you know
when the little voice in your head is telling you not to do something
but you do it anyways because... well.. you don't know why.
and then later on you realize you made a mistake and you ask yourself "why did i do that?"
"why do i act the way that i do?"
i had one of those moments this weekend.
i had met up with my BEST friends only to leave 10 minutes later for a date because it sounded better than hanging out with the 15 year old girls they had met up with.
i don't regret that i did it because watching that dumb 15 year old bitch be all over jordan would have been no fun.
BUT it did make me realize a couple things about myself.
my whole life i've been a relationship person.
i've never needed to date around. if someone wanted to be my boyfriend i would say always say yes.
and if i see a relationship opportunity i always chase after it.
not caring who i left behind.
that's why i went on that date on saturday. (sidenote- do NOT like him at all. ewww.)
i would put my relationship so far above everything else that i would pretty much throw out all of my friendships and when the relationship ended i was back at square one trying to make new friends.
i realized that's kind of what i've been doing since kyle and i broke up.
i need to stop.
i need to focus on building the best, long-term FRIENDSHIPS possible.
i know i have that with jordan, sean and matt.
having friends outside of a relationship is a CRUCIAL part to a successful one.
i also need to work on strengthening some older friendships.
i know a lot of amazing people but i've been selfish lately.
i'm just really trying to figure myself out right now.
blahhhhhhh it's almost 4am and i'm babbling.
but you do it anyways because... well.. you don't know why.
and then later on you realize you made a mistake and you ask yourself "why did i do that?"
"why do i act the way that i do?"
i had one of those moments this weekend.
i had met up with my BEST friends only to leave 10 minutes later for a date because it sounded better than hanging out with the 15 year old girls they had met up with.
i don't regret that i did it because watching that dumb 15 year old bitch be all over jordan would have been no fun.
BUT it did make me realize a couple things about myself.
my whole life i've been a relationship person.
i've never needed to date around. if someone wanted to be my boyfriend i would say always say yes.
and if i see a relationship opportunity i always chase after it.
not caring who i left behind.
that's why i went on that date on saturday. (sidenote- do NOT like him at all. ewww.)
i would put my relationship so far above everything else that i would pretty much throw out all of my friendships and when the relationship ended i was back at square one trying to make new friends.
i realized that's kind of what i've been doing since kyle and i broke up.
i need to stop.
i need to focus on building the best, long-term FRIENDSHIPS possible.
i know i have that with jordan, sean and matt.
having friends outside of a relationship is a CRUCIAL part to a successful one.
i also need to work on strengthening some older friendships.
i know a lot of amazing people but i've been selfish lately.
i'm just really trying to figure myself out right now.
blahhhhhhh it's almost 4am and i'm babbling.