Brigits Flame Entry - September Week 3 - Pre-disastered - Distance
brigits_flame week 3 entry - pre-disastered - Distance
word-count: ~1200 words
genre: fiction
notes: takes place in the same continuity as my week 2 entry, but is much less happy. Because everybody knows that the entertainment industry is not a happy place to be.
summary: Illin doesn't browse the Ascella forums anymore. She hasn't since her first piece of hate mail.
warnings: derogatory language.
Distance
Why did you join Fortuna?
Illin Rehari doesn’t browse the Ascella forums anymore. She hasn’t since her first piece of hate mail, the one that called her fat and ugly and said she didn’t deserve to ever be happy. The first one that told her to die-just lock yourself in a closet and kill yourself, you bitch, you cunt, you ruined Fortuna, you deserve to die. The first one that actually hurt because it was true-that said she couldn’t sing and the only reason she joined Fortuna was because she was a pretty face.
She shows up to rehearsal the day after she finds the letter pushed into her mailbox-no stamp, no return-address. She tells her assistant manager first, who frowns at the fact somebody got into the trainee dorms for GME, and tells her not to worry about it. She tells her personal manager and the group manager together, and then goes to rehearsal. The others are already there, reflected over and over in the mirrored room-Aika takes one look at the circles under her eyes and says, coolly, “You need to sleep if we’re going to do well.”
She’s proud of the way her voice doesn’t shake. “I’m only here to be a pretty face anyways.”
Aika snaps, “We don’t want you here either.”
It’s Mera who puts a hand on Aika’s arm. “Illin,” Mera says, her voice sweet and worried. “Illin, did something happen?”
Illin gives the letter to Kiya, because Kiya is their official leader. Kiya takes the letter reads it, and passes it to Aika, because Aika is the real leader of Fortuna. “Did you tell your manager?” Kiya asks.
Illin nods, ties her hair up with a rubber band, and starts stretching for dance rehearsal. “It’ll be alright,” she says. “Everybody gets hate mail. It means you’re popular.”
Aika snorts.
Emika says, softly, “We do like you, Illin.”
Illin focuses on tying her shoelaces. They don’t like Illin Rehari, but they like her face, her hair, the way when she stands in front, the world will turn to see them. This is her position in Fortuna, and she’ll play it perfectly.
She says, “I like you all too,” and stands up without any assistance.
*
Illin isn’t expected to sing much in their first single. It’s a song that Emika composed years ago, back when Fortuna was four members in training. They try to rearrange it, but it was written for four specific people in mind, and Illin isn’t one of them. In the end, she takes over one of Mera’s lines, but when they record it she can’t capture the same tone that Mera brings, and they spend hours re-doing it before the producer just has Mera sing at the same time. Emika hates the result-smiles tightly when the producer says that it’s enough for the day-and doesn’t talk to Illin for an hour afterwards.
Kiya is a better dancer, and by all rights, should be front-and-center for their routine. They rotate Illin to the front during the chorus though. During rehearsal everybody messes their steps up, because Fortuna is used to being a four-member group, and Illin is the awkward fifth wheel.
“Take a break!” the choreographer shouts after Illin trips over Mera for the fifth time.
Aika storms out, phone in hand. Illin can hear her going, “I can’t take this anymore, Tasui, I’m ready to quit!” before the door slams shut.
Mera says, immediately, “She didn’t mean it. She’s just frustrated. Aika always tries to be the best-”
Illin smiles brightly back, the smile that got her into Fortuna and not the fifty other girls who could have been picked. “It’s alright,” she says, because the pretty one should be kind and gracious. “I understand.”
Emika’s sitting in a corner, earbuds stuffed in her ears, stretching and drinking water. Kiya is busy working on her dance solo. Mera untangles their legs and goes to sit next to Emika, snagging an earbud out of her right ear and plopping it into her own.
Illin stands up, wipes her hands on her shorts, and stretches to touch her palms to the cold floor. She takes a deep breath, and begins to dance.
*
Illin has extra scenes in the music video, so she’s the last to leave. She bows, murmurs her thank you’s, and meets her manager in the green room.
“Good job,” her manager says. “The others left already.”
Illin smiles prettily and says, “Oh? I suppose they’re tired.”
She goes back to her dormitory and sits at her desk. It's not a very comfortable wooden chair, but it works. The internet is restricted so she can’t access much, but she signs in to Somnium Official, and then into Solaris, and then into Affection Nation. Nobody is talking about Illin Rehari-it’s Tasui Kirihari and Yuika Entari, Shinya and Kia, everybody except Illin Rehari and how she ruined Fortuna.
She lies down, closes her eyes, and goes over dance steps until she falls asleep.
*
“I’m happy to be able to join Fortuna,” Illin says every morning when she wakes up.
Smile. “Everybody’s been so welcoming.”
Smile. “I’ll work hard to be the best I can.”
Aika pulls her aside one break. “You’re doing good,” she says.
Illin smiles. “I’ll work hard to be the best I can.”
Aika says, fiercely, “And don’t listen to anybody who tells you otherwise. I picked you. We all did.” Her nails are a dark purple, almost black, and they dig into Illin’s arm. “Listen to me, you’re nowhere near good enough now.” Illin flinches, and Aika barrels ahead, “But you will be.”
Illin begins, “I’ll work hard-”
But Aika is already walking away.
*
She gets a letter in the mail one day. It says, I hope U die, U should just lock yourself in a closet and kill Urself, bitch. Ur fat and ugly and you don’t deserve to ever be happy. U ruined FORTUNA. U deserve to die U cunt. They r better w.o U and U cant sing, U only got in bc Ur a pretty face.
Her hands are shaking as she reads the letter. She should have given it to her manager without opening it, but it had her name on it, it was stuffed into her mailbox. There wasn’t a stamp on the envelope and there wasn’t a return address, and she should have ignored it and called her manager and said, there’s a letter in my mailbox, and I don’t know who it’s from.
Instead she opens it and reads it. She reads u only got in bc ur a pretty face, and she smiles.
It’s the smile that got her into Fortuna. It goes front-and-center of every version of Distance that they release. Illin in the center, the rest of Fortuna around her. It’s radiant and brilliant and just the slightest bit melancholy.
In the first interview, the reporter asks how Illin was selected to join Fortuna. Illin laughs and before the rest of them can say-she’s a good fit, we liked her, her voice will suit our sound-she says, smiling, “I had the prettiest smile.”
The audience laughs. The reporter laughs. The camera zooms on her face and she flips her hair a bit to smile even more brightly into the camera.
Illin Rehari doesn’t go onto the Ascella forums to hear what they say. She doesn’t need to. She’s just a pretty face, but she’s the prettiest one they have.
end.
word-count: ~1200 words
genre: fiction
notes: takes place in the same continuity as my week 2 entry, but is much less happy. Because everybody knows that the entertainment industry is not a happy place to be.
summary: Illin doesn't browse the Ascella forums anymore. She hasn't since her first piece of hate mail.
warnings: derogatory language.
Distance
Why did you join Fortuna?
Illin Rehari doesn’t browse the Ascella forums anymore. She hasn’t since her first piece of hate mail, the one that called her fat and ugly and said she didn’t deserve to ever be happy. The first one that told her to die-just lock yourself in a closet and kill yourself, you bitch, you cunt, you ruined Fortuna, you deserve to die. The first one that actually hurt because it was true-that said she couldn’t sing and the only reason she joined Fortuna was because she was a pretty face.
She shows up to rehearsal the day after she finds the letter pushed into her mailbox-no stamp, no return-address. She tells her assistant manager first, who frowns at the fact somebody got into the trainee dorms for GME, and tells her not to worry about it. She tells her personal manager and the group manager together, and then goes to rehearsal. The others are already there, reflected over and over in the mirrored room-Aika takes one look at the circles under her eyes and says, coolly, “You need to sleep if we’re going to do well.”
She’s proud of the way her voice doesn’t shake. “I’m only here to be a pretty face anyways.”
Aika snaps, “We don’t want you here either.”
It’s Mera who puts a hand on Aika’s arm. “Illin,” Mera says, her voice sweet and worried. “Illin, did something happen?”
Illin gives the letter to Kiya, because Kiya is their official leader. Kiya takes the letter reads it, and passes it to Aika, because Aika is the real leader of Fortuna. “Did you tell your manager?” Kiya asks.
Illin nods, ties her hair up with a rubber band, and starts stretching for dance rehearsal. “It’ll be alright,” she says. “Everybody gets hate mail. It means you’re popular.”
Aika snorts.
Emika says, softly, “We do like you, Illin.”
Illin focuses on tying her shoelaces. They don’t like Illin Rehari, but they like her face, her hair, the way when she stands in front, the world will turn to see them. This is her position in Fortuna, and she’ll play it perfectly.
She says, “I like you all too,” and stands up without any assistance.
*
Illin isn’t expected to sing much in their first single. It’s a song that Emika composed years ago, back when Fortuna was four members in training. They try to rearrange it, but it was written for four specific people in mind, and Illin isn’t one of them. In the end, she takes over one of Mera’s lines, but when they record it she can’t capture the same tone that Mera brings, and they spend hours re-doing it before the producer just has Mera sing at the same time. Emika hates the result-smiles tightly when the producer says that it’s enough for the day-and doesn’t talk to Illin for an hour afterwards.
Kiya is a better dancer, and by all rights, should be front-and-center for their routine. They rotate Illin to the front during the chorus though. During rehearsal everybody messes their steps up, because Fortuna is used to being a four-member group, and Illin is the awkward fifth wheel.
“Take a break!” the choreographer shouts after Illin trips over Mera for the fifth time.
Aika storms out, phone in hand. Illin can hear her going, “I can’t take this anymore, Tasui, I’m ready to quit!” before the door slams shut.
Mera says, immediately, “She didn’t mean it. She’s just frustrated. Aika always tries to be the best-”
Illin smiles brightly back, the smile that got her into Fortuna and not the fifty other girls who could have been picked. “It’s alright,” she says, because the pretty one should be kind and gracious. “I understand.”
Emika’s sitting in a corner, earbuds stuffed in her ears, stretching and drinking water. Kiya is busy working on her dance solo. Mera untangles their legs and goes to sit next to Emika, snagging an earbud out of her right ear and plopping it into her own.
Illin stands up, wipes her hands on her shorts, and stretches to touch her palms to the cold floor. She takes a deep breath, and begins to dance.
*
Illin has extra scenes in the music video, so she’s the last to leave. She bows, murmurs her thank you’s, and meets her manager in the green room.
“Good job,” her manager says. “The others left already.”
Illin smiles prettily and says, “Oh? I suppose they’re tired.”
She goes back to her dormitory and sits at her desk. It's not a very comfortable wooden chair, but it works. The internet is restricted so she can’t access much, but she signs in to Somnium Official, and then into Solaris, and then into Affection Nation. Nobody is talking about Illin Rehari-it’s Tasui Kirihari and Yuika Entari, Shinya and Kia, everybody except Illin Rehari and how she ruined Fortuna.
She lies down, closes her eyes, and goes over dance steps until she falls asleep.
*
“I’m happy to be able to join Fortuna,” Illin says every morning when she wakes up.
Smile. “Everybody’s been so welcoming.”
Smile. “I’ll work hard to be the best I can.”
Aika pulls her aside one break. “You’re doing good,” she says.
Illin smiles. “I’ll work hard to be the best I can.”
Aika says, fiercely, “And don’t listen to anybody who tells you otherwise. I picked you. We all did.” Her nails are a dark purple, almost black, and they dig into Illin’s arm. “Listen to me, you’re nowhere near good enough now.” Illin flinches, and Aika barrels ahead, “But you will be.”
Illin begins, “I’ll work hard-”
But Aika is already walking away.
*
She gets a letter in the mail one day. It says, I hope U die, U should just lock yourself in a closet and kill Urself, bitch. Ur fat and ugly and you don’t deserve to ever be happy. U ruined FORTUNA. U deserve to die U cunt. They r better w.o U and U cant sing, U only got in bc Ur a pretty face.
Her hands are shaking as she reads the letter. She should have given it to her manager without opening it, but it had her name on it, it was stuffed into her mailbox. There wasn’t a stamp on the envelope and there wasn’t a return address, and she should have ignored it and called her manager and said, there’s a letter in my mailbox, and I don’t know who it’s from.
Instead she opens it and reads it. She reads u only got in bc ur a pretty face, and she smiles.
It’s the smile that got her into Fortuna. It goes front-and-center of every version of Distance that they release. Illin in the center, the rest of Fortuna around her. It’s radiant and brilliant and just the slightest bit melancholy.
In the first interview, the reporter asks how Illin was selected to join Fortuna. Illin laughs and before the rest of them can say-she’s a good fit, we liked her, her voice will suit our sound-she says, smiling, “I had the prettiest smile.”
The audience laughs. The reporter laughs. The camera zooms on her face and she flips her hair a bit to smile even more brightly into the camera.
Illin Rehari doesn’t go onto the Ascella forums to hear what they say. She doesn’t need to. She’s just a pretty face, but she’s the prettiest one they have.
end.