A rather confusing tale....
I like angst. A lot. And what better way to portray angst than with our favorite mismatched and yet perfect pairing: Miroku and Sango?
Ever wonder what would happen if Miroku got a peek into Sango's secret thoughts? Well, so did I. However, what happens when he's under the impression that they're not hers? Hehehe... I had far too much fun writing this fic, which is entitled "I Want to End Her Tears."
Rated G, I guess. Miroku/Sango pairing, with a bit of Inuyasha/Kagome stuff. It totals around 14 pages. It's got some twists and turns, so if it confuses you, please let me know what I can do to fix it.
Oh, and as always, I don't own Inuyasha. *Realizes that this also means that she doesn't own Miroku* Oh.... *Sigh* One day. One day.
"What are you doing?"
Miroku looked up, surprised to see Shippou sitting besides him. "Oh, Shippou! You startled me!" Miroku had been sitting on a log on the bottom of a small grassy incline, writing in a book. "I was just… doing a bit of journaling." Shippou peered over at the book in the monk’s lap and the pen in his hand. "Those look fancy." Miroku gave the boy a smile. "It was a gift from Kagome-sama. She brought them back from her world."
"You got a gift from Kagome?" The boy looked down sadly. "How come I didn’t get a gift from her?" Miroku laughed at him and ruffled his hair. "You always do, Shippou. You just always manage to eat it before the rest of us can see it." Shippou smiled up at him and joined him in his laughter. "I guess you’re right, Miroku!"
Meanwhile, Sango had been out looking for Shippou. Kagome and Inuyasha were off on their own after an argument, and the three friends decided that it was best that they be left alone as they reconciled. Sango had taken it to mind to watch after the kitsune in Kagome’s place, but he had eluded her. Now, she finally caught up to him and stopped in the distance, spotting him with Miroku.
The taijya gazed upon the two males laughing at a joke that she had not heard. Miroku had his hand on the boy’s head and Shippou was looking up at him with admiration. Seeing the two of them interact, Sango blushed a bit as she realized how good of a father the houshi would make. Shaking her blush away, she walked towards the two of them. "Ano, Shippou-kun…."
Shippou and Miroku stopped laughing and looked up at her. "Oh, hi Sango!" Sango noticed that Miroku quickly closed the small book that he had on his lap and placed it within his robes. "Sango," he said, hiding the pen within his robes as well. "Is something wrong?"
Sango recognized the book that Miroku had hid away. Kagome had given her a similar one some time ago. Sango used it mostly to write down poetry, some of the many words that she felt she would never be able to say. She kept it hidden away in her pack and only wrote in it at night, highly doubting that anyone besides Kagome even knew that she had it. She had forgotten about it as of late and doubted that she would even recognize any of her own words. Too many things have been happening lately for her to worry about poetry.
"Nothing’s wrong, houshi-sama," she responded quietly. "I was just trying to keep an eye on Shippou, but apparently… apparently he preferred that you be the one to watch over him." She tried not to say the words in an accusing tone, but perhaps Miroku picked up on her emotions, as he usually did. "I am sure that is not the case." He looked down at Shippou. "Why did you run off from Sango?"
As Shippou began to explain that he simply felt the need to run around, Sango stole a quick glance at the monk. His expression remained friendly, but hardened slightly when he questioned Shippou. Almost the way a father will look when he asks a child why he’s disrespected his mother. Shocked by her own thoughts, she turned away from them sharply, feeling a strong blush hit her cheeks. "I-it’s okay, Shippou-kun. Stay here with houshi-sama, if you wish. I will go back to camp for a while. I am feeling rather tired."
Sango began to walk off, realizing that from behind it must’ve looked like she was in a rush to leave the scene. In truth, she was. She didn’t want to explain to Shippou and Miroku why her cheeks turned a crimson color for what seemed to be no reason at all.
The two males looked at one another. "Was it something I said?" Shippou asked. Miroku shook his head and shrugged. "Well, it is usually something I say, but I do not think that that is the case this time."
The two of them puzzled over this for a moment before falling back into conversation.
Later that night, Sango went off for a trip to the hot springs, leaving Shippou and Miroku alone for a while.
Most of her absence passed uneventfully. Shippou wondered if they should be searching for Inuyasha and Kagome, but Miroku merely smiled and shook his head, feeling in his heart that perhaps Inuyasha was finally doing something right. He didn’t say these words to Shippou, for he did not want the boy to ask him some questions that Sango would later reprimand him for answering. As he lay down in a sleeping bag left by Kagome, he chuckled quietly, thinking that Shippou would not be a child forever, and it would be best that he learned as much as he can about the fairer sex as soon as possible.
"Are you going to sleep already, Miroku?" Miroku nodded, stifling a yawn. "I could not sleep last night for some reason. Perhaps I can catch up on some rest tonight." The kitsune nodded at the monk. "Oi, Miroku?"
"Hai?"
"You know that fancy book that you were writing in earlier?"
"Hai."
"What’s ‘journaling?’"
"Journaling?" Miroku glanced over at Shippou. "It is simply… writing down the events of a day… one’s feelings and such."
"Oh," Shippou looked down for a moment, then looked back up at the monk. "Are they private?" With a small knowing smile, Miroku looked up at the sky. "Some of them are." The boy looked down again. "Oh… I was wondering if I could read some while you were asleep…." Miroku’s smile twitched, his mind wandering back to some of the things he has written and wondering what Sango and Kagome would think of him allowing a boy so young to read that.
"Perhaps in the morning…." Miroku’s voice began to drift away as he found his tiredness overtaking him. "I will… pick out which you can read." The monk took a deep breath and whispered, "Oyasuminasai, Shippou." Getting up and walking into the woods, Shippou whispered the good night back to Miroku.
After some time of walking along and playing with Kirara, Shippou realized that he had journeyed near the hot springs. Hearing a splash, he figured that Sango was nearby. I’m bored, the kitsune decided, noting that Kirara now found interest in a passing butterfly. Miroku’s asleep and I don’t wanna bug Sango out of her bath…. Stopping behind a bush so he couldn’t see anything, he called, "Oi, Sango?" The splashing stopped and was replaced by Sango’s concerned voice. "Hai, Shippou-kun? Is something wrong?"
The kitsune shook his head and then realized that she couldn’t see him. "No. I’m just… I’m just really bored. Do you think Kagome has any games in her backpack or something?" There was a moment before Sango responded, "I don’t know, but I wouldn’t advise looking through Kagome-chan’s bag without her permission. Check in my bag; I believe I have some of those crayon things that she had given you the last time." Remembering that Sango had offered to hold those for him a while ago, Shippou smiled. "Oh yeah! Thanks, Sango!" Sango added that she would be coming out soon if he wanted her to play with him before bed, but could hear that Shippou had already gone off.
Back at the campsite, Shippou quickly searched through Sango’s pack. He found the crayons easily enough, but couldn’t find any loose sheets of paper. With an annoyed groan escaping his lips, he finally wrapped his small paws around a book. Taking it out of the bag, he looked at it. Hey… isn’t this that fancy notebook that Miroku had? Shippou had not seen the cover of Miroku’s, so he wouldn’t know that his was black whereas the one in his hand was a deep purple. With mischievous eyes, he gazed over at the sleeping houshi, whose back was turned to him. So Sango stole Miroku’s notebook, eh? Then there must be something in here worth reading!
He sat on the ground and opened the book at a random page. Being only a small child, Shippou still had to sound out some of his words. His reading wasn’t as good as it could be since he never had the chance to exercise that skill. "If the… if the depths of my love were a r… river…. If the depths of my love were a river, I would most a… as… assuredly…."
"Shippou?" Shippou jumped a bit. He had been reading aloud and Miroku had been awake this whole time! Miroku rolled over and looked at the boy that sat some yards away from him with a book in his lap. "What are you reading?" Scared of getting in trouble, Shippou quickly explained, "Gomen, Miroku! I was looking for some paper to draw on and found your book. I just wondered what it is that you were writing."
Miroku rose to his knees, wiping a little bit of sleep from his eyes as he reached out for the book. "I am disappointed in you. I had thought that you may respect some of my privacy." Seeing the boy’s eyes shimmering with regretful tears as he handed him the book, Miroku’s expression softened. "Hey now… there is no reason to cry over it. Here." He flipped to the blank pages at the end of the book and ripped out a few sheets of paper, handing them to the kitsune. "There you go. Do with that what you will."
Shippou released a small smile. "Arigato," he said as he accepted the paper. "I’ll go draw by the hot springs. Sango said she was gonna come out soon and I don’t want to bother you again. Sorry again, Miroku." He scampered off before Miroku had the chance to tell him that it wasn’t a bother. He then figured that the boy was probably embarrassed over having been caught peeping through the notebook.
Miroku moved to put the journal back in its place, but felt that his was already there in the secret pocket of his robe, as always. Strange. I must have been too filled with sleep to realize that this could not be mine. Sitting down, he opened it to the page that Shippou had been trying to read from. Having never really seen Sango write anything, he could not recognize her writing and had no way of knowing to whom the journal belonged. Perhaps Kagome-sama owns a book similar to the one she had given me? Satisfying himself with the thought that it must be Kagome’s, the monk couldn’t help but read through the short poem that was written on the page.
If the depths of my love were a river,
I would most assuredly drown every time his eyes meet mine.
If I was granted eternal life in return for betraying him,
I would sooner thrust myself upon a sword and end my woes right there.
If the lengths of my affection were a desert,
I would be parched every time I hear him utter a sound.
If death is the only way to free him,
I would pray that it would be my death, and not his own.
Miroku blinked at the words on the page. That is… that is beautiful. I had never known that Kagome-sama had such a poetic soul. He noticed that there was much self-torture within each line; the drowning, the suicide, the parched throat, the sacrificial death. Could this truly be the way she feels about Inuyasha? Does she suffer so much internal strife just because she wants him to be happy? After all, she is giving up on her normal life in her land just to come and help him recover the jewel shards. She gains nothing from this, but he gains the chance for revenge against Naraku and to become a full youkai.
The young houshi shook his head in disapproval. How can Inuyasha, after all Kagome had done for him, still claim to desire the blood of a full youkai? Does he not know that it would break her heart? A heart that Miroku has just discovered is ripe with a profound love for this half-breed ingrate? One who possesses such a heart as the writer of these lines did not deserve that blatant disregard for her emotions!
Thinking that he heard voices in the distance carried over by the night breeze, Miroku decided that he would have a talk with Inuyasha in the morning. He quickly removed his own journal from his robes and scribbled down the lines, in order to bring it up to the hanyou the next day. Not knowing where Shippou had gotten the journal from (as Kagome’s backpack was still closed), Miroku got up and placed it underneath the bag, then returned to his sleeping bag. Though the words in that notebook stirred him, he drifted off to sleep relatively quickly.
Miroku was already asleep when Inuyasha and Kagome came back to the campsite. The monk had been wrong; Inuyasha was still not doing anything right. He had gone off with Kikyou, and when he saw how angry Kagome was about it, Inuyasha exploded in her face and asked her why such a stupid thing would upset her so much. They had been gone for hours, yes, but most of that time was spent in either begrudging silence as both parties waited for the other to apologize or bursting with angry threats and accusations. They returned to camp far too exhausted to be angry, and declared an unspoken and temporary truce with one another until they regained the energy to fight once more.
Both seeing the sleeping Miroku, they decided to keep quiet and speak only in whispers. "Where’s Sango and Shippou?" Kagome wondered aloud. Inuyasha shrugged and leapt onto the lowest bough of a tree, making his way up the branches. "I can still smell ‘em, so they ain’t too far away." Kagome nodded, accepting Inuyasha’s words for the truth, and began searching through her backpack for her hairbrush. Sitting back, she ran the brush through her hair and dropped her eyes, quietly seething at Inuyasha’s insensitivity. Her thoughts stopped for a moment when she saw the small book wedged underneath her bag.
Removing it from its place, she immediately recognized it as the journal she had bought for Sango about three months prior. But what is it doing here? She resisted the urge to flip through the pages and instead stood up and walked over to Sango’s smaller pack. As she knelt down and returned the book, a thought suddenly came across Kagome’s mind. Had someone been reading it? She looked back at Miroku, who was sleeping peacefully. Shippou would have no reason to look through it, that’s for sure. But why would Miroku put it with my stuff? Still puzzling over this as she returned to her own sleeping bag, Kagome figured that perhaps he had thought that she would return the book without asking any questions, thus minimizing contact with Sango herself. But that makes no sense… it’s not like Miroku ever minded "contact" with Sango-chan.
With a deep breath, the girl laid back into her sleeping bag, falling into a perplexed slumber.
The next morning started off no differently than the rest.
Kagome had gotten up and made breakfast. Inuyasha, grouchy because he was the last one to awaken and so had gotten mostly-cold food, made a snide remark about Kagome’s cooking. Shippou went to her defense and the hanyou began chasing the kitsune in irritation. Kagome chased after both of them, trying to get Inuyasha to leave Shippou alone. Sango and Miroku glanced at one another and sighed.
What was different this time, however, was that Miroku’s "cursed" hand had made no move onto Sango’s body. Sango wondered over this for a moment. She could hear Inuyasha’s annoyed voice and Shippou’s high-pitched squeal somewhere among the trees, which meant that the houshi and taijya were left alone. And yet he has yet to try anything… he is simply sitting there, eating calmly. Though she wasn’t about to complain about it, she did think that it was rather odd.
He then sighed deeply and began to speak. "I shall have to have a chat with Inuyasha today." Sango looked up at him. Miroku’s eyes were closed and he looked as though a great task was ahead of him. "Why is that, houshi-sama?" The monk reached into his robes and retrieved his notebook. "I had found this last night." Turning to the page in which he had written down "Kagome’s" poem the night before, he handed it to the girl besides him to read. She took the book gingerly and read through it.
A crimson blush appeared on her cheeks and she gasped. It’s mine! How did he-? "I see that you are surprised." Sango looked up at Miroku, who was looking at her solemnly. "I cannot see why you should be. Such a thing was obvious to me." Embarrassment shone through her eyes like a beacon, and so Sango quickly looked down, thankful for her bangs spilling over her eyes as she set the book on the ground. "But… then… why must you speak to Inuyasha?"
"Is it not obvious, Sango? If Kagome-sama has such emotions, then it is my responsibility to inform Inuyasha of them right away, lest he continue to play with her heart." Sango gasped again. He thinks Kagome-chan wrote this for him? He thinks Kagome-chan… is in love with him? She found herself unable to speak. Why would he think that these words belonged to Kagome… unless a part of him wanted them to belong to her? So then… he wishes to confront Inuyasha with his mutual emotions for Kagome-chan. Feeling tears burning at the corners of her eyes, she finally choked out, "T-tell me, houshi-sama… w-w-… what do you think of these words?"
Miroku released a wistful smile that she could not see. He was confused as to her reactions, but he could not help but smile when he thought of the love contained behind the poem. "I think they are the words of a person who is desperate for love, who would do anything for that whom she loves, and a person who deserves that love to be returned to her a hundredfold." Words, he continued in his mind, that I am more likely to think would come from you rather than her.
Miroku was surprised when Sango suddenly stood, her head bowed. And he feels such things about Kagome-chan… surely he would think differently if I had told him that it was my own. He is a good man; Kagome-chan surely deserves one such as him rather than that clod Inuyasha. Who am I to interfere with either of their happiness? "I wish you luck on your endeavors, then," she whispered coolly as she suddenly turned and walked into the woods.
Miroku had not the time to call out to her before Kagome ran into the clearing, carrying a laughing Shippou in her arms, Inuyasha chasing after them half-heartedly. The laughing smile on Kagome’s lips suddenly melted away when she saw Sango walk off amidst the trees. "Sango-chan?" She looked down at Miroku and (since women always seem to know such things) was instantly aware that she and Miroku had just had a falling out of sorts. Seeming to forget that the kitsune was still in her arms, she sprinted after the taijya. "Sango-chan!"
As Kagome and Shippou disappeared, Inuyasha walked over to the stunned Miroku, his arms crossed over his chest. "Keh! What’d ya do now, monk?" Miroku looked back at the hanyou as he sat himself across the small fire that Kagome had made to cook breakfast. "I… do not know. I had thought that she would be happy, but…." A snicker escaped Inuyasha’s throat. "Not every woman wants some bouzo’s hands all over her, ya know." Honestly baffled as to what he had done wrong, Miroku slouched down and sighed. I shall never understand the female heart, he told himself.
"Inuyasha," he began slowly, not wishing to inflict the wrath of the hanyou when he was trying to help him, "how much do you think you know about the average woman?" Inuyasha looked at him, feeling that the monk was going to regale him with stories of the scores of girls that he has done illicit things with. "I know enough to know that ya don’t go grabbin’ their rears if ya want ‘em to ‘bear your children!’" Miroku let out a small laugh as he reached for the journal that Sango had abandoned. Flipping through it, he said, "Perhaps. But then, if you know so much, how do you still manage to leave Kagome-sama wallowing in her own sadness?"
Inuyasha blinked in confusion. "Eh? What ya talkin’ about, monk?" Miroku’s eyes went up to meet Inuyasha’s for a moment before going back to the poem he had jotted down last night. "This is what I’m talking about." In a clear voice, he read Inuyasha the eight lines that he had discovered the night before.
When he looked back up at Inuyasha, he saw that the hanyou’s cheeks were tinted pink. Though Inuyasha didn’t quite know as much or care for poetry as Miroku did, and he didn’t quite understand the extent of all of the metaphors in the writing, he knew that something profound had been said. "K…Kagome wrote that?" Miroku nodded. "For me?" The houshi nodded again. Inuyasha looked down, suddenly deep in thought. Kagome… Kagome loves me? She’d… she’d die for me?
After a few moments, Miroku stood and put his journal away. Inuyasha’s eyes looked up at him. "Inuyasha," Miroku said gently and yet sternly. "I am not one to tell you what to do or what to feel. And it is not my business what Kagome-sama thinks of you and how she chooses to express it. However, you must take into consideration after hearing these words that a woman with such emotions should not be treated with scorn and ill-will." Inuyasha looked back down, not liking the lecture. "How you feel about Kagome-sama is none of my concern. But if you choose to ignore her feelings for you, at least take into consideration her general feelings."
With that said, the young monk walked away, leaving the hanyou with his thoughts.
Inuyasha was not left alone for very long.
He looked up to see Kagome entering the clearing, panting. "I couldn’t get her," she stated, collapsing onto the ground besides Inuyasha. Inuyasha could smell a twinge of fear coming from the girl. Kagome looked down, the pit of her stomach weighing her down. "She wouldn’t even talk to me. She just kept on walking. I even saw her crying, and she wouldn’t tell me why." Her worry suddenly overcome by a fiery anger, Kagome clenched her fist as she looked up, her eyes burning in fury. "Oooh, just wait until I get my hands on that Miroku! I don’t now what he did, but he’s gonna get it!"
Inuyasha’s mind went back to what Miroku had told him. Can she really feel that way about me? No way. I refuse to believe it. Still, he decided to at least silently make peace with her. He put a hand on her shoulder and told her, "Let’s leave Miroku out of this for a while. Somehow, I don’t think he actually meant any harm this time around."
Kagome looked at him in mild surprise, then turned away from him, determined to keep her wrath for Miroku on account of her friend’s tears. "Just like a guy! Always siding with the other guys in a group." Trying not to get irritated with her so quickly, Inuyasha remarked, "Hey! This is the first time I ‘side’ with the monk, okay?" Kagome seemed to not hear him. "I mean, you’re the one who can’t even tell that Sango-chan has genuine feelings for him! You can’t spot the mood when it’s sitting right in front of your face! What would you know about a guy hurting a girl’s feelings? You and Miroku probably wouldn’t even realize that you’re letting a girl drown in her own tears unless you felt your feet getting wet!"
At the mention of the word "drown," Inuyasha’s thoughts went back to the poem that Miroku had recited. She mentioned drownin’…. He suddenly felt a deep pang of guilt shoot through his body for her. "Kagome," he said quietly. The tone of his voice made Kagome wonder if what she said had actually affected him, and she looked back at him, her expression changing slightly. Her face was then overcome with immense confusion as Inuyasha reached over and engulfed her in an embrace more meaningful than any he had previously given her.
"I..Inuyasha?" Not knowing what else to do and not receiving any kind of verbal explanation, Kagome slowly put her arms around Inuyasha. Had I… had I offended him? He’s never gotten insulted because of the things I say…. He usually just gets annoyed and say something mean to me in return. Relaxing herself against him, she then asked herself, And I’m complaining about this, why? She tensed up a bit as he spoke again.
"I’m sorry, Kagome. I know… I know I can be a bit of a jerk sometimes… but I never thought that I was really hurtin’ you." This only confused Kagome even more. Could he… could he actually be apologizing for yesterday? Does he finally realize why it hurts so much when he abandons me for Kikyou? She shook her head against his chest. "No… it’s okay. I’m... I’m actually kind of surprised that you actually noticed what… what was going on."
Inuyasha held her closer to him. So then it is true. Miroku wasn’t just pullin’ my leg. "Yeah. I guess ya can say that Miroku helped me see what shoulda been right in front of me the whole time." Resting her head against his shoulder, Kagome said, "So that’s why you were sticking up for him."
Inuyasha didn’t answer. She didn’t ask how Miroku had known about her feelings. Maybe she really is right when she said that I don’t know what "the mood" is. After some time, Inuyasha whispered, "Listen, I… I just don’t want you to hurt anymore, okay?" The imagery within the poem- that of praying for death and the whole thrusting upon a sword bit- affected Inuyasha more than he had initially realized. If something happened to Kagome on account of him…. "I mean, I’ve been known to do some stupid stuff and you’ve helped me out more than I’d like to admit. I don’t want to think about losin’ you."
Kagome’s eyes widened as she suppressed a gasp. Lose me? So… does this mean that he’s finally made a choice? Is he choosing me over Kikyou? "Inuyasha…." She pulled away from him just enough to look into his eyes. "Are you sure…?" A bit angry that Kagome would think that he wasn’t sure about whether or not he wanted her to die or even hurt on account of him, Inuyasha took hold of her arms and loudly exclaimed, "Of course I’m sure! What kinda question is that? Don’t ya know how much I need you?"
Inuyasha stopped, surprised by his own outburst. "Need" her? What the heck did I mean by that?! But he knew. He knew the moment the words were out of his mouth what he meant by that, which was the reason why his cheeks flushed immediately afterwards. However, even after "knowing how she felt about him," Inuyasha had not been prepared for what happened next.
Kagome leaned in and touched her lips to his.
Meanwhile, Miroku had his own problems to work out.
He had meant to simply wander about the give Inuyasha some time alone with his thoughts, but soon found himself hearing the sound of heartbroken sobs. Curious, thinking that it was a girl from a nearby village who has gotten lost and needed comfort, Miroku followed the cries that seemed to make his own heart ache. He was surprised when he came across a lake and found Sango sitting by the water, a concerned Shippou in her arms.
Are these tears shed on account of the conversation held between us but a few moments ago? "Sango," he queried gently as he stepped out from the dense trees through which he had been ambling. "Are you all right?" He saw her back straighten at the sound of his voice. The sobs now became silent, though her back still shook with her tears.
"Miroku," Shippou said, looking up at the monk approaching them. "She won’t stop crying and she won’t tell us why." Miroku looked down and saw that the small Kirara was looking up at Sango, a mewl of worry escaping her. He knelt behind the taijya and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Sango, is there something I can do?" Sango hid her face in Shippou’s shoulder, pulling the boy to her in an embrace. She gave no answer. Shippou’s eyes bulged a bit. Miroku imagined that she must have been squeezing the poor boy rather tightly.
He held his arms out for Shippou. "Sango, I believe that Shippou may feel the need to breathe sometime soon. Perhaps it is best that you let him go." After seeming to think it over for a moment, she loosened her grip around Shippou and the small kitsune quickly jumped into Miroku’s arms, looking back at Sango with undiminished concern. Miroku looked down at the boy. "Where is Kagome-sama? Did she not take off in this direction?" Both males were surprised to see that these questions seemed to bring even more pain to Sango. She brought her knees up to her chin and hid her face in her knees, locking her hands around her legs.
"S-… she w-w-was here, M-M-Miroku," Shippou stuttered, feeling bad for his friend and even worse that he had not succeeded in calming her. "But she g-gave up a while ago." His large green eyes look up at the houshi. "Maybe we should, too," he whispered. "If we gave her some time alone…." Miroku shook his head. He felt somewhat responsible for Sango’s state. Again, he could only guess at what it was that he had done wrong, but she had been fine before they had spoken, giving Miroku a decent speculation.
"Perhaps you and Kirara should go and amuse yourselves for a while." He said it in such a way that Shippou knew what he meant. He was going to try and solve Sango’s problems all by himself, which usually earned him a good smack across the face. Sighing, Shippou figured that beating the monk up might actually help Sango relieve some of her sadness, so he jumped out of Miroku’s arms and beckoned Kirara to follow him. The neko looked up at Miroku questioningly. He nodded to her, as if telling her it was all right. With a final glance at her mistress, Kirara followed after Shippou. The two small youkai disappeared back the way Miroku had come.
Miroku turned back to Sango and sat besides her. Her face was still covered, but it seemed that her tears had ended, or at least stopped raking through her with their previous force. He let a moment of silence go by, peering into the water at their reflections.
"Sango," he finally began, "if you do not tell me what is wrong, then I will be forced to speculate on what could have caused such tears. As we know from the past, my speculations are usually wrong and end up making you even more angry, but I wish to help you. I cannot help you if I do not know what is wrong." He paused a moment, but Sango made no sign of even having heard him. "All right," he continued, taking a deep breath. "You are angry at me, I know that much-."
"No," a muffled voice told him. He looked down at Sango, surprised that she had bothered to speak at all. "I am not angry with you at all, houshi-sama. In fact, there is not a shred of anger behind all of this." Except for anger at my own foolishness. She raised her head a little, wiping the tears from her eyes, still not daring to look at him. "It is simply me… being childish, is all. It will pass." She hoped that he would simply nod in understanding and leave her alone with some words of comfort, but knew before he even spoke that he was a determined man when it came to people’s emotions, being a monk and all.
"I do not think it is foolish. Especially not if it would make a woman such as yourself weep so." He paused again, trying to see if there was any reaction from her, then continued. "You are angered- or at least affected- by what I had told you about Kagome-sama earlier, am I correct?" Seeing her flinch was answer enough. He gently placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "I am sorry. I did not mean to read her private thoughts, and I surely did not want to meddle in her life. But I did what I felt I had to do."
Those were not her private thoughts you read, Sango thought as she clenched her teeth. They were mine, and I don’t know what’s worse: the fact that you read them, or the fact that you love someone else for them. She barely realized that he continued to speak. "I had thought you would be happy, or at least somewhat pleased, when you learned that I would confront Inuyasha with it. It seemed to me to be the right thing, and even afterwards I think it was." Sango flushed. He expected me to be happy… well why shouldn’t he? I am his friend, and he was about to advance upon the girl he loves. I should have been supportive of him.
"I apologize, houshi-sama," she said meekly, still not meeting his eyes. "I didn’t react properly at all." She tried to let out a laugh, but it sounded like another sob. "I wonder what could have caused me to react that way?" Her heart almost broke when she heard Miroku respond, "I wondered the same." Then he has no clue how I feel… he never did. She looked down again. And he never will. "So I take it you have spoken with Inuyasha already?" She tried to let the words come out as naturally as possible and almost succeeded.
"Hai," Miroku answered. "He seemed a bit surprised by it, but I think he took it rather well. With any luck, he is speaking to Kagome-sama right now and they are both responding positively to it."
"Do you… intend to speak to Kagome-chan about it today?"
Miroku looked down at her. Her chin rested on her knees as her expressionless eyes gazed out into the water. "There is no reason for me to. If Inuyasha had any sense, surely he will not need any intervention from me." Sango’s surprised eyes drifted until she came upon the houshi’s reflection. "Do you then intend to have Inuyasha speak on your behalf?" He blinked. "My behalf? Surely not! I expect him to speak on his own behalf!" Sango continued to stare at his reflection, trying to process what had just been said.
Realization slowly creeping in, Miroku used the hand on her shoulder to slowly turn her to face him. "Sango…." It seemed that she finally realized that she had made a mistake and blushed once again, keeping her face away from Miroku. He gently took hold of her chin and forced her to look at him. She kept her eyes downcast. "Sango, did you think that I was under the impression that Kagome-sama had written such a beautiful piece of poetry for me?"
Sango did not respond, and that was answer enough for Miroku. She was surprised to hear a reasonably good-natured laugh come from the monk. Raising her eyes and looking at his face for the first time, she noted that his expression was not all too dissimilar from the one she had seen while he was talking to Shippou the day before. She offered him a small, crooked smile, though her embarrassment was still present. "Hai. Foolish, eh?"
Miroku laughed once, his hand still fastened to her chin. "Foolish? I would not go that far. No, Kagome-sama is very much in love with Inuyasha, as that poem clearly shows. If she had any feelings for me, they would not be so immense as to warrant those verses."
Sango looked down again, breaking the contact the houshi had with her face. "Oh?" That was all she managed to say. Miroku continued to look down at her. He felt now that he indeed had a good idea as to why Sango had been so upset. He had previously thought that she was angry that he seemed to care so much about Kagome’s happiness and comparatively little of her own. He now felt he knew what the source of her tears have been. "You were scared," he murmured.
He saw Sango’s eyes widened and knew that he was right. "N-nani? What do you mean?" He let out a small smile. "You thought that Kagome-sama had feelings for me… and that those feelings were returned." Sango gulped, still averting his steady gaze. "D-don’t be ridiculous! Why would… why would such a thing scare me?" Knowing that he risked getting hurt if he were in the least bit wrong, Miroku whispered, "Because you wanted me to be in love with you."
Sango gasped again, alerting Miroku that he had indeed hit the mark. T-this can’t be happening! Sango’s mind raced with her thoughts. He can’t know. He was never meant to know! It is only what Kagome-chan has called a "crush." That is all! What am I doing here, sitting by a lake with him as he utters the word "love?" He knows nothing about the word, the lech that he is! This only made her all the more surprised when she heard herself squeak out, "H-h-…hai, houshi-sama."
Miroku saw another tear spill out over her cheeks. His smile now gone, he wiped the tear away, his hand lingering on her face. Though he had felt for some time that there must be an underlying reason to Sango becoming so angry with his various flirtations and suspected that she didn’t entirely loathe being alone with him as much as she had suggested, he never thought that she would actually admit to such a thing. He remembered the young lord who had confessed his love to Sango and proposed to her some months back when they had exterminated a bear youkai in his village, and recalled her telling the prince that it was unfair of her to love anyone, as she had the important duty of saving her brother and avenging her village to fulfill. Had that been only an excuse that she had given because…? But of course, he told himself now. What else could it have been?
Feeling his hand rest on her cheek made Sango’s entire body feel feverish. She had just confessed her feelings to Miroku, feelings that she had sworn would remain in a book, if anywhere at all. And now… now the usually fast-talking monk was silent. He said nothing in response to her confession. He did not even offer the light-hearted laugh that he was always willing to give. He did not lunge at her with groping hands, seeing her words as an invitation, nor did he tell her that he needed time to think over what she had said. Her eyes downcast once more, all she could tell was that he sat there, his warm palm motionless against her crimson cheek.
"S…Sango," Miroku finally uttered after what seemed an unbearable amount of time. "Hai, houshi-sama?" There was another moment of silence that Sango felt took entirely too long. Finally, "I do not want you to hurt. I do not want to see you shed another tear." Sango slowly looked up at him, meeting Miroku’s stern violet eyes.
"If we do not defeat Naraku soon, then I am destined for death. And even if I live for a number of years, death is always looming above my head. I am a cursed man, Sango, and it is not me that you seem to love, but what I could have been." Sango did not understand. He seemed to understand her feelings for him but was he… was he turning her away?
"I could have been an honorable houshi. I could have been a respectable, wise man. But I am not and thus see no reason why someone such as yourself should shed tears for me. You should love my shadow, my reflection,… my outward appearances if anything. As I am, I can offer you nothing but more heartache.
"I understand that heartache is another part of life, and so I know that you will shed more tears in the future. However,… I would hope that the number of times you cry can be minimized. So I will leave it to you to decide which will force you to shed more tears: me getting up and turning away, telling you that I can never return your love… or staying by your side until my dying day, even if it be tomorrow? Decide, Sango, and I will do whichever will make you happiest."
Sango could not believe the words that Miroku had just spoken. His eyes were serious, and in them she could see nothing but honesty and… was that indeed love? Which will make me cry more? Loving him to death-literally- or allowing him to walk out of my life? Her lower lip shook with her emotions. Finally, she gave him her answer. "I would rather be in love for a single day than live the rest of my life cold and empty, houshi-sama."
Her heart skipped when she saw a wide grin surfacing on Miroku’s face. "Really?" Sango nodded in affirmation. Taking her hands in his, Miroku said, "Then I have but one question to ask of you." Sango smiled and asked what it was, feeling that she already knew what it was. "Sango," he began solemnly, "… will you call me Miroku?"
She blinked in surprise. "Nani?" But… I thought he was going to ask me…. Miroku smiled again. "I think it should be quite awkward for a wife to call her husband ‘houshi-sama’ all the time, ne?" Sango couldn’t help but laugh. Leaning forward, she threw her arms around him in an embrace.
"Hai… and I’ll even bear you a few children… Miroku-san."
Shippou walked along with Kirara, still concerned about Sango.
"I hope she’s okay." The small neko mewed in agreement. "I mean, it’s bad enough that Inuyasha’s been acting like a jerk and I have to make sure Kagome didn’t get too hurt by him, but now I have to worry about Sango…." The boy sighed. "If I get to be like that when I grow up, Kirara, then see if you can find some potion to keep me a kid forever." Kirara let out another mewl in response.
Nearing the campsite, Shippou said, "I just hope that Kagome didn’t ‘sit’ Inuyasha to death after being alone with him." Entering the clearing, Shippou’s eyes almost bulged out of their sockets when he saw that this wasn’t the case. All he saw before he turned away in mortification was Inuyasha and Kagome’s arms around one another, the couple engaged in a heated kiss.
"C-c’mon, Kirara!" Shippou didn’t need to encourage the little cat, who was equally shocked by the display of affection between her two friends. Both youkai walked speedily back to where they had left Miroku and Sango. Though the more child-like part of him was mildly disgusted by what he had seen, his kitsune nature couldn’t wait to go back to the monk and slayer and relay the newest piece of gossip. However, coming upon the lake, Shippou soon felt a case of déjà vu. His eyes widening again at the sight of an entanglement of robes and arms, Shippou let out a small squeak as he ran back into the woods.
Stopping by a large tree and breathing hard, the small kitsune sat himself down on an unearthed root. The neko trailing besides him and looking up at him with an equally traumatized expression, Shippou looked down at her bleakly and sighed heavily. "Oi, Kirara," he said, bringing his hand down to pet the cat. "What did I do to deserve this?"
Oh Shippou… if you only knew.