close the distance (we're worlds apart) [2/2]

[starrymoons]

part 1

In his first year of university, Jongin meets his roommate, Kyungsoo, when he walks into the room dragging two suitcases behind him. Kyungsoo sits on the left bed, his belongings already arranged neatly on the desk and tucked away in drawers. His eyes are enormous and Jongin is a little unnerved by his stare, but he’s cute.

“You’re Jongin?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Yeah. Kyungsoo?” Jongin answers.

“That’s me. I hope you don’t mind the right side, I just did eenie meenie miney mo when I got in here,” Kyungsoo continues.

Jongin nods his assent and drags his things over to the right bed. Kyungsoo watches him unpack in silence. Jongin wishes he’d stop staring or at least say something. When he’s done, Kyungsoo stands up. “I’m going to dinner with some of my friends. You can come if you want,” he says.

“Ah, no thank you. I was just going to take a nap and then eat in the cafeteria,” Jongin declines politely. Kyungsoo nods and shoves his phone and wallet into his pockets before leaving.

Once the door closes, Jongin groans and lays back on his back. He had conveniently filtered out the fact that he would have to live with someone from his thoughts about the new year. Kyungsoo seems all right, at least, he tells himself, just don’t do anything stupid or weird that you normally do at home. He hears Sehun’s voice in his head telling him that that was hardly possible and forces it away.

Lu Han and Kris live off campus together in an apartment, and Yixing and Zitao both live in the dorms, with Yixing a few floors up and Zitao in a different building. Jongin wouldn’t be totally alone, but he isn’t sure how much he’d actually see them.

Jongin’s phone vibrates by his ear. It’s a text from Sehun.

From: Sehun - 4:17 PM
r u dead yet

Jongin snorts. Typical Sehun.

To: Sehun - 4:18 PM
you think i’d reply if i were?

From: Sehun - 4:18 PM
lol it was a joke. does ur roommate hate you

To: Sehun - 4:19 PM
i don’t think so. he seems ok and he has friends so

From: Sehun - 4:19 PM
everyone has friends except u man

Jongin deems the text unworthy of a reply and turns off his phone to go to sleep.

♠ ♥ ♦ ♣

Jongin arrives at Junmyeon’s apartment building a few minutes after five with chicken. Junmyeon buzzes him up and opens the door before he can knock. He’s dressed in a thin sweater with a wide collar and sweats and looks like he hasn’t slept in days. Jongin steps in and kicks off his shoes before following Junmyeon into his kitchen. The apartment is a decent size with minimal decoration, and the furniture doesn’t look like it’s falling apart.

He sets the bag on the table and stands there awkwardly while Junmyeon pours each of them a cup of wine.

“Sit,” Junmyeon insists, pulling out a chair for him and pushing him down into it. He sits down in the chair across from him and takes the boxes out of the bag. Jongin watches him silently with wide eyes. Junmyeon hands him a pair of chopsticks and pushes the food towards him.

He starts eating and feels Junmyeon’s gaze burning into him. “Hyung, eat,” Jongin says. Junmyeon slowly begins eating as well, chewing thoroughly before swallowing. Jongin watches his Adam’s apple move as he eats and feels a spike of heat in his stomach.

Junmyeon glances up at him and stops eating, putting his chopsticks down. He reaches for Jongin’s hand and laces their fingers together. Jongin feels the warmth of the older man’s smaller hand pressed against his and his breath catches.

“Jongin, what are we?” Junmyeon asks softly.

“What?” Jongin’s mind isn’t processing anything except Junmyeon’s skin against his own.
“Are we friends? Are we dating?”

His mind freezes, and he pulls his hand out of Junmyeon’s grip. “We’re friends,” he says.

A flicker of pain flashes through Junmyeon’s eyes.

“But I don’t know...we’re more than that. Because I...you…”

Junmyeon stands up and walks around the table to pull Jongin to his feet. He takes each of Jongin’s hands and tugs him to stand centimeters away from him.

“You what?” Junmyeon says calmly.

“I…” Jongin drops his gaze to avoid looking straight into Junmyeon’s eyes.

Junmyeon’s hands slip into his hair and his small mouth presses against Jongin’s. Jongin gasps at the contact but kisses back fervently, pushing Junmyeon back until his hips are against his kitchen counter. He grips Junmyeon’s waist tightly as he deepens the kiss, pent up emotions radiating from his body. Jongin moans as his half-hard erection brushes against Junmyeon’s own. He presses their hips closer together, and Junmyeon groans as well.

His phone starts ringing in his back pocket, and he curses whoever is calling him at this time in his head and ignores it.

“Answer it,” Junmyeon says against his lips. Jongin sighs and digs the phone out and drags his finger across the screen to answer.

“What the fuck do you want?” he snaps.

“Jongin?” It’s Lu Han, sounding surprised at his short tone. Lucidity rushes back through him. Jongin glances back at Junmyeon, whose lips are swollen and red and pupils blown wide. His arousal has obviously tented his pants, and his breaths are heaving.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck Lu Han fuck,” he mutters into the phone.

“Jongin? What’s wrong?” Lu Han sounds concerned now.

Jongin runs.

♠ ♥ ♦ ♣

After finals his first semester of university, Lu Han forces him to go to a party, even calling up Sehun to join them. “It’s your first semester! Finals are over! YOLO!” Lu Han insists.

“You did not just use YOLO,” Kyungsoo says drily. By some strange coincidence, Lu Han and Minseok had been roommates their freshman year, and Minseok and Kyungsoo had essentially grown up together. Their friend groups merged, and now Jongin just has more people to coerce him into social interaction.

Jongin ends up on the couch squished between Baekhyun and Sehun, who are both nearing on shitfaced even though Lu Han had insisted on “no alcohol for the babies.” He himself sips on a simple Coke and wills the party to end soon. Lu Han pops into his field of vision pulling another guy with him.

“Jonginnie! I want you to meet my friend. This is Hakyeon. Hakyeon, this is Jongin,” Lu Han slurs, giggling.

Hakyeon is tall, probably around the same height as Jongin. His eyes are bright and his lips stretched in a cheerful smile. He doesn’t seem completely smashed like most of the people around them. Jongin squeezes out from between his friends and takes the hand Hakyeon offers him. Lu Han falls into his now vacated space, waving them away and telling them to have fun with a suggestive wink. Hakyeon only laughs at Lu Han’s antics and leads Jongin away, not letting go of his hand. They retreat to the kitchen and chat over tortilla chips and salsa. The other man’s wit is quick and Jongin finds himself laughing at his jokes whether they’re good or not.

Jongin starts casually dating Hakyeon, and a month later Hakyeon asks him out officially. He buys Jongin a cute Pororo phone charm and takes him out for chicken. At the end of the night, Hakyeon asks him to be his boyfriend and kisses him sweetly.

He falls for Hakyeon bit by bit, with each date and each kiss. Hakyeon never forces himself on Jongin, knowing the boundaries clearly. He also knows that Jongin has a lot of friends who will destroy him if he hurts him.

When Jongin realizes that he spends more time with Hakyeon than with his friends, he panics. A fear of being left behind consumes him, and he breaks up with Hakyeon right before their ten month mark. Minseok reports that Hakyeon didn’t understand what happened and thought they could talk it out. Jongin refuses and shuts everyone out except Sehun and Lu Han.

When he bumps into Hakyeon on campus two weeks later, Jongin lets him treat him to dinner and then take him home. Hakyeon fucks him for the first and last time, whispering apologies for anything he’s done in his ears and asking to have him back.

Jongin lies in bed with Hakyeon’s arm thrown over his waist and his breath gently brushing the back of his neck. When he feels sure that Hakyeon has completely fallen asleep, he gently lifts Hakyeon’s arm off him and pulls his clothes back on. Hakyeon shifts slightly, and Jongin freezes. His eyes remain closed. Jongin slips out quietly and plods home aching with regret.

Lu Han jumps up when he arrives home. Kris sits on the single chair and looks up as he walks in.
“Where were you?” Lu Han demands. He pulls Jongin over to sit on the couch.

Jongin’s entire body feels numb. “Hakyeon’s. We...we slept together.”

“Oh, no.” Lu Han sighs and wraps Jongin in a tight hug.

“It was a mistake, I shouldn’t have done it. But I ran into him and then…” Lu Han shushes him and leads him to his room to sleep. Jongin falls asleep with Lu Han’s fingers running through his hair soothingly.

Hakyeon calls the next day. Lu Han tells him Jongin doesn’t want to talk to him.

A month later, Lu Han comes home looking utterly blank. He sits down on the couch, and Jongin looks at him questioningly. “Hakyeon,” he says. Jongin already knows it can’t be anything good.
“He told me he’s going to London. But...he told me he loves me. He’s always loved me. He tried to make it go away with you, but he still wanted me,” Lu Han says.

Jongin’s heart shatters.

“I’m so sorry, Jongin. It’s all my fault,” Lu Han continues. He places a hand on Jongin’s thigh and looks at him with complete remorse.

“No, no, stop. It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I forgot, when do people ever stay with me?” Jongin laughs hollowly and pushes Lu Han’s hand off. “I don’t want to talk to anyone or see anyone.” He stands up and retreats into his room. He hears Lu Han’s footsteps pad down the hallway, pause at his doorway, and then continue to his own room.

Lu Han’s door closes, and Jongin cries.

♠ ♥ ♦ ♣

Lu Han pulls him in when Jongin gets home, Kris standing not far behind him. “What happened? Were you with Junmyeon?”

“Hyung, I can’t do this right now. Let me go,” Jongin pleads. His tears are close to pouring out of his eyes, and he really doesn’t have the energy to deal with either of his roommates.

“But Jongin - “

“Just let him sleep. It’ll be better to deal with this in the morning,” Kris says, laying a warning hand on Lu Han’s shoulder. Lu Han looks at Kris, then back to Jongin. He relents and lets go of Jongin’s arm.

Jongin pushes past them to his room and closes the door behind him. He sinks to the floor, curls up into a ball, and finally cries.

“Will he be all right?” Lu Han asks Kris worriedly. They’re sitting in the living room listening to Jongin’s sobs come from through his door.

“I don’t know what happened, but it can’t have been worse than Hakyeon. He got past Hakyeon; if something went wrong, he can get past this,” Kris says firmly. “We won’t let him destroy himself.”

♠ ♥ ♦ ♣

Jongin stays locked in his room for days. Lu Han tries to coax him out, leaving food in front of his door. When he comes to pick up the tray, the food is barely touched. He sighs and looks at the door worriedly. Kris has told him not to interfere, but he’s afraid Jongin’s dying in there from his heart out.

Sehun marches into their apartment four days into Jongin’s self-made isolation. He boldly knocks on the door loudly. “Jongin, I don’t care what the fuck you think, if you don’t open this door in the next ten seconds I will break it down.”

“Go away,” Jongin’s muffled voice says. The door opens when he only has one second left. Jongin looks even worse than Sehun had imagined. His hair is disgusting, and the bags under his eyes are worse than Zitao’s. He’s dressed in a worn t-shirt and sweatpants barely hanging to his thin body. His best friend looks like he’s lost fifteen pounds in the past few days.

Sehun pulls Jongin out and forces him into sitting on the couch next to Lu Han, then sits on his other side. Kris sits on the neighboring couch. Jongin doesn’t even bother to resist; a determined Sehun is unstoppable. “What happened?” he demands.

“Yes. I...we kissed,” Jongin says.

Lu Han’s eyes widen. “Any more?”

“No but almost. Then you called. And I realized what I was doing,” Jongin replies, putting his head in his hands.

Lu Han’s expression softens. “Jongin. Why did you leave? Junmyeon’s a great guy.”

“Isn’t that what you said about Hakyeon too?” Jongin snaps. He can almost hear Lu Han flinch.

“This is different. We know all of Junmyeon’s friends really well too, and all of us like Junmyeon,” Sehun states firmly.

“I thought you all liked Hakyeon?” All of his friends’ faces seem strained when Jongin looks up at them.

“Some of us - Baekhyun, Zitao, Sehun, Kris - weren’t huge fans of him. Minseok, as much as he liked Hakyeon as a friend, felt weird about him with you,” Lu Han admits. Jongin feels hurt that they never bothered to tell him at the time or afterwards.

“You just seemed so happy that no one wanted to ruin it for you. We didn’t want you to have to choose,” Kris says gently.

“But Junmyeon. Stop being afraid of letting yourself go. Junmyeon loves you and treats you as an equal more than Hakyeon did, more than anyone ever will. Do you really want to let this chance go?” Sehun continues.

“I’m afraid. There’s so much more Junmyeon could do. He has so many dreams, and I don’t want to be the one left behind when he decides he wants more than me,” Jongin says brokenly. “I can’t face something like Hakyeon happening again. Something like everyone else who has left me in the past. I won’t be able to get back up.”

“Jongin. Junmyeon is The One,” Kris says seriously.

“Kris, he doesn’t need your sappy shit,” Lu Han says exasperatedly.

“Jonginnie he loves you. And you love him. What else is there to say?” Kris says.

♠ ♥ ♦ ♣

A day later all of his friends know. Sehun forces him to go out to dinner with all of them as a “group counseling session.” Chanyeol and Jongdae are absent, and Jongin isn’t sure whether this is a coincidence or not. Each of the says a variation of the same thing, “You shouldn’t have done that, Junmyeon loves you, stop being dumb.”

“This isn’t just about you either,” Kyungsoo says, biting onto the piece of broccoli that Zitao holds up to his mouth. “Junmyeon must feel like his world is ending too after you ran out on him. Because you two are sappy and overly attached like that.” Minseok whacks him in the arm for the insensitive comment. Kyungsoo doesn’t even flinch.

Baekhyun tells him straight out, “You’re dumb as fuck.”

“Junmyeon always looks at you like there’s nothing else in the world. You could practically see hearts jumping out of his eyes,” Zitao says, sighing dreamily.

Yixing is sweet and simple, only saying, “Don’t let him go.”

Despite all his friends’ reprimands and encouragements, Jongin doesn’t call Junmyeon almost a week after the confrontation dinner.

“The number you are trying to reach is no longer in service,” the automated voice declares. Frowning, Jongin redials, only to get the same message. The phone slips out of his hand and falls onto the couch. He stares at the wall, his mind in shock.

His mind surges back into action when he thinks of Jongdae and Chanyeol. Jongin calls both, but neither picks up. He sets out for Kyungsoo and Minseok’s coffee shop to ask them.

“Junmyeon? I haven’t seen him,” Minseok says. Jongin’s heart sinks further, and he has a feeling about what has happened.

Next, he sends out a mass text. The replies trickle in slowly, but by the fourth negative answer, Jongin has given up hope.

The days that follow become a haze, all melting together in a continuous and flexible time warp. Sehun and Lu Han make him eat and shower, and his other friends ask whether he’s eaten every time he sees them, obviously under strict orders from his best friends in addition to their own concern.

Jongin runs into Jongdae, quite literally, on his way to dance practice. Jongdae ignores him and tries to push past him, but Jongin grabs his arm before he can escape.

“Do you need something?” asks Jongdae tersely, glaring between Jongin’s face and his hand on his arm.

Jongin is taken aback by his hostility. “Where is Junmyeon?”

“Why would you care?” Jongdae sneers. “It’s none of your business.”

“What?” Jongin blanches.

“You fucking left him, you asshole. He’s gone, and it’s your fault,” he hisses.

Jongin drops his arm as if it burned him. Jongdae throws him a last venomous glance before walking off agitatedly. He stands there, frozen, and people stream past him, some bumping into him and muttering disgruntled comments at him for being in the way. But he sees and hears nothing other than Jongdae saying, “He’s gone, and it’s your fault,” over and over again.

He calls Chanyeol. The taller man picks up this time.

“Hello?” Chanyeol greets warily.

“Can I talk to you?” Jongin asks.

Chanyeol is silent on the other end, and Jongin almost thinks he will say no until he agrees. “Okay. It’s about time. Armada in fifteen?”

Although Jongin just about runs there, he sees Chanyeol’s tall figure already standing outside the shop as he approaches. Chanyeol allows to catch his breath before he pushes the door open and enters, holding it for Jongin to step in as well. He orders for himself and waits for Jongin to finish to lead him to the table in the far back left. They wait in silence for Kyungsoo to bring them their drinks. He looks between them curiously when he sets the cups down, and, sensing the tension, he squeezes Jongin’s shoulder lightly as he leaves.

Chanyeol takes a long sip of his coffee first, then speaks. “What do you want to know?”

“Do you know where Junmyeon is?” Jongin questions anxiously.

“No, I don’t. No one does, as far as I know, and if someone does, they’re hiding it really well,” Chanyeol answers.

Jongin slumps in his seat. “I saw Jongdae earlier. He blames me.”

“I do too,” Chanyeol says frankly. His tone does not have the disgust that Jongdae’s had but instead a heavy disappointment.

“You broke him, Jongin. You acted like you loved him, you kissed him, and then you left. Junmyeon called me crying after you ran out of his apartment. I could hear in his voice that he was completely defeated. And now he’s disappeared.” Chanyeol keeps eye contact the whole time he talks. Jongin would rather have him yelling and angry. The disappointment and calm is like the world upon Atlas’ shoulders, almost crushing him under its weight, and Jongin doesn’t think he can shoulder it for long.
“Jongdae’s mad, but he’s hurt too. You hurt his best friend, yes, but you also hurt him by failing to meet his expectations. He’s trying to figure out what to do to find Junmyeon now,” he continues. “All you can do right now is find him. Get him back.”

Jongin nods numbly, processing all of Chanyeol’s words slowly.

Chanyeol stands, and just as Kyungsoo did before, he gives Jongin’s shoulder a gentle squeeze and departs, leaving Jongin with a now cold cup of coffee and a whirlwind of thoughts.

♠ ♥ ♦ ♣

Days, weeks, and soon, months pass. Jongin wracks his brain for possible places that Junmyeon might have gone to, but there are too many. Junmyeon had dreamed of being a traveler, an adventurer, exploring all parts of the world. Gradually, a routine returns. He wakes up, he goes to class, he sleeps. In his free time, he looks for Junmyeon. He looks in all the places they visited and all the places Junmyeon had wanted to visit, searching for any hint of where he’d gone. Lu Han had tried to persuade him away from his pursuit, but their other friends had told him to let him be.

Jongdae’s words and actions no longer carry bitterness and dislike. He knows that hating Jongin won’t bring Junmyeon back, and some days he even comes to help Jongin brainstorm.

His friends try to avoid mentioning Junmyeon around him. Jongin appreciates it although he’d rather they speak freely. They feel like they’re doing something for him, so he doesn’t bother to say anything against it.

Even though the chase seems endless and pointless, Jongin perseveres because he knows Junmyeon would do the same for him. Jongin has been running all his life, abandoning his problems instead of solving them. Now that Junmyeon is the one running, Jongin has to chase him with every single molecule in his body.

Slowly, three months pass. Jongin is still lost, and Junmyeon is still nowhere to be found.
♠ ♥ ♦ ♣

Introducing Baekhyun and Jongdae to each other may have been the worst decision he had ever made, Jongin thinks as he approaches the brightly lit apartment. None of the typical ear-splitting bass spills out due to a strict and crabby landlord who would throw them out with no mercy, but knowing the two of them, they had other things in mind.

It had taken much persuasion (made up of bribes involving food for himself and his dogs) to convince Jongin to come to their housewarming party. Baekhyun insisted that Jongin come, claiming that otherwise Sehun would be giggling and slobbering all over him two drinks in. Jongdae simply gave him a mischievous smile that already warned Jongin against trying to defy him. He did not want to know what sort of terrible pranks Jongdae would pull on him, considering his past offenses.
With a resigned sigh, Jongin raises his hand to knock, but the door flies open the second before his knuckles land to show a party hat-clad Lu Han looking far too maniacal for anything that would happen at the party to be any good. Jongin has half a mind to turn around and just go home, but Lu Han already has a death grip on his wrist, pulling him in and kicking the door shut behind them. The room is predictably covered in obnoxiously colorful streamers and even a disco ball spinning in the center of the ceiling. Baekhyun and Jongdae already set up a mini ping pong table on the side, and the kitchen counter is covered in snacks and drinks, all with obscenely high sodium content but tasting too good to matter.

“Baekhyun and Jongdae are still primping in the bathroom,” Lu Han tells him. Jongin cannot even imagine what they have to primp for, but he nods and sinks onto the slightly worn red sofa. Kris would be arriving late, stuck in a layover in North Carolina on his way home from business in Dallas. Everyone else has apparently decided that fashionably late must be over an hour late. Jongin groans into one of the many pillows thrown all over the sofa, lamenting not staying home and cuddling with his dogs.

“No Jongin you would not be better off at home with your dogs. You are at this party, you will socialize! People! Your favorite thing!” Baekhyun calls out as he emerges from the bathroom. Jongin expects a ridiculous costume of sorts but Baekhyun looks normal.

“You look normal,” Jongin says.

“What else would I look like?” Baekhyun snorts.

“What were you spending that much time in the bathroom for then?” Jongin asks, rolling his eyes.

“Ah, that.” Baekhyun’s eyes glint with dangerous delight. “Jongdae, you can come out now!”

Jongin hears a muffled groan before Jongdae stumbles out of the bathroom in one of the shortest pairs of shorts he’s ever seen and a white v-neck that stops just above his waistband, and to top it all off, a long brown wig framing Jongdae’s sharp cheekbones.

“Hyung what bet did you lose to end up in SNSD’s Gee outfit?”

“Jongdae here was smart enough to bet on my charming abilities,” Baekhyun answers. “He thought I couldn’t get more than five numbers. I got ten.”

Jongdae scoffs. “You totally cheated. You already knew some of those people.”

“You mean they knew me? Sorry I’m so popular,” Baekhyun replies, running a hand through his hair and winking.

Jongdae mimes throwing up while Lu Han cackles in the background. Jongin sighs and asks himself again why he even came.

Other people begin showing up shortly after. Baekhyun forces Jongdae to greet people at the door for them to “immediately appreciate my genius.” Kyungsoo, Minseok, and Zitao come together, the latter clinging to Kyungsoo’s arm. Sehun, Yixing, Chanyeol, and the seemingly endless number of people in Baekhyun’s and Jongdae’s combined social networks (they probably invited all of their 3000 friends on Facebook) trickle in clumps. Eventually Jongdae leaves the door open for people to just walk in instead of hearing the doorbell ring every two minutes.

By nine o’clock the party is in full swing, the disco ball reflecting multicolored lights all around the living room. Some people are dancing, some are making out, others line the walls or are seated on the couches chatting. Jongin stands by the drinks and food a few feet from the group surrounding Jongdae and Baekhyun, sipping at his Coke and occasionally reaching into the bowl of tortilla chips.
Kris arrives at ten-thirty still dressed in his business suit and is immediately attacked by Lu Han and Baekhyun, who latch onto his long limbs and pull him towards their original place. Jongin decides to join their group, greeting Kris with a hug. He hasn’t seen his flatmate in a week and has kind of missed Kris’ strange antics around the apartment. After everyone finishes welcoming Kris back, Baekhyun launches into an animated story about he and Jongdae moving in together that most of them have heard before but Kris hasn’t, and because it’s Baekhyun, it’s still funny the second time around.

The doorbell rings at eleven. Baekhyun seems surprised, but Jongdae’s face lights up. Jongin figures it’s just another one of Jongdae’s friends and continues his conversation with Sehun. He hears Jongdae squeal as he greets the new arrival. Jongin sees Sehun’s eyes widen as he trails off in the middle of a sentence and gets a strange feeling. He turns around to see a face he hasn’t seen in three months, the source of his recent sullenness, standing a few feet away. Kris is greeting Junmyeon with a brief hug and surprise is evident in the arch of his eyebrows. Junmyeon laughs and smacks him on the arm playfully, just as friendly as he has always been. Jongin feels an ache in his heart as he watches such a familiar gesture that he hasn’t seen in so long.

Junmyeon’s eyes meet his, and he gives a small smile, emotions churning in his eyes. Jongin stands up and slowly walks over, brushing off the warning hand Sehun places on his arm. He stops a foot away from Junmyeon and reaches out a shaking hand to brush over his cheek, feeling just to make sure he isn’t dreaming. Junmyeon stares at him but does not move, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. Jongin brings his hand down to intertwine his fingers with Junmyeon’s and pull him into a tight embrace so full of emotion that there’s almost an audible crackle in the air when their bodies meet. He wraps his other arm around the older man’s waist tightly as if Junmyeon might disappear from within his grasp if he were to let go.

Junmyeon’s breath hitches as he is pulled close, but his other hand reaches up to thread through Jongin’s hair. Most of the party continues around them, the music still pounding out from the multiple speakers around the room. Their friends look anxious and uncertain as to what to make of the development. They had expected Jongin to storm out and lock himself in his room for two weeks rather than confront Junmyeon. Jongdae, however, looks satisfied and answers Kyungsoo’s questioning look with a grin.

“Do you want to leave?” Junmyeon murmurs in his ear.

Jongin releases him but keeps firm grasp of his hand. He steps toward the door and Junmyeon follows, allowing himself to be led out of the party with a glance back at Jongdae to let him know he’d talk to him later.

Junmyeon expects Jongin to stop once they’ve left the apartment, but he continues to walk until they’ve reached the nearest bus stop. Jongin sits down on the bench and pulls Junmyeon down to sit next to him.

“Where have you been?” Jongin asks softly. There’s so much he wants to say, so much pent up over the time they haven’t together, but this is the first thing that comes out. He doesn’t think he is thinking straight right now anyways.

“Around. Around the world, I suppose I should say.” Junmyeon chuckles lightly. “After you...I went to Vancouver. I stayed with one of Kris’ friends for a week or so before going to Toronto. I saw the Niagara Falls, actually. I wished you were there with me.”

Jongin’s hold on his hand tightens. Once it loosens, Junmyeon continues.

“Toronto was only a day, then I was in New York. Then Boston. I didn’t spend very long in any place because it made me think too much of you. After the US was London. I stayed there for almost a month before I went to Paris for three days. I came back here after Paris and visited my parents. I went to see my brother in Gwangju. His kid loves me, and he asked where you were.” Junmyeon stops again.

Jongin’s heart throbs a little at the thought of the little boy. “So you’ve been here but not really here for...two weeks?” Jongin’s mind is in overdrive processing all that Junmyeon is telling him.
“I went to Tokyo after I saw my brother for a few days and then made a small side trip to Beijing. But I got back from China three days ago.”

“Has anyone else seen you? Did anyone else know?” Jongin’s body is fidgeting, filled with anxiety and emotions he can’t define.

“Kris knew I went to Canada but not where I went afterwards. I contacted Jongdae while I was in London, but no, I haven’t seen anyone since I left,” Junmyeon replies, laying his other hand over their intertwined fingers.

They sit silently, both reflecting over the time they’ve spent apart. Jongin imagines all the places Junmyeon had visited, sees himself there with him. It’s almost too much, but Junmyeon is beside him now. Junmyeon is holding his hand, Junmyeon is back. Jongin doesn’t want him to leave again.

♠ ♥ ♦ ♣

Falling back together is not as easy as Jongin imagines it would be. Their separation has uncovered a whole slew of problems they had not realized before. More than anything, he and Junmyeon talk. Jongin explains why he ran away that night, and Junmyeon explains everything that prompted him to escape following the incident. They talk out their insecurities and fears, figuring each other and themselves out with lots of laughing and some crying.

“Do you know the first time we met?” Jongin asks Junmyeon one day as Junmyeon’s head lays in his lap.

“Chanyeol’s recital,” Junmyeon says immediately. Jongin looks down at him in surprise.

“There was a cute kid staring at me from across the lobby. I wasn’t going to forget that face.” Junmyeon reaches up to trace his features.

“I think I was gone from that moment,” Jongin admits.

Junmyeon smiles and kisses their laced fingers.

Jongin notes that following Junmyeon’s return, everyone seems brighter and happier. Junmyeon’s presence linked all of them together like a homing instinct. Without him, everyone was a little bit lost, but now that he’s back, he has brought everyone back into place.

A week after Junmyeon came back, Minseok and Kyungsoo close early to throw a party celebrating everything and anything. Kyungsoo hands everyone a cheesy party hat as they walk in, and even Kris gives in to putting it on after multiple protests of, “It’s not my style!” after Kyungsoo glares at him and threatens to put it on him himself.

Junmyeon and Jongin arrive second after Zitao, who has his arms wrapped around Kyungsoo’s shoulders. After putting on their hats under Kyungsoo’s scrutiny, they help Minseok with the final preparations, rolling out streamers and setting out silverware and table decorations. The door chimes right as they put down the last set of utensils set, announcing the arrival of Sehun and Yixing.

Jongin raises an eyebrow at Lu Han when he arrives with Chanyeol. Lu Han blushes and makes a lot of hand gestures that Jongin interprets to mean “shut up fuck you we’re not like that.” Junmyeon laughs beside him as Lu Han desperately tries to save face. His plans are ruined by Chanyeol placing an arm around his waist and pulling his chair out for him. Chanyeol, seemingly oblivious to Lu Han’s extreme embarrassment and bright red face, sits down beside him, grinning.

Kyungsoo narrows his eyes suspiciously at Baekhyun and Jongdae as they arrive last with matching smirks. They don their party hats, and Minseok sets off a pop out streamer, starting the party.

Minseok and Kyungsoo had agreed on no alcohol to keep the damage and effects minimal. When Jongin feels a bit tipsy later on, he suspects the late arrivals of spiking the drinks, especially judging by Yixing’s giggling and slurred speech. Kyungsoo bops both of them on the head for punishment, but his eyes are bright and fond. Alcohol aside, they are all drunk on contentment.

Junmyeon nudges him lightly, and Jongin turns to look at him. He nods his head in Lu Han’s direction, where he’s looking at the tall man affectionately as he talks animatedly to Kris. Jongin smiles at his flatmate’s blatant display and takes Junmyeon’s hand in his, clasping them together on his thigh. Junmyeon places a light kiss on his lips, gazing at him with so much love that Jongin’s heart skips a beat, and he knows he never wants to lose this.

“Get a room!” Jongdae yells from further down the table. Baekhyun stops him from continuing by planting a kiss firmly on Jongdae’s lips. For the first time that night, Jongdae is silent, staring at Baekhyun with wide eyes. Baekhyun winks, and Jongdae yells.

Everyone bursts into laughter, and as he looks around the table, Jongin’s eyes meet Junmyeon’s, which are curled into crescents as he laughs freely just as he had the first night Jongin had laid eyes on him. Jongin knows that he could never run away from this ever again.