old habits die hard

[starrynight112]

i really dont know what to do with myself anymore...everytime i come home i fall back into old routines, old feelings, old habits...i become the person i was before i left for school and i dont like it...going away was the best thing for me and as much as i love being home and love my family and friends, at the same time it's so hard to be here...cause i have all my history here, good and bad...eveywhere i go i see something or someone that reminds me of the past and it just gets to me..and it makes me think...but i'll think too much...and then the cycle starts...it's just a downward spiral...i know there are things that i thought i was over but i've realized i'm not...am i, but i'm not....i just need to let go i guess...but it's so hard for me to do that...cause that's losing memories and i dont want to do that either...but i know this is just a funk that i'm in cause i dont feel like this all the time...it's just certain times and it's good that it's like that or else i'd be holding myself back..which i'm not...so it's good...but i hate feeling like this...

i know i'll wake up tomorrow and be fine..it's just getting to tomorrow that's hard