"Life is amazing" -Lucas Lamar
So, the other night, I dreamed that Luke was hanging out back in the house in Galbi. He said: "Yeah, I'm sad that I died too, but I'm gonna try to get over it, so that I can help you guys through it."
It's weird... I've always prided myself in being able to deal with pretty much anything. For some reason, though, I just can't get over this. I thought I'd feel so much better than this by now; not because Luke didn't mean a lot to me (he meant so fucking much, and I'm pissed at myself for not calling him more), but because that is who I am. I really have no idea what to do with this. And I just want to know if those around me are feeling the same. At first, I couldn't cry. When I finally did, I thought, "okay, things are gonna get better now- I cried." But, I find myself crying every day since it has happened. I dream about him, still, and I wake up thinking, "Luke is dead." I had to force myself to stop reading his suicide note. I've read nearly all his entries since he moved into Galbi... I guess I just really don't want him to be gone. I mean he moved back to Arizona, but I knew he would come back and regale us with more stories, and that I would go to Arizona, and he would show me his house and desert parties...
I guess, what I want to know is.... is this normal? Am I supposed to feel better yet?
It's weird... I've always prided myself in being able to deal with pretty much anything. For some reason, though, I just can't get over this. I thought I'd feel so much better than this by now; not because Luke didn't mean a lot to me (he meant so fucking much, and I'm pissed at myself for not calling him more), but because that is who I am. I really have no idea what to do with this. And I just want to know if those around me are feeling the same. At first, I couldn't cry. When I finally did, I thought, "okay, things are gonna get better now- I cried." But, I find myself crying every day since it has happened. I dream about him, still, and I wake up thinking, "Luke is dead." I had to force myself to stop reading his suicide note. I've read nearly all his entries since he moved into Galbi... I guess I just really don't want him to be gone. I mean he moved back to Arizona, but I knew he would come back and regale us with more stories, and that I would go to Arizona, and he would show me his house and desert parties...
I guess, what I want to know is.... is this normal? Am I supposed to feel better yet?