overwhelmed
So lately I've been thinking about alot of things. I'm needing to connect to some ppl. Preferably musicians. I've been feeling pretty isolated and stressed. Upset that things arent going the way I want them to. My biological grandfather is in the hospital,suffering from dememntia, my dog is severly sick, im sick, im depressed and my job is getting me mad. Plus i have to pay rent really fucking soon along with my taxes that were done wrong. Im under alot of stress rite now. I've been alone alot, and only thoughts of wanting to be somewhere else in my life has been gettin in. The life of an artist.
Sometimes I wish that my parents had more money, but anybody that knows me knows i had to fight for everything in my life. Nothing, was given to me. So that means i gotta make plans. Gonna take vocal lessons in september @ NYU, go to the gym/the yoga place to take care of myself, get a bartenders book, and a bartending gig, and ......
im just so overwhelmed. I got one of my pils upped after a crazy incident. And for the first time in a month i went to my group to start up therapy again on my eating disorder. Talk about things not being handed to me huh? Jesus. I'm so sad lately and I really miss my friends. The ppl I used to know back in the day. Maybe they just werent my friends at all. I need alot of things right now. And rite now all I have is greg. I've been spending alot of time with him, in the bed&breakfast, and in the beach, but im still depressed even around him. I'm gonna try and get my lexapro upped. Theres just this cloud hanging over my life lately. And i've been generally unhappy. And I'm gonna try things in therapy but who knows. There have been some things emotionally lately that prove something bigger is coming and its scary. My psychiatrist doesnt know either yet. On step at a time right? Yeah right. Oa talked about acceptance today and right now im not feeling any of that. Upping my risperdal, trying to get a guiatarist i can stand, writing more, fighting these urges to not restrict and binge, trying to be patient with greg's status and my weight and my band as of now. I want to get back in the studio and practice. Listening to alanis morrissette's acoustic jagged lil pil has been very inspiring since she has an amazing voice. It puts a fire under my butt. I need some direction. I have all this inspiration and dont know where to start...
sigh*
anybody got advice?
Sometimes I wish that my parents had more money, but anybody that knows me knows i had to fight for everything in my life. Nothing, was given to me. So that means i gotta make plans. Gonna take vocal lessons in september @ NYU, go to the gym/the yoga place to take care of myself, get a bartenders book, and a bartending gig, and ......
im just so overwhelmed. I got one of my pils upped after a crazy incident. And for the first time in a month i went to my group to start up therapy again on my eating disorder. Talk about things not being handed to me huh? Jesus. I'm so sad lately and I really miss my friends. The ppl I used to know back in the day. Maybe they just werent my friends at all. I need alot of things right now. And rite now all I have is greg. I've been spending alot of time with him, in the bed&breakfast, and in the beach, but im still depressed even around him. I'm gonna try and get my lexapro upped. Theres just this cloud hanging over my life lately. And i've been generally unhappy. And I'm gonna try things in therapy but who knows. There have been some things emotionally lately that prove something bigger is coming and its scary. My psychiatrist doesnt know either yet. On step at a time right? Yeah right. Oa talked about acceptance today and right now im not feeling any of that. Upping my risperdal, trying to get a guiatarist i can stand, writing more, fighting these urges to not restrict and binge, trying to be patient with greg's status and my weight and my band as of now. I want to get back in the studio and practice. Listening to alanis morrissette's acoustic jagged lil pil has been very inspiring since she has an amazing voice. It puts a fire under my butt. I need some direction. I have all this inspiration and dont know where to start...
sigh*
anybody got advice?