(no subject)
i forgot it was possible to ever feel this lonely. i feel akward writing this entry, because of the things i know i want to talk about. because i'm wary of the trustworthiness of some on my friends list. but what the fuck. this isn't high school anymore. i need to stop putting others before myself.
the discovery of open sores led me to the doctor's office today, where she again announced that herpes is probably plauging my girly bits. instead of bursting into tears (like last time), i silently cursed myself for being brave enough to go to the doc's for her opinion - as if staying home and dealing with the pain would've kept me immune to the h-virus. i'm pissed off because i've only had two sexual partners, both of whom get checked for diseases on a regular basis. only AFTER my initial herpes scare did i learn that places like planned parenthood only test for herpes when requested - it isn't part of the normal regimen because it's a more involved test. so there i was, sexin' it up in oregon thinking everything was fine because john was clean according to PP. if it's true that i have herpes, i'm 99% sure its from him. because cody is tested (piss tested, swabbed, and blood tested) on a regular basis by the government, and he's healthier than poo.
my week has been shitty, and it's only tuesday. i'm desparately hoping that cody will call tonight. as much as i really don't feel like talking to him (because i don't feel like subjecting myself to unnecessary teasing or whatnot), i NEED to talk to him. for my soul's sake. because i'm aching and i'm lonley for his perspective, opinions, voice.
i feel like a wounded tiger. please shower me with attention and cure my statistic.