fuck it all...
life is so hard and people are so shallow not to mention names and i cant stand it...maybe he just doesnt see it or maybe i just am to close minded to understand her but she could never love him the way i did/do...why does he not understand i would do anything for him and all i want is for him to be happy but then again im sure he wants himself to be happy too so thats why he's not with me he's just happy without me and im just going to give it all away right now unless you see this in the future...john you know i did say that i wanted to find someone for forever and then i denied it but i guess thats how i am i want someone forever and i cant change that....whether or not you choose to be with me forever is i guess up to you...im not saying that you have to be anything or you're going to be forced to do anything its just john...today after school you knew something ((lmao)) and you did you knew more than you have at least been able to tell me in a long time...
tell me that all day that we spend together doesn't mean something to you...that we both like poetry...we both love photography...we've had a history since the fourth grade ((relationship wise)) ((#1 on my list of promises)) and then there's so much more the pyschic-ness ((giggles)) and then the little coincidences of running into each other all day at school...the fact that you're just as weird as i am...we both love nascar...you're just as deathly afraid of my father as i am...that john we have so many things in common that its sometimes scary...we love old rock...((awww...how cute is that, "what you give")) there are so many things that are between us that you know you just cannot even begin to describe they're not meant to be put into words...i guess somethings others can see moreso than others...
a time i just wished that everything would be easy and fall into place for you and i and i guess none of it matters now because you are truly in love with her head over heals crazy about her and i guess at least you feel that way about someone john...i have always felt that way about you...as long as i can remember but obviously that doesnt matter and i cant change your mind so i'll stop this all now and make it one less person competing for you and so i can make your decision that much easier on you i guess i always just thought it would be you and i that would...
be together...that would paint the garage ((and yes BLOW UP markers))...would listen to AC DC until the sun came up... ((at your new second home...britt's being your first))...we would sit out in the park ((yup!! my new park)) and sleep all day together...you and i together...you teaching me to play guitar under the stars...u and i staying at your house ((jus so my mom & albert can hang out)) and meeh meeting ur dad for once(*~*PASSIONFLOWER*~*) ...you and i sitting in the hot tub...lol....you know john those little things i always thought it would be you and i....you and i forever...i guess you're determining the fate as of the moment...please...john think about what you want listen to your heart babe...its going to guide you in the right direction no doubt...love you sweetheart...