getting a running head start.........
Well over a year ago, when I was still in the beginning stages of dating Matt, a friend imparted these words to me: grab him by the hand and run. Well.........maybe that wasn't originally for Matt, but even so, after he had heard me talk about Matt, the same advice was given. And it hasn't really sunk in until now just how much those words mean.
I look at people today and while I still believe in the "taking your time with life" attitude, I'm also a huge fan of occasional spontaneity when the opportunity presents itself. Being in only one other relationship (and thinking about this advice), I thought about the number of times I truly did something 'off the cuff', so to speak. And while I can come up with a couple of really great times, I also look back and realize that I didn't do it enough. Not for my ex, but for myself.
I was never meant to be tied down into a life of continually waiting for someone else. If anything, I need (and crave) that sense of adventure and spontaneity. It scares me a little every day thinking that I need to be that vulnerable and open, but I also know that it's important to be open. When I wasn't sharing myself with the world, I was miserable. In fact, after doing this one survey, I came to the conclusion that 2007 was the hardest year I've ever had. I really lost my way that year, giving in to others and their dreams, compromising my own, and only getting hurt in the process. 2008 definitely changed that game, as I started to do things really out of my comfort zone.
So it's only fitting that I finally accomplish that last task of really giving someone my heart. Matt has it, of course, but just completely leaping and not looking back. Knowing that this time, it doesn't matter what the outcome may be, but that I at least took a huge chance with someone and don't regret any part of it.
I hate to admit that while being with my ex was a great life lesson in the things I want and don't want in a relationship, I have regrets. I try not to think about them, but they're there. So many broken promises, so many fights, so many times that we avoided the real issues with our relationship; trying to hide the cracks of our crumbling foundation. I wonder why we stayed together so long, but I also know that I didn't want to let go. I was so comfortable with him, even when things were bad. I really should've listened to the person I used to be who was screaming at me to 'GET OUT'........instead of letting my sense of love cloud my judgement and buy into the delusion that it was healthy. I was staying with him but running away from the truth........NOT a good idea!
To a good number of individuals, running can be taken as an avoidance of dealing with the issues, (AKA running away from problems). But sometimes, just sometimes, it can mean something greater. That ability to just go, without thought, and allow life to take you wherever it wants. You get out of breath and you need those moments of rest, but so what? Catching your breath is better than always having it............at least taking in the exhiliration of life is something much more rewarding than letting it all pass you by.
I still don't know what the future holds for me, nor do I have any of the answers, but I'd rather make those mistakes and let life get as messy as possible. Even in running, you stumble and fall, but a few cuts and bruises are par for the course. You can't always expect life to be perfect or without pain. Believe me, I know this!
And so, while I want to hesitate, I grab Matt's hand without any regrets, knowing that no matter what our path holds for us, I'm going to enjoy this adventure. I encourage all of you to do the same in your lives............because what is life but one great, scary, intense adventure?
~Jenn~
I look at people today and while I still believe in the "taking your time with life" attitude, I'm also a huge fan of occasional spontaneity when the opportunity presents itself. Being in only one other relationship (and thinking about this advice), I thought about the number of times I truly did something 'off the cuff', so to speak. And while I can come up with a couple of really great times, I also look back and realize that I didn't do it enough. Not for my ex, but for myself.
I was never meant to be tied down into a life of continually waiting for someone else. If anything, I need (and crave) that sense of adventure and spontaneity. It scares me a little every day thinking that I need to be that vulnerable and open, but I also know that it's important to be open. When I wasn't sharing myself with the world, I was miserable. In fact, after doing this one survey, I came to the conclusion that 2007 was the hardest year I've ever had. I really lost my way that year, giving in to others and their dreams, compromising my own, and only getting hurt in the process. 2008 definitely changed that game, as I started to do things really out of my comfort zone.
So it's only fitting that I finally accomplish that last task of really giving someone my heart. Matt has it, of course, but just completely leaping and not looking back. Knowing that this time, it doesn't matter what the outcome may be, but that I at least took a huge chance with someone and don't regret any part of it.
I hate to admit that while being with my ex was a great life lesson in the things I want and don't want in a relationship, I have regrets. I try not to think about them, but they're there. So many broken promises, so many fights, so many times that we avoided the real issues with our relationship; trying to hide the cracks of our crumbling foundation. I wonder why we stayed together so long, but I also know that I didn't want to let go. I was so comfortable with him, even when things were bad. I really should've listened to the person I used to be who was screaming at me to 'GET OUT'........instead of letting my sense of love cloud my judgement and buy into the delusion that it was healthy. I was staying with him but running away from the truth........NOT a good idea!
To a good number of individuals, running can be taken as an avoidance of dealing with the issues, (AKA running away from problems). But sometimes, just sometimes, it can mean something greater. That ability to just go, without thought, and allow life to take you wherever it wants. You get out of breath and you need those moments of rest, but so what? Catching your breath is better than always having it............at least taking in the exhiliration of life is something much more rewarding than letting it all pass you by.
I still don't know what the future holds for me, nor do I have any of the answers, but I'd rather make those mistakes and let life get as messy as possible. Even in running, you stumble and fall, but a few cuts and bruises are par for the course. You can't always expect life to be perfect or without pain. Believe me, I know this!
And so, while I want to hesitate, I grab Matt's hand without any regrets, knowing that no matter what our path holds for us, I'm going to enjoy this adventure. I encourage all of you to do the same in your lives............because what is life but one great, scary, intense adventure?
~Jenn~