i feel at home thinking of you
can i just say how much i adoooore zach braff...
so im procastinating studying for my poly sci quiz.. cuz i'm me.. and i start looking on the net for info on zach braff.. cuz thats something i would do..
i am reading his lil bio's and interviews and fallnig more and more in love with a guy that does not exist.. at least not in my reality..
he wrote my perfect movie.. i keep wanting to write and trying to write and anything i write b/c's garden state..
i wanna just sit with him and pick his brain.. he's a guy i would totally marry.. except he's like another version of myself.. is that a good thing? would i want to date myself? lol. are two people completely alike good..
now calm down. im not saying i stand a chance in hell of getting NEAR zach braff.. tho i'd love the chance.. im just pondering on a seperate parallel issue.. anywayy...
i am lonely. and yet really happy.. i feel like some cloud has been lifted and yet im also stressed.. a walking contradiction.. in some respects i feel great and in others incredibly lousy.. i wish i could find a balance.. i feel very lopsided.. i wish we could move already.. this is putting a major kink in my plans.. like i cant buy my MAc until we move cuz its gonna be too much of a hassle to switch computers.. unless i buy a laptop.. which im tempted to do.. yeeps.. and i cant make movies until i move and i cant find peace of mind until i move.. i need to move.. i need to find a new job when i move..i need to get money for school.. i need my dad to find a job.. i need to fill out a fafsa when my dad finds his tax info.. god, give me peace of mind!
i finally feel really good about my friendship with cher.. like we hit a point and there is no turning back anymore.. shes stuck with me.. lol. she got me really excited at the prospect of dating.. its so unlike me.. but i am really interested in it at this point..there is a whole wide world out there with sooo many fascinating people and i can meet them.. and hang out with them.. even kiss them if i want to! lol.. i just need to work on making my feelings clear.. i have a tendancy to find comfort in friends.. even if i like them as more, i'll become there friend first so i at least have something and try to let it grow into more if they want it to be... but then i get stuck in the "friend" spot and then its to the point where the boys liek"i dont wanna lose her as a friend, so that rules out her as a romantic potential" ... no more..
now i will meet boys and if at all interested, i will let it be known lol.
Man, i keep thinking about garden state.. i need to see it again. Sam is seriously the PERFECT girl part..not that she as a "person" isnt flawed- she is, thats why shes perfect.. its the most real, honest role ive ever seen.. i mean she is ME.. only without the epilepsy thing.. its scary.. and then it made my day reading this zach braff interview cuz he was saying how his perfect girl is prolly like Sam.. and hed tell natalie portman to move somewhere and shed be like" why, is that what you'd want ur dream girl to do?" i loooove that. that makes me soo happy. I want to find a zach braff.. there have to be boys out there like him.. sad, numb boys that i can make feel alive again. lol. Funny, cute jewish boys who will offer me love and i can offer them comfort and safety. i think i had that with matt. It's hard to remember tho b/c im not 15 anymore. i dont look at matt as i did when i was 15. I don't look at myself like that either. But i think i was safety for him.. and that feels good. It's really good to find home in someone.. and its really good to find someone unlike urself to connect with. Its like finding someone to balance you out.. i wanna meet someone completely unlike me.. only in a complimenting way.. similiar interests are good.. but i want to grow.. and i cant grow if i only meet ppl that are like me.. uhgghgh.. i need to study and blowdry my hair.. and clean my room for the open house this weekend.. oooh acting class this thursday.. im really excited for it.. i cant WAIT to perform.. i need it soo bad.. i need to feel good at something and i feel at home on stage. .i know my purpose.. im the fuckin shit! lol. Well enough of this bullshat.. im off like the Knight in garden state after my bowl of cereal and a star trek insult... YEAHH!
so im procastinating studying for my poly sci quiz.. cuz i'm me.. and i start looking on the net for info on zach braff.. cuz thats something i would do..
i am reading his lil bio's and interviews and fallnig more and more in love with a guy that does not exist.. at least not in my reality..
he wrote my perfect movie.. i keep wanting to write and trying to write and anything i write b/c's garden state..
i wanna just sit with him and pick his brain.. he's a guy i would totally marry.. except he's like another version of myself.. is that a good thing? would i want to date myself? lol. are two people completely alike good..
now calm down. im not saying i stand a chance in hell of getting NEAR zach braff.. tho i'd love the chance.. im just pondering on a seperate parallel issue.. anywayy...
i am lonely. and yet really happy.. i feel like some cloud has been lifted and yet im also stressed.. a walking contradiction.. in some respects i feel great and in others incredibly lousy.. i wish i could find a balance.. i feel very lopsided.. i wish we could move already.. this is putting a major kink in my plans.. like i cant buy my MAc until we move cuz its gonna be too much of a hassle to switch computers.. unless i buy a laptop.. which im tempted to do.. yeeps.. and i cant make movies until i move and i cant find peace of mind until i move.. i need to move.. i need to find a new job when i move..i need to get money for school.. i need my dad to find a job.. i need to fill out a fafsa when my dad finds his tax info.. god, give me peace of mind!
i finally feel really good about my friendship with cher.. like we hit a point and there is no turning back anymore.. shes stuck with me.. lol. she got me really excited at the prospect of dating.. its so unlike me.. but i am really interested in it at this point..there is a whole wide world out there with sooo many fascinating people and i can meet them.. and hang out with them.. even kiss them if i want to! lol.. i just need to work on making my feelings clear.. i have a tendancy to find comfort in friends.. even if i like them as more, i'll become there friend first so i at least have something and try to let it grow into more if they want it to be... but then i get stuck in the "friend" spot and then its to the point where the boys liek"i dont wanna lose her as a friend, so that rules out her as a romantic potential" ... no more..
now i will meet boys and if at all interested, i will let it be known lol.
Man, i keep thinking about garden state.. i need to see it again. Sam is seriously the PERFECT girl part..not that she as a "person" isnt flawed- she is, thats why shes perfect.. its the most real, honest role ive ever seen.. i mean she is ME.. only without the epilepsy thing.. its scary.. and then it made my day reading this zach braff interview cuz he was saying how his perfect girl is prolly like Sam.. and hed tell natalie portman to move somewhere and shed be like" why, is that what you'd want ur dream girl to do?" i loooove that. that makes me soo happy. I want to find a zach braff.. there have to be boys out there like him.. sad, numb boys that i can make feel alive again. lol. Funny, cute jewish boys who will offer me love and i can offer them comfort and safety. i think i had that with matt. It's hard to remember tho b/c im not 15 anymore. i dont look at matt as i did when i was 15. I don't look at myself like that either. But i think i was safety for him.. and that feels good. It's really good to find home in someone.. and its really good to find someone unlike urself to connect with. Its like finding someone to balance you out.. i wanna meet someone completely unlike me.. only in a complimenting way.. similiar interests are good.. but i want to grow.. and i cant grow if i only meet ppl that are like me.. uhgghgh.. i need to study and blowdry my hair.. and clean my room for the open house this weekend.. oooh acting class this thursday.. im really excited for it.. i cant WAIT to perform.. i need it soo bad.. i need to feel good at something and i feel at home on stage. .i know my purpose.. im the fuckin shit! lol. Well enough of this bullshat.. im off like the Knight in garden state after my bowl of cereal and a star trek insult... YEAHH!