Feelin' Emo.
I think the only reason I keep this thing going is so that when I want to bitch but I don't want billions of people to read it, I have an outlet.
Let the bitching commence.
I'm sick of not being able to open my mouth all the way. I'm sick of not having any energy to do things at night when I get home from work. I'm sick of being threatened with my job. I'm sick of feeling intimidated by a pint-sized Israeli Jew that's half my size and would blow straight away if she got caught in a strong breeze. I'm sick of not having a consistent person to spend time with. I'm sick of wanting to go back to school, and having everyone tell me not to. I'm sick of having my scholarship threatened because I can't go back to school.
Now let's elaborate.
My wisdom teeth sx was so fucked up that it's completely drained me. I want to sue, but can't because my father refuses to allow me to do it. Not that I would need his approval, but I would need financial help going into it, seeing that I am flat broke. Oh, and that's another thing: I'm sick of being penniless. I understand that I'm in the "real world" now: 9-to-5 job, rent, car insurance, phone bill. I also understand that (thank you Karl Marx) I am not being paid what I am worth. I should be paid much more for the job that I am doing. I need to be compensated for gas and miles when I use my own car to run errands. This leads me to my next Bitch Topic.
The Bosses are terrible to me. Dominique has warmed up, but Natty talks down to me constantly, and when I try to explain myself to her, she cuts me off and tells me to stop acting like a child. She doesn't want me to apologize when I make a mistake? Fine. When I make a mistake, I'll tell her, but from now on I'm going to say, "Per your instructions, I will not apologize for this mistake." That should piss her off sufficiently. Shai and Ithamar are awesome. Shai is one of the most business-minded people that I know. He's a demanding man to work for, but you accomplish a sense of camaraderie with him by doing what you're told, when you're asked. I don't understand what's so hard about that. This guy that works here in the office always talks about how he's always SO swamped, and never gets any work done: maybe if he didn't take a thousand cigarette breaks a day, he would get more done. He could have an extra hour per day with all of the smoke breaks he takes. I take one before lunch, maybe one in the afternoon; he takes one or two an hour.
I have probably already lost my scholarship by now. My parents keep telling me not to worry, because they have the money now to pay for whatever school I go to. But I don't want them to do that. I earned that scholarship. I earned it like I earned the right to put a fucking hole in my guidance counselor's head the day I graduated from Wellington High. It pains me to hear that I could lose it because I've been too focused on trying to make and save money and not staying focused on what I really need to be doing right now: going to school.
I'm 21 years old. I shouldn't be worrying about losing my job, my scholarship, my friends, my sanity. I should be enjoying this age.
It is the great burden of our generation that we should live up to the expectations of our parents. They want us to be brighter, live longer, and make more money than any of them ever did or ever will. We should not have to be the fall-guys for their mistakes. Neither of my parents graduated college, but both of them urge me to finish my education (at least, they did when I graduated from high school). Now, they want me to have what they never had: hands-on experience in a brand new field of work. But this isn't the field of work I want to end up in. I don't know how many times I have to say that. I think it's a brilliant, blooming concept, internet advertising. I understand that many people are trying to break into this field, and would love to be in the same position I'm in ... well great. Give it to them. I don't want it anymore. I want my camera and my tripod, an open road in front of me and an open field behind. I want to do landscape and wildlife photography. I'm going to go out this weekend (since it's a long weekend) and go to a few different sites in Palm Beach County. Thinking about driving out to Lake Okeechobee, for one. Maybe Loxahatchee Wildlife Refuge.
I hate this fucking desk job.
Let the bitching commence.
I'm sick of not being able to open my mouth all the way. I'm sick of not having any energy to do things at night when I get home from work. I'm sick of being threatened with my job. I'm sick of feeling intimidated by a pint-sized Israeli Jew that's half my size and would blow straight away if she got caught in a strong breeze. I'm sick of not having a consistent person to spend time with. I'm sick of wanting to go back to school, and having everyone tell me not to. I'm sick of having my scholarship threatened because I can't go back to school.
Now let's elaborate.
My wisdom teeth sx was so fucked up that it's completely drained me. I want to sue, but can't because my father refuses to allow me to do it. Not that I would need his approval, but I would need financial help going into it, seeing that I am flat broke. Oh, and that's another thing: I'm sick of being penniless. I understand that I'm in the "real world" now: 9-to-5 job, rent, car insurance, phone bill. I also understand that (thank you Karl Marx) I am not being paid what I am worth. I should be paid much more for the job that I am doing. I need to be compensated for gas and miles when I use my own car to run errands. This leads me to my next Bitch Topic.
The Bosses are terrible to me. Dominique has warmed up, but Natty talks down to me constantly, and when I try to explain myself to her, she cuts me off and tells me to stop acting like a child. She doesn't want me to apologize when I make a mistake? Fine. When I make a mistake, I'll tell her, but from now on I'm going to say, "Per your instructions, I will not apologize for this mistake." That should piss her off sufficiently. Shai and Ithamar are awesome. Shai is one of the most business-minded people that I know. He's a demanding man to work for, but you accomplish a sense of camaraderie with him by doing what you're told, when you're asked. I don't understand what's so hard about that. This guy that works here in the office always talks about how he's always SO swamped, and never gets any work done: maybe if he didn't take a thousand cigarette breaks a day, he would get more done. He could have an extra hour per day with all of the smoke breaks he takes. I take one before lunch, maybe one in the afternoon; he takes one or two an hour.
I have probably already lost my scholarship by now. My parents keep telling me not to worry, because they have the money now to pay for whatever school I go to. But I don't want them to do that. I earned that scholarship. I earned it like I earned the right to put a fucking hole in my guidance counselor's head the day I graduated from Wellington High. It pains me to hear that I could lose it because I've been too focused on trying to make and save money and not staying focused on what I really need to be doing right now: going to school.
I'm 21 years old. I shouldn't be worrying about losing my job, my scholarship, my friends, my sanity. I should be enjoying this age.
It is the great burden of our generation that we should live up to the expectations of our parents. They want us to be brighter, live longer, and make more money than any of them ever did or ever will. We should not have to be the fall-guys for their mistakes. Neither of my parents graduated college, but both of them urge me to finish my education (at least, they did when I graduated from high school). Now, they want me to have what they never had: hands-on experience in a brand new field of work. But this isn't the field of work I want to end up in. I don't know how many times I have to say that. I think it's a brilliant, blooming concept, internet advertising. I understand that many people are trying to break into this field, and would love to be in the same position I'm in ... well great. Give it to them. I don't want it anymore. I want my camera and my tripod, an open road in front of me and an open field behind. I want to do landscape and wildlife photography. I'm going to go out this weekend (since it's a long weekend) and go to a few different sites in Palm Beach County. Thinking about driving out to Lake Okeechobee, for one. Maybe Loxahatchee Wildlife Refuge.
I hate this fucking desk job.