can i ever let go?
this is the question i am asking myself over and over and over again. i need to let go of the past and focus on the present and future. but it's really not all that easy to let go of the ideas about your b/f talking to another girl and the talking including love comments and how you will be each other's forever...then finding love letters, then adding on top of that this girl calls almost every night and texts over and over and over again..only to figure out that she has no idea why they have stopped talking...not maybe this doens't mean anything but to be honest, it seems, from my past experience with this situation that paul does not want to let go, still thinks about her and didn't want to tell her that he was dating me again so that he didnt lose her totally. b/c right now they just arne't talking, i think if she found out about me she wouldn't want to talk to him...but eventually this girl is so attached to the phone (as well as paul) that they would get back together with their convo's. paul has said things about her to me that make me feel like i can't live up to her, make me feel like i can't make him feel the way she makes him feel, and i feel worthless and like he is just pretending and he even said that this weekend as well. i dont know if my relationship is fake, disconnected, nonexistent...I DONT KNOW!!! it hurts to think about i couldn't sleep at all, it hurts, i mean its painful...i am miserable thinking about the fact that while he was telling me she didn't mean anything she did...while he was telling me he wanted to be with me, he always found a way to go to her, didn't want to let her go. whos to say he wont just do the same thing over again. i dont know what to think, i dont know if i can trust, i feel like i can't let go....i'm stuck. i dont know what kind of comfort i'm looking for, what kind of sign, what kind of gesture or words, i can't figure anything out. am i supposed to forgive, or just forget...or neither and just move on. it's hard b/c paul doesn't find anything ot be a big deal b/c during my hurtful time he was happy enough with her...HE WROTE LOVE LETTERS AND SAVED THEM EVEN AFTER WANTING TO BE WITH ME
i'm sorry but that is FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he kept them after saying he would throw them out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i cant take this anymore it's time for me to leave work and look at his face. i might be disgusted, he might make me laugh but eventually i'm gonna break down again, it always happens.