**sigh**
well whatever may happen in my life....we HAVE to do the swimming thing again lol. i'm almost thinking about it tonite. but i probably won't because supposedly becky and dan are thinking about doing something and i may be invited pending they don't go do something that requires my being 21...because i obviously can't be 21 lol. but it should be fun.
i went to brad's last night. we watched a really bad movie. and i dragged him outside to sit by the pool with me and we looked at the stars and talked. then i went home and we talked from then til 5 this morning lol. about 4 and a half hours of talking. we have a LOT in common. i should've known you'd pick somebody for me like that. it's not like you don't know me after all lol. but good job. i told him i'm not ready to get back into a serious relationship and i won't be for awhile. he just said that if we start to get a little more serious even if i don't want to be the boyfriend girlfriend couple yet he just doesn't want to share me with anyone else. and i agreed. i don't want someone to want to share me either. cuz that's what bothers me so much about daniel. i know he doesn't want the 'commitment' anymore but i never asked him to move in with me or get married and whenever i bring up that i'm sick of the dating thing he always just says, 'well you can date too'. and all i can think about now is that...ya know does he really give a shit about me anymore? or does he really keep me around because of the cushion of me always wanting to be there for him. and to be in his arms and to sleep together and what not. i mean i love him so of course i want to still have all of those things with him. but i don't really think he wants it for the same reasons i do....and it really hurts. but i'm tired of being hurt. and i have to di up the courage to talk to him about it and have the courage to walk away if he won't consider being back with me as my boyfriend. and if he won't then i am going to need you and becky more than ever. because i can't do it alone. i will fail at it. i hate being alone. i need to move out so i'm in the comfort of somewhere that i haven't shared all of the good memories of our relationship ya know? when he truly loved me more than anything in the world. that was here. and i don't know if i can handle that. being in it all the time when i can't have him anymore ya know? i just wanted his love and it's so sad that it's too much to ask from him. but hey i may have found someone better for me. and it's because of you!!! don't you feel cool lol. you're my favorite person in the world i want you to know that. you always have been. even when i ignored you in junior high. i still loved you more than anyone. you've always been my sister. and you always will be no matter what. but i'm out of here cuz i have to work soon and you won't read this forever cuz you're camping lol. but i'll let you know if i do anything else with brad and give you an update here i suppose. i love you doll!!
B
i went to brad's last night. we watched a really bad movie. and i dragged him outside to sit by the pool with me and we looked at the stars and talked. then i went home and we talked from then til 5 this morning lol. about 4 and a half hours of talking. we have a LOT in common. i should've known you'd pick somebody for me like that. it's not like you don't know me after all lol. but good job. i told him i'm not ready to get back into a serious relationship and i won't be for awhile. he just said that if we start to get a little more serious even if i don't want to be the boyfriend girlfriend couple yet he just doesn't want to share me with anyone else. and i agreed. i don't want someone to want to share me either. cuz that's what bothers me so much about daniel. i know he doesn't want the 'commitment' anymore but i never asked him to move in with me or get married and whenever i bring up that i'm sick of the dating thing he always just says, 'well you can date too'. and all i can think about now is that...ya know does he really give a shit about me anymore? or does he really keep me around because of the cushion of me always wanting to be there for him. and to be in his arms and to sleep together and what not. i mean i love him so of course i want to still have all of those things with him. but i don't really think he wants it for the same reasons i do....and it really hurts. but i'm tired of being hurt. and i have to di up the courage to talk to him about it and have the courage to walk away if he won't consider being back with me as my boyfriend. and if he won't then i am going to need you and becky more than ever. because i can't do it alone. i will fail at it. i hate being alone. i need to move out so i'm in the comfort of somewhere that i haven't shared all of the good memories of our relationship ya know? when he truly loved me more than anything in the world. that was here. and i don't know if i can handle that. being in it all the time when i can't have him anymore ya know? i just wanted his love and it's so sad that it's too much to ask from him. but hey i may have found someone better for me. and it's because of you!!! don't you feel cool lol. you're my favorite person in the world i want you to know that. you always have been. even when i ignored you in junior high. i still loved you more than anyone. you've always been my sister. and you always will be no matter what. but i'm out of here cuz i have to work soon and you won't read this forever cuz you're camping lol. but i'll let you know if i do anything else with brad and give you an update here i suppose. i love you doll!!
B