choking back these bitter tears...
so much for a good day...
Dear Ally,
Thank you for your application and desire to be a Junior Counselor this summer. We appreciate all of the time and careful attention that you all gave to the application process. Unfortunately, I am sorry to write that you have not been selected to be a JC for the summer of 2005. However, because your application was strong, we would like to put you on a waiting list in case an opening becomes available. As always, this year we had many outstanding and highly qualified applicants for very few Junior Counselor spaces. It is very difficult not to be able to accept you; I'm sure that you are disappointed too. To let you know a little about the selection process, applications were given consideration by each camp administrator and selected based on the following criteria. We began by reviewing the applications we received from last summer's JC staff... Next we spent time reviewing the application that you completed... We also considered how long you have attended Eagle's Nest and the quality of your leadership in the in-camp program, Hante and/or the Outdoor Academy... As most of you already know, we also like to see that you have challenged yourself by participating in a Hante... We also looked at the age and grade of each applicant... We gave priority to applicants who are currently in their Junior year and who fit all of the above criteria. Finally, we relied on the references of our camp and OA staff to try to decide who fit the criteria best. blah blah blah. Again, we are truly sorry that we could not accept everyone. If you are still eligible, we hope that you will re-apply next year... You will always remain part of the Eagle's Nest family.
Sincerly,
Paige Lester-Niles (Camp Director) and Rob Skeen (Program director)
I am speechless. Bullshit, no I'm not. I'm furious and really sad. I'm sorry that i'm not fuckin rich and i can't afford to do a Hante. I'm sorry that fuckin Woodward Academy refused to make a deal with you and my family so I could go to the Outdoor Academy for the first semester of this year. I'm sorry that i didn't hear about your amazingly wonderful camp that i love SO dearly and care SO much about until 3 years ago and did not have the money to go to it until 2 years ago. I'm sorry I could not have been a camper longer than those 2 years. I'm sorry that my immense love for everyone there is not enough to make me a JC and for you to consider. I'm sorry that you don't understand that this was my last chance EVER to see the most amazing people I have ever met. Carly, Conor, Gavin, Carl, I am so sorry. I let you down. I tried so hard. I love you all and I miss you so much and I'm so sorry that I won't get to see you again. I'm sorry for making such a big deal out of all this. but i'm not. it meant the WORLD to me. First I didn't make All-State. OK fine, i'll live with that. but take away my family. no. next, someone will tell me i can't qualify to be a marine biologist-since that's next on the list of things that mean the most to me right now. might as well just squash all my hopes and get it over with! everyone at camp is amazing. omg Garrett! Garrett! omg! i am soooooooo sorry! omg! shit, i forgot all about the last night and what a wreck you were that we were leaving. i remember you crying and begging me to be a JC...my heart went out to you. you are one of the biggest reasons i tried so hard. you kids that came up to me and hugged me and cried and begged me to come back next year. you are all the reason i wanted to do it. because i realized that i made a difference and i realized how much i needed you guys. i sound so hopeless and pathetic. and i am. but i'm staying on that fucking waiting list. i am GOING to do this. for you garrett....for all of you! i can't believe it garrett. how could i forget that? forget your impact on me?? that's terrible. i love you. omg. Paige, if only you could understand how unbelieveably important your camp is to me. i thought u understood. we became friends this past summer.i just wish i could pour all of my emotion into so you would understand and feel it. Carly, i'm going to find you and take you to a movie girl...i'm gonna look you up in the phonebook and find you. at least i can still see you....your the only ATLien that mattered to me there. so i know i can find you. conor...i can't even describe how much you mean to me. i'm sorry i havent replied to your letter in like 3 months. i'm going to write you the longest one ever as soon i'm done with this. gavin, keep pimpin. Carl...oh man. the last day of camp before i got picked up, you broke my heart. you were so sweet. all the time. so caring. i love you so much. i miss you so much. i'm never going to forget that. i'm sorry. Tim, you rock, i'm going to e-mail you...i swear. I'm sorry i never did it this summer. i want to hear all about your travles and if you've returned to Australia yet. or are u in britain like u planned. wow i miss learning your Aussie lingo. i feel like a failure. which sucks...'cause failing is a compulsive fear of mine that really fucks me up. so, awesome. thank you Eagle's Nest for returning the love.
"Sincerly,"
Ally Duffy