the sweet up & down
There's got to be a better way than this. Damn. At least I'm improving with this whole "talking" thing. I do know what I want, really. Sometimes. Well, at least I know what I don't want. Blech.
My brother and I made dinner for our mum today. He was really helpful, and I appreciated that he was calm after I got home from work and running errands. It was so good to sit down and eat- I spent my lunch time waist deep in disco costumes and old catalogues. We made grilled salmon, corn bread, rice, broccoli with breadcrumbs and salad. It's the most food I've seen on the table at once in a long time.
I wish he'd get a job, but it is not my place to feel bitter for how hard I work and how much leisure he has. It's his life, not mine and my energy is better spent focusing on my own responsibilities and aspirations. Knowing all that doesn't mean I don't fly off the handle every once in a while (this morning, cough). My goodness, I haven't shouted so much since I lived here! Luckily I had the presence of mind to take it all out on our kitchen and get it out of my system before trying to talk to anyone else. MY MOUTH COULD MAKE A SAILOR COWER IN FEAR! Tremble! Be afraid!
Dots and dashes all. I try not to send mixed signals.
I'm so discontent, I could bite something. I've done so much to try and remove myself from myself and it seems impossible. I try to get lost in the wind, but it calls me inward. I run or dance but I cannot lose this self-awareness. These strings of thought tie me up in knots. Lately it's been... And when the motion subsides, I lay down under bars of moonlight and wonder how many more selves I'll have to grow into and discard before I find my face. Then, folks, I feel rather silly.
My brother and I made dinner for our mum today. He was really helpful, and I appreciated that he was calm after I got home from work and running errands. It was so good to sit down and eat- I spent my lunch time waist deep in disco costumes and old catalogues. We made grilled salmon, corn bread, rice, broccoli with breadcrumbs and salad. It's the most food I've seen on the table at once in a long time.
I wish he'd get a job, but it is not my place to feel bitter for how hard I work and how much leisure he has. It's his life, not mine and my energy is better spent focusing on my own responsibilities and aspirations. Knowing all that doesn't mean I don't fly off the handle every once in a while (this morning, cough). My goodness, I haven't shouted so much since I lived here! Luckily I had the presence of mind to take it all out on our kitchen and get it out of my system before trying to talk to anyone else. MY MOUTH COULD MAKE A SAILOR COWER IN FEAR! Tremble! Be afraid!
Dots and dashes all. I try not to send mixed signals.
I'm so discontent, I could bite something. I've done so much to try and remove myself from myself and it seems impossible. I try to get lost in the wind, but it calls me inward. I run or dance but I cannot lose this self-awareness. These strings of thought tie me up in knots. Lately it's been... And when the motion subsides, I lay down under bars of moonlight and wonder how many more selves I'll have to grow into and discard before I find my face. Then, folks, I feel rather silly.