random by-by-blow: doctor who, "the caves of androzani"
In which I liveblog my first full-through viewing of "The Caves of Androzani", aka the Fifth Doctor's exit story. Man, I really need a Five icon.
- Firstly, I have to make a comment on Peter Davison's face in the opening titles. Was his hair ever that short while he was actually playing the Doctor?
- Nice stock footage of the American Midwest standing in for Androzani Minor.
- Okay, seriously, why is Five so bitchy at the start of this episode? All sighing every time Peri says something (and her American accent will never not be funny, btw) and grumping when she says "Look!". eclecticmuse theorized that he's still ill over Tegan and Turlough leaving in such quick succession.
- Isn't fused silica what glass IS? Pardon, my geology was never that good.
- And you ARE a pain when you're grumpy, Five. Because this isn't cute grumpy, it's "who pissed in your Wheaties?" grumpy.
- "Sarcasm isn't your strong point, Peri"--way to be a bitch, Five. Also lol Nicola's accent slip when saying "glass". Although maybe it was deliberate and she was mocking Five. I have no idea.
- Not to a what-iologist?
- I wonder if it's actually possible for a planet to have a core of superheated mud. But then, I'm not here for the skience.
- I literally laughed out when I saw the guy operating a total station--at least I'm fairly sure that's a total station he's using, before the Token Monster eats him. I wonder if it was actually meant to be a total station. The other two guys looked like they were rolling out a line, but then they turned that corner... (Please understand that my working knowledge of total stations is comparable to my working knowledge of geology. I was supposed to learn how to use one in my Field Techniques in Archaeology class in college, but that didn't go so well.)
- LOL, Peri didn't slip, she did a somersault off the ledge :D Also, it looks like she stuck her feet in one of the eggs from Alien. Okay brb vomiting.
- Seriously, Five is acting like an irritated parent. Dude, how is Peri supposed to know you eat the celery when it turns purple? Bitch bitch bitch.
- I have no idea what Five thought he would achieve by having himself and Peri duck behind that TEENSY little box when the army arrived. Seriously, it just makes you look suspicious, man.
- How is it that Robert Glenister is already sporting his brother's Life on Mars hairdo? Sort of.
- Damn Five you so fine. Especially when you're angry. As opposed to grumpy.
- Nice direction there to have Morgus circle Chellek's hologram so you can see that it's being projected in midair, as opposed to on the windows, as I had thought when it first appeared.
- First impression of Sharaz Jek: oh shit, it's the Phantom of the Opera.
- Morgus feels contaminated just by looking at Five and Peri? Bahahahaha. Has he seen what the actual gunrunners look like? Now THERE are some people in need of bathing...
- Those bombs look like firecrackers made out of hanging moss.
- "We're quite innocent here, this is all a mistake." "Yes, I think I'm beginning to believe you, Doctor." What, and their clothing didn't give that away right from the get-go? Celery, people. CELERY.
- Okay, I could not take the scene with Morgus and his secretary lady in the lift seriously because I was expecting them to start making out at any given second. That smirk on her face wasn't helping the situation one bit.
- What, the Doctor doesn't know the expression "fall guys"? Bah humbug. And I get that he's trying to keep a light tone and deflect Peri's thoughts away from their impending execution (or that's the impression I got, anyway), but still, way to be a bitch again, Five.
- Also, how is their predicament half Peri's fault, exactly?
- I still liked that scene between Five and Peri, though. I thought Nicola played it very well. And given that I know she's poisoned, I kept wondering if she was playing it as upset, starting to feel ill, or both.
- Sharaz Jek has got one white, pasty, wrinkly hand there. Also I am mystified as to the point of that montage with him, or rather his hands.
- The President seriously looks like Ian McKellen Lite.
- Liking the blocking here with Morgus sitting in the foreground and the President standing in the back.
- Morgus: "Fuck! He wants to end the war! MY PROOOOFIIIIIIIITS!!!"
- I normally think the 80s Who soundtracks are awful as hell, but I'm not gonna lie here, I really liked the snare taps and the Male Choir of Doom used when the Doctor and Peri were brought out for their execution.
- Also, given the combination of aforementioned androids, the Sharaz-Jek's-hands montage, the over-the-shoulder shot of someone appearing in Five and Peri's cell, and the way the two of them were standing stock still staring at each other when Salateen walked in--I was like, wtf did they get replaced by androids?
- Beautifully framed shot, too. I love you, Graeme Harper.
- Random maniacal laughing from Sharaz Jek. OMFG HE *IS* THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!
- Damn good cliffhanger there if I do say so myself, with the firing squad opening fire at the Doctor and Peri.
- I am wholly disappointed by the shot of Five and Peri actually getting hit by the gunfire. The effects were pretty lame.
- LOL, the President's on to your games, Morgus...
- Oh hay sup, it's Five and Peri, totally unharmed, being greeted by Sharaz Jek. FUCK YES I'M AWESOME THE ONES WHO GOT SHOT WERE ANDROIDS! Though I'd really like to know how Jek made such good replicas of them, clothes and all, in such record time.
- Also, Jek's skeeving on Peri begins. I love how he completely sidesteps Five to offer Peri a seat; Five's exasperated expression was awesome.
- So Jek's a mechanical genius, eh? Another check on the Phantom Similiarity Chart.
- Oh my god as a Phantom fan I am LOVING THIS. Living underground? Refusing to allow the heroine (and by extension, the hero) to leave? Saying they'll learn to be content there after a few years? IT KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER. Also, I love Peri's expression when Jek puts a hand on her shoulder. And then Five's all OH SHIT I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING THERE.
- Graeme Harper's been doing a lot of interesting shot framework, but using one gunrunner's legs to frame the dozing Stotz's face makes it look like the guy's about to get some surprise sexings. Or something.
- Wow, I didn't know if that guy was about to explode or get tossed off the cliff or both. Nice, that.
- Peri: "OH CRAP MUST NOT GIVE JEK AN ASS SHOT"
- LOL, Salateen's in league with Jek? Awesome.
- LMFAO Five rising up to insert himself inbetween Jek and Peri while Jek was speechifying about beauty. I would have loved to have seen the expression on his face when Jek called her "my exquisite child".
- Beauty is important to him, check; stimulus of a mind almost equal to his own, check; missing out on life while living underground, check; disliking being mocked, check...
- Hot damn I do love that moment when Five breaks out the snark, Peri flinches from his hand on her shoulder thinking it's Jek's, Jek tells Five he's dispensable but Peri's not, they have a staredown, Jek insults Five and Five GRINS. I think I need a cold shower. Again, superb camera work here.
- RAWR, Five, get on with your bad self being a BAMF and trying to shield Peri... brb cold shower again
- Actually I feel the need to take a moment and praise the score to this episode. The synthesizers do break out now and again but I'm finding the music during this extended scene between Five, Jek, and Peri to be really understated and effective.
- Seriously, threatening!Five is a thing to behold, and I'm finding it even more awesome because I can retroactively see David Tennant's Doctor in there. Oh yes, Five was your Doctor, indeed, Ten.
- Man, Morgus, you and your secretary are foul.
- OH WAIT THE SALATEEN FROM BEFORE WAS AN ANDROID TOO, D'OH. The real one isn't in league with Jek, he's being held prisoner too.
- LOL Salateen is a bitter little bitch. I like this.
- Oooh, don't fuck with Five, he will cut you. I rather like it when he gets violent, because he looks so meek and harmless and he can also feel free to get violent with me any time he likes and uh yeah, anyway...
- "You want to see the face under here?" Check... Burned in the face; check... Sympathetic background, check, we seem to have veered into Claude Rains Phantom territory here...
- Also, watching Five's expression during Jek's soliloquy--niiiiiiiiiice.
- I kind of fucking love Jek. What an awesome villain. Stotz, too.
- Boy is Jek gonna be pissed when he finds out Peri's gone... and when he finds out how Salateen's treating her.
- Oh look, it's the Token Monster again.
- Damn, pump some lead in that bitch, why don't you.
- Wow, Robert Glenister got hot when his hair got mussed up.
- "How is it that you were able to walk past my androids?" "I don't know. Maybe they just liked my face." BEST. RESPONSE. EVER.
- Whoa Jek just backhanded the FUCK out of the Doctor.
- Okay, I need a cold shower again, and possibly there is something wrong with me, because tortured!Five? Ay yi yi. What an awesome scene with androids going to pull out his arms and then the gunrunners holding him at gunpoint. AWESOME acting from Peter Davison there. And he looked DELICIOUS.
- Okay, seriously, why does Morgus keep turning away from the hologram to practically break the fourth wall? Is he talking to someone behind him?
- Five is so bringing the snark now. I absolutely love it.
- And Jek just strolls on in to Chellek's private quarters. Able to move about undetected, check...
- The Doctor's starting to look rough.
- LMAO Morgus just pushed the President down the lift shaft! I don't know whether to scream or laugh until I cry. Probably both. Oh man that was awesome.
- "You'll soon--forget him, Peri..." "But he wouldn't leave me here, he wouldn't..." Check! Also reminiscent of Suzy McKee Charnas's "Beauty and the Opera", I think. (In that story the Phantom pays off Raoul so he won't come looking for Christine.) Another absolutely awesome scene there between Jek and Peri.
- Cliffhanger of Win Number Two: "I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU STOP ME NOW!"
- Well, that's Salateen unceremoniously gunned down...
- Mud bursts are incendiary? Heh.
- Jek and Chellek engage in a rolling tumble fight. And I actually wasn't really expecting this, but mid-struggle Chellek does the inevitable and pulls off Jek's mask. He (Chellek) immediately screams like a little girl and Jek boots him out the door to get caught by the mud burst. It was kind of awesome.
- Oh lord Peri's about to see his face... she screams, he screams, he crawls away as fast as he can, just before the scene changes Peri's flailing out of her blanket in his general direction, I'm having flashbacks to "Stranger Than You Dreamt It"...
- Oh my god, is Morgus's secretary about to massively pwn/usurp him? FUCKING WIN. Stotz, like me, just starts laughing. OH MY GOD SHE'S SWINGING IN THE CHAIR AND PUTTING HER FEET UP ON THE DESK. His emasculation is complete.
- Stotz murders his two remaining henchmen before skipping off with Morgus to go find Jek and his spectrox. This episode is COLD.
- What the hell did Five just trip and fall onto? Was it a dead bat?
- Looks like Peri passed out sometime between then and now, and Jek got his mask back, because he's carrying her back and forth muttering "she was so beautiful" when Five stumbles in. Somehow, I found that incredibly sad.
- I'm also surprised Jek let Five take Peri from him.
- "Hello, Doctor..." Five manages to beam. "Goodbye, Doctor..." Five flips his shit. I turn into a gibbering wreck.
[we interrupt this program while the author beats the everloving shit out of the BBC Worldwide YouTube channel for fucking with the episode four video and playing commercials when it shouldn't and therefore impeding her viewing]
- Wow, that bat kinda looks more like a gargoyle than a bat...
- Very nice (and by nice I mean tense) sequence of the Doctor going to milk said bat while Jek tends to Peri.
- Morgus and Stotz arrive to rain on Jek's parade. Aaaaaaaaand we finally see Jek's face for ourselves. It's... pretty nasty. Then he starts trying to strangle Morgus. Stotz gets a gun and shoots Jek, who keeps on strangling; then Salateen of all people (I'm supposing the android) hoves into view and shoots Stotz, and Jek pushes Morgus's head into some kind of field that powers up and kills him. Jek warbles "Salateen, hold me" and collapses into the android's arms. All in all it's a nice death party.
- Five chooses that exact moment to run in AND DOESN'T EVEN BAT AN EYE AT JEK AND ANDROID!SALATEEN as he collects Peri and gets the fuck out of Dodge.
- "Time to say goodbye..." I choked up, not gonna lie.
- Although the Master laughing "DIE DOCTOR DIE" was pretty hokey.
- And up pops Colin with his beautiful curly hair and wonderfully smug attitude and viewers everywhere at the time probably went "WHAT THE FUCK?"
OKAY THAT WAS A FUCKING AWESOME STORY AND I CAN ABSOLUTELY SEE WHY IT TOPPED THE MIGHTY 200.
Damn I love me some Five.
- Firstly, I have to make a comment on Peter Davison's face in the opening titles. Was his hair ever that short while he was actually playing the Doctor?
- Nice stock footage of the American Midwest standing in for Androzani Minor.
- Okay, seriously, why is Five so bitchy at the start of this episode? All sighing every time Peri says something (and her American accent will never not be funny, btw) and grumping when she says "Look!". eclecticmuse theorized that he's still ill over Tegan and Turlough leaving in such quick succession.
- Isn't fused silica what glass IS? Pardon, my geology was never that good.
- And you ARE a pain when you're grumpy, Five. Because this isn't cute grumpy, it's "who pissed in your Wheaties?" grumpy.
- "Sarcasm isn't your strong point, Peri"--way to be a bitch, Five. Also lol Nicola's accent slip when saying "glass". Although maybe it was deliberate and she was mocking Five. I have no idea.
- Not to a what-iologist?
- I wonder if it's actually possible for a planet to have a core of superheated mud. But then, I'm not here for the skience.
- I literally laughed out when I saw the guy operating a total station--at least I'm fairly sure that's a total station he's using, before the Token Monster eats him. I wonder if it was actually meant to be a total station. The other two guys looked like they were rolling out a line, but then they turned that corner... (Please understand that my working knowledge of total stations is comparable to my working knowledge of geology. I was supposed to learn how to use one in my Field Techniques in Archaeology class in college, but that didn't go so well.)
- LOL, Peri didn't slip, she did a somersault off the ledge :D Also, it looks like she stuck her feet in one of the eggs from Alien. Okay brb vomiting.
- Seriously, Five is acting like an irritated parent. Dude, how is Peri supposed to know you eat the celery when it turns purple? Bitch bitch bitch.
- I have no idea what Five thought he would achieve by having himself and Peri duck behind that TEENSY little box when the army arrived. Seriously, it just makes you look suspicious, man.
- How is it that Robert Glenister is already sporting his brother's Life on Mars hairdo? Sort of.
- Damn Five you so fine. Especially when you're angry. As opposed to grumpy.
- Nice direction there to have Morgus circle Chellek's hologram so you can see that it's being projected in midair, as opposed to on the windows, as I had thought when it first appeared.
- First impression of Sharaz Jek: oh shit, it's the Phantom of the Opera.
- Morgus feels contaminated just by looking at Five and Peri? Bahahahaha. Has he seen what the actual gunrunners look like? Now THERE are some people in need of bathing...
- Those bombs look like firecrackers made out of hanging moss.
- "We're quite innocent here, this is all a mistake." "Yes, I think I'm beginning to believe you, Doctor." What, and their clothing didn't give that away right from the get-go? Celery, people. CELERY.
- Okay, I could not take the scene with Morgus and his secretary lady in the lift seriously because I was expecting them to start making out at any given second. That smirk on her face wasn't helping the situation one bit.
- What, the Doctor doesn't know the expression "fall guys"? Bah humbug. And I get that he's trying to keep a light tone and deflect Peri's thoughts away from their impending execution (or that's the impression I got, anyway), but still, way to be a bitch again, Five.
- Also, how is their predicament half Peri's fault, exactly?
- I still liked that scene between Five and Peri, though. I thought Nicola played it very well. And given that I know she's poisoned, I kept wondering if she was playing it as upset, starting to feel ill, or both.
- Sharaz Jek has got one white, pasty, wrinkly hand there. Also I am mystified as to the point of that montage with him, or rather his hands.
- The President seriously looks like Ian McKellen Lite.
- Liking the blocking here with Morgus sitting in the foreground and the President standing in the back.
- Morgus: "Fuck! He wants to end the war! MY PROOOOFIIIIIIIITS!!!"
- I normally think the 80s Who soundtracks are awful as hell, but I'm not gonna lie here, I really liked the snare taps and the Male Choir of Doom used when the Doctor and Peri were brought out for their execution.
- Also, given the combination of aforementioned androids, the Sharaz-Jek's-hands montage, the over-the-shoulder shot of someone appearing in Five and Peri's cell, and the way the two of them were standing stock still staring at each other when Salateen walked in--I was like, wtf did they get replaced by androids?
- Beautifully framed shot, too. I love you, Graeme Harper.
- Random maniacal laughing from Sharaz Jek. OMFG HE *IS* THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!
- Damn good cliffhanger there if I do say so myself, with the firing squad opening fire at the Doctor and Peri.
- I am wholly disappointed by the shot of Five and Peri actually getting hit by the gunfire. The effects were pretty lame.
- LOL, the President's on to your games, Morgus...
- Oh hay sup, it's Five and Peri, totally unharmed, being greeted by Sharaz Jek. FUCK YES I'M AWESOME THE ONES WHO GOT SHOT WERE ANDROIDS! Though I'd really like to know how Jek made such good replicas of them, clothes and all, in such record time.
- Also, Jek's skeeving on Peri begins. I love how he completely sidesteps Five to offer Peri a seat; Five's exasperated expression was awesome.
- So Jek's a mechanical genius, eh? Another check on the Phantom Similiarity Chart.
- Oh my god as a Phantom fan I am LOVING THIS. Living underground? Refusing to allow the heroine (and by extension, the hero) to leave? Saying they'll learn to be content there after a few years? IT KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER. Also, I love Peri's expression when Jek puts a hand on her shoulder. And then Five's all OH SHIT I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING THERE.
- Graeme Harper's been doing a lot of interesting shot framework, but using one gunrunner's legs to frame the dozing Stotz's face makes it look like the guy's about to get some surprise sexings. Or something.
- Wow, I didn't know if that guy was about to explode or get tossed off the cliff or both. Nice, that.
- Peri: "OH CRAP MUST NOT GIVE JEK AN ASS SHOT"
- LOL, Salateen's in league with Jek? Awesome.
- LMFAO Five rising up to insert himself inbetween Jek and Peri while Jek was speechifying about beauty. I would have loved to have seen the expression on his face when Jek called her "my exquisite child".
- Beauty is important to him, check; stimulus of a mind almost equal to his own, check; missing out on life while living underground, check; disliking being mocked, check...
- Hot damn I do love that moment when Five breaks out the snark, Peri flinches from his hand on her shoulder thinking it's Jek's, Jek tells Five he's dispensable but Peri's not, they have a staredown, Jek insults Five and Five GRINS. I think I need a cold shower. Again, superb camera work here.
- RAWR, Five, get on with your bad self being a BAMF and trying to shield Peri... brb cold shower again
- Actually I feel the need to take a moment and praise the score to this episode. The synthesizers do break out now and again but I'm finding the music during this extended scene between Five, Jek, and Peri to be really understated and effective.
- Seriously, threatening!Five is a thing to behold, and I'm finding it even more awesome because I can retroactively see David Tennant's Doctor in there. Oh yes, Five was your Doctor, indeed, Ten.
- Man, Morgus, you and your secretary are foul.
- OH WAIT THE SALATEEN FROM BEFORE WAS AN ANDROID TOO, D'OH. The real one isn't in league with Jek, he's being held prisoner too.
- LOL Salateen is a bitter little bitch. I like this.
- Oooh, don't fuck with Five, he will cut you. I rather like it when he gets violent, because he looks so meek and harmless and he can also feel free to get violent with me any time he likes and uh yeah, anyway...
- "You want to see the face under here?" Check... Burned in the face; check... Sympathetic background, check, we seem to have veered into Claude Rains Phantom territory here...
- Also, watching Five's expression during Jek's soliloquy--niiiiiiiiiice.
- I kind of fucking love Jek. What an awesome villain. Stotz, too.
- Boy is Jek gonna be pissed when he finds out Peri's gone... and when he finds out how Salateen's treating her.
- Oh look, it's the Token Monster again.
- Damn, pump some lead in that bitch, why don't you.
- Wow, Robert Glenister got hot when his hair got mussed up.
- "How is it that you were able to walk past my androids?" "I don't know. Maybe they just liked my face." BEST. RESPONSE. EVER.
- Whoa Jek just backhanded the FUCK out of the Doctor.
- Okay, I need a cold shower again, and possibly there is something wrong with me, because tortured!Five? Ay yi yi. What an awesome scene with androids going to pull out his arms and then the gunrunners holding him at gunpoint. AWESOME acting from Peter Davison there. And he looked DELICIOUS.
- Okay, seriously, why does Morgus keep turning away from the hologram to practically break the fourth wall? Is he talking to someone behind him?
- Five is so bringing the snark now. I absolutely love it.
- And Jek just strolls on in to Chellek's private quarters. Able to move about undetected, check...
- The Doctor's starting to look rough.
- LMAO Morgus just pushed the President down the lift shaft! I don't know whether to scream or laugh until I cry. Probably both. Oh man that was awesome.
- "You'll soon--forget him, Peri..." "But he wouldn't leave me here, he wouldn't..." Check! Also reminiscent of Suzy McKee Charnas's "Beauty and the Opera", I think. (In that story the Phantom pays off Raoul so he won't come looking for Christine.) Another absolutely awesome scene there between Jek and Peri.
- Cliffhanger of Win Number Two: "I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU STOP ME NOW!"
- Well, that's Salateen unceremoniously gunned down...
- Mud bursts are incendiary? Heh.
- Jek and Chellek engage in a rolling tumble fight. And I actually wasn't really expecting this, but mid-struggle Chellek does the inevitable and pulls off Jek's mask. He (Chellek) immediately screams like a little girl and Jek boots him out the door to get caught by the mud burst. It was kind of awesome.
- Oh lord Peri's about to see his face... she screams, he screams, he crawls away as fast as he can, just before the scene changes Peri's flailing out of her blanket in his general direction, I'm having flashbacks to "Stranger Than You Dreamt It"...
- Oh my god, is Morgus's secretary about to massively pwn/usurp him? FUCKING WIN. Stotz, like me, just starts laughing. OH MY GOD SHE'S SWINGING IN THE CHAIR AND PUTTING HER FEET UP ON THE DESK. His emasculation is complete.
- Stotz murders his two remaining henchmen before skipping off with Morgus to go find Jek and his spectrox. This episode is COLD.
- What the hell did Five just trip and fall onto? Was it a dead bat?
- Looks like Peri passed out sometime between then and now, and Jek got his mask back, because he's carrying her back and forth muttering "she was so beautiful" when Five stumbles in. Somehow, I found that incredibly sad.
- I'm also surprised Jek let Five take Peri from him.
- "Hello, Doctor..." Five manages to beam. "Goodbye, Doctor..." Five flips his shit. I turn into a gibbering wreck.
[we interrupt this program while the author beats the everloving shit out of the BBC Worldwide YouTube channel for fucking with the episode four video and playing commercials when it shouldn't and therefore impeding her viewing]
- Wow, that bat kinda looks more like a gargoyle than a bat...
- Very nice (and by nice I mean tense) sequence of the Doctor going to milk said bat while Jek tends to Peri.
- Morgus and Stotz arrive to rain on Jek's parade. Aaaaaaaaand we finally see Jek's face for ourselves. It's... pretty nasty. Then he starts trying to strangle Morgus. Stotz gets a gun and shoots Jek, who keeps on strangling; then Salateen of all people (I'm supposing the android) hoves into view and shoots Stotz, and Jek pushes Morgus's head into some kind of field that powers up and kills him. Jek warbles "Salateen, hold me" and collapses into the android's arms. All in all it's a nice death party.
- Five chooses that exact moment to run in AND DOESN'T EVEN BAT AN EYE AT JEK AND ANDROID!SALATEEN as he collects Peri and gets the fuck out of Dodge.
- "Time to say goodbye..." I choked up, not gonna lie.
- Although the Master laughing "DIE DOCTOR DIE" was pretty hokey.
- And up pops Colin with his beautiful curly hair and wonderfully smug attitude and viewers everywhere at the time probably went "WHAT THE FUCK?"
OKAY THAT WAS A FUCKING AWESOME STORY AND I CAN ABSOLUTELY SEE WHY IT TOPPED THE MIGHTY 200.
Damn I love me some Five.