heroes and thieves
I guess it's time for an update since my last entry was almost a month ago...
I can't believe that the semester is about to end and in a little over a month I'll be a college graduate. Part of me feels excited and proud and happy and is ready to leave college life behind and move on to the next part of my life. The other part of me is scared and anxious and worried and is unsure about leaving the little bubble that I live in. Maybe it would be more comforting if I knew WHAT I was going to be doing post-graduation. I hate having NO IDEA what I'm going to be doing. I'm still waiting to hear back from three graduate schools - Montclair, NYU and Teacher's College - I really hope I get into at least one... And in the meantime, just in case, I applied to a couple jobs but have heard back from none of them yet.
I find it interesting that my future is so up in the air and sometimes when I get time alone and think about everything it makes me sad because I've always been able to see my friends and those around me succeeding in what they do and accomplishing such great things,yet I've never visioned that for myself. Sadly, I feel like it's happening that way now though. With the PhD deadline of April 15, many of my friends are already deciding where they'll be heading to school. I just want to hear back from at least one school. I'm really proud of everyone,yet I'll miss a lot of them since they'll be going to great schools all over the country.
I wish I had talents. So many of my friends are great at everything imaginable - science, sports, singing, dancing, cooking, everything. I feel like I have no talents. Sometimes I wish I had more self-esteem...
*sigh*
In other news, lately I've realized that I'm really going to miss Douglass College, mainly the campus. True, I don't live there this year but most of my classes are on Douglass. Maybe it's because I'm taking an environmental history class which has made me appreciate "American Land" more, or maybe it's because I spend so much time walking around to the different buildings on that campus, but I've just grown more fond of the scenery there. As I pass by certain buildings I've been having flashbacks or memories of things that have happened there in the past three years - Shaping A Life sessions in Vorhees Chapel, Intermezzo dinners and takeout at Cooper, sitting around Passion Puddle, fun times at Katzenbach & Jameson...I can't even seem to fight back the tears when I think of all the fun memories I've had at college...
I feel like I've changed so much as a person - in many ways. Reflecting on who I was entering college and how many things I've experienced throughout the way...
With all the changes that will occur after post-graduation, I think the thing that I will miss the most about college are the friends that I've made along the way - many of which have grown to feel more like family to me than just friends. I'm really going to miss movie nights, girls nights with 1015, hanging out with the McCormick/Richardson/Hamilton Street boys, watching Dark Matter basketball games and feeling so happy when I see how happy they are after a win, planning big group dinners out, being motivated to go to the gym with Nika & Nancy, going to concerts and shows with Ame, going out to bars - even if the majority of people singing at the Rail for Karaoke night are horrible singers (haha), laughing at Sean & Wajdi's jokes (while JC tells me not to encourage them), and basically just feeling like I have friends that I can count on.
I guess part of the reason I'm scared about the future is that the past is so full of happy memories and I'm not sure if I'll be able to feel as surrounded by friends and capable of having equally happy moments...
Well, this entry is way longer than I had originally intended for it to be...
Last thing - the other day Ame and I went to a Vanessa Carlton Concert held by Douglass in celebration of its 90th Birthday! It was one of the best concerts that I've been to by far and ever since then I've had Vanessa Carlton songs playing in my head. They've been keeping me in a good mood...but that's why I titled this entry after one of her songs - especially since the lyrics can somewhat describe how I'm feeling:
"well, disaster it strikes on a daily basis
I'm looking for wisdom in all the wrong places
But still want to laugh in disappointed faces
You can't help me
Blinded by these
Heroes and Thieves at my door
I can't seem to tell them apart anymore
Just when I've figured it out
Well darlin' it's you I'm without.
Well I'm stubborn and wrong
But at least I know it
Keep moving along until I can get through this...
*leave comments*
I can't believe that the semester is about to end and in a little over a month I'll be a college graduate. Part of me feels excited and proud and happy and is ready to leave college life behind and move on to the next part of my life. The other part of me is scared and anxious and worried and is unsure about leaving the little bubble that I live in. Maybe it would be more comforting if I knew WHAT I was going to be doing post-graduation. I hate having NO IDEA what I'm going to be doing. I'm still waiting to hear back from three graduate schools - Montclair, NYU and Teacher's College - I really hope I get into at least one... And in the meantime, just in case, I applied to a couple jobs but have heard back from none of them yet.
I find it interesting that my future is so up in the air and sometimes when I get time alone and think about everything it makes me sad because I've always been able to see my friends and those around me succeeding in what they do and accomplishing such great things,yet I've never visioned that for myself. Sadly, I feel like it's happening that way now though. With the PhD deadline of April 15, many of my friends are already deciding where they'll be heading to school. I just want to hear back from at least one school. I'm really proud of everyone,yet I'll miss a lot of them since they'll be going to great schools all over the country.
I wish I had talents. So many of my friends are great at everything imaginable - science, sports, singing, dancing, cooking, everything. I feel like I have no talents. Sometimes I wish I had more self-esteem...
*sigh*
In other news, lately I've realized that I'm really going to miss Douglass College, mainly the campus. True, I don't live there this year but most of my classes are on Douglass. Maybe it's because I'm taking an environmental history class which has made me appreciate "American Land" more, or maybe it's because I spend so much time walking around to the different buildings on that campus, but I've just grown more fond of the scenery there. As I pass by certain buildings I've been having flashbacks or memories of things that have happened there in the past three years - Shaping A Life sessions in Vorhees Chapel, Intermezzo dinners and takeout at Cooper, sitting around Passion Puddle, fun times at Katzenbach & Jameson...I can't even seem to fight back the tears when I think of all the fun memories I've had at college...
I feel like I've changed so much as a person - in many ways. Reflecting on who I was entering college and how many things I've experienced throughout the way...
With all the changes that will occur after post-graduation, I think the thing that I will miss the most about college are the friends that I've made along the way - many of which have grown to feel more like family to me than just friends. I'm really going to miss movie nights, girls nights with 1015, hanging out with the McCormick/Richardson/Hamilton Street boys, watching Dark Matter basketball games and feeling so happy when I see how happy they are after a win, planning big group dinners out, being motivated to go to the gym with Nika & Nancy, going to concerts and shows with Ame, going out to bars - even if the majority of people singing at the Rail for Karaoke night are horrible singers (haha), laughing at Sean & Wajdi's jokes (while JC tells me not to encourage them), and basically just feeling like I have friends that I can count on.
I guess part of the reason I'm scared about the future is that the past is so full of happy memories and I'm not sure if I'll be able to feel as surrounded by friends and capable of having equally happy moments...
Well, this entry is way longer than I had originally intended for it to be...
Last thing - the other day Ame and I went to a Vanessa Carlton Concert held by Douglass in celebration of its 90th Birthday! It was one of the best concerts that I've been to by far and ever since then I've had Vanessa Carlton songs playing in my head. They've been keeping me in a good mood...but that's why I titled this entry after one of her songs - especially since the lyrics can somewhat describe how I'm feeling:
"well, disaster it strikes on a daily basis
I'm looking for wisdom in all the wrong places
But still want to laugh in disappointed faces
You can't help me
Blinded by these
Heroes and Thieves at my door
I can't seem to tell them apart anymore
Just when I've figured it out
Well darlin' it's you I'm without.
Well I'm stubborn and wrong
But at least I know it
Keep moving along until I can get through this...
*leave comments*