Woe
I'm feeling extremely low right now. As in, so low my stomach feels queasy. I went and put in another application to Starbucks because I was thinking about how I'm going to need to have a job to get whatever house loan Eric wants to apply for. The guy there said they're not hiring but they are accepting applications, which makes me think they're going to be a complete bust again. On the way home I started thinking about graduate school again, so I went and poked around on the University of South Carolina's website, since it's the one college that keeps sticking in my head whenever I ponder where I might like to go. And that led me to think about how badly I screwed up my last semester of college, and how disappointed My Favoritest Professor was in me. He surely wouldn't write me a recommendation letter. I want to apologize to him for being such a fuck-up, but at the same time I'm terrified of seeing him again for fear he'd still be disappointed in me, and seeing that once was bad enough. I don't think I've ever been so ashamed in my life.
I hate knowing he thinks less of me. Actually they all probably think I ended up being a huge loser. Except for Ye Olde Historiography Professor. (I wonder if he still pimps my paper to his classes.) Wanting their approval probably sounds incredibly stupid but the history department meant so much to me, and I didn't want to be just another average student passing through. I wanted to be thought well of and remembered. I'm probably remembered, if at all, as a giant slacker who had some promise (to vaguely paraphrase something YOHP once said to me).
I am totally never going to get accepted to any decent graduate program, and I have no one to blame but myself.
I hate knowing he thinks less of me. Actually they all probably think I ended up being a huge loser. Except for Ye Olde Historiography Professor. (I wonder if he still pimps my paper to his classes.) Wanting their approval probably sounds incredibly stupid but the history department meant so much to me, and I didn't want to be just another average student passing through. I wanted to be thought well of and remembered. I'm probably remembered, if at all, as a giant slacker who had some promise (to vaguely paraphrase something YOHP once said to me).
I am totally never going to get accepted to any decent graduate program, and I have no one to blame but myself.