absolut curiosity
regardless of how often i used to post on this journal. i forgot my password everytime.
um okay. so i left off at.. anxiously waiting for senior year. oh you know. senior year- with all the parties and the memories and the lack of drama and confusion. HA. im not even sure where ive been the past 5-6 months, and suddenly at the end of february ive caught myself as a second semester senior looking at graduation and college all within the next 6 months. i feel like i know so much/ so little about myself. chances are what you continue to read wont make much sense. but ive been thru a rollercoaster for a while and for some reason writing this and re reading might help me find a solution. this is probably the only reason why i keep this journal. once you write down your "issue" (for lack of a better word) you suddenly find a solution. lets give it a shot.
so ill start with my life ahead of me. *leans back and sips beverage* what do i want to happen? i have no idea. so like. i really ..er. okay. so i basically decided on st. thomas aquinas college. i mean, they sent me a bumper sticker, thats commitment. so basically the main reasons why i decided on said school was because it has everything i could potentially want. as of right now i plan on going there majoring in physical theraphy and maybe even minoring in photography. now, if PT doenst work out, i could go into another possible carrer path which could be like.. special education. ive been 1/2 dedicated to this program called on your mark** on saturday mornings. so what it is is just teaching kids basic skills and things they just needd to know. this is interesting because my brother studied this in college. so maybe troy kids are meant to help the less fortunate? possibly? another thing i would like to study is just religion. ive become very interested in faith and cultures lately so i think maybe i can study that a bit too, dont ask me how. (i have dreams but i dont have solutions. theres still a huge part of me that wants to do photography. i ahve a show coming up that when i heard about just like.. perked my ears. although i havent been so loyal to my camera this winter i still love it. so where do i see myself in 10 years? i will be a professional photographer with a PT practice and massageing their muscles with faith and culture. sounds good.
so before when i said i was 1/2 dedicated to on your mark, it was true. i really enjoy going there and helping these kids. as lame as it may sound, its really like.. heartwarming. some of them are really like.. compassionate and when they realize theyve had a good day theyre so happy. its rewarding. my problem is that i cant get there often enough. i have to figure out some kind of system. maybe if i work there i'll be more dedicated by force. which is what i need. schedules and structure.
senior year hasnt lived up to its potential so far, i feel like im just cruising thru an tomorrow will be graduation. i dont want that to happen. it'll be like i didnt care. an attitude like that will carry over to the summer. this has to be the best summer of my life, it needs to be the icing on the cake.
so the whole religion and culture thing. i think religion this year has become one of my favorite classes. ive always loved relgion simply because my teacher was the best around. he was the man. this year weve gotten more into faith and basically just "deep" weve had some interesting discussions. granted, im not a very good practicing catholic ( and i didnt go to mass on ash wednesday and i accadently ate meat..) but i have morals. those morals are sorta connected with my wisdom. you never realize how much your morals and overall attitude affect situations. i did an essay for religion a few weeks ago that was like.. a huge eye opener. so this lent, instead of just giving up soda and chips. im going to learn more about faith and cultures. not like im doing anything in school anyway...
i hope this isnt coming out depressing. despite everything im quite content. i mean yeah, i have questions and curiositys but this stuff is out of my hands. you cant take life too seriously, youd get stressed. easy going is the only thing i know how to be. unnecessary stress and grudges take up too much energy. its like kids who talk really loud. why use the energy? channel it on something else amigos..
something that hasnt changed all year would be my friends. ive got some new ones and kept my old. so surprisingly enough, i have my close friends and "stragglers" at one time. this i am quite happy with, i couldnt ask for better people.
so basically a part of me wants to live in this moment forever
and a part of me wants it to be 6 months from now.
life is interesting.
i also decided i need andrew mcmahons autograph. forever.
"But everything seemed different and completely new to me.
The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body.
And each person I encountered, I couldn't wait to meet.
I came upon a doctor who appeared in quite poor health.
I said "there is nothing I can do for you
that you can't do for yourself."
He said "Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help.""
um okay. so i left off at.. anxiously waiting for senior year. oh you know. senior year- with all the parties and the memories and the lack of drama and confusion. HA. im not even sure where ive been the past 5-6 months, and suddenly at the end of february ive caught myself as a second semester senior looking at graduation and college all within the next 6 months. i feel like i know so much/ so little about myself. chances are what you continue to read wont make much sense. but ive been thru a rollercoaster for a while and for some reason writing this and re reading might help me find a solution. this is probably the only reason why i keep this journal. once you write down your "issue" (for lack of a better word) you suddenly find a solution. lets give it a shot.
so ill start with my life ahead of me. *leans back and sips beverage* what do i want to happen? i have no idea. so like. i really ..er. okay. so i basically decided on st. thomas aquinas college. i mean, they sent me a bumper sticker, thats commitment. so basically the main reasons why i decided on said school was because it has everything i could potentially want. as of right now i plan on going there majoring in physical theraphy and maybe even minoring in photography. now, if PT doenst work out, i could go into another possible carrer path which could be like.. special education. ive been 1/2 dedicated to this program called on your mark** on saturday mornings. so what it is is just teaching kids basic skills and things they just needd to know. this is interesting because my brother studied this in college. so maybe troy kids are meant to help the less fortunate? possibly? another thing i would like to study is just religion. ive become very interested in faith and cultures lately so i think maybe i can study that a bit too, dont ask me how. (i have dreams but i dont have solutions. theres still a huge part of me that wants to do photography. i ahve a show coming up that when i heard about just like.. perked my ears. although i havent been so loyal to my camera this winter i still love it. so where do i see myself in 10 years? i will be a professional photographer with a PT practice and massageing their muscles with faith and culture. sounds good.
so before when i said i was 1/2 dedicated to on your mark, it was true. i really enjoy going there and helping these kids. as lame as it may sound, its really like.. heartwarming. some of them are really like.. compassionate and when they realize theyve had a good day theyre so happy. its rewarding. my problem is that i cant get there often enough. i have to figure out some kind of system. maybe if i work there i'll be more dedicated by force. which is what i need. schedules and structure.
senior year hasnt lived up to its potential so far, i feel like im just cruising thru an tomorrow will be graduation. i dont want that to happen. it'll be like i didnt care. an attitude like that will carry over to the summer. this has to be the best summer of my life, it needs to be the icing on the cake.
so the whole religion and culture thing. i think religion this year has become one of my favorite classes. ive always loved relgion simply because my teacher was the best around. he was the man. this year weve gotten more into faith and basically just "deep" weve had some interesting discussions. granted, im not a very good practicing catholic ( and i didnt go to mass on ash wednesday and i accadently ate meat..) but i have morals. those morals are sorta connected with my wisdom. you never realize how much your morals and overall attitude affect situations. i did an essay for religion a few weeks ago that was like.. a huge eye opener. so this lent, instead of just giving up soda and chips. im going to learn more about faith and cultures. not like im doing anything in school anyway...
i hope this isnt coming out depressing. despite everything im quite content. i mean yeah, i have questions and curiositys but this stuff is out of my hands. you cant take life too seriously, youd get stressed. easy going is the only thing i know how to be. unnecessary stress and grudges take up too much energy. its like kids who talk really loud. why use the energy? channel it on something else amigos..
something that hasnt changed all year would be my friends. ive got some new ones and kept my old. so surprisingly enough, i have my close friends and "stragglers" at one time. this i am quite happy with, i couldnt ask for better people.
so basically a part of me wants to live in this moment forever
and a part of me wants it to be 6 months from now.
life is interesting.
i also decided i need andrew mcmahons autograph. forever.
"But everything seemed different and completely new to me.
The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body.
And each person I encountered, I couldn't wait to meet.
I came upon a doctor who appeared in quite poor health.
I said "there is nothing I can do for you
that you can't do for yourself."
He said "Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help.""