Missing
It's always hard when I come to my stepdad's and brother's house. When you walk in, there is a big picture of her over the fireplace. The picture caprtures her perfectly, she has that easy smile on her face, the sun behind her making her hair gleam. He has a picture of the two of them on the coffee table, a beautiful sterling silver frame surrounding it, with the inscription "...I found the one my heart loves". I miss her, I eerily miss her more again as I sit in her house, mostly everything the way she left things, her favorite items collecting dust. I guess not moving anything eases things for all of us. I then glance on the fridge and see pictures from random times of our lives. When my siblings and I were little, when my kids were little, when she got sick...
How do I ease the pain of missing her? I know it's supposed to ease up as time goes by, but we are coming up on her 6 month anniversary, and things still feel the same as the first week. Things will never be normal, no matter how hard I try, and no matter how I try to push it out of my mind. A piece of my heart will forever be missing.
I am realizing that I don't know how to cope with loss and sickness, besides the 'flee' tactic that I am so good at. My sister has cysts on her head. One behind each ear, one on the top of her scalp. They say it shouldn't be anything serious. I am worried sick. My Grandfather has prostate cancer, my grandmother on my Mom's side had a stroke last night. Funny how it all comes down at once.
Ironically, my stepdad, brother, the kiddos and I watched the video of my other (I have 3) grandmother's 70th birthday party which took place in Hawaii last week. They made it in such a way that it was like watching a movie, starring her 7 children, twenty something grandchildren, and 3 great grandchildren (mine being 2 of them). At 70 years old, she is healthy and happy, basking in the joy of all of her children and their accomplishments. The 'movie' ends with her and my grandfather doing a Waltz at their anniversary party a few years ago.
Ahh, life. Simple, no? Not quite.
I guess we just have to make the best of what is given to us.
As for me, I feel blessed. I am fortunate to know SO many people, I am fortunate to have SO much family, so much loved ones. How could I ask for anything more than that?
As I sit here on my brother's computer, I watch him read a book to his niece and nephew. I think about our relationship. He is my little brother, and as much as my heart fiercely loves him, I could never muster a serious conversation with him. He probably misses my Mom more than I do.
I guess we just have to make the best of what is given to us.
How do I ease the pain of missing her? I know it's supposed to ease up as time goes by, but we are coming up on her 6 month anniversary, and things still feel the same as the first week. Things will never be normal, no matter how hard I try, and no matter how I try to push it out of my mind. A piece of my heart will forever be missing.
I am realizing that I don't know how to cope with loss and sickness, besides the 'flee' tactic that I am so good at. My sister has cysts on her head. One behind each ear, one on the top of her scalp. They say it shouldn't be anything serious. I am worried sick. My Grandfather has prostate cancer, my grandmother on my Mom's side had a stroke last night. Funny how it all comes down at once.
Ironically, my stepdad, brother, the kiddos and I watched the video of my other (I have 3) grandmother's 70th birthday party which took place in Hawaii last week. They made it in such a way that it was like watching a movie, starring her 7 children, twenty something grandchildren, and 3 great grandchildren (mine being 2 of them). At 70 years old, she is healthy and happy, basking in the joy of all of her children and their accomplishments. The 'movie' ends with her and my grandfather doing a Waltz at their anniversary party a few years ago.
Ahh, life. Simple, no? Not quite.
I guess we just have to make the best of what is given to us.
As for me, I feel blessed. I am fortunate to know SO many people, I am fortunate to have SO much family, so much loved ones. How could I ask for anything more than that?
As I sit here on my brother's computer, I watch him read a book to his niece and nephew. I think about our relationship. He is my little brother, and as much as my heart fiercely loves him, I could never muster a serious conversation with him. He probably misses my Mom more than I do.
I guess we just have to make the best of what is given to us.