(no subject)
getting out of that house was exactly the medicine i needed
to cure whatever nonsense had taken over my brain the past few months.
i turned into a different person for awhile
someone who didn't give a fuck.
someone with no priorities.
it was fun at the time because i was high for most of it.
but it was obvious i didn't belong there.
the shitty feeling in my gut kept growing and growing.
i'm embarrassed that i held them on such a high pedestal.
and after watching them throw away friendship after friendship
i don't know why i never thought it would happen to me.
i've never seen so much inhumane disregard towards other people's feelings.
that one girl came over and they just reamed on her the whole night.
i couldn't look at her because i felt guilty for even living with such assholes.
i don't know how she didn't cry.
matt said something about how he couldn't believe society had progressed (really he meant regressed)
to that girl. but the way he said had so much cold hate no one talked for about 10 minutes.
at least they're a good example of why not to do drugs.
(except marijuana, that's a completely different story)
rolling and coke and other sniffables and acid.
i'm really glad they never got me to do anything other than weed and shrooms.
that other shit just turns you into a shitty, selfish person.
this is the last time i talk about those boys.
i'm starting a new chapter as the old courtney
my mom sat me down the other night and told me i needed to focus on courtney
not on any boys, boyfriends or friends. just courtney.
too bad she didn't know i had already made that decision on my own.
that's why i moved back home.
and that's why i'm going to work full-time and not move out yet
and that's why i'm applying to portland state right now.
because it's what i want to do.
no one to hold me here.
no one to care more about than myself.
just me. that's all i need right now.
to cure whatever nonsense had taken over my brain the past few months.
i turned into a different person for awhile
someone who didn't give a fuck.
someone with no priorities.
it was fun at the time because i was high for most of it.
but it was obvious i didn't belong there.
the shitty feeling in my gut kept growing and growing.
i'm embarrassed that i held them on such a high pedestal.
and after watching them throw away friendship after friendship
i don't know why i never thought it would happen to me.
i've never seen so much inhumane disregard towards other people's feelings.
that one girl came over and they just reamed on her the whole night.
i couldn't look at her because i felt guilty for even living with such assholes.
i don't know how she didn't cry.
matt said something about how he couldn't believe society had progressed (really he meant regressed)
to that girl. but the way he said had so much cold hate no one talked for about 10 minutes.
at least they're a good example of why not to do drugs.
(except marijuana, that's a completely different story)
rolling and coke and other sniffables and acid.
i'm really glad they never got me to do anything other than weed and shrooms.
that other shit just turns you into a shitty, selfish person.
this is the last time i talk about those boys.
i'm starting a new chapter as the old courtney
my mom sat me down the other night and told me i needed to focus on courtney
not on any boys, boyfriends or friends. just courtney.
too bad she didn't know i had already made that decision on my own.
that's why i moved back home.
and that's why i'm going to work full-time and not move out yet
and that's why i'm applying to portland state right now.
because it's what i want to do.
no one to hold me here.
no one to care more about than myself.
just me. that's all i need right now.