giggle. Also, if the international trailer was any indication, John Cusack also outdrives this, and he's not even driving away from the rupture, I think it's following him too. Clearly, I need to be John Cusack in 2012.
14. Overhead shot of a partially-collapsed overhead freeway in the city. I'm kind of confused by this in conjunction with the next angle, which seems to be of the same section of freeway, except suddenly there's a parking garage subsiding and vomiting its occupants. (And I think the two women in the bottom right-hand corner got crushed, heh.)
15. Shot of a fireman in full gear backing into the presumed airport terminal from before with the door closing in front of him, and I can't tell what everyone's staring at. From the reflection in the door, I believe it may be fiery in nature.
16. Um, I think St. Peter's Basilica is leaning at me.
17. A crowd of cardinals gathered in the Basilica with their hands folded in prayer, and one of them is looking at the ceiling, which is cracking. One big crack runs right between the outstretched hands of man and God. THIS IS IN NO WAY SYMBOLIC.
18. The dome of St. Peter's comes to visit the masses in the square. It doesn't hold up well in slow-motion.
19. Las Vegas is now a fucking ruin: a giant rift has opened up right on the Strip. I've probably got my casinos wrong but I think the Mirage is on one of the little "islands" in the middle. of the chasm. I was very confused by this geologically until I visited Wikipedia and learned that there is, in fact, a fault system in the Las Vegas Valley. Which leaves me with only one question instead of two: why is the electrical grid still operating?
20. DANNY GLOVER IS THE PRESIDENT, YOU GUYS!
21. Well, Times Square is packed like it's New Year's.
22. What I'm going to assume is a twin-engine Cessna (because obviously, all private planes are Cessnas) is lifting off from a runway that is being eaten alive by the earth. Judging by the fact that there are cars pulled up right next to other planes parked on the tarmac, whoever's flying this plane obviously wasn't the only one who wanted to.
23. John Cusack's daughter is looking out a window on the Cessna and crying.
24. People are walking through the Capitol, which is suffering from considerable ashfall. I'm going to guess this is in the aftermath of Yellowstone going FWOOM, though I can't remember if the projected radius of said FWOOM included ash all the way in Washington, D.C. Probably it did.
25. Quick shot of a bunch of Indian people walking with their belongings.
26. Chinese military dude speaking into a megaphone. I kinda giggled because I spied a black woman in the background. Does that make me racist?
27. A nighttime view of what I'm guessing is the brand-new coastline in Los Angeles, teeming with collapsed and burning buildings, and HOLY SHIT IS THAT LAVA POURING OVER THE RIDGE IN THE BACKGROUND?! I think there's a plane trying to drop water. It might as well not even bother.
28. Amanda Peet (I didn't even recognize her) is holding John Cusack's daughter while standing next to the Cessna and looking concerned.
29. Yes, that was indeed Los Angeles sliding into the sea, although it's not "sliding" so much as "bucking horrifically upwards and then maybe the topsoil and everything on it slides away". That's gonna be one happy reef in a couple hundred years.
30. Military helicopters going to some bunker in the mountains. It's always the mountains. In lieu of all the crustal destruction we've seen so far--DON'T THEY KNOW HOW THE MOUNTAINS GOT THAT WAY?
31. John Cusack explaining that the government has been building some ships. If that wasn't common knowledge, I'd like to know how he knew that.
32. More military helicopters in the night, only this time they are transporting extremely large animals in slings. I saw an elephant and a giraffe.
33. Very quick shot of John Cusack, his kids, Amanda Peet, a guy eclecticmuse started calling HRG after the guy from Heroes, and some other people standing in the snow, in the dark, in the mountains, with a car behind them. I ascertained from Wikipedia that "HRG" is Amanda Peet's boyfriend, which means he is going to die, because Amanda Peet is John Cusack's ex-wife and obviously they have to reconcile before the movie ends, which means--goodbye HRG. He looks cute and harmless. I'm already mourning him.
24. Chiwetel Ejiofor yells at Oliver Platt, wanting to know "when should we let the people know?". Seeing these two pleases me. I'm guessing that, as in Deep Impact, the government had been building shit but didn't let anyone know until Elijah Wood discovered a comet and Tea Leoni did some investigative journalism.
25. Now we are looking at what I am assuming is construction of one of the underground cities mentioned on the movie tie-in website Institute for Human Continuity, which is headed by Phlox from Enterprise.
26. Continuing underground, John Cusack and his posse are pointing flashlights at a guy who is doing... something.
27. Now we are on Deck 44, Section P, with a crow of people waiting to be let inside what looks like some blast doors. I think we're in that underground bunker city.
28. And now I think we're looking at one of the ships John Cusack mentioned earlier.
29. A flood of people, presumably the ones on Deck 44, scrambling over the blast door and I bet they're heading for the ship. It does not looked ordered and calm, as it should not be.
30. Chiwetel's still yelling at Oliver. He thinks humanity also has a right to fight for its life, which I'm taking to mean he doesn't like the idea of a lottery for the arks (which is also featured on the IHC website).
31. John Cusack slams a car into gear, and he and his posse are--driving out the back of apparently crashing military cargo jet into the snow? WTF? I got nothing.
32. Shot of some dude looking determined. eclecticmuse thinks it's the jet pilot, but shouldn't he be in military gear if he is?
33. The massive faulting in Los Angeles. The plane that escaped the runway earlier is flying above it. Also, I wonder if that's the same parking deck from earlier.
34. The plane is now in the chasm. Behind it, a commuter train is driving/falling into something that is exploding. Looks like some kind of power station/power-providing thingy.
35. Now the plane is in the air again, only it's flying towards two buildings that are saying hello to each other. I'm beginning to think Roland Emmerich has something against that circular tower in Los Angeles. Didn't he smite it with a tornado in The Day After Tomorrow?
36. NOW the plane is escaping the pyroclastic flow in Yellowstone! I did some comparisons and I'm fairly sure it's the same plane. If John Cusack is on it I will shit my pants. There is no fucking way he outdrove the FWOOM back to civilization, managed to get into an airplane that then had time to at least semi-taxi down the runway, and outflew the FWOOM.
37. A lama is ringing a bell because there is a wave coming over the Himalayas. I'd like to know what created a tsunami that big. I saw a brief summary that said all this destruction is caused by the Earth toppling off its axis, so as eclecticmuse surmised, maybe it really is going ass-over-teakettle.
38. We are in the mountains and Cusack and son are looking up at something.
39. A wave approaches the mountain bunker, which now has at least three arks sticking out of it like torpedoes.
40. The Washington Memorial is falling and also breaking near the top.
41. More buildings in Los Angeles greeting each other.
42. What appears to be an Indian couple and their child are comforting each other, while at the bottom of the picture three guys are running up some rocks and the rest of the screen is taken up by a lot of water.
43. I do believe that is Air Force One being inundated while another cargo jet rides the wave.
44. Water intrudes in on some people (I don't think on the plane) and they hold on for dear life.
45. John Cusack and Amanda Peet hold on to each other in red emergency light and look drenched.
46. It's Air Force One's turn to ride the waves, this time towards one of the arks. Considering it looked like AFO got hit on the runway, and the ark hasn't been swallowed like a submarine yet, I'm calling foul. Even an insubstantial ride in that kind of flood should have torn the plane apart pretty fast.
47. John Cusack tries to grab someone's hand. eclecticmuse thinks the hand belongs to HRG. I TOLD YOU HE'S GONNA DIE.
48. And for a finale, the U.S.S. John F. Kennedy does a wave-assisted barrel roll over the White House. I ask again: why is the electrical grid still working?
49. Then John Cusack tell his daughter that no matter what, they're all gonna stick together. YEAH, ONCE HRG'S OUTTA THE WAY.
Also, the screencapper obviously set their capping program to autopilot, because I just had to get pause-happy on the trailer itself to see things they missed:
50. Lightning strikes a jungle.
51. Oh shit it's an eclipse, hide the cast of Heroes!
52. Another big military plane takes out the top of what I think is the Space Needle in Seattle. This was immediately preceded by that shot of Determined Dude, but if he's still the pilot, it still doesn't explain why he isn't in fatigues.
53. HRG is the pilot of John Cusack's Amazing Invincible Cessna. He might as well take the headgear off for the time being, because if he ever had a flight plan, he is not sticking to it, and no nearby air traffic controllers are going to be caring.
54. Some people are in water and there's a floating flashlight. I think one of them is John Cusack. Seems to be related to that earlier shot of the dude doing... something underground.
The music in the trailer was really nice, I thought, which means Harold Kloser obviously didn't compose it. He's back doing duty for this film, which means I will prepare to be disappointed the same way I was with his score for The Day After Tomorrow.
For more trailer commentary I recommend 2012: The wrath of Ronald Emmerich, and how to survive it, which I thought was hilarious.
Watch the theatrical trailer for "2012"
I spent half the trailer going "did I just see what I think I just saw", as in, "DID I JUST SEE LOS ANGELES SLIDING INTO THE OCEAN?". So I rustled up some screencaps for a closer look.
1. So, with a date like 2012, you just knew it was going to involve the Mayans. Also, if I have my history correct (one of my anthropology classes was High Civilizations of the New World), they are not the oldest civilization on Earth. So L-O-L right there. Also, they did not "warn" us. I believe that particular calender just ends in 2012, and then another one would replace it. Someone correct me if I'm wrong.
2. We are treated to a view of some celestial bodies coming into alignment. The closest one is obviously Earth. The one farthest away I would call the Moon if it wasn't so tiny, and the one in the middle, I have no fucking clue. Why is it also blue?
3. If a mass suicide by doomsday cultists does in fact take place in Tikal National Park in 2012, as it does in the movie as shown in the trailer, I will not be surprised.
4. A high shot of Rio de Janeiro shows a lot of smoke and flames, and the Jesus statue crumbling. No obvious reasons why. It sort of looks like stock footage that the CG people had fun with, because no one at the base of the statue appears to be alarmed by said crumbling.
5. Stock footage of nuclear bomb testing. I have no idea why. Probably because it's apocalyptic in nature.
6. CNN reports massive rioting on Downing Street! Run, Hugh Grant, run!
7. Also: Across The Globe Millions Gather In Prayer and Preachers Claim The End Of The World Imminent. Shots of Muslims bowing and a metric fuckton of people at Mecca (looking awfully well-ordered).
8. A shot of what I am assuming is the group of people watching CNN; I think they might be in an airport terminal. Some of them looked banged-up and none of them look happy, including the two dudes in full camo gear in the background who seem to be as lost as everyone else. For some reason, this reassures me.
9. All the birds are leaving to join the dolphins.
10. An admittedly awesome view of the Pope appearing before the masses at the Basilica, at night. And that is a lot of masses.I wonder if they were allowed to get a guy who looks like Pope Palpatine Benedictine.
11. John Cusack making wiggly fingers at his daughter and saying ominously "What are the odds?" He totally just jinxed himself there. His son is unamused. And then they look at something outside the windshield.
12. He then suddenly switches from driving a regular car to a Winnebago, which is being pursued by a fucking massive pyroclastic flow, and also volcanic missiles bigger than his vehicle which are impacting around them and making craters. This is obviously the Yellowstone caldera going FWOOM. I am immensely interested to see how Cusack and company both realistically outdrive the pyroclastic flow and survive the back of the 'Bago getting nuked by one of the missiles.
13. We then cut to a view of Los Angeles, as evidenced by the distant HOLLYWOOD sign in the upper left-hand corner, where there is some serious tectonic upheaval taking place in someone's yard. For some reason all the bouncing cars make me giggle. Also, if the international trailer was any indication, John Cusack also outdrives this, and he's not even driving away from the rupture, I think it's following him too. Clearly, I need to be John Cusack in 2012.
14. Overhead shot of a partially-collapsed overhead freeway in the city. I'm kind of confused by this in conjunction with the next angle, which seems to be of the same section of freeway, except suddenly there's a parking garage subsiding and vomiting its occupants. (And I think the two women in the bottom right-hand corner got crushed, heh.)
15. Shot of a fireman in full gear backing into the presumed airport terminal from before with the door closing in front of him, and I can't tell what everyone's staring at. From the reflection in the door, I believe it may be fiery in nature.
16. Um, I think St. Peter's Basilica is leaning at me.
17. A crowd of cardinals gathered in the Basilica with their hands folded in prayer, and one of them is looking at the ceiling, which is cracking. One big crack runs right between the outstretched hands of man and God. THIS IS IN NO WAY SYMBOLIC.
18. The dome of St. Peter's comes to visit the masses in the square. It doesn't hold up well in slow-motion.
19. Las Vegas is now a fucking ruin: a giant rift has opened up right on the Strip. I've probably got my casinos wrong but I think the Mirage is on one of the little "islands" in the middle. of the chasm. I was very confused by this geologically until I visited Wikipedia and learned that there is, in fact, a fault system in the Las Vegas Valley. Which leaves me with only one question instead of two: why is the electrical grid still operating?
20. DANNY GLOVER IS THE PRESIDENT, YOU GUYS!
21. Well, Times Square is packed like it's New Year's.
22. What I'm going to assume is a twin-engine Cessna (because obviously, all private planes are Cessnas) is lifting off from a runway that is being eaten alive by the earth. Judging by the fact that there are cars pulled up right next to other planes parked on the tarmac, whoever's flying this plane obviously wasn't the only one who wanted to.
23. John Cusack's daughter is looking out a window on the Cessna and crying.
24. People are walking through the Capitol, which is suffering from considerable ashfall. I'm going to guess this is in the aftermath of Yellowstone going FWOOM, though I can't remember if the projected radius of said FWOOM included ash all the way in Washington, D.C. Probably it did.
25. Quick shot of a bunch of Indian people walking with their belongings.
26. Chinese military dude speaking into a megaphone. I kinda giggled because I spied a black woman in the background. Does that make me racist?
27. A nighttime view of what I'm guessing is the brand-new coastline in Los Angeles, teeming with collapsed and burning buildings, and HOLY SHIT IS THAT LAVA POURING OVER THE RIDGE IN THE BACKGROUND?! I think there's a plane trying to drop water. It might as well not even bother.
28. Amanda Peet (I didn't even recognize her) is holding John Cusack's daughter while standing next to the Cessna and looking concerned.
29. Yes, that was indeed Los Angeles sliding into the sea, although it's not "sliding" so much as "bucking horrifically upwards and then maybe the topsoil and everything on it slides away". That's gonna be one happy reef in a couple hundred years.
30. Military helicopters going to some bunker in the mountains. It's always the mountains. In lieu of all the crustal destruction we've seen so far--DON'T THEY KNOW HOW THE MOUNTAINS GOT THAT WAY?
31. John Cusack explaining that the government has been building some ships. If that wasn't common knowledge, I'd like to know how he knew that.
32. More military helicopters in the night, only this time they are transporting extremely large animals in slings. I saw an elephant and a giraffe.
33. Very quick shot of John Cusack, his kids, Amanda Peet, a guy eclecticmuse started calling HRG after the guy from Heroes, and some other people standing in the snow, in the dark, in the mountains, with a car behind them. I ascertained from Wikipedia that "HRG" is Amanda Peet's boyfriend, which means he is going to die, because Amanda Peet is John Cusack's ex-wife and obviously they have to reconcile before the movie ends, which means--goodbye HRG. He looks cute and harmless. I'm already mourning him.
24. Chiwetel Ejiofor yells at Oliver Platt, wanting to know "when should we let the people know?". Seeing these two pleases me. I'm guessing that, as in Deep Impact, the government had been building shit but didn't let anyone know until Elijah Wood discovered a comet and Tea Leoni did some investigative journalism.
25. Now we are looking at what I am assuming is construction of one of the underground cities mentioned on the movie tie-in website Institute for Human Continuity, which is headed by Phlox from Enterprise.
26. Continuing underground, John Cusack and his posse are pointing flashlights at a guy who is doing... something.
27. Now we are on Deck 44, Section P, with a crow of people waiting to be let inside what looks like some blast doors. I think we're in that underground bunker city.
28. And now I think we're looking at one of the ships John Cusack mentioned earlier.
29. A flood of people, presumably the ones on Deck 44, scrambling over the blast door and I bet they're heading for the ship. It does not looked ordered and calm, as it should not be.
30. Chiwetel's still yelling at Oliver. He thinks humanity also has a right to fight for its life, which I'm taking to mean he doesn't like the idea of a lottery for the arks (which is also featured on the IHC website).
31. John Cusack slams a car into gear, and he and his posse are--driving out the back of apparently crashing military cargo jet into the snow? WTF? I got nothing.
32. Shot of some dude looking determined. eclecticmuse thinks it's the jet pilot, but shouldn't he be in military gear if he is?
33. The massive faulting in Los Angeles. The plane that escaped the runway earlier is flying above it. Also, I wonder if that's the same parking deck from earlier.
34. The plane is now in the chasm. Behind it, a commuter train is driving/falling into something that is exploding. Looks like some kind of power station/power-providing thingy.
35. Now the plane is in the air again, only it's flying towards two buildings that are saying hello to each other. I'm beginning to think Roland Emmerich has something against that circular tower in Los Angeles. Didn't he smite it with a tornado in The Day After Tomorrow?
36. NOW the plane is escaping the pyroclastic flow in Yellowstone! I did some comparisons and I'm fairly sure it's the same plane. If John Cusack is on it I will shit my pants. There is no fucking way he outdrove the FWOOM back to civilization, managed to get into an airplane that then had time to at least semi-taxi down the runway, and outflew the FWOOM.
37. A lama is ringing a bell because there is a wave coming over the Himalayas. I'd like to know what created a tsunami that big. I saw a brief summary that said all this destruction is caused by the Earth toppling off its axis, so as eclecticmuse surmised, maybe it really is going ass-over-teakettle.
38. We are in the mountains and Cusack and son are looking up at something.
39. A wave approaches the mountain bunker, which now has at least three arks sticking out of it like torpedoes.
40. The Washington Memorial is falling and also breaking near the top.
41. More buildings in Los Angeles greeting each other.
42. What appears to be an Indian couple and their child are comforting each other, while at the bottom of the picture three guys are running up some rocks and the rest of the screen is taken up by a lot of water.
43. I do believe that is Air Force One being inundated while another cargo jet rides the wave.
44. Water intrudes in on some people (I don't think on the plane) and they hold on for dear life.
45. John Cusack and Amanda Peet hold on to each other in red emergency light and look drenched.
46. It's Air Force One's turn to ride the waves, this time towards one of the arks. Considering it looked like AFO got hit on the runway, and the ark hasn't been swallowed like a submarine yet, I'm calling foul. Even an insubstantial ride in that kind of flood should have torn the plane apart pretty fast.
47. John Cusack tries to grab someone's hand. eclecticmuse thinks the hand belongs to HRG. I TOLD YOU HE'S GONNA DIE.
48. And for a finale, the U.S.S. John F. Kennedy does a wave-assisted barrel roll over the White House. I ask again: why is the electrical grid still working?
49. Then John Cusack tell his daughter that no matter what, they're all gonna stick together. YEAH, ONCE HRG'S OUTTA THE WAY.
Also, the screencapper obviously set their capping program to autopilot, because I just had to get pause-happy on the trailer itself to see things they missed:
50. Lightning strikes a jungle.
51. Oh shit it's an eclipse, hide the cast of Heroes!
52. Another big military plane takes out the top of what I think is the Space Needle in Seattle. This was immediately preceded by that shot of Determined Dude, but if he's still the pilot, it still doesn't explain why he isn't in fatigues.
53. HRG is the pilot of John Cusack's Amazing Invincible Cessna. He might as well take the headgear off for the time being, because if he ever had a flight plan, he is not sticking to it, and no nearby air traffic controllers are going to be caring.
54. Some people are in water and there's a floating flashlight. I think one of them is John Cusack. Seems to be related to that earlier shot of the dude doing... something underground.
The music in the trailer was really nice, I thought, which means Harold Kloser obviously didn't compose it. He's back doing duty for this film, which means I will prepare to be disappointed the same way I was with his score for The Day After Tomorrow.
For more trailer commentary I recommend 2012: The wrath of Ronald Emmerich, and how to survive it, which I thought was hilarious.